Original subtitles

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

Appearances to the contrary,

this is not a hip flask for scotch whisky.

These are bagpipes.

I understand that the inventor of the bagpipes

was inspired when he saw a man

carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.

Unfortunately, the man-made music

has never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig.

Two of the characters in tonight's story

are people who actually lived during the 19th century.

These two made a large number of contributions to science,

and science returned the favor.

And now a word from a laddie who wants you

to buy his product so that he can continue

making trips to those bonny, bonny banks.

(Scottish music)

- Rags, bones.

Hair, bones--

* Won't someone buy my matches *

(snores)

- Thief!

Robber!

Whisky stealer!

- Oh Aggie, love, give us a wee drop.

Just a small drop, Aggie, dearie.

- Wash the soup kettle.

- Aye, love.

(kettle clanging)

- Do it quiet!

I need my nap.

- Aggie.

Aggie, love, spring's comin', do ye know that?

Outside it's pretty.

Wouldn't it be nice, wouldn't it be nice, oh Aggie, love,

to go strollin' about the way we used to do?

Spring's comin', Aggie.

Time to get out of bed.

Time for the two of us to go strollin'

among the heather and the gorse.

(snores)

I wish you wouldn't sleep so much, Aggie.

I wish you'd get outta that bed more.

Go out, go outside.

You've not been outdoors for two years, Aggie.

Always drunk.

You never talk to me anymore.

I got nobody to talk to except myself.

And half the time I don't know what to say.

Listen, McGregor,

I say to myself.

Then I don't know what to say after that.

She might as well not be here.

Oh.

Listen, McGregor, that's not a thing to say at all.

Just remember what a wee and lovely thing she was.

(snores)

Listen, John McGregor,

you break your back haulin' tanbark for Mr. Burke,

for the cobbler, Mr. Burke,

and most of the money you make goes for whisky for Aggie.

That tries your patience, it does.

(snores)

- Evenin', Mr. Hare.

- Good evenin', Mr. Burke.

How did the cobbling go?

- It's done.

- Spring is here, Mr. Burke.

Have you noticed that?

- Aye.

- And spring is always a busy season.

New students at the medical museum

and such a need for tanbark.

- Aye.

Mr. Hare.

- [Hare] Mr. Burke.

- Come in, come in, McGregor.

(door closing)

All ready for you.

- I hope it's not too heavy.

- Oh, not at all, not at all.

- The last load of tanbark I carried

to the museum seemed heavier than most.

- Well, 'twas a larger order than most.

(door opening)

(box thumping)

(sighs)

(John laughs)

What's the laughin'?

- I saw you talkin' to Mr. Hare.

- And?

- Oh, the things they say about Mr. Hare.

- Such as?

- He's a resurrectionist,

robbin' the graveyards to sell to medical schools.

- Oh?

- Even worse.

- Tell me.

- It's said there's those that walk into his hotel

and never walk out again.

- Well, maybe they found a home, McGregor.

- Aye, there's a thought.

Goodnight, Mr. Burke.

John McGregor, you're a burdened man.

Burdened man, McGregor.

Nobody to tell it to, how fine the spring night is.

Except for a drunk heap of a wife.

It's no joy.

Wouldn't it be a good thing, now,

if things was different?

(gate opening)

(ominous music)

- My dear McGregor.

Here, let me give you a hand.

- Oh, thank you, doctor.

Feels like a nice load you're gettin' tonight.

- Good, good.

- Ask ye a question, doctor?

- Certainly.

- Why do you use so much tanbark?

- We spread it around.

- Oh, I see.

I'll say goodnight to you, doctor.

- A moment, McGregor. - Aye?

- A little thing for your trouble.

- Thank ye, doctor.

You're a good man.

(gate closing)

- All right, me lads, let's get this inside.

(ominous music)

Candle.

Now, male, approximately 45, wouldn't you say, Becker?

- Much nearer 40, perhaps not even that.

- Jarmley?

- Agree.

- Why do you say that, Becker?

- Emaciation from lack of food, the ravishes of liquor,

all surface indications of that.

- Agree.

