Original subtitles

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

I have been asked to explain American football.

Actually, in various forms,

the game of football is played all over the world.

In some countries,

such a game may be called a soccer match.

In others, a revolution.

However, there are several differences

between a football game and a revolution.

For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer

and the participants wear uniforms.

Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game.

The object of the game is to move this ball

past the other team's goal line.

This counts as six points.

No points are given for lacerations,

contusions, or abrasions,

but then no points are deducted, either.

Kicking is very important in football.

In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players

even kick the ball occasionally.

I trust that I have made everything perfectly clear.

This evening's tale is not about football.

It concerns another sport.

Murder.

I might even add the word incorporated.

You see, our hero is an organization man.

But first, our sponsor has just 60 seconds left to play.

(dramatic music)

- [Announcer] The pitch.

High, inside, driving Davey back out of the batter's box.

Scotty shakes off the next sign.

Here's the windup and the pitch.

A ground ball to shortstop, easy play.

That brings up Wes Mantee.

Wes having a fine year hitting 314.

He's had 21 doubles.

Scotty, the rookie, working very smoothly out here.

- Come on, baby.

Come on, hit it.

- Now he's ready. - Hit it outta the park!

- [Announcer] First pitch.

A fast ball, low inside. - Come on, baby.

- [Announcer] Ball one.

Scotty with the poise of a veteran

ready to pitch again.

That's really hit!

Going into deep, deep center field.

That one may be gone.

It is gone, into the center field bleachers.

(camera clicking)

That was Wes' 11th home run of the year

and makes it a one-nothing ball game.

Here's Johnny Rizzo stepping up to the plate.

Scotty doesn't appear to be

shaken up by that home run blast.

Scotty's first pitch to Rizzo.

Low outside, ball one.

Again the windup and the delivery.

Fouled away, down the third baseline back into the crowd,

a souvenir for one of the fans.

Count one and one on Rizzo

as Scotty rubs up a new ball.

Shakes off the sign.

Now he's into the windup, and here's the next pitch.

A high pop-up to deep shortstop.

This ball's playable.

That's out number two here in the fourth inning.

The next batter is center fielder Harry Bryant.

Bryant swinging from the left side

and the windup pitch,

and a hard line drive going toward left field

that may come of the wall, it does.

Around first base is Bryan and he's going into second

with a standup double.

Uh-oh, that looks like it's going to be all for Scotty,

as manager Lou Briganzi walks out toward the mound.

(suspenseful music)

- Good morning, Mr. Rudolph.

- Good morning, Miss Whiting.

Any mail, Miss Whiting?

- It's on your desk, Mr. Rudolph.

- Thank you, Miss Whiting.

(door closing)

Miss Whiting.

- [Miss Whiting] Yes, Mr. Rudolph?

- Hold all my calls.

I don't want to be disturbed for 10 minutes.

- [Miss Whiting] Yes, Mr. Rudolph.

(paper rustling)

- [Man] To all district personnel.

From national office.

Immediate.

In line with the decision reached by the board of directors,

regarding minutes of the June 17th agenda,

Hotel Thanatopsis, Lake Saranac, New York.

Immediate steps will be taken

to streamline our present operations.

All district and local bureaus must be drastically cut.

Only personnel with a double A rating

will remain on the national payroll.

We have been informed by our consultant group

that once this economy drive is complete,

we can look forward to a banner year in '65.

Yours truly, Vincent X. Costelli, national vice president.

- Miss Whiting.

- [Miss Whiting] Yes, Mr. Rudolph?

- Get me Granite-55099.

Ask for Ernest.

- [Miss Whiting] Is that Mr. Ernest?

- No, no, Miss Whiting.

Just Ernest.

(ominous music)

- Good morning, Arthur.

- How are you, Mr. Leibowitz?

- Oh, can't complain.

I saw yesterday the studio was closed.

You were away.

- Up north.

- Oh, a job?

- Wine company. - Oh.

- Had to do some stuff in advertising campaign.

How's business?

- Ah, I tell you, Arthur,

nowadays a man needs two jobs just to make ends meet.

- That sure is right, Mr. Leibowitz.

(door closing)

(bell jangling)

- Any trouble?

