All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s15e21 Mr. Safebody.eng

? ?

[Tina]
Yes.

I can't wait to munch
on some lunch. [chuckles]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy there, slugger.

[straining] Dang it. Come on.

Can't reach the chocolate milk.

Tina, let me see
your arm for a second?

Oh, um... [straining]

Just, I'll give it right back.
Just lean in, Tina.

Grab it. Grab it. No, no,
no, no, the one behind it.

- Oh, okay.
- [sighs] Thanks.

- No problem.
- Gah, shorter students

need sugary milk too, right?

So do big buxom boys.

- Louise?
- Oh, hey, Arnold.

Can I join you? There's
a matter of great importance

we need to discuss.

Okay...

Louise's brother,
sister, greetings.

- Hey, Arnold.
- Hi, Arnold.

I'm starting a business

that will serve
the Wagstaff community,

and, um, I need your help.

- It's a bodyguarding service.
- Oh.

- Who's gonna be the bodyguard?
- Me.

- Oh.
- Hmm. - Huh.

Yeah, and I'm calling it
"Mr. Safebody."

Arnold, I don't want to be rude,
but you're kind of not

maybe the most physically
obvious choice of a person

to be a bodyguard because
of your general size and shape?

I mean, you make me
look like a giant.

Being a bodyguard has
very little to do with size.

It's 90% up here,

and it seems like
you didn't notice

what I have down here.

Um...

I'm talking about my belt.

- Oh, got it.
- It's green now.

I recently leveled up in karate,

and I'm ready to use my skills
in the real world.

Not sure what you need me for.

You got that belt. It's green.

Louise, something changed in me
when I got this belt.

It whispered to me,
"Go, help people.

You're ready, buddy."

My belt said,
"I don't go with those shoes!"

I just need kids
to believe in Mr. Safebody.

And, Louise, you can
sell them on my abilities.

I saw what you did
with that oral report

on the book I'm pretty sure
you didn't read.

That's where the red fern grows.

Right here. Right here!

- Thank you.
- [applause]

I want you to help me
make a video.

- A video?
- Yes.

A video advertising my services.

Like your book report,
but it'll be me in a video.

I put it online,
maybe a website,

maybe a Super Bowl ad.
I'm not sure yet.

Mm-hm. It all sounds
a little ambitious,

so I politely decline?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Don't answer yet.

- I mean, I just did.
- Shh, shh, shh.

Take some time,
think about it.

And remember: Un-big people
can do not-un-big things.

- Huh. Uh, wait, what?
- [school bell rings]

Oh, crap. Lunch is over.
I forgot to eat.

Gotta get it in me.

I'm a growing boy.

Nutritious food.

Vitamins and minerals.

It's like watching
a tiny little Cookie Monster.

[Linda]
The plate goes

in here 'cause we don't
throw 'em out.

But I want to.

? Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah,
bah-bap-bah-bah. ?

One burger of the day, please.

Oh, hi, Teddy.
You're in a good mood.

I'm riding high from blasting

'90s mainstream
alternative rock in my truck.

Remember the band Exit Ramps?

? Hey, buddy, do you like
the way I do my thing? ?

Uh, yeah. Um, why are you
listening to that?

There's a new '90s mainstream
alternative rock radio station.

Crank FM. Trust me, if you like

'90s mainstream
alternative rock,

you'll like Crank FM.

I might not like Crank FM.

I want to listen to Crank FM.

Yeah, we should put it on.

Mm, um, no.

Okay, I can just sing it.

? Hey, buddy, do you like
the way I do my thing? ?

? Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah... ?

? Doo-dah-dee-dah-die,
a-do the thing ?

It's bad, but I like it.

- ? Bah-bah-bah... ?
- ? Bum-bum... ?

Oh, okay. I'm just gonna

go make you a burger, Teddy,

so I don't have
to listen to that anymore.

[school bell rings]

You're not gonna remember
any of that, are you?

Hey, me again.

Have you thought any more about

making a video for Mr. Safebody?

Yeah, Arnold, I haven't.

