Original subtitles

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like

to be the absolute ruler of a nation?

I'm finding out.

I am the winner on a television show called,

"King For A Day".

I'm a trifle disturbed, however.

I just learned how they are able to provide

for a different winner each day.

This country, like the Earth,

has one revolution every 24 hours.

It is reassuring to know, however,

that the state funerals are among the best.

As usual this prologue,

has absolutely nothing to do with tonight's play,

which tells the story of a little man

who becomes involved in a very odd charade.

One of my first acts as king,

was to ban from the country forever

all television commercials.

They were deported to the United States.

Here is one of them.

(gentle music)

(bell ringing)

- Lucy.

Lucy.

Lucy.

You wanna freshen up before lunch, dear?

- No.

- You always do.

- I mean, I wanna freshen up.

But I don't want lunch.

- You're not dieting again?

- Walter, I'm trying to say something very important to you.

- Is something wrong?

- I must tell you before I explode.

- Well, my dear.

- I am not a very ordinary girl.

- Of course, you're not.

You're unusual and wonderful.

- But you are a very ordinary man, Walter.

- Symbiosis.

Opposites who attract.

I mean, that's why we love each other.

- I punch cards for a computer.

You oversee them.

I want more out of life than that.

- You love me.

- I'm near you every day, five days a week.

That's not love, that's confinement.

Confinement is what I feel for you not love.

- Our engagement?

- Is over.

- But how, why? - Let me go.

- For I deal with things as they are.

I'm not just a computer technician.

I'm a realist, and I demand to know.

- Because you're dullsville, ordinaryville.

- A what?

- Nothing ever happens to you or with you.

You're too plain.

You're so plain that if I didn't see you every day,

I wouldn't remember what you looked like.

- You hate me.

- Worse, baby, I'm indifferent.

You arouse nothing.

You're a square peg in a square hole.

- Well, I read books.

I have a good education.

I go to the basketball games.

- I close my eyes,

and I can't even describe your face.

Paint it, dye your hair green,

wear a flower pot on your head.

Do anything before it's too late, Mr. Walter Mills.

- I gather this means

we won't be having lunch together anymore?

- We've been engaged for six weeks,

and I feel like we've been married for 60 years.

- All right.

All right, go ahead.

I don't need you, not at all.

I'll marry a rich girl

and live a life of luxury, a rich one.

(dramatic music)

(door thuds)

(gentle music)

(horn honking)

- May I help you, sir?

- Yes, I'd like to see something for a friend.

- Yes, well, perhaps an evening wig as a gift for your lady?

- Yeah, that's it.

My, they certainly do look real.

- Well, they are.

They're made of real hair.

Of course, that's why they're so expensive.

- How much?

- Well, they start at $300.

- The men's must be cheaper?

- Yes, they do begin a little lower.

But then, of course, a lady wouldn't look very well

in a men's hairpiece.

- Oh, look at that.

A little gray in the temples there,

he'll look just like Cary Grant.

- You know, I have a good idea.

I'll tell what let's do.

Let's just go in here and try this on.

- Oh, no, no, I wouldn't.

Yes, yes?

- Just be seated, if you please,

and please remove your glasses.

- I'm not really interested for myself, of course.

- Of course.

- This is hereditary.

- Mm-hmm, most baldness usually is.

- It started when I was 21.

- Mm-hmm.

Now, of course, this is gonna stick a lot better

with the adhesive.

But you could go on swimming, diving.

It'll even take winds up to a 100 miles an hour.

(gentle music)

- I do look different.

- Yes, you certainly do.

- So, very, very different.

- You look like a man with hair on his head.

- How much?

- Do you have a credit rating?

- No, I never charge things.

- Well, the wig is $250.

- Well, I can afford that.

I got some money saved.

- There's something wrong.

- Why, you said I looked different?

- I know, you do from the eyes up.

But, well, if you wore a handkerchief...

Look let me show you.

See you are different.

