Original subtitles

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

We seem to have a compulsion these days

to bury time capsules

in order to give those living

in the next century or so

some idea of what we are like.

I have prepared one of my own.

In it, I have placed some rather large

samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin.

My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000.

It will show them what we are really like.

This evening's drama is about

a different type of time capsule.

It is called The Trap, and it set to go off

in just 60 seconds.

- Yes, sir?

- I have an appointment with Mr. Beale,

the agency sent me.

I'm Mr. Cochran.

- Oh.

You're a bit early.

- No, you're clock is slow, I'm exactly right.

- Well, may I have your coat?

The elevator please.

- Thank you.

- Please.

Someone else.

- Second floor, sir.

(chandelier clattering)

- Mr. Cochran?

- Yes.

- Good, I'll let Mr. Beale know you're here.

(toy train running)

Ah, right in there.

- Ah, Mr. Cochran.

Come in, come in.

Sit down somewhere and start telling me about yourself.

Would you like a drink?

- Nothing, thank you.

- "Nothing, thank you".

All right.

Well, well, well.

You know, when I was your age,

I never refused a drink?

You see what it's got me?

Hey, do you like toys?

Do you want to have some fun?

Take this bat and move back over there.

Go on, further back.

I'll tell you when to stop.

That's good.

Now, you see this?

It's an automatic pitcher.

It makes Bobby Feller look like a piker.

Now hold up the bat, look good.

Ready?

And here she comes.

Hey, hey!

You're supposed to swing at it.

Now try it again.

Here she comes.

Come on, where's your eye?

Once more, let's go now.

Here she comes.

Get some wood on it!

I mean plastic.

It's a plastic bat.

Now swing at her!

Ready?

Watch it now, close.

And...

Well, that does it.

You missed them all, you didn't hit one of them!

Well, I guess you don't get the job.

- What?

- Well, you struck out.

You don't do me much good.

Thanks anyway.

- Mr. Beale, I think the agency--

- Look, I wanted a man to demonstrate this toy.

And brother, you're terrible.

But it's been fun, thanks anyway.

- I'm sorry, there must've been some mistake.

- April Fool!

(laughing)

Mr. Cochran, come back.

Sit down, sit down.

Ah.

Sit down.

The expression on your face was really something.

(laughing)

Now, tell me something that you think is important.

Like, I don't know, what?

- I'm an expert at shorthand.

- And?

- I'm a shorthand champion.

If you care, I can take a letter

faster than anyone in the country.

- Oh, really?

You're a champion.

Oh, here.

Do you have a pencil?

- No.

- Get ready, set, go!

My dear sir...

You know, I don't know what to say,

I don't talk very fast.

Oh, oh, I know.

I'll get my wife in here,

she'll give you a beautiful letter.

(toy train running)

There she goes.

Hm, now, tell me something else.

Shorthand champion, did you go to school?

- I went to Princeton.

I graduated in two and a half years.

- I didn't even go two and a half years.

Eighth grade.

Eighth grade of PS something something.

You see what it gets you?

Well, Princeton.

What else?

- I was in the army.

- [Mr. Beale] Is that where you learned shorthand?

- No, I didn't learn anything except

how stupid my sergeant was.

- Oh.

- He an enormous contempt for college graduates.

- Yeah.

Now look, Princeton.

Why do you want this job?

Do you want to be my personal secretary?

Do you like toys?

What?

- I don't know, I just think it'd be an interesting job.

- Well, you know, if you get this job,

you'll have to work here in my home.

I like to work where it's nice and quiet.

- So do I.

I had 11 brothers and sisters in my family.

- 11?

(laughing)

- It wasn't funny.

- Oh, here she is.

Oh, come on in.

I want you to meet somebody.

This is Mr. Cochran, he's interested

in being my personal secretary.

You want to tell him how easy I am

to get along with?

(laughing)

- Hello.

- Oh, did you know that Mr. Cochran

is a shorthand champion?