Uh, just-just let me show you

what I can bring to the table.

The safety table.

Okay, why don't you...

protect me from that guy?

- Mr. Frond?
- Yeah, beat him up.

Mm, you see, in karate,

we train in the art of fighting
without fighting.

Yeah, one little punch.

Ah, Louise, as a green belt,
I can sense things

that normal people without
green belts cannot sense.

I have become a master

at avoiding danger. Follow me.

Where are we going?

Every day,
when the final bell rings,

the seventh grade boys
pour into the south hall,

full of beans.
Seventh grade boy beans.

Welcome to the testosterzone.

It looks like they're playing
Crotch Punch today.

It's a game where one kid

punches another kid
in the crotch.

- Yup, sure.
- And Mr. Safebody

is gonna
get you through this crowd

and out the door without ever
coming into contact

with a single seventh grade boy.

Bodyguarding.

Or we just use the front door
and not do this?

Don't worry. You see,
the hallway is a river,

and we just need
to avoid the rocks.

The seventh grade boys,
they're the rocks.

It's a metaphor. See,
karate's all about metaphors.

And hydrating. Go left.

Bodyguarding.

Go right. Bodyguarding.

You-you don't need
to whisper "bodyguarding."

Oop, left-handed crotch puncher.
Give 'em a wide berth.

And Mr. Safebody
just safed your body.

Okay, sure,
we avoided the crotch punchers,

but bodyguards
can't just avoid things.

I mean, there's no action movie
called The Avoider.

Not yet. Okay, there's one more
thing I want to show you.

Cool wood. Why do you have it?

You'll see.

All right, now just
hold it a little higher.

Even higher. Still higher.

Perfect. Don't worry,
you will not be harmed.

- Why do you keep saying that?
- Yeah, I-I don't like it.

Hey guys, doing some
after-school wood holding?

- Nice.
- [Arnold] Quiet.

Please, I need to concentrate.

- Jeez.
- [shouting]

[all shouting]

Kiya!

- What?
- Holy crap.

- Whoa.
- I always believed in you.

Did that baby
just break a board?

Okay, Arnold, I'm sold.

I'll help you make your video.

And you have to teach me
how to break a board.

Of course.
It'll take months of training.

- Maybe we can do it at night?
- Okay, never mind. I'm busy.

- Got it. So, just the video.
- Yeah, just the video.

Welcome, everyone.
We're all here to help launch

Arnold's new
bodyguarding service.

It's called Mr. Safebody.

Oh, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, don't get attached
to the name.

- [Rudy] Too late.
- We need to come up

with a concept that's thrilling,

action-packed
and tastefully violent.

- What's tastefully violent?
- Homework.

- Oh, fun.
- So, we just film Arnold

breaking a bunch
of boards, right?

Maybe spice it up
with different boards?

Chalkboard,
clipboard, cheese board?

Yeah, yeah, we're gonna
break a few boards,

but it can't just be that,

'cause nobody gets
bullied by a board.

Tell that to corporate America.

Arnold, I think we got to
film you in a fight.

Whoa, whoa, my goal
is to avoid fighting.

Nobody wants
to watch you avoid a fight.

People need to see you
beat up bad guys.

I'm not gonna beat anybody up.

Okay, okay.
How about this?

Not a real fight.
A fake fight.

We set it all up,
but we shoot it like it's real.

Like I was just walking by
and caught it on camera.

The camera on my parents' iPad.

Right, but no one needs to know
it's your parents' iPad.

I would like to give them
a special thanks.

No special thanks.

Sorry, Mom and Dad.

There should be dancing.

No. This should look
like a street fight.

Street fights have dancing.
You don't know.

You live in your ivory tower.

You don't know
what it's like out there.

There's tons of dancing.

- Gene, shush.
- Uh, I don't know.

You know, a fake video
that people think is real-

feels like it violates
the karate code.

No, it'll be
like a martial arts movie.

Those are fake
but the karate is real.

Also, think of all the kids
you're gonna help

because of this video.

Millions, I bet.