(snaps fingers)

- A gas.

- I've got a new assignment for you.

- What, out of town again?

- Oh, no.

No vacation trip this time.

This job is right here.

- Great.

I'll be able to see my girl.

- Is that so?

- Yes, we're engaged.

- Oh, congratulations.

You haven't told her?

- No, don't worry.

- Women don't understand certain things.

- Mm-hm.

You mean

women like Mrs. Rudolph?

- What did you say?

- I asked if Mrs. Rudolph understood certain things

that you're not supposed to tell women about.

- I never told you I was married.

- Oh, I know you didn't, Rudy, but you are.

And your wife is brunette, she's five foot seven,

used to be a dancer.

And a week ago Friday night you took her to see an opera.

I can't remember the name of it.

I think it was Italian, though.

- I don't like that, Arthur.

You've been checking on me.

I definitely don't like that!

- Nobody likes it, Rudolph!

Makes a man nervous.

Especially when he's trying

to do a good job for an employer.

By the way, you don't happen to know my girl's name, do you?

- Sylvia.

- Do you know when we're going to meet again?

- 2:30, Malibu, she bought a new bathing suit.

- By the way, what agency do you use?

(laughs)

- Elite, you?

- Ketchum, they're much cheaper.

- I hope you haven't put their fee

on the expense account of your last job.

- Of course not.

I don't expect the management

to pay for my personal expenses.

- Okay, Arthur.

Business.

One must keep an eye on things.

- Oh, sure, sure, I know, Rudy.

National organization with that kind of income,

I understand, I just don't like it.

I happen to be loyal.

- We're all loyal, Arthur.

That's what makes a giant enterprise like ours successful.

Now where's the proof of your last assignment?

Ah.

I'll send it to the home office with my next report.

Oh.

Here's the balance of your payment.

- Uh-huh.

- Let me tell you about the new assignment.

- [Arthur] Oh?

- Yes, it's very important.

It's important enough to double the fee.

- [Arthur] Double?

- 10 big ones.

- With the usual 10% advance?

- Mm, and no deadline.

Although

I wouldn't put it off too long if I were you.

- Oh.

Who is he?

(laughs)

- Something funny, Arthur?

- I was just thinking.

The address, it's only a couple of blocks away from here.

We're practically neighbors.

- Do you know him?

- No.

But we'll fix that.

- Mm.

- Oh Rudy, as a matter of curiosity,

supposing I'm busy and I can't handle a job.

What does the management do?

- We have someone to take care

of a rush assignment if you're not available.

- Do I know him?

- You mustn't be curious, Arthur.

- I know, Rudy, it's in the contract and all of that.

But a guy can't help wondering, you know?

- About what?

- Do you know where the home office is?

- East.

- Chicago?

- Used to be Chicago.

We moved.

- Oh, Rudy?

Have you ever seen him?

- Seen whom?

- The top people, the board, the management.

- Oh, nobody sees them, Arthur.

- I bet they live good.

- [Rudolph] Good?

- You know, big cars, beautiful women, the best food.

- Naturally.

They're executives, life is different up there.

But you mustn't forget the pressures.

The responsibility.

The envy.

- The envy?

- The knife, Arthur, the knife of envy and ambition.

Watch out for it.

(ominous music)

(bell jangling)

You'll contact me?

- When the job's over.

(door closing)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

(car door slamming)

- Mr. Price, you're back.

- Yeah.

- Mr. Costigan was in.

- What did he decide?

- Mahogany with silver handles.

- Good.

- We've made all the arrangements.

(dramatic music)

(waves rushing)

(sultry music)

- Arthur.

- Hm?

- Are you asleep?

- No, baby, I'm just relaxing.

- Oh, poor baby, you've been working too hard.

- Well, honey, if we're gonna get married.

- Daddy has to say yes first.

- What'd you tell Daddy about me?

- I said, "Look, Daddy."

- What'd Daddy say?

- Oh.

Daddy said any jerk nowadays

can buy a diamond on the installment plan.

- Jerk?

I paid cash.

- Really?

- Yeah, I got 10% advance on a job,

and I just happened to have the cash on me.

- Oh, darling.

You must tell Daddy that tonight.

- Tonight?

- Well, yes.