You're even romantic.

But it doesn't do anything for the lower part.

- What about?

- Great idea, a beard.

I've got just the one for you.

- Certainly does look different.

I didn't really come in for my girlfriend.

You know, I lost her.

- Well, don't you worry.

When you get this, the girls are gonna come flocking.

You'll see.

They'll flock.

(lively jazz music)

(people chatting)

- Well, maybe you see it that way.

But I don't see it that way.

- Well, you never see it my way.

- Well, why should I when you're wrong?

- You were in the Navy, weren't you?

- Too long ago to remember.

- But you can remember something about boats.

(throat clearing) It's about sailing boats.

- May I help you?

- I beg your pardon.

- Well, I couldn't help but overhear your conversation.

I used to sail a great deal.

- Well, you look like the captain of a liner,

an ocean liner.

(chuckles softly)

- No, no that not kind of ship.

Mainly for pleasure.

Racing sloops all that sort of thing.

- Really, where?

- Caribbean mostly.

- You didn't sail in the big race, did you?

What do they call it?

- The Bermuda, no, no.

Hated competitive sailing.

Took all the fun out of it.

- Why?

- Well, doesn't one get enough of man against man

in his daily life in the cities,

in his work, in politics, everywhere?

Sailing that's man against himself,

man against nature.

- Like a war.

- No not to fight nature, but to struggle it through,

so that he might find his peace with nature.

A full sail running before the wind

turning all of nature to use.

It takes struggle to do it right and work,

but the rewards, once you've found your peace with nature,

with the sea, once you do that,

why that's knowing security and happiness

like nothing else in the world.

- How true.

Of course.

- [Curly] I don't think it's true. Why is it true?

- Because you never sail, never.

- And you always talk about going out you never do.

Only talk, like everything else.

- You're becoming unmannerly, Curly.

I don't like that.

I'll bet you sailed everywhere.

- Oh, yes, yes.

- [Noreen] Around the world?

- Several times.

- Are you famous?

- Not really.

I mean, people who sail mainly for pleasure,

not to prove anything,

they're never the famous ones, are they?

- You must be famous.

You look famous.

- Well, I do?

- What's your name?

- Marshall.

Philip Marshall.

- Oh, I've heard that name somewhere before.

I go to all the regattas I can,

and to the boat show every year.

- Come on.

- I was talking to Mr. Marshall.

- Come on it's late.

- What time? - It's almost--

- I was asking Mr. Marshall.

- Well, if he has a watch.

- Do you?

- Yes, of course.

It's 5:15.

- Didn't you have an appointment?

- Not that I can remember.

- I do.

I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to cause trouble.

- Oh, it isn't any trouble.

He isn't my husband or my fiance or my,

well, what can I say, boyfriend.

He's just someone that I have a drink with

and go out with once in a while.

- Oh, I see.

- Well, now tell me about your sailing.

I'm dying to sail.

Is it hard to learn?

(gentle music) - No, not at all, not at all.

I could teach you, I mean.

- Would you?

Would you really? - Easily.

Miss?

- Noreen.

Noreen Kimberly.

- Well,

Noreen.

(gentle music)

Uh, could we?

- And where might you be going, sir?

Answer me, sir.

- I am a friend of Mr. Mills.

- Friend?

Never knew he had any friends.

No one ever came here to see him before.

- He has many friends, many.

- Where'd you get the key?

- He gave it to me. I'm to meet him here.

- Well, if you're his guest, that's two to the room,

and you tell Mr. Mills he's to see me

if he expects to have guests often.

- I shall indeed tell him when we meet.

- You're sure you're a friend?

- Are you implying that you suspect me

of some nefarious motive?

- No, it's just that.

Well you're such a sort of classy gentlemen.

He's such a weasel you know what I mean?

- Mrs. Adams, that is your name?

- Yes.

- My dear, Mrs. Adams,

I find my friend Walter Mills

to be a gentlemen of culture, and taste, and imagination.

