Original subtitles

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ I don't think you wanna know what I know ♪

♪ You don't really wanna know what I know ♪

♪ They don't wanna talk about what I know ♪

♪ But I can keep a secret with my eyes closed ♪

♪ Jumpin' and we been about the grind, though ♪

♪ We don't do no talking, like the mime shows ♪

♪ I just had to hit you with the high note ♪

♪ I might fuck around and make the vinyl ♪

[Music stops]

Before we get started, I have a confession.

Last week, I used DIRT without you.

It was an abuse of your trust, and I truly apologize.

I'm sorry.

You're not very good at this taking responsibility thing.

That's what I'm doing now. No.

You're telling me something that you already know I'm aware of

in order to appear to be taking responsibility.

Beg pardon?

Let's be plain --

Cut the bullshit.

The faux humility.

The throwing yourself on the sword routine.

Because I can see all the way through this Photoshop.

And to be quite honest, Demascus, I am concerned.

Uh, concerned?

Why you gotta say it like that?

Con-- Concerned?

You called me in a manic state.

Manic? That's... That feels harsh.

You called me on a federal holiday

in order to burglarize my office and medical facilities.

You're making it sound illegal.

It is illegal.

It's fraud, it's trespassing, it's --

it's substance abuse, technically.

You need more? 'Cause I can -- Oh -- Oh, no, no.

No, no. Okay, I get it, I get it, I get it.

You're being intentionally hyperbolic

to get me to see the seriousness of the matter, right?

Hyperbolic?

How's this for hyperbolic?

[Door handle rattling]

[Sighs] [Tapping]

No, I --

Demascus, you have never once been completely honest with me.

I think you're using these realities to escape,

because you're actually afraid to live in your real life.

Wait, what? Can we wait?

I've been a mess since Thanksgiving.

So, yeah, okay.

I went into DIRT because I-I wanted to -- to see her,

I wanted to find her or something.

Find who? My mom.

My mother.

Five years ago on Thanksgiving, my mother died.

[Breathes shakily]

She...

She died.

Don't make me regret this, okay?

Mm. Deep breaths.

[Beeping, whirring]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Oh!

[Both laugh]

So, we're just leaving our honeymoon --

In Antigua! Yeah!

I just married a stranger.

Oh, my God.

This is the craziest thing I've ever done.

Really? I've done crazier things.

Really? Heck yeah.

By a lot.

[Laughing]

♪♪

It's been five days since these strangers,

Demascus and Naomi, said, "I'm not getting any younger,

so I might as well say 'I do. '"

On this episode of "Let's Get Married,"

the honeymoon is over,

and now it's time for our newlyweds to move in together

and start the reality of being husband and wife.

You had a fairy tale wedding,

and then we whisked you away to honeymoon in paradise,

all within 24 hours of meeting each other. Ah! We did it!

So, what's the tea? Any drama so far?

No. No. No.

Actually, it's been -- It's wonderful.

Yeah. [Laughs]

Hold, please.

Okay, look, look, we need the fights for the ratings.

Don't nobody want to see no happy couple.

I want you to bring up all that shit to the surface.

Nothing is off-limits.

I'm talking money, politics, religion, sex.

Yeah. Director: And action.

So, Naomi, you're about to move into Demascus' place.

Ooh, yes.

How are you feeling about that?

I'm ex-ci-ted, capital E.

I live with two roommates in an apartment and --

you know what I mean, right now, and I'm just looking forward

to living in one of those big houses

in a gentrified neighborhood.

Ooh.

Income disparity.

And, Demascus, are you a little anxious about cohabitation?

Uh, no. No, not at all.

Only thing is that, uh... [Chuckles]

...I haven't really lived with another woman

since Mother, but...

Ooh, I love that. A mommy's boy. [Laughs]

Like, I don't have much in the way of family.

Like, they're around, but ever since Mother, they...

[Clears throat]

Well, let's just say things have been weird.

I just haven't have a chance to talk to Naomi about Mother.

We were in Antigua, on our honeymoon,

so, you know, not the time to bring the darkness.

Okay, now, let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

Are y'all knockin' da boots?

Oh, we...

We don't kiss and tell. [Both laugh]

Hold, please. [Bell rings]

Okay, have you seen this show?

This is season 28, and the first dramatic question is always,

"Will they or won't they knock the boots?"