He wants to talk to you at dinner.

- What do you mean, talk?

- Talk, you know.

After all, I'm the only daughter Daddy's got.

- You're also the only wife I'll get.

- Oh, let's not talk about Daddy anymore.

Let's talk about us.

Only

let's not talk.

(romantic music)

(suspenseful music)

(bell jangling)

- Methinks something stinks in Denmark.

- An excellent dinner, my dear.

- Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Coffee, darling? - Please.

- Why don't you go and freshen up a bit?

I can pour Arthur's coffee for him.

- All right.

I won't be a minute, darling.

And don't let Daddy scare you.

- Sit down, Arthur.

- Thank you, sir.

- Cigarette?

- No, thank you, I don't smoke, sir.

- Thank you.

Some coffee?

- Yes, please, black.

- So you're a photographer.

- Yes, sir.

- Chain or independent?

- I own the studio myself.

- You like photography?

- Well, there are two things

in this world I care about, sir.

Sylvia and a good camera.

- Well, you've got the camera, now all you need is--

- Sylvia.

That's right, sir.

- My daughter tells me you travel a lot.

- Well, now and then, sir.

I mean, now and then I have to go out of town.

- Is that usual in your profession?

- I don't know whether it's usual or not, sir.

But then again, I don't think I'm a usual photographer.

As a matter of fact,

I think I'm kind of an unusual photographer.

- You're not a nut, are you?

- What do you mean, a nut?

- I hear a lot of funny things about photographers, Arthur.

But you don't photograph for that type of magazine, do you?

(laughs)

- No, sir.

I mean, I wouldn't take money that way.

Sylvia'd never have to worry about anything like that.

- Good.

Good.

Brandy?

- No, thank you, sir.

- I've always given my little girl the very best, young man.

- Well, I can see that, Mr. Sylvester.

- Had a fellow here once,

to dinner.

Painter, wore a beard, make me itchy just to look at him.

Well, I talked to him, right here in this room,

as a matter of fact, just as I'm talking to you.

I explained how my daughter was used to a certain standard.

Never saw him again.

- Yes, sir.

- Now, mind you, Arthur,

I don't mind a man starting out poor.

- No, sir.

- In this country, the thing that counts is brains.

- Yes, sir.

- And competition.

- Competition, sir?

- Of course.

Take that away, and what are we?

- That's very good, sir.

I'll try not to forget that.

- Brains, competition, and thrift.

- Thrift too?

- A dollar saved is a dollar earned, my boy.

- Well, I know, sir,

but doesn't the government say that we ought to spend?

- Spend?

- I mean, how can we hope to expand business unless we buy,

isn't that right, sir?

- We can't, naturally.

- I mean, it just seems logical to me.

- Well, I'm 100% for logic, Arthur.

Spend.

Save and spend.

- Isn't that difficult?

- My boy, do you think we've built this country up

doing things the easy way?

- No, sir.

- What made our railroads and our steel industries

and oil corporations great?

- Thrift, competition, and brains.

- And personal initiative.

- Well, I think I have that, sir.

- Are you sure, Arthur?

Are you sure?

Not everyone has it.

- Just give me the chance, sir.

Mr. Sylvester, exactly what would you say

Sylvia's standard is?

- Do you have $50,000, Arthur?

- In cash?

- Cash.

- Oh, no, sir.

Not yet, I don't.

I'm a little short.

- How short?

- About 30,000.

- Well, Arthur, you get that personal initiative

going for you and slap together another 30,000,

and then we'll talk about a wedding.

- Here I am.

How do I look, Daddy?

- Like a million.

(phone ringing)

(bell jangling)

- Hello?

- [Hiram] Mr. Arthur Mannix, the photographer?

- Speaking.

- [Hiram] This is Mr. Hiram Price.

- Yes, Mr. Price, what can I do for you?

- I would like to make an appointment

to have a picture taken.

A portrait

that I can include in a new business brochure

that I'm having printed.

- Of course, Mr. Price, that can be arranged.

- [Hiram] I'm in a hurry, Mr. Mannix.

- Would you prefer a morning

or an evening appointment, Mr. Price?

- Evening.

I have the printer waiting.

- [Arthur] I see.