Maybe. I don't know
how many kids go to our school.

Great.

Gene and Tina
will play the bad guys,

and they'll wear hoodies
so nobody recognizes them.

Who am I?
A different bad guy?

Kinda the boss?

- Oh, victim.
- Yeah.

[sighs]
Fine. This is bull honk.

- What's that?
- Nothing.

Excited for the opportunity.

Where are we gonna
film this thing?

Maybe, like,
a dirty dead-end street,

full of steamy manholes?
Extra steamy.

No, we need it
to look like our school.

People have to see
Arnold in his element.

But we can't
actually film it there

because we don't want kids
to see us staging a fight.

It just hurts
the whole "real fight" thing.

[Rudy]
My cousin Mandy

says that sometimes
older kids

break into
that abandoned high school.

But we shouldn't go there.

- Why not?
- 'Cause the older kids

that hang out there
sometimes do bad things.

Like what?

I'm not sure, she didn't say!

Probably rituals,
summoning demons.

I don't know.
Who am I to judge?

- Anyway, we'll shoot it there.
- Um...

- No, I thought we just
established that - What?

- that's a terrible idea.
- Uh, sure.

People, please.
We get in, we get out.

It's fine. We need the daylight.
Can we agree?

- I guess
- Okay.

- daylight makes sense.
- All right.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, Mom, Dad, we're gonna go

somewhere very safe

and do the rest
of our school project.

Um, why did you
say "somewhere very safe"?

Because it's that safe.

Do you not want us
to be safe, Papa?

Of course we want you
to be safe.

Where are you going?

School. A school.
A safe school. Bye.

Well, that's not a building
I'm excited to go into.

Dang, it's all fenced in.

Guess we have to
head home and-

Crap, there's an opening.

Ooh. Good eye, Tina.

[Tina]
Yep, yep.

Thank you.
Afternoon delight, I call this.

- Aw.
- Please don't call your coffee "afternoon delight."

- Why?
- [loud rock playing on speakers]

- [Linda] What the heck?
- Whoa.

[Teddy]
They're really in a hurry.

Maybe they're excited
to go shopping?

Our street has stores. Kinda.

The radio is so loud.

[Radio DJ]
Crank FM.

'90s mainstream
alternative rock!

Hey, it's Crank FM.

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, I love this one.
Gravel Jelly, I think.

Ugh. You can't just
leave your car like that, right?

With the music playing?

Bob, it's Gravel Jelly.

- What?
- Come on.

Wow, you can really
see the abandonment.

Um, what do you think
that graffiti means?

"I eat your soul."
Seems self-explanatory.

Okay, this hallway
is pretty rough,

but I think if we push
the trash off to the side,

close some lockers
and frame the graffiti

out of the shot, we'll be good.

All right, now let's
get into wardrobe, people.

God, I'm a good director.

So, yeah that's
the license plate number.

I don't know
if it's an emergency,

but the car is running
and the door is open

and the guy hasn't come back.

And the music is so, so loud.
It's Crank FM.

Do you know it? Doesn't matter.
I guess I'll just

reach into the car real quick
and turn the radio off.

Oh. It is?
Uh, I-I won't touch anything.

Except for the radio?
Can I-

Okay. Okay.
I wo-I won't touch it.

What?
What's going on?

The car is stolen
and it was used in a crime,

- so it's an active crime scene.
- [gasps]

- Whoa.
- It's a crime car?

We got Crank FM
playing in a crime car.

This is so exciting.

Shh!
Okay. Uh, please hurry,

'cause the music is so loud

and it's a genre I really
don't care for. Hello?

Oh.
Uh, someone's on the way.

Soon, I hope.
'Cause the music.

Wow, the guy committed a crime.

As if '90s mainstream
alternative rock

couldn't get any edgier.

[Louise]
All right, we'll start with Rudy

standing at his locker,

putting away books.

That's where
my bad guys come in.

My character's name
is Kevin, by the way.

He hates his stepdad.

His older brother
just went away to the Navy.

Old Navy.
He got a job there.