I wanted you to come in here

and do him a favor and throw a few sentences at him.

I got hung up after "Dear sir".

(laughing)

Sit down, Mr. Cochran, you don't mind.

Oh, come on.

Let's have a little fun with Princeton here.

- Teddy, please, I've got a lot to do.

- Shh, one minute.

Start taking notes.

Come on, only a minute.

What have you got to do?

- Well, we're having friends for dinner

and I want to go over the menu with Margaret.

And I'm supposed to meet Reala Borden

at the gallery this afternoon.

There's a new artist, I don't know,

but she likes him.

I said I'd go if she went to the antique fair with me.

She doesn't like the coliseum

because of all those people and--

- Stop.

You all right, Mr. Cochran?

- Teddy.

- Shh, shh, one minute.

Read it back, champ.

- "Well, we're having some friends for dinner,

"and I wanted to go over the menu with Margaret,

"and I'm supposed to meet Reala Borden

"at the gallery this afternoon.

"There's a new artist, I don't know"--

- Good.

Very good, very good!

(clapping)

How do you sound?

I want you to type that up

and send a copy to all my other wives.

(laughing)

Thank you, Mr. Cochran.

I'll call the agency and let them know either way.

Well, thanks for coming.

Oh, have a cigar.

Do you smoke?

- No, thank you.

- Good.

It explodes.

(laughing)

Bye.

- Teddy.

I have a funny feeling about him.

I just can't explain it,

but I don't think you should hire him.

- Feeling?

Well, what do you mean feeling?

He's a good kid, he listens, he's all right.

- You asked me how I felt.

- My peach, you feel too much.

I'm gonna hire this kid.

- Teddy.

Please?

- Please what?

- Try someone else.

- Hey!

You're serious.

Ridiculous.

Look, I'll be you a new, oh,

what do you call it?

A high boy.

I'll bet you an old high boy, that's better huh?

That this kid is the right choice.

- No bets.

You asked what I thought, and I just say don't take him.

- My peach, you lose.

He's hired.

(dramatic music)

(cigar explodes)

- Here's some more papers for you to sign,

or would you like me to do it?

- I'll be with you in a minute.

Almost to the finish line!

There.

Won by a nose, always do.

Let's see.

Oh, very good.

Hey!

Wait a minute.

I didn't write this letter.

- Is something wrong?

- Hey, this is some letter!

You write this letter, Princeton?

- No, I just made a few changes.

- Hm.

Sign it for me.

You know, Princeton, I like the way you work.

I hope I haven't been working you too hard.

- No, it's fine.

The hours are a little stricken.

A little difficult getting here

from where I live all the time, but fine.

- Hey, I got an idea.

We got a nice place up on the top floor.

Why don't you move in up there?

- Well, it's not really necessary.

- Oh, it's the least I can do.

I'll have the servants fix it up.

Okay?

- Thank you.

- Good, welcome aboard.

Oh, while you're up,

will you get me that envelope over there?

Open it up, open it up.

I want to show you something.

They just sent this rendering over from the office.

It's a new toy.

Ah!

Hey, did you ever see that show on TV,

what was the name of it, raccoon, "Rick the Raccoon"?

You Know, the guy goes around with a mask on

like that fella on TV?

Hey, ever see a raccoon?

Well, look at this, see?

We're coming out with a new toy called Rick the Raccoon.

It has a removable mask and natural fur.

Very cuddly.

How about it, Princeton?

- This is a new product?

- What?

- This is a new product?

- Oh, this I've had it for...

Oh, oh, you mean the doll!

Yeah!

- But don't you think the kids today

want something a little more sophisticated?

- Oh, look!

There are millions of fools every year

who buy teddy bears and cuddly dolls.

They might just as well squeeze Rick the Raccoon.

- Have you ever seen the show?

- Princeton, for heaven's sake!

You must think I'm crazy!

- No, Mr. Beale.