In my travels around the world

I have met many heads of state, leaders.

I have found few men of such simple tastes

with such profound abilities.

Goodnight, madam.

(gentle music)

- Yes, sir.

Sorry, sir.

Humph.

(gentle music)

(laughing loudly)

- I'm new.

I'm free.

I'm a new free man.

(dramatic music)

(gentle music)

(dramatic music)

(soft knocking on door)

- Who is it?

- [Manager] Mrs. Adams.

- Just a minute.

Just a minute.

- Where is he?

- He?

- Don't play the innocent with me, Mr. Mills.

You've been letting a friend use your quarters.

- Oh, you mean Mr. Marshall.

- "Oh, you mean Mr. Marshall," I sure do.

- Well, he doesn't stay.

He just visits.

- I saw him come in here.

I saw him beard and all.

I started to stay awake all night

listening for him to leave, but I fell asleep.

Well, he came in all right,

and he's pretty good at sneaking off.

- He didn't sneak off.

- Then he's still here hiding.

- Neither. - Hiding on my premises!

Well, I'll call the police to find him.

- No, no.

- Then he is still here.

- No, he left, I swear.

- How long has this been going on,

two months, three months?

- Not long, honestly.

- Well, long enough for somebody

to deliver a note for him here.

- A not for Philip Marshall?

- That's what that Curly man said.

You're not Mr. Marshall.

- Well, I'll give it to him when I see him.

- Not until you pay me back rent

for Mr. Philip Marshall sneaking in and sneaking out

living free off of me.

- I demand that...

Very well, Mrs. Adams, have it your own way.

- And you'll pay that in cash.

No checks.

- I'll pay nothing.

I'm moving.

(gentle music)

(doorbell ringing)

- Do you have rooms to let? - Indeed I do.

Come in. - Thank you.

I'd like a large room, the best you have.

- Well, this is a family type of rooming house.

- I hope so.

- I mean, it's nothing fancy, Mister?

- Marshall, Philip Marshall.

- Mrs. Jones. - How do you do?

- Mostly working people and such.

- I'm a working person.

- You look like an employer.

- If you'd rather not rent to me.

- Oh, didn't say that at all.

Not at all.

What is your occupation, Mr. Marshall?

- I am semi-retired.

- Oh, how lovely.

We have a young widow living here.

You must meet her she's an awfully good cook.

- I'll be eating my meals out.

- Well, as you wish, of course.

- Oh, by the way, before we go any farther.

- We'll discuss the price of the room after you've seen it.

It's my very best.

- No, no, no, it isn't that.

I have a business that requires meetings.

A young man works with me sometimes in the evenings.

- He won't be staying over?

- No, no, no.

- Extra charge, for extra guests staying over, you know.

- Of course.

- Isn't it a lovely room?

- Beautiful, beautiful.

Now about the business associate.

- Well, I don't see why not.

- Ah, fine.

If I'm not at home when he stops by, show him in.

His name is Walter Mills.

- [Noreen] Hello.

- Hello, is Noreen there?

- [Noreen] This is Noreen.

- This is Philip Marshall.

Remember me?

- [Noreen] Do I remember you?

Why did you wait so long to call?

I thought you'd forgotten about me.

- Well, I've been moving.

I wondered when I might see you.

- [Noreen] To go sailing?

- If I owned a ship.

- [Noreen] Is that difficult?

(upbeat orchestral music)

- Well, she certainly is a fine ship?

- Boat.

- In a manner of speaking.

Does she use a spinnaker.

- She carries a gin.

- Uh, yes, over here.

- There it is.

- Well, whatever it is she's lovely.

- Mr. Keefer, could I see you in private for a moment?

- Okay.

- Certain business details.

(birds cawing)

Look you wanna make a sale?

- Well, I ain't in this business for my health.

- Well, I wanna buy that boat.

But you're making it most difficult.

- How?