It's 10:30 now, could you come over tonight?

- Yes.

I can be there in half an hour.

Nice of you to accommodate me.

- Not at all, Mr. Price.

(receiver clicking)

(board creaking)

(light switch clicking)

(board creaking)

(ominous music)

- This is the end of the first half.

Please change sides.

Before we begin the second half,

your local coach wishes to give you a pep talk.

(ominous music)

(bell jangling)

(door closing)

- [Arthur] Mr. Price?

- That's right, Mr. Mannix.

I'm here.

Right on time.

- [Arthur] Have a chair, will you please?

(door closing)

- Where are you, Mr. Mannix?

- [Arthur] I'm in the darkroom.

I'll be with you in a moment.

- [Hiram] A rush job, Mr. Mannix?

- [Arthur] What's that?

- I said a rush job?

- [Arthur] Oh, yes.

- [Hiram] Any more sittings this evening, Mr. Mannix?

- Beg your pardon?

- I said any more sittings this evening?

- [Arthur] Oh, no.

- Nice studio you have here.

- [Arthur] Thank you.

- Nice and quiet.

- I beg your pardon?

- I said nice and quiet.

- Oh, yes.

I don't like to be disturbed when I have a job to do.

- Neither do I.

Mind if I smoke?

- [Arthur] I can't hear you, Mr. Price.

- I said mind if I smoke?

No fire laws in here, are there?

- [Arthur] No, go right ahead.

- I like quiet in my business too.

- What business are you in, Mr. Price?

- I'm in the undertaking business, Mr. Mannix.

- [Arthur] Did you say the undertaking business?

- [Hiram] That's right.

(board creaking)

That's what I said, Mr. Mannix.

Undertaking.

- Ha! - Ah!

- All right, Mr. Price.

Now let's return to the studio.

We've got a lot to talk about.

Have a seat, Mr. Price, here.

- Uh, karate, huh?

- Yes.

- I never studied it.

- [Arthur] It's an interesting weapon.

- Maybe.

The costume, that canvas kimono, stopped me.

- You strictly knife?

- Yeah.

Most of the time.

Well, what now?

Police?

- The police?

(laughs)

No, of course not.

- I did try to kill you.

You must have gathered that.

- I did.

But you didn't succeed, did you?

- No.

My first failure.

- [Arthur] Really?

- In 10 years.

(tuts)

- Too bad.

- You knew that darkroom would blind me, hm?

- Oh, of course.

- Excellent tactics.

- Oh, not tactics, Mr. Price.

Details.

That's where success and failure lies.

In details.

- And I got careless.

- No, I'd say overconfident.

- Maybe.

If not the police, what?

- I'm going to kill you, Mr. Price.

- Kill me?

- Not immediately.

I think first we should discuss how you're going to die.

- Death is death.

The cosmetics don't help.

- Oh, I disagree with you, undertaker.

In our business, how a man dies is very important.

- Who are you?

- More important, Mr. Price, I know who you are.

And I know that you were hired by the management to kill me,

and I know why you were hired to kill me.

- Even I don't know that much.

- That's why you're going to die, and I'm going to live.

- I don't understand that.

- It's really quite simple, Mr. Price.

We're both in the same business.

- We're both undertakers?

- No, not undertakers.

Executioners, Mr. Price.

Now, I'm known to the management as the photographer.

Have you heard of me?

- No.

- Well, at any rate,

I was assigned this morning to kill you by the management,

or at least by one of their representatives.

- Which representative?

- A lawyer by the name of Rudolph.

- I don't know him.

- My contract was for $10,000, with the usual 10% advance.

- I got 5%.

- What was your total payment?

- [Hiram] Same as yours, 10 grand.

- There, you see?

- See what?

- It's a contest, Mr. Price.

- A contest?

- Between you and me.

The professional executioners.

Both of us employed

by the management.

- But why?

- To see which of us was the cleverer, the more reliable.

The more efficient.

- Hm.

I didn't know there were two of us.

But even so, why would they put

two of their best operators at each other's throats?

Is it a game?

Are they that bored?

- Oh, no, no, no.

They had a reason.

- Business is dull?

- No, Mr. Price, business is automated.

You see, they only need one of us now on the staff.