But if you knew anything about this show,

you'd know it's been on the air for three years.

You're too late.

Or do you want a warehouse full of raccoons?

- Get me that phone.

Harmon please.

Harmon.

Harmon, how long has this show been on the air?

And how come we are just now coming out

with this new toy?

What difference does it make if nobody else did?

The next time you get an idea from a television show,

make sure it's not a re-run!

- Hold it!

Hate to have missed it.

You been to the gallery?

- No.

What are you looking at?

- Nothing.

- Why are you staring at me?

- Was I staring?

- What are you doing?

- Was I staring?

- Let me out of here.

- I'm sorry.

- You don't value your job very much,

do you, Mr. Cochran?

Let me tell you something, I've seen you.

I've seen what you're doing with my husband.

Little ideas, little suggestions.

Well, he doesn't need you, Mr. Cochran,

and no matter how hard you try, you can't make him.

It's your mistake.

(dramatic music)

- Peg!

Ah.

Hey, I've brought you a present.

What's the matter, honey?

Why so glum?

Look, I brought you a present.

Something to keep you company.

Come on, open it.

Now, this is the latest Beale toy creation.

Oh, not just another doll.

Here, let me show you.

- Teddy Bear, this is the umpteenth to you've brought me.

What am I gonna do with them all?

- Well, I always give you the first one.

Good luck, you always get the first.

Now watch.

I love you, I love you.

Come on, watch.

Here, hold it!

- Teddy, I don't want to!

- I love you, I love you.

How about that?

Pretty good, huh?

You like it?

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

There's a little tape recorder inside,

it says anything you want.

You like it, huh?

I love you.

I love you.

I love...

What's the matter, Peg?

Well, what's the matter?

- Teddy Bear, come here please.

- I was just over there.

- Please, Teddy.

- Well, what?

- Thank you for the present.

- Oh, you liked it, huh?

- It's very cute.

- I just hope a couple of hundred thousand kids think so.

- They will.

Teddy?

I want to ask you a very important question.

- Go ahead.

- Do you have to have that Mr. Cochran working for you?

- What, Princeton?

What's wrong with him?

He's the best secretary I ever had.

(catchy music)

Glen, you old bum!

I'm sorry you have to be leaving.

I mean, things are just getting started,

if you know what I mean.

- We've had a wonderful time,

it's been a great party.

Really, you know, you've outdone yourself.

- Is Peg around?

I'd like to say goodbye.

- Is Peg around?

Is Peg around?

I don't know, she's around.

- Ted, you won't be with us very long at this rate.

- Oh.

Oh, you mean...

Well, I'll save these for you for next time.

And don't worry about me!

Just take care of yourselves.

Good to see ya!

- Good to see you, Ted.

(laughing)

Here, oh, come on.

There you go.

Goodnight, now.

- Goodnight.

(party favors blowing)

(laughing)

(party favors blowing)

(dramatic music)

- Sit down, before I beat you to it.

Or maybe I better not sit down,

I might not be able to get up again.

Hey.

What are you doing in here?

- I just wanted some quiet.

- Well, on your birthday,

we'll have a nice, quiet little party.

All right?

You haven't seen my wife around here, have you?

- No.

- Ah.

She's probably showing our furniture to somebody.

- Ah.

- What's the matter?

You don't like parties.

Yes, you told me.

You like quiet.

You don't like crowds either, do you, Princeton?

Now what's the matter?

- I wish you wouldn't call me that.

- What?

Princeton?

Well, what's wrong with that?

It's a nice name.

- My sergeant used to call me Princeton.

- Ah, well.

Look, I'll call you something else if you like.

You see, I don't mind names.

Everybody calls me everything.

My wife calls me Teddy Bear,

my brother-in-law calls me Bill,

and my card partners call me Fatty.

Oh, oh!

And my competitors, you should hear what they call me!

(laughing)

What shall I call you?

- Anything you like.