- By correcting every little thing I say.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- You see, I don't wanna argue with you.

As a matter of fact, I need your help.

- I was trying to give it.

- You figured that out, huh?

- What?

- I don't really know very much about sailing.

- That ain't hard to figure.

- You see, she doesn't know that.

- Oh, I get it, yes.

- Now she's gonna wanna go sailing pretty soon, immediately.

Now what am I gonna do?

- I could put a little three-and-a-half horsepower

outboard in the well.

A lot of guys do that now.

- You mean in case the wind dies down or something?

- Look, I supply the boats and the motors.

You supply the excuses.

- You could go in the boat with us.

- I charge for sailing lessons.

Nothing's free.

- Of course.

How much is that boat?

- 3,000 cash.

The bank will take a one-third down payment.

- Okay.

(birds chirping)

Well, I bought it.

- This boat?

- Isn't this the one you liked?

- Well, look at this it's broken.

- No, no, no, no.

No, that gudgeon was missing.

I just replaced it.

Now you slipped those gudgeons

over the two pindles in the stern.

- Pindles and stern.

- And your rutter's in place.

- Rutter's in.

Well, I'll do it.

- After you sign the contract.

- Just to show her.

(upbeat orchestral music)

(gasping deeply)

- Oh!

Oh, did you hurt yourself?

(gasping deeply)

- I think, I'm gonna have to bandage that.

I'm afraid I cut it a bit.

- Here.

- Oh, it's.

(dramatic music)

That's very kind of you to do this for me.

- It's the least I can do since you drew blood for me.

- You're a most gracious lady.

(soft wincing)

- That embarrasses me.

- Compliments embarrass a woman as attractive as you are?

- Maybe it's the kind of compliments.

- What kind have you had?

- The most obvious.

- Ah, yes, I see.

You have a most attractive apartment.

- Thank you.

- You must have a very good job.

- No, I don't work. - Inherited?

- Rich husband.

There. - Husband?

- Oh, almost an ex-husband.

Ever hear of Joseph Kimberly?

- No.

- Does it matter?

- There is only one area of my life

where I do not consider the consequences of my conduct,

and that is with a beautiful woman.

- Any beautiful woman?

- Noreen,

let's stop playing games.

I'm a mature man.

I enjoy your company.

But like so many American women

you insist on making the relationship

between man and woman a game, a contest.

I have neither the time, nor the emotion,

nor intellectual make up for such maneuvers.

- Well, I-- - Let's talk about sailing.

- You're such an unpredictable man.

Like you were two different people.

- Isn't everyone?

- Yes.

Yes, of course.

But I never thought of myself that way before.

- It's who we are mainly that counts.

- Mainly, I'm a single woman.

(gentle music)

Oh, what a beautiful face you have?

- Can you see it?

- What a beautiful beard.

- Beautiful?

- It's so interesting.

So exciting.

I've never known a man like you before.

It's like you're a mystery,

a hidden secret that I have to know.

I have to.

- Doesn't it tickle?

- I didn't even notice.

- Walter Mills.

Walter.

Hiya, Walter Mills.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Then suppose we go back upstairs to your girlfriend,

your girlfriend now,

and then I'll rip off that beard.

She is your girlfriend now, isn't she?

- What do you want?

- I followed both of you.

Checked on the boat, all of it.

- Please don't tell her.

- Then I want something back.

- I haven't got much money.

- Money, I don't need money.

I want you to hide something for me.

- Hide something?

- About $50,000.

- Wouldn't a bank be better?

- Silver and jewelry.

- Stolen?

- That's right.

(dramatic music)

- We shall have the second half of our story

after this word from the court jester.

(dramatic music)

- Well?

- I don't know what to say.

- Just say yes or no.

- No.

- Okay.

- Wait a minute where you going?

- To see my ex-girlfriend.

- She won't believe you.

- Why not?

- Because she loves me.

- It isn't my word against yours.

It's just a tug of the beard.