And Kevin's just feeling
pretty alone right now,

- but loving that discount.
- Ah, great.

Use it. Uh, Kevin,
you're gonna walk up to Rudy

and slap the books
out of his hands.

- And I'm gonna pick 'em up.
- No, no, no, no.

You're, um, Michael,

Kevin's tough buddy,
and you're gonna grab Rudy,

and Kevin's about to punch him
when Mr. Safebody walks up,

shin kicks one of you
and throat punches the other.

- Everybody good?
- Yep, got it.

Quick question:
uh, will those be

real shin kicks
and throat punches?

Hey, let's just see
where the scene takes us.

Let's just be in the moment.

Don't worry, I'll stop
a fraction of an inch

- in front of your skin.
- Oh, God.

Okay, places everyone.

And, action.

Another great day of school-

- [Louise] Cut! Cut!
- What?

No. No lines, Rudy.

We don't want
our voices in this.

I was just trying to ground
the performance just-

- [Louise] What's that, Rudy?!
- Nothing, that's a great note.

[Louise] Yes, it is.

Starting over. Action.

Okay, Kevin and Michael enter.

Whee!

- Whoa. Gene! Cut!
- What?

First of all,
like I said to Rudy, no talking.

- Second, what are you, spinning?
- Should I shimmy?

- You can't spin into the shot.
- Why did you have to say

"Like I said to Rudy?"

I don't understand.
I like your choices, Gene.

Thank you.

You know who's replaceable?

Everyone!

Okay, starting over.

- Action!
- Aah!

- Aah!
- Aah!

[Louise] Nope, nope,
no running away.

Okay, we're going again.

[Arnold exclaiming on video]

[Louise]
This looks pretty good.

That looks real.

I look kind of buff
for a victim.

Is it believable that
I couldn't take care of myself?

Like, I don't believe it.

I bought you as a victim.

Oh, good.

Nice work, everybody.

That's a wrap-a-roo.

I think Spielberg says that.

Now, as a fun reward,
can we leave

this broken-glass-covered
hellhole?

[spray can hissing]

- Whoops.
- [Breckin] What the crap?

Did you just spill
our Ocean Breeze Blaster?

- Uh...
- That was our only one.

We had to steal it
from Devon's grandma.

Well, you stole it
from my grandma.

Now we're gonna have
to spill you.

- Oh, dear Lord.
- Aah! I just spilled

a little in my pants,
just to get the ball rolling.

Hey, you guys might want to
reconsider how you talk to us.

We kind of have a secret weapon.

Our friend Arnold here.

He takes karate
and he's a green belt,

and you guys
should be very afraid of him.

Arnold, mess 'em up.

Aah...!

Uh, what's the plan here?

Um... run?

- Yeah, sounds good.
- I'm open to that.

[all shouting]

[laughs]

We're coming
for you, karate kids!

We're coming for all of you!

[whoops]

[whispering]
Tina? Gene? Rudy? Arnold?

Where are you guys?

[Tina moaning]

Tina?

Hi. [moaning]

Wait, how'd you find me?

Dumb luck, I guess.

How the hell
are we gonna get out of here?

I'm not really sure.

Those guys
didn't seem intimidated

by Arnold screaming
and running away.

[Breckin, singsongy]
Little baby karate kids!

Our fists want to see you.

'Cause they want to punch you!

[Tina]
I don't think we should fall for this

"come see their fists" thing.
It's a trap.

- [loud rock playing on speakers]
- Oh, remember this one?

? It's a see-through Sunday ?

? And I'll see you someday ?

Oh, the cops are here,
Thank God.

? It's a see-through Sunday ?

? And I'll see you someday ?

? And that's the day that ?

? You will see me too ?

? 'Cause we have plans ?

? To go to the caf�... ?

He's not gonna turn it off.

- Yay!
- Yay! - He's securing the scene

until the fingerprint guy
gets here,

and the fingerprint guy
is far away.

That's great, 'cause it's
almost time for a rock block.

Commercial free, 30 minutes.

[sighs] I'm gonna
go upstairs and lie down.