Yeah, of -- of course I want to...

knock the boots [chuckles] with my wife.

Have -- Have you seen her?

I did not want to make sweet love to my wife

for the first time in some random, foreign

unfamiliar hotel room, all expenses paid or not.

The consummation of marriage is something that should be

shared and cherished and remembered.

And that's a quote. [Chuckles lightly]

From, uh...

From Mother.

I appreciate that my husband respects me,

but I'm tryna feel some dick.

♪ Play the game Whoo-hoo!

♪ Play the game Here we go.

Ooh. Ah!

Uh, I got it, I got it.

Nope. Okay.

No, no, no. No problem.

I got it. You sure?

Yeah. Alright. [Laughs]

See? Oh, my God.

I can do everything. Aren't you a strong man?

♪ Life's a game Hey. Yep.

♪ Of give and take Aah!

Here we go. Here's the kitchen.

Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, it's real nice.

[Thud]

Oh. Okay. [Sighs]

It's good.

Thank you. This is -- Yeah.

This is nice. I like the vibe.

Well, perhaps you really should be thanking Mother, you know?

Because I-I haven't changed much since...

Just hung up a few paintings, and that's it.

She doesn't really mind. Wow.

You painted these yourself?

Yeah. These are beautiful.

Look at you, a whole painter.

I wouldn't consider myself an artiste or anything.

i just like to paint sometimes

to ward off the demons. [Chuckles]

Yeah.

Hi! Who are these little guys? Whoa, hey, hey.

'Scuse me, 'scuse me. Hey.

Uh, don't do that.

[Clears throat]

They don't -- They don't like that.

And who are they?

That's my colony of isopods.

The Porcellio Scaber Dalmatians.

[Gasps] Because of the spots.

Yeah. Oh, that's adorable.

That's Marlon. Uh, the one over there is Kim.

And that fat one right there -- that's Keenan.

The Wayans?

[Both laugh]

Yes.

You see, I-I wanted to name them

after a family that just kept growing.

Yeah. Like, never ending.

Mm. They're very prolific.

The Wayans or the isopods?

[Chuckles]

You really don't think it's weird?

Weird?

What's weird?

Fuck weird.

♪♪

Okay. Yeah.

So, how do you feel about a big family?

I want a big family. Yes! Yes!

It's -- It's been so long, you know, since Mother...

And I really, uh, you know, it's just me and my babies.

Yeah. And I really want to get them siblings.

You mean... real children, right?

Absolutely. Real children.

Real children. Yes, real children.

Alright, uh, I'm gonna show you the rest.

Yay.

[Gasps]

This is a nice-size tub.

I think we'll both fit.

[Both laugh]

♪♪

This is beautiful.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Smoops? Ah!

Ohh-ho-ho.

This is Mother's ring.

She takes off her jewelry and puts it in the soap dish

whenever she takes her soaks, and we leave it there, yeah?

♪♪

I'm so sorry. No, it's -- it's cool.

I didn't know. There's no way you would've.

It's fine. [Both chuckle]

Alright, um, you left socks everywhere,

so I'm gonna go fold 'em.

Thank you! [Laughs]

Just leave that here.

♪♪

Naomi: I mean, he almost pulled my arm out of my socket.

Note to self -- don't touch Mother's rings.

And I mean, I get it.

We all have our triggers.

But have you noticed

he talks about his dead mother

in present tense?

It's fine. [Laughs] It's fine.

I mean, if this is the extent of our drama, we're doing okay.

Wow. Your mother was so pretty.

I wish I had a chance to -- Hey, you know what?

It's getting late, so let's change the subject,

and also, the mood.

Oh! [Laughs]

Shekinah. [Clears throat] Dim them lights.

Shekinah: Demascus, it's daytime.

This is so romantic.

Canoodling next to bug lighting.

But -- Can you not -- [Chuckles tightly]

They're not bugs.

Okay? Mm-hmm.

You know, it's taken the isopod community

many years to overcome that stigma.

You don't say that, especially in front

of the cameras, you know?

Okay. [Laughs] Yeah.

Canoodling. Canoodling.

Do you want to feed 'em?

[Gasps] Yes.

Um, what do they eat?

Fish flakes.

[Gasps] Oh, no!

We're all out.

Oh, that's okay.

I'll just order fish flakes on Amazon.