If it's real, you yell out.

If it isn't,

so long Noreen.

- Wait.

I can't hide it in my room it's rented.

The landlady cleans everyday.

- Not your room, your boat.

- My boat?

- On the mooring, rent a mooring.

- What's a mooring?

(chuckling softly)

- An old seafaring man like you

doesn't know what a mooring is?

- I don't have to take your insults.

A deal, just make a deal.

- A mooring in that marina is an anchored float.

You tie your boat to it.

They rent them. - And then?

- Well, first things first.

- Like?

- Like going fishing, buddy boy.

Like going fishing.

(gentle upbeat music)

- Your mooring's number seven right out there.

- Yeah, everything's shipshape.

- You know how to start the motor?

- Oh, sure.

(engine cranking)

(engine revving)

- First you come down here with a pretty girl to buy a boat.

Then you crush your finger, and you rush off with her.

Now you come back and wake me up at dawn

with a check for a down payment

and a guy that wants to go fishing.

- Isn't dawn a good time to go fishing?

- As long as your check is good, who cares.

Now fish out near the break port.

Lots of bass.

- Thank you.

(boat horn wailing)

(boat horn wailing)

We've been out here for hours.

Haven't we been out here long enough?

- Alright, start the motor.

We better hurry before the fog lifts.

(engine sputtering)

(boat horn wailing)

(boat horn wailing)

Bring me the rope tied to the sack.

(water splashing)

(boat horn wailing)

If you're no trouble, maybe I'll cut you in

when I sell this stuff.

This is for that knucklehead back at the marina.

So he'll see us take our gear back.

- Boy, you think of everything, don't you?

- Everything.

(boat horn blaring)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello.

- [Mrs. Jones] Did you put an ad in the paper asking for

the whereabouts of Walter Mills or Philip Marshall?

- I sure did.

- [Mrs. Jones] Why do you want to know.

- Money. - A reward?

- I'll give it to from the money Walter Mills owes me.

- [Mrs. Jones] Well, I know Mr. Marshall.

But I don't know anything about Mr. Mills.

- Well, you will, honey, just as soon as I can get there.

And then one night Mr. Marshall turned up.

- A beautiful beard.

- A gentleman, I thought.

He was a free loader.

- He pays his rent.

- Now he does.

- He's so cultured.

- He cheated me out of four months back rent.

- The other one did.

- I think they work a racket.

- How do you mean?

- One of them rents the place.

The other one secretly moves his stuff in.

Then when they're caught, they move out.

- I find that very hard to believe.

- Do you think I'd waste my good money

on a personal's ad if it wasn't true?

- Let's go up to the room.

There'll be evidence of two living there if it's true.

- You bet.

(gentle music)

He didn't have much in the way of clothes.

Always wore the same things.

This is Walter Mills' jacket.

Yeah, that's his suit.

And these slacks.

I used to check everything in his room.

You can't trust roomers too much, you know.

Well, that's funny.

All these clothes are Walter Mills.

- How do you know?

- I recognize all of them.

None of these clothes belong to anyone except Walter Mills.

- But Mr. Marshall lives here alone.

I know, I keep tabs.

Nobody cheats me.

- Well, if he's living here alone,

he's living here alone and has all of Walter Mills' clothes,

where did he get them?

(gentle dramatic music)

(gasps softly)

- Good evening, Mr. Marshall.

- Good evening.

- I'm Lieutenant Johnson.

- I'm Philip Marshall.

- He certainly is.

- Good evening, madam.

- Don't you madam me, you fraud!

- Shh, please.

- I beg your pardon.

- Well, these ladies called the police department.

- So I gather.

- Sit down, Mr. Marshall.

- Thank you.

- We just wanna ask you a few questions.

- Of course.

(sighs deeply)

- Do you know Walter Mills?

- Yes, yes, indeed.

- An old friend of yours?

- Oh, yes, yes for several years.

- You shared a room with him

in Mrs. Adam's boarding house, right?