- Doctor, there's a bruise on his throat.

Look close.

- Young sir, what are you after?

- There's been so much talk of how bodies

are obtained for us to dissect here at the medical school.

Therefore--

- Young sir, what are you after?

- Surely we should not condone murder as a source of supply.

- Young sir, you've not answered my question.

When I asked you what you are after,

I mean is it to be a physician?

- Oh, yes, sir.

- And knowledgeable in your profession?

- Yes, sir.

- Then admit, sir, that the study

of the anatomical structure

of the human body is a prime requisite.

- Of course.

- Agree.

- And since the supply of bodies

is not provided for by the government,

we must find our own source.

A simple bruise of the cricoid cartilage

does not necessarily imply murder, now, does it?

- I-- - No murder

was committed here.

- Agree.

- And why do you agree, Mr. Jarmley?

- Well, Dr. Knox, it is said from London north to here

that you're the finest teacher

in the field of anatomical studies,

and those who study with you are assured a future.

- Not necessarily, Mr. Jarmley.

- Well, I only meant, sir--

- Post on the board, Becker,

there will be a demonstration tomorrow morning.

Gross anatomical dissection for the new students.

* Won't someone buy my matches *

* Will someone pretty *

- Oh McGregor, McGregor, now,

would you buy a match of poor Elsie Muldoon?

Wait, wait a bit.

You know I haven't sold a match

in longer than who knows what, you know that.

And you with all that whisky there.

There bein' a bit of chill in the air,

you know what I was thinkin', McGregor?

And we wouldn't need no matches, either.

What do you say to that, McGregor?

- I'll be sayin' goodnight, Elsie.

* Won't someone buy my matches *

* Will someone pretty do *

- I want both bottles.

And not only that,

I'm not gonna allow you one single drop

that I sometimes let you do.

John McGregor, I feel mean tonight.

- Aw, Aggie.

- Aw, Aggie.

- I work night and day with no thought but you, dearie.

Don't you think I deserve a little something?

- You got my undying gratitude, Mr. McGregor.

No man could want more than that.

Now, could he?

- Aggie.

(sighs)

- Yes, love?

- Why are you so mean to me?

- Now there's a question.

- I mean, I do for you, Aggie, love, I really do.

New straw for your bed, and there's no room for me anymore.

I boil the sausage, the haggis,

the way you like it, don't I?

- Ach.

- And the walkin' shoes I got for you

from the cobbler across the way

and you never go walkin' with me no more.

I buy you whisky, as much as I can,

and you never give me none.

(squeals)

Oh, it's a bad life you have, McGregor.

(snores)

And it's lonely.

Oh.

You're a good man, McGregor.

It's just not right you should be living the life you do.

Now,

there's a thought.

It's truly a thought, McGregor.

If she were not about,

it would be a pretty life.

And you'd be a different man.

A happy man.

McGregor.

(snores)

You'd be a happy man if she was gone forever.

If she was quiet.

- Morning to you, McGregor.

- Hello, Elsie.

Did you sell any matches last night?

- Aye, I sold some to him.

I sold some to Tommy.

He's been carryin' on so, what with his winnin' ways.

We been spendin' a lot o' time together.

- I'm glad for ye, Elsie.

What are you doin' here in the gloaming?

- Roamin'.

What are you doin' sittin' on a log by a pond?

- Thinkin'.

- About what, McGregor?

- Oh, a man's thinkin' is private, Elsie Muldoon.

- Mm, sometimes.

But not always, right, love?

Good mornin' to you, McGregor.

- Now, where was ya, McGregor?

Oh yes.

(Scottish music)

Oh no, you'll never do it that way, McGregor.

Think again.

(energetic music)

You'll never do it that way either, McGregor.

She's a floater.

Think again.

Oh.

(folkdance music)

And she won't die natural from the drink, either.

It'll just make her fatter.

Oh, but you gotta think of somethin', McGregor.

You just got to.

(moderate music)

(knocking on door)

- [Burke] Who is it?

- It's McGregor.

You said you might have a job of work for me.

- [Burke] One minute, McGregor.