- What does my wife call you?

- John.

- I like Princeton.

Hey, hey.

Do you see all this furniture?

My wife picked it out.

I had a nice, all stuffed chair in my place

over on 3rd Avenue, beat anything in this room

any day of the week!

Did I ever told you how I met my peach?

Do you know?

- No.

- Well, I was at a toy convention

in St. Louis seven years ago.

She was a young kitten then.

And she was up on the stage.

She was up there on a stage in a lovely bathing suit,

with a big ribbon all across her.

And then this Master of Ceremonies stepped out,

and he said, "Ladies and gentlemen,

"I'd like to present Miss Stuffed Toy of 1957!"

I rushed up and said hello.

You know how it is at these conventions,

everybody grabs you first and says hello

about three days later.

Well, I walked right up, and I said hello.

And about, what, about a year and a half later,

I married her, see?

Where is Peg?

- She's probably with the other guests.

- Hey, I got an idea!

I'm gonna have Peg do her routine for you.

Oh, she had a speech she did at that convention.

I'm gonna find Peg and have her do it for you.

- No, Mr. Beale, I'll just--

- I'll have her do it for you!

- I think she's this way, Mr. Beale.

- Oh...

(dramatic music)

(door slams)

(catchy music)

Have you seen Peg?

- Peg?

Peg who?

- Oh!

- [Woman] Oh!

(catchy music)

- Peg!

Oh, Peg!

(catchy music)

- What would you like, sir?

- Come on, come on.

- What's that?

- Nothing.

- Sorry.

(catchy music)

(knocking)

- Peg?

Oh, Peg!

(catchy music)

(laughing)

- Hiya, Teddy!

Hey, we're still going strong.

Sandy and I got a new dance

we want to show you, it goes like this.

Do it, baby!

(catchy music)

- I need a drink.

- Your husband is looking for you.

- That's very funny.

- Your husband is looking for you.

You ought to go to him,

or shall we wait here for him to find you?

Ping pong, anyone?

(typing)

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- I see you survived the party.

- I don't drink.

- You know, there's no need to hurry,

Teddy's still in bed, with a hangover.

- That's all right, I have work to do.

- Do you?

- What do you want?

- Do you really have work to do this morning?

- Of course I have work,

do you think I'm here for my health?

- Your boss is dead to the world,

there's nobody here to secretary for.

- Is that what you came here to tell me?

Hm?

Didn't you really come here to find something out?

To find out whether or not I was gonna say anything

to your husband about last night.

- You've made a mistake.

- Why don't you ask me?

Go ahead, ask me.

Well, it's that simple.

Ask me.

Oh, don't bother, I'll tell you.

I could care less what you did last night

or any other night, fortunately for you.

No, really.

- John?

John?

Wait a minute.

Please, John, I'm sorry.

It's just that I noticed the way you look at me.

(loud clanging)

- We're stuck.

It won't open.

We're between the floors.

- John, please, listen to me.

- Well, it's stuck, and we're between the floors.

- It can be fixed, John.

I can fix it.

Just listen to me for a minute.

- What?

- I really did come to you because I noticed--

- You noticed what?

What did you notice?

What's the matter with you?

Do you think I'm a fool?

Do you think I don't notice?

Do you think I walk around with my eyes closed?

What are you anyhow, huh?

Miss Stuffed Toy.

Do you know what you are?

You're bored.

You're bored stiff with that fat old man,

and you know it.

You're billin' cool all over him,

and you can hardly stand one minute of it.

But you keep right on, don't you, huh?

Like a trooper.

And it dresses you in black

and sleeps you in silk,

and it sends you down to play in the gymnasium

on your husband's birthday.

Now he's a barrel of fun, isn't he, huh?

A lot of laughs this past seven years,

a lot of toys, a lot of parties, a lot of jokes, huh?

From your Teddy Bear?

How about it, Mrs. Beale, Peg.

Little Peach.