- No, no, no we visited.

(scoffs gently) Only visited.

- Yeah, but you helped each other out, right?

- As friends do.

- Uh-huh.

Did he lend you his clothes?

- Uh.

Yes.

- All of his clothes?

- Uh.

Yes.

- What's he wearing now?

- He? - Yeah.

- Bought new clothes.

- Well, why would he give away good usable clothing

to buy new ones.

- Actually, I bought the clothes from him.

- For how much? - Now see here

I don't have to answer all of these questions.

- No, no, no you don't.

Would you like a lawyer?

- What for? - Right.

Now how much did you pay for these?

(stammering softly)

- A few hundred dollars.

- Well, that's more than it's worth new.

- Well, he needed the money, extra money.

- Oh, I see, yeah.

Where do you work?

- Self employed. - At what business?

- Nothing at the moment.

- Self-employed at doing nothing.

- I have held jobs.

- Where?

- Self-employed.

- Doing what?

- Selling things, various things.

- Where's Walter Mills?

- I don't know. - Oh, now come on.

A good friend for years and you don't know where he is.

- He said he'd write.

- Where is Walter Mills.

- I told you I don't know.

- Hey, is he dead?

- No.

- Well, then where is he?

- I can't tell you.

I'm sworn to secrecy. - He is dead, isn't he?

- No, no, no, no he's not.

- Come on now did you kill him?

- No, I didn't kill him he isn't dead.

He's as alive as anyone in this room.

I've told you I have done nothing.

- Well, can you prove that?

(gentle music)

- He's Walter Mills too.

- I am Walter Mills.

But I've done nothing wrong.

I've harmed no one.

I played a role.

But I've cheated no one.

Please leave me alone now, please.

- Boy.

Why?

(gentle music)

- Why what?

- Why would a man go through all these

elaborate preparations.

What are you really hiding, Mr. Marshall?

What are you hiding from the police?

(dramatic music)

- Are you accusing me of committing a crime?

- No.

No, of course not.

Ladies would you excuse us a minute please?

- [Mrs. Adams] But I called you.

- [Mrs. Jones] And this is my house.

- Outside, ladies, please.

Please.

Now nobody goes through all this

without being up to something.

We'll send through an ail state check on you.

- I told you I have never committed a crime.

- I'm gonna have you checked out here, everywhere,

everyone that you've ever known.

- But I've done nothing.

I've never stolen anything.

- What's wrong?

- Indigestion.

- You know, you can tell us everywhere you've worked,

everyone you've known.

We'll list you as being cooperative.

That's important now, very important,

to be listed a cooperative, huh?

- But I'm innocent.

I told you I've done nothing.

I'm innocent!

- Of what?

- Of everything, of practically everything.

- Nobody's innocent of everything.

- Alright, I'll tell you all the places I've worked,

people I've known.

All except one.

I'd like to tell her myself.

(gentle music)

(doorbell ringing)

- Oh, what is it?

- I have a message for you from Philip Marshall.

- I was expecting him.

- Yeah, well, he can't come.

- Well, why not has something happened?

Is he hurt?

- Well, could I come in and tell you about it?

- Who are you? - A friend,

an old friend of Phil's.

- Well, please tell me. - Well, to begin with,

he's not who you think he is.

- Well, he's a very wonderful man.

That's all I have to know.

- Yes, he was, wasn't he?

- He's dead! - No, don't shout.

No, he's not dead.

- Oh, thank heaven.

He's too alive, too vital,

too wonderful and exciting to be dead.

Well, some people you cannot think of as dead.

- That's right.

That's right, not Phil.

I mean, you can think a lot of things about him,

but not dead.

- What things?

- Well, how can you kill something that never existed?

- That's ridiculous.

- I don't mean like a ghost, but a man.

But a man who wasn't what he seemed to be.

- Now listen you whoever you are don't attack him.

Don't come here telling me you're his friend

and then tear him down.