[DJ]
R-r-r-rock block!

Or maybe sell the restaurant.

- No.
- Or take a bottle of pills.

Bob.

Well, french fry,

I don't know how you got here

or how long
you've been sitting there,

but that's never
stopped me before.

Come here, you.

- Gene, put down the french fry.
- Aah!

Is anyone else hiding in here?

I saw a dead rat.

I don't know
if that counts as hiding.

Let's keep moving.

Unlike that rat.
Rest in peace, buddy.

[muffled sneeze]

Did a bunny from a Pixar
movie just sneeze?

[inhaler spraying]

Does the bunny have asthma?

Hi. It's dusty in here.

Glad you guys are still alive.

Wait, where's Arnold?

We haven't found him yet.

My legs fell asleep,

so I might fall down
when I get out of here.

- Oh.
- Boom. Called it.

[quietly]
Arnold. Arnold.

Ugh, what's that smell?

It's not me, I don't think.

- Wait-wait, is it?
- It's like a sewer.

That could be me.

Oh, wow. We found the smell.

I guess this is where
they keep their sewage water.

Must have made it hard
to play sports in here.

What's that-
a little stage thingy?

Looks like they had
some kind of pep rally

or something
before the poop storm hit.

- Poop rally.
- It doesn't seem like Arnold's in here.

[Arnold]
No, I'm here.

What? Where?

In the box.

Hi.
Um, sorry I ran off.

Yeah, it's fine. Wasn't great,
but we're past that now.

But why did you hide
in the poop room?

I ran in here and I didn't
realize how bad it smelled

until I already committed
to the box thing.

All right, people,
we're looking for windows,

we're looking for
child-sized holes,

hatches, any way
we can get out of here

and avoid the teens.

So, just run away?

Yes, but together this time.

Less like what you did before.

[sighs] It's true. I screamed
and ran away a little bit,

but it's not right, those guys
trying to scare us, you know?

We're little kids.

I'm a young woman,
but I'll let it slide.

I don't like it either, Arnold,

and that's a great topic
to dive into later.

Right now,
I'm excited to avoid them.

You know: avoiding.
Like you like to do.

Well, I kind of think
I want to face them.

Yeah, we tried that.
It ended like this,

hiding in a poop room,

Thriving in a poop room.

[lockers slamming in distance]

Oh, God,

is someone slamming lockers?

[Breckin whoops loudly]

It sounds like
they're getting closer.

Close the doors.
Close the doors!

Okay, hold them shut.

- Quietly.
- Tenderly.

Maybe they left?

They probably have
a lot of homework.

I hear high schoolers

have up to three hours
of homework a night.

It's so unfair.
Teens need sleep.

Not to mention down time.

[all shrieking]

Hold them shut!

[Breckin]
Hey, kids. Our fists called,

they want your faces back.
[whoops]

Our faces are flattered
but spoken for!

Okay, we have to find something
to jam in the door handle

and then we
fashion some sort of boat,

sail across the poop water

and drop out the windows
onto Tina.

Wait, what?

What do we
stick in the door handles?

We don't even have
the first part of this plan.

Louise, in karate,
you avoid fighting

to avoid causing others pain.

You do not avoid fights
out of fear.

Oh, really? That's, like, my
favorite reason to avoid fights.

Arnold,

no more karate wisdom.

The truth is we're small
and they're big.

That's the world
we're living in, pal.

Those guys are gonna keep doing
this to other kids

unless someone
stands up to them. [grunts]

And good luck to that person.

They're gonna do great.

We can do this.
We can fight them.

How do we frickin'
fight them, Arnold?

By fighting without fighting.

Oh, my God. This again?

Yeah, this again.

They're stronger,
but we're smarter.

And hotter.

Come on, we got to think.

It's hard to think when
you're holding a door.

- So we can let go?
- No, no, no!

- Okay, okay, okay, okay!
- No. No.

- [loud rock playing on speakers]
- Hey.

It's the fingerprint duster guy.

Finally. Look, he's got
his little dusting kit.