You hate it all, don't you, huh?

You hate it.

- No.

No, it's not true.

- Peg.

Peg.

(elevator stuttering)

(laughing)

- You've been stuck up there for a while, haven't you?

I was wondering what was happening.

I kept pressing the buzzer.

I finally went and fixed the fuse.

- We didn't know what happened.

- Oh, it's the fuse.

And when that happens,

you just press the alarm bell.

And if the bell doesn't work,

just give a loud yell.

Now look, if this thing gets stuck, don't panic,

and don't bang on the floors,

and don't shout terrible things.

Just press the alarm bell like this, see?

(alarm bell rings)

There's always somebody in the house.

Aren't we, staff?

Oh my head.

What am I doing up?

My stomach is feeling better, but my head.

Oh, if that gets stuck,

it means the fuse is blown.

It means that somebody is using the electric iron

and the dishwasher, and something else all at once.

So...

Oh, oh.

Thank you.

So, we take a fuse from here,

and we put it in the place marked lift.

That's English for elevator.

There we go.

Put the old fuse here.

Simple, huh?

The elevator is now running.

Can you remember that?

Good.

Ah.

- Teddy Bear.

Why don't you go on back to bed?

- Ah, that's a good idea.

(dramatic music)

Goodnight, all.

(dramatic music)

- One item which might well go into a time capsule

is the station break.

In fact, I would love to enclose this next one,

but they won't allow me to get my hands on it.

However, you may examine it after which

our story will continue.

- You ready?

- Mhm.

- Here it goes.

(airplane buzzing)

Let's get it.

- Okay.

He's coming up on your side.

Wait a minute, uh oh.

- Here he comes.

- There he is!

- We got him.

He'll never fly again.

- Give him to me.

- Mm.

Mm.

There.

- I wish Teddy were out playing cards every night.

If we could fly, would you fly somewhere with me?

- Where?

- Anywhere.

- What do we live on?

- Doesn't matter, we could live in a tent.

(chuckling)

- If we lived in a tent,

you'd want room service.

(chuckling)

- Not with you.

- I'm flattered.

- I'm serious.

- Okay, honey.

Where do you want to go?

- I don't know.

I just want to get away from him,

I don't know where.

How about if he were to die soon?

I mean soon.

- How about that?

I'd be out of work.

- Would you?

- Well--

- We could get married.

- We could.

We could get married without him dying.

- Oh, he'd never give me a divorce.

And if he did, I wouldn't have anything.

But if he were to die, soon...

I'd have everything and you.

- That's very funny.

Everything and me, huh?

(chuckling)

- You know what I mean.

- You want to kill him?

- Well--

- It doesn't sound so simple

when you put it that way, huh?

- It doesn't.

- Why don't we just wait a while?

- I don't wanna wait.

We can kill him.

- Peg.

Why not do it my way?

- Johnny.

Help me.

Please, Johnny.

I mean, you're so smart.

We can find a way, foolproof way.

Please, Johnny?

- Hm.

- Please?

(chuckling)

Say you'll help me.

Pretty please?

- All right.

All right.

Let me think.

Let me think of a way.

- Johnny boy.

(dramatic music)

- Princeton!

Oh, Princeton!

Hey, I got something new.

You're gonna love this.

This is just great.

We're putting out a new game,

and it's called Go-Ball.

It's great, you gotta play it, it's just great.

Now, I'm gonna set this pole up,

and you clear this away, will ya?

Get all these chairs out of here and everything.

And here we go.

Now, there are a couple of paddles over there.

Get them for me, will ya?

There's one for you and one for me.

- Well, I'm not very good at games

as you know.

- Oh look, this is a corker.

I beat everybody down at the plant this morning.

Beat me?

(laughing)

Not on your life.

Now look.

The object of this game is to wrap this rope

around the pole, right up to the ball.

You got it?

- I think so.

I'll learn as we go along.

- Hey, Princeton.