- One?

- That's right, Mr. Price.

Naturally the one they keep has got to be the best one.

- Naturally.

- I mean, we can't fight

industrial progress, can we, Mr. Price?

- Did you know who I was when they gave you the assignment?

- No.

You know the organization's policy.

Nobody knows anybody except his own contact.

It's a security measure.

- When did you first check on me?

- About one o'clock.

When I returned to my studio,

I saw your hearse across the street.

Obviously you were casing my studio.

You know I sat here for a half hour

trying to figure out why.

It could mean only one thing.

I mean, a contest had to be the answer.

- I think the management played both of us a low-down trick.

- Oh, just standard business practice,

Mr. Price, that's all.

Besides, the winner will be generously paid.

May I, Mr. Price?

5%?

- I didn't have time to go to the bank.

- Fortunately.

Oh, marriage is such an expensive

proposition these days, Mr. Price.

- I'm a bachelor.

- [Arthur] Really?

Well, that'll make it easier, then.

- Easier?

- Yes.

I must kill you, undertaker.

You appreciate that, don't you?

- Of course.

- As a professional, I mean.

- I understand your position, Mr. Mannix.

- Now, I can kill you quickly or--

- Crudely.

- Very crudely.

- What do I do to be accorded this

mercy killing of yours, Mr. Mannix?

- Not very much, Mr. Price.

I'd like the name of your contact at the home office.

I also want to know how you get in touch with him,

and I want to know what system of nullification you use.

- Nullification?

That what you call it?

- Yes.

- Sentimental, aren't you?

- I prefer nullification to murder or rub out or hit,

or whatever other words

the organization used when it was founded.

Is Rudolph your contact?

- No.

- Well, who is he?

Come on, undertaker, tell me his name!

- I'll tell you, photographer, but not because

you scare me with any threats of a lingering death.

I have nothing but contempt for--

- I don't care why, I just want you to tell me.

- I'll tell you because the conduct

of the home office in this transaction happens,

in my opinion, to be very unethical.

- Oh, well, I agree with you about that.

Out of line.

- Inexcusable.

- And even more important, undertaker,

it's bad for the morale.

- Exactly.

A business depends not only on loyalty

between organization and man,

but between man and man, am I right?

- Ho, ho, ho, you hit it, undertaker.

Now tell me your contact's name.

- Ernest.

- Ernest?

That's all?

No second name?

- No.

- How do you get paid off?

- We meet in the park, usually around closing time.

- How do I recognize him?

- He carries a newspaper under his arm,

open to the obituary page.

- And what method do you use?

- Knife, usually, like I said.

Sometimes fire.

With fire, the arson covers up the evidence of the

nullification.

(laughs)

- Thank you, undertaker.

Well, with that information,

I should be able to have a little fun

at the expense of the home office.

- Is that what you want, a little fun?

- Well, I thought it might amuse you too.

- My ghost, maybe.

- Well, there are some things

we just have to enjoy when we're dead.

- Perhaps.

On the other hand, maybe I won't be dead.

(knife thudding)

- Congratulations, undertaker.

That's pretty good.

The organization is losing a very competent man.

I'll try and make this quick.

(dramatic music)

(camera clicking)

(flames crackling)

(laughs)

(pop music)

Ernest?

- Did you say Ernest, young man?

- Yeah, daddy.

- Oh, shut that off, will you?

I can't hear you.

(sighs)

Who sent you?

- My uncle.

- Sit still.

- Daddy, you is a real drag.

- A funeral, eh?

- Mm-hm.

- Lucky it's not his own.

- Hoo hoo, you can encore that, daddy.

- Here.

This is for your uncle.

Do you understand?

- Mm.

- And don't lose it.

- Mm-mm.

- Um, tell your uncle I've wired the home office.

They'll be very pleased with his performance.

Now, can you remember that?

- Mm-hm, yeah, daddy.

Yeah.

The home office and I'll tell my uncle.

Hiram.

- Don't you think you'd better put that envelope away?

- Daddy, it's away.

- In line with the recommendations of the national board

as outlined in your memo of the 27th,

the following results--

(intercom buzzing)

Yes, Miss Whiting?