He's a magnificent man.

He's imaginative, loving, poetic, exciting, a real man,

something different.

Why if you were just half the man he is--

- I am.

- Am what?

- I'm half the man he is, exactly half.

- Stop teasing me.

You tell me whatever you came to tell me or get out.

(gentle music)

- Pretty pathetic, isn't it?

A grown man playing Halloween every day.

(gentle music)

Well, I'll go now.

It wasn't just the beard.

- In the beginning maybe.

But then, sweet man,

then it took much more.

It took the real you.

- Whatever that is?

- The man who's standing here now,

the man I kissed, the most important man.

- Yes, but you're married,

and I'm a fraud.

- No.

You're real,

and I'm legally separated.

- No why, why did I--

- But it's over.

- No.

No, it isn't.

It's only just begun.

My landlady got the cops on me.

They think I've committed some horrible crime

just because I wore a beard.

- You've done nothing but love me.

(grunts deeply)

Is it because I'm still married?

- It's because I have done something wrong.

- Tell me.

Tell me.

- Because I have committed a crime.

- What is it?

- Curly.

- Oh, that horrible man.

- See somehow he found out

that I was masquerading. - I hate him.

- And he was gonna blackmail me.

- Why did you let him?

- He made me hide something for him, something valuable.

- By then I wouldn't have cared.

Oh, you fool!

Oh, no, no I didn't mean that.

You did it for me.

Oh, that Curly!

That cunning vicious animal!

- I could kill him.

- Oh, no!

No, he's stronger than you are.

Now he stole and he involved you, how?

- We hid, I believe it's called, the loot in a sack,

and then tied it to my boat mooring.

- Well, you've got to get rid of it.

- You mean sell it?

- No, you've got to cut it lose from your mooring,

and dump it someplace else,

so that it isn't connected with you.

Then if he calls the police--

- Would he do that?

- To hurt me, almost anything.

- He'd lose the money.

- But he'd destroy you.

- He didn't strike me as a vengeful man,

crooked, yes, but not vengeful.

- No, you have to get rid of it.

You have to.

Then he can yell and scream and call the police,

but he'll lose everything,

me, the money, everything.

- Right.

Right.

Brilliant.

(dramatic music)

- Hey, this is a private marina.

- Oh, it's all right.

It's only me.

Wait.

See?

Philip Marshall.

- Do you always run around in phony beards like that?

- No, sometimes just for fun.

- No comment, you get what I mean?

No comment.

(dramatic music)

(boat engine revving)

- Alright, hold it there.

(police siren wailing)

(boat horn wailing)

- Look, I didn't steal that stuff.

It's because of the beard.

- You never sailed a boat either.

Now why'd you suddenly buy one?

- It's because of Noreen.

You see, I loved her,

and I didn't want her to find out.

But now she knows anyway,

so it doesn't make any difference.

- Yeah, she's a rich girl, huh?

- Yeah, no.

Well, I guess so, yeah.

- Yeah, you'd get well.

Your ex-fiance said that you told her

that you only wanted to marry a rich girl.

(dramatic music)

Joseph Kimberly, wife Noreen Kimberly.

- Curly did it.

Noreen will tell you about Curly.

You ask her.

- We did.

- She said that Curly and her husband were old friends.

But that you hated her husband.

And she told us that we'd find you here.

- I never met Joseph Kimberly.

- Then why were you pulling his body out of the water?

Yeah, it's gonna take a lot more than a false beard and wig

to hide what you tried to get away with, Mr. Mills.

(dramatic music)

but they paid later.

Sharing the sack with Mr. Kimberly

was some very incriminating evidence,

and the pair was eventually brought to justice.

By the way, I'll be staying on here for a while.

We declared our independence

from the producer of "King For A Day".

He's now looking for another kingdom.

We have already signaled out the target

for our next revolution.

We are granting him this next minute to plead his case.

(upbeat orchestral music)

(bright music)