They take less than an hour.

♪♪

They're so fast.

♪♪

Great.

[Whirring]

♪♪

[Chuckles]

Thanks, Amazon.

You got it? Nice.

Ah. Ah, good stuff.

"Thanks, Amazon."

Woman: That's a wrap for today.

Pack it up, everyone.

♪♪

Now that it's just the two of us, can I ask you something?

A question?

Nonjudgmental, of course.

♪♪

What the fuck?

Isopods?

So, you do think it's weird?

No, I meant what I said. Fuck weird.

But...I don't know.

I've just never met a Black person

who would willingly invite bugs into their home.

Ah! Can you not say --

Isopods. Sorry.

[Sighs] Sorry.

Thank you.

You do have to admit that when you lift the bark

and they scatter, it's a little roachy.

Yeah, okay. [Laughs]

They get a little -- a little -- just...

Nonjudgmental?

None.

What's this about?

Um, after my mother, sh-- uh...

I was lonely.

Yeah.

I guess I was looking for something to love on

outside of myself,

because I can't love on myself,

and cats die.

Like, every cat dies eventually.

So, I wanted something that was so insignificant

that death went unnoticed,

that if they disappeared, it wouldn't affect me so much.

♪♪

You know, I can't really tell them apart.

[Both chuckle]

They're just black and white spots.

Unknowable.

But as long as that colony is strong,

there will always be a Damon, you know?

Like, there will always be a Marlon, a Kim,

or, like, a Shawn or... you get it.

♪♪

You know, actually, the cool thing is they -- they --

they break down waste and dead things.

And it may sound crazy... [Chuckles]

I, uh -- I give them my...

darkness.

Yeah.

And they break it down

until my, uh, darkness doesn't exist anymore.

♪♪

It's weird.

No.

It's not weird.

♪♪

[Snoring]

[Objects rattling]

[Snoring continues]

[Rattling continues]

♪♪

[Rattling intensifies]

♪♪

[Buzzing]

[Rattling continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Ominous music plays]

[Naomi gasps]

[Breathing shakily]

[Music intensifies]

[Screams]

♪♪

I-In every AR that you've visited,

your mother has been noticeably absent.

Why do you think that is?

Probably because she's noticeably absent primarily.

No, Demascus, DIRT gives you the ability to travel

to an infinite amount of possibilities.

And yet, your subconscious continues to take you

to these particular realities?

This indicates that your mother's death

is a huge part of your makeup,

and everything branches from that pivotal moment.

It affects everything in every reality.

What you're suffering from is a version of arrested grief.

It's been five years.

Okay? I-I think I'm past it.

I've accepted my mother's death.

Do you miss her?

Yeah.

She's my mom.

Well, it's pretty clear to me

that there's some unfinished business between the two of you.

And I suspect you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[Lighter clicks]

[Beeping, whirring]

I need you to open fully to the process.

Focus on your mother. Choose a moment.

Let it be a specific moment in your relationship.

Live in it and see where it branches off to,

and allow yourself to imagine what life would be like

right now if she was still here.

[Brian McKnight Jr.'s "Friends" plays]

♪ I got enough real friends

I was always the better artist.

It's easy to be better when the other person

doesn't really give a damn.

You love to remember yourself as being detached.

Makes it easier to admit defeat.

That ass on your shoulders --

you get tired of smelling your own shit?

That's the Demascus I know.

Can't beat 'em, get defensive.

Give me a hug, bruh.

♪ That's why I keep my nose clean and in my own biz ♪

Good to see you. Yep.

You wrote down your speech? Yep.

What's wrong with that? Nothing.

Some of us can speak from the heart. What can I say?

Well, as a writer, there's a certain level

of sophistication that's always required.

You can speak from the heart,

especially when expectations are low.

I get it, man.

Everybody wanted Ms. Haynes to be their mom.

She was actually yours.

Now she's retiring after 35 years as an English teacher,

and there's a lot of pressure on her son, the writer,

to show out.

♪ 'Cause I got enough real friends ♪

Just don't put 'em to sleep like the last book.

[Mock snores]

Whatever. See you in there.

♪♪

[Feedback]

♪ I don't wanna play pretend

Forty: I've always been ahead of my time,

but I ain't always been in a good place.