- [Miss Whiting] There's a long distance call, Mr. Rudolph.

From San Francisco.

- Who is it?

- [Miss Whiting] The gentleman wouldn't give his name.

Will you take it?

- Yes, I'll take it.

Jonathan Rudolph speaking.

- [Arthur] This is the photographer.

- Who?

- [Arthur] Your office, Rudy, tomorrow night.

- Hello?

Hello!

(suspenseful music)

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- [Operator] San Francisco calling.

- [Arthur] Sylvia?

- Yes, this is Sylvia.

Who are you?

- [Arthur] Honey, it's me, it's Arthur.

Don't you recognize my voice?

Sylvia?

Sylvia, are you all right?

Why don't you answer me?

This is Arthur, I'm in San Francisco.

Are you there?

Honey, I'll be back in town tomorrow.

(door opening and closing)

- How did you do it?

(laughs)

- Here.

That's Mr. Price.

You know, I think I'll try color the next time.

- Mm.

The newspapers said that your studio burned down.

- Yes, a pity too.

I had a great darkroom.

- They also said that you were in the studio when it burned.

- Obviously a mistake.

That was my friend, Mr. Price.

He was in the undertaking business.

- Of course.

Of course you were in San Francisco.

- Exactly.

Where I called you from and what I told the police.

- You went to the police?

- I had to.

I couldn't very well let the police

think that I was dead, could I?

- What did you tell them?

- That Mr. Price had a girlfriend and that he couldn't

very well entertain her in his undertaking parlor.

- So you lent him your studio.

- Uh-huh.

- Too bad you had to lose it.

- Well, it was insured.

- Ah.

I suppose you went to the insurance company

as well as the police.

- First thing this morning.

- Lucky you were in San Francisco.

You might have been in that fire.

- Oh, I'm very careful, Rudy.

- Not like Price.

- Mm.

(laughing)

Of course he usually was careful.

Except this once.

- The once is enough.

- Mm-hm.

- I suppose you have a very good friend

in San Francisco who will confirm your visit

in case the police or the insurance company check.

- Oh, a very good friend.

- I see.

Well,

I'll pass this on to the accounting department.

Oh, I suppose you want the rest of your payment?

- Well, I do need it.

- Business?

- I'm getting married.

- When?

- Pretty soon now.

One more assignment should do it.

- [Rudolph] 9,000.

Oh, it's all there, Arthur.

- I trust you, Rudy.

- You know, Arthur,

I might be able to hurry those wedding bells.

- Do you mean the home office

has given you a new assignment for me?

- Oh, no, no, no, this isn't for the home office.

This is personal.

For me, Arthur.

It's just a job you'd do for me.

- Oh?

- '65 is gonna be a big year in our business.

The organization is streamlining, eliminating deadwood.

This is the time to move ahead.

- Go ahead, I'm listening.

- What is success, Arthur?

It's a ladder.

How do you climb it?

One rung at a time.

I'm ready to move up that one rung, Arthur.

- So am I, Rudy, so am I.

- We'll move up together.

All right, Arthur?

- Same rate?

That'll give me the exact amount I need to get married.

- This one isn't like Price.

This should be easy.

This one's a fool.

(paper tearing)

(pop music)

- Hugo?

Are you in there?

- [Arthur] Yeah, daddy.

- Your uncle's dead.

It's right here in the paper.

You stole that money, young man.

Don't you know it's dishonest

to take money under false pretenses?

A man gets ahead by merit, young man, not by stealing.

(body thumping)

(crowd chattering)

- Oh, darling, Daddy would have been so happy.

- Well, don't cry, baby.

Look at it this way.

If it hadn't been for old Ernie, we wouldn't be here.

(sweeping music)

- Who says this program doesn't have heart?

Arthur and Sylvia lived happily ever after,

she in San Diego, and he in San Quentin,

one of California's finest prisons.

There his roommate turned out to be Mr. Rudolph.

It was rather sad to see Arthur's career cut short.

By the time he was apprehended,

he was only one heartbeat away from a vice presidency.

A further note about football.

A gunshot usually signals the end of the game,

which is where we are now.

(gun firing)

Oh dear, we shall have to get a new referee next time.

Goodnight.

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

(regal fanfare)