[Linda]
Aw, it's in a Caboodle.

It's about to get turned off.

He's gonna save me.

- Nuts.
- Damn it.

? ?

Oh, wait, I know this one.

I don't recognize it.

I don't remember the band,
but it's catchy.

Kind of builds to a big chorus.

Oh, he's crankin'.

Yeah, he is. He's crankin'
all over the place.

? And you know I wanna- ?

- [music stops]
- Hey!

Oh, the duster guy
turned it off.

What the hell?

Hey, turn the radio back on.

We were listening to that.

There's a body in the backseat.

- What?
- Oh.

Just kidding. Here you go.

? ?

- This guy!
- [whoops]

? Yeah, yeah, you know it ?

? You know it,
you know it, I wanna- ?

I don't know if this
is gonna work, Arnold.

If I die, bring the iPad
back to my parents.

Ugh. Oh, God, it smells
like poop in here.

Are you babies
not potty trained yet?

Ha, very funny, older teens.

Very funny.

It's me, Arnold, the green belt.

And I'd like to fight
the strongest among you.

[chortles] What?

What part of "he'd like to fight
the strongest among you"

did you not understand?!

Uh, okay.
Well, that's me.

I'm the strongest.
Big time.

- I mean, we're both beefy boys.
- Devon!

Come on, let's go.
Right here, right now.

- Fight stance!
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

You're not fighting here.

What do you mean,
we're not fighting here?

Where are we fighting?

I would like
to fight you out there.

Pretty cool fight location,
don't you agree?

- Whoa.
- Some people are calling it

Doo Doo Island.

What's the problem?
Are you afraid

you'll fall in the doo doo water
and smell like doo doo forever?

And you'll never find love
because every date you go on,

they'll leave saying
that guy smells like doo doo?

[scoffs]
I'm not afraid of anything.

Sounds like you are.

It's okay to be
a little afraid sometimes.

Shut up! Oh, my God.
Let's fight already.

So, are we doing this
or are we doing this?

Okay, I'm going.
It's just... narrow, man.

Let's go,
Ralph "Not-So-Much-io."

[laughs]

Whoa, whoa, uh,
what are you doing?

We're supposed to fight.

That was the fight.

We just defeated you.

Uh, put the plank
back up right now.

Devon, put the plank
back up for me.

I'm not touching it.
It's in doo doo water.

Put back the plank.

Say you'll never
scare little kids again.

[mockingly] Yeah, okay,
that's what I'm gonna say,

I'll never
scare kids again. Eh...

Maybe we should scoop up
a little doo doo water

and toss it at him?

No! Please! Please!

I-I seriously have a thing about
getting poop water in my face.

I just, I-I can't.

Then say it.

I'll never
scare little kids again,

I swear to God.

School's out. Time to go home.

Devon. Devon.
Get me off Doo Doo Island.

How?

Find another plank.

I don't see any.

Devon!

I don't understand
why that school's closed.

I'd go there.

The lockers are
surprisingly comfortable.

Arnold, that was pretty cool.

I told you, Louise.
Un-big people

can do not-un-big things.

And back to not cool.

Oh, we haven't filmed you
breaking the board yet.

We could do it at the beach.

We've got
some nice light right now.

Eh, that's okay.
I realized I don't want

- to be a bodyguard anymore.
- Oh.

[Arnold]
I want to be a superhero.

[Louise]
Okay.

[Arnold]
Mr. Safebody,

student by day,
superhero by night.

- Sure.
- Well, not too late at night.

Don't want to miss
books and bedtime.

? And you know I wanna ?

? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

? I wanna, I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna ?

? Whoa, whoa, whoa ?

? I wanna, I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna ?

? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?

? You know it, you know it,
you know it, I wanna ?

? Whoa, whoa, whoa ?

? Bro down ?

- ? Dance with me ?
- ? I love it ?

? Yeah, don't look back ?

? That was then
and we don't want that ?

? Time for a bro down ?

? Look into your eyes ?

? When I'm dancing for ya ?

[Linda] It's bad, but I like it.

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