She's your teacher, but she was my sister first,

and even though she's the younger,

she taught me many a thing --

how to read, how to write, properly.

She used to write papers for me in high school,

quiet as kept, and I would tell her,

"Don't use all those big words.

They know I ain't that smart."

[Laughter]

And she would say, "Don't worry.

I'll write it dumb, just for you."

[Laughter]

Look at her.

She mad I told that story. [Chuckles]

She taught me to give to your last drop

and then wrench around and give some more.

Here to you, sis.

[Audience awws, laughs]

Ah! And the homies who ain't here.

Sir, you can't be drinking.

It's 11 a.m., at a high school.

Somebody come clean up this mess. Let's go.

I got one more thing to say. Hold on.

Don't do drugs. Just weed. Let's go.

Let's go. [Laughter]

Alright, hold on. The legs ain't that good, now.

Hold on, now.

[Forty speaking indistinctly] [Applause]

You know, it's -- it's like these strangers

knew her better than I did.

She was family to all of them.

Yeah, but come on.

That one kid talking about how she camped

outside of Mondawmin Mall to get him a pair of J's,

and the best I ever got -- knockoffs from Savemore's.

Well, that kid had never had shoes before, period.

Fine.

It's like she went above and beyond for other students,

but for me, she couldn't be bothered.

And now I have to give this Holy Grail speech

about someone that I barely even know.

What are you telling me that for?

Well, you should confront her about it.

Now?

Nope. Not now.

Read the room, man.

Right.

But soon.

[Cheers and applause]

Well, you ain't got all the time in the world.

Okay.

Hey, don't worry about having the best speech, alright?

Mine's gonna be better.

I'm doing voices.

That's stupid.

A-And then she would say, uh... [Clears throat]

[High-pitched voice] "There's no in-between for you, Redford.

You either gon' be a big success

or a big old failure, baby."

And that always -- [Clears throat]

[Normal voice] Uh, and that always s-stuck with me.

It's, uh -- It's a guiding principle in my life.

Man: Get off the stage!

Whenever I'm lost or -- or, you know,

don't know which way to turn,

I hear her voice in the back of my head.

[Speech droning indistinctly in distance]

Fuck this reality.

[Door opens]

[Sighing] Oh!

Redd done drove you out, too, huh?

That shit is mortifying.

It's not Redd.

What? I know you ain't nervous.

I feel like an imposter, Unc.

Ha. Imposter.

Hell, we all imposters.

I'll be the first to admit it.

But look, you the writer with all the big fancy words.

As long as you speak from the heart,

your momma's gon' be happy regardless.

Man: [Distantly] Get off the stage. Next!

You're right, Unc.

You got this.

Alright? Loosen up. You got this.

Alright? Alright.

Alright.

Emcee: And now, please give a warm welcome

to Mrs. Haynes' adoring son and Woodson alumnus

Demascus Haynes.

[Feedback] [Cheers and applause]

[High-pitched ringing]

Dr. Bonnetville: What happened?

I passed out onstage.

I had a seizure.

Oh, that must have been -- Embarrassing.

Hmm. Yeah.

I was hoping that there was something wrong

with me physically, but...

they ran all the tests, and nothing.

So, they figure that it must've been in my head.

So, what are you afraid of?

I was afraid of everyone realizing that I'm an imposter.

Hmm.

Perhaps this is a conversation

you should be having with your mother

instead of extolling her virtues.

I can never do that.

But I think that's where you come in.

My doctor told me that there's this new experimental therapy.

Maybe it'll help me connect with her.

Some information on it right here.

Take a look.

[Whirring]

[Beeping, whirring]

♪♪

[Humming]

[Beeping]

♪♪

[Rapid beeping]

What the... What the fuck?

♪♪

Automated voice: Warning -- patient override.

Warning -- patient override.

Warning -- patient override.

[Rapid beeping]

Warning -- patient override.

Whoa, whoa.

Demascus. Demascus!

Demascus.

Demascus!

[Rapid beeping stops]

[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

[Wind rushing]

♪♪

♪ They're going to punish me for something ♪

♪ That I didn't do

♪ I didn't know her before today ♪

♪ Now I walk across the sand

♪ And I sail across the sea

♪ As long as they are after me

♪ But I've got to be free

♪ With their horses and their guns ♪

♪ They've got this man on the run ♪

♪ But what I have done