How about a wager?

Double or nothing.

Your paycheck.

How about that?

- Well, I'm not very good at this.

- Double or nothing.

I serve.

You ready?

Set, and here we go!

There.

Come on, swing at it.

(paddles smacking)

- Double or nothing.

You lose.

(dramatic music)

- What do you say to Aunt Peg

for giving you the teddy bear?

- Thank you!

- You're welcome.

- It was a lovely lunch.

And thank you, John,

for showing Rosemary all the toys.

Will we see you again soon?

- Soon?

Of course.

We'll see you next week in the country.

Remember?

- The country?

- Didn't Ted tell you about it at the party?

He told us he wanted to bring you

down to the country for a few weeks vacation.

Ooh, I shouldn't of told you.

It's probably a surprise.

- Yeah, I guess it was.

- Well, he said you've been so restless lately

here in the city

that he was going to let the servants go

and rush you off to the country.

So we'll see you next week.

- I guess so.

Have a good trip back.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Thanks again.

Goodnight.

- Well?

- Well, what?

- Why did he do that?

Why didn't he tell me?

- He likes to surprise you.

- Do you believe that?

I think he knows something.

I think he knows we're planning something.

- Nah, it's ridiculous.

How could he?

- I don't know, but he could.

I'm sure he knows something.

I don't want to be alone with him.

- Peg, please.

- We've gotta do something, soon.

Now, before we leave.

We have to.

- Peg, honey, you're imagining things.

Look, we've got to take our time.

We can't afford to make a mistake.

- We don't have any time.

- Peg.

Your husband likes my work.

I'm gonna be here a long time.

A long time.

To find just the right way to get rid of him.

Now, everything's all right.

Just give me some time.

(dramatic music)

- What's all this for?

- Just covering for the holidays, sir.

A lot of dust can accumulate in three weeks.

- You know something?

These antiques never looked better!

(laughing)

- Goodbye, sir.

Have a nice holiday.

(door slams)

- You wanted me for something?

- John.

You haven't been here very long, have you?

- No, sir.

No, I haven't.

- I hate to say this, but it looks like

I'm gonna have to find myself another secretary.

Well, don't panic!

I've just paid you a complement.

I'm gonna kick you upstairs.

You're just wasting your time around here.

Hey!

How would you like to work in Europe?

- I don't know, doing what?

- Oh, we're gonna try to open up

a new market over there.

Our toys don't speak any language,

and there's no reason why a French kid

can't have one.

I want you to go over there for about six months.

Oh, I'll give you a month's vacation in front.

You'll travel all over, and if things look good,

we'll be in business,

and you'll be in charge.

How about that?

- I'd like to think about it.

- Good.

I'll give you a couple of seconds.

I want you to leave today.

- Today?

- T-o-d-a-y.

Peg and I are leaving for the country in an hour.

We'll all leave together.

- Well, today is--

- Oh, this just happened this morning, John.

It was my brainstorm.

They were gonna send somebody else,

but I vetoed him for you, how about that?

- Well, it's very tempting.

- Sold!

Pack now!

We'll all leave in an hour, come on.

- Peg, honey, I'm not going away forever,

I'll be back.

- But six months, I don't want to be with that man

for six more days.

- Well, I'll be back, we'll do everything when I come back.

- He knows we're planning something,

that's why he's sending you away.

- Oh, how could he know?

He likes my work, that's all.

- He does know, I know he does, John.

We've got to do something.

- Well, what are we gonna do?

You're off for the country this afternoon

and I'm going to Europe.

- You don't want to help me at all.

That's what it is, you don't love me anymore, do you?

- Will you keep it down, please?

He's still in there.

- Let him hear, he knows anyway.

You don't love me, you just don't care anymore.

You get a golden opportunity

and you jump at it like a fish.

Well, how about us?

How about us?

- Peg, honey.

I love you.

I'll write to you, we'll keep in touch.

Everything's all right, he doesn't know a thing.

He simply likes the way I've been working, that's all.

- Refuse, refuse to go.

- I can't, it's--

- It's more important than me?

- It's for you.

- John, please!

Please.

- Oh, hold it!

Hold everything.

I have to go to Chicago.

- Chicago?

What about our trip?

- Oh, they fouled up a deal out there

and they want me to come.

You'll have to explain to Jennifer and Glen

that I'll be along later in the week.

We'll still have more than two weeks together.

- They'll be very disappointed.

- Are you ready to leave right now, John?

- I think so.

- Well, if I'm going too fast for you,

just say uncle.

Look.

I want you to take the limousine.

I have some papers I want dropped off at the plant.

Peg, you and I will take a cab to the airport.

There are some things I want to talk to you about.

Are all the servants gone?

- All but Ralph and the driver.

- Good!

Isn't this fun?

Everybody's taking a trip.

John, you want to take a look

at these papers a minute?

- I'll finish packing.

- Now, look.

This is for Harmon and Dickinson.

(dramatic music)

- Bye, John.

(dramatic music)

Oh, Ralph, you can put the bag in the cab,

and there's no need for you

to wait around any longer.

Mr. Beale and I are the only ones left.

- Very good.

Have a good vacation, madam.

- You too, Ralph.

(bell ringing)

(car honking)

Take me to the airport.

(dramatic music)

Operator, I want to call Rome, Italy.

Person to person for John Cochran

at the Excelsior Hotel.

- Calling Ted?

(chuckling)

- No.

The weather bureau, I called the weather.

- Down here?

It's always the same, sun.

Why don't you call Ted?

I'm sure if you work on him, he'll get away.

- No.

- He's been gone a week longer than you expected.

- That wouldn't work, you see,

he's very busy.

- Wouldn't you like your Aunt Peg

to have your Uncle Ted come down right away?

- I'd rather not call.

- Oh, please, Aunt Peg.

My teddy bear misses Uncle Ted.

See?

He's crying.

See?

- [Ted] I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you--

- Stop it!

- [Ted] I love you!

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

- Thank you.

- Thank you!

Can I bring them in?

- No, no, no, that won't be necessary.

- Okay.

(dramatic music)

- Welcome home.

My, you're looking well.

Something wrong?

- No.

- How was the country?

- It was fine.

- Did you miss me?

- Yes.

- Sorry I couldn't make it.

The deal got very complicated.

But I do have a surprise for you.

Here.

For you.

Open it.

You like them?

They're something, huh?

Every one is perfect.

I kept the oysters working overtime.

- They're lovely.

- Come on, let me put them on for you.

- No, why don't we just go upstairs.

- Oh, come on.

What's the matter?

Have a rough flight?

You look a little upset.

- I'm just tired.

- There.

You know, you're the only person in the world

who could do them justice.

I picked these up for you the day that we left.

I wanted to give them to you down at the country,

with the Arnolds, you know.

- You picked them up?

- Yeah, that's why I didn't go to the airport with you.

I told John to tell you

that I'd taken the papers down to the plant myself.

Well, you'd been complaining that John

had been doing too many things for me,

and I thought that this was important enough

for me to deliver in person.

So, I took the limousine.

- You took the limousine and you left John--

- Yeah, I left John upstairs to, you know,

sort of straighten out the office.

And then I took my bags and went to the airport from town.

I hope you didn't mind that I didn't go

to the airport with you.

Ah, what a time, what a time.

What a three weeks this has been.

Well, come on.

Let's go upstairs and unpack now.

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

- John was given a most fitting burial.

He was lowered into the grave still in the elevator.

It also saved everyone from the disagreeable chore

of taking him out.

As for the Beales, they eventually confessed

to their part in the crime,

and received their just punishment.

Next week, I shall return with another story.

While you await that event,

you may listen to this plea

from our dear sponsor.

(lighthearted music)

(dramatic music)