(door closing)

(hammer banging)

(ominous music)

- There must be some way to do it, McGregor.

There must be some way.

If there was no wife, if there was no Aggie,

you would be a happy man, McGregor.

The thing is, the only thing is,

you've not the wit to,

to know.

Tanbark?

That's not tanbark.

That's hair.

That's human hair.

Hair on a head.

Human hair on a human head.

Human head on a body.

Body in a box.

Dead.

Dead body in a box.

(suspenseful music)

(gasps)

I was right.

Elsie Muldoon.

I'm sorry, Elsie, you'll be sellin' no more matches.

Body in a box.

Mr. Burke gave me the body to take to the medical museum.

Oh, Mr. Burke must be a resurrectionist.

Him and his friend Mr. Hare.

But this mornin', Elsie was alive.

So she was not scratched from a grave.

(gasps)

Oh.

They killed her.

They killed her and put her in the box.

They...

(rock hammering)

- [Tommy] Good evenin' to you, McGregor.

- Evenin', Tommy.

What are you doin' here?

- I'm waitin' for Elsie Muldoon.

What are you doin' here?

- Nailin' a box.

- I'll help ya.

(rocks hammering)

- Tommy. - Aye?

- I thank you for your trouble.

- Oh, 'twere nothin'.

Have you seen Elsie Muldoon?

- I saw her this mornin'.

- Hey, McGregor, what are you carryin' in a box?

- Tanbark.

- Well, now, what are you doin' that for?

- I carry it to the medical museum.

- What do they want with tanbark?

- They spread it around.

- Oh.

I wonder where she is.

- Who?

- Elsie Muldoon.

I'm waitin' for her.

I was goin' to meet her here.

I wish Elsie Muldoon were here.

- Why?

- She always carries matches.

- I best be movin' along.

(door opening)

Ask ye a question, doctor?

- [Dr. Knox] Certainly.

- You'll ne'er run out of of needin' this tanbark, will ye?

- [Dr. Knox] Never.

- That's fine.

- [Dr. Knox] Why do you ask, McGregor?

- What?

- [Dr. Knox] Why do you ask?

- I like my work.

- [Dr. Knox] Why?

- I'm helpin' out the medical science.

Am I not?

- [Dr. Knox] In a manner of speakin'.

- That settles it.

- [Dr. Knox] That settles what, McGregor?

- I'm helpin' out the medical science,

and I like my work.

I'll be sayin' goodnight to you, doctor.

- [Dr. Knox] A moment, McGregor.

- Yes, sir?

- [Dr. Knox] A little thing for your trouble.

- Thank you, sir.

You're a good man.

- Jarmley, Becker.

- McGregor, if I forget to kiss you before the day is over,

you remind me, huh?

- [John] Aye.

(bottles clanking)

Let me give ye a hand with this.

- It'll please you to know that the haggis this morning

was the best you ever done.

- It's a day, Aggie.

Drink.

- Ah.

- No, you drink, Aggie.

- Ah.

McGregor.

- [John] Aye?

- You're a good man.

Come here.

- What for?

- To remind me.

- Remind you of what, lass?

- To kiss you.

- Have another drink, Aggie, dear.

(snores)

Aggie?

Aggie, dear.

Aggie!

What's gonna happen now, Aggie,

what's gonna happen when nighttime comes

is what has to happen so I can live happy.

Do it careful now, McGregor.

Do it right.

You got a good plan.

If it goes well,

there's no reason why you shouldn't live

as happy and innocent as can be.

As innocent as can be, McGregor.

Oh, stop snorin', Aggie.

That's a good girl.

That's a love.

She's such a bonny lass.

But we shall find out after this wee interruption.

(bagpipe music)

- You're a pretty man.

- And you're a pretty lass.

- True?

- Oh yes.

(snores)

(door closing)

(dramatic music)

(bagpipe music)

- Hair, rags, bones, cat skins, hair,

bones, feathers, rags, bones.

- I'm leavin' you now, Aggie.

I'm not gonna cry about it, either.

(snores)

- Ah, that was a bonny fling.

Come to me, Rosie.

- Aye.

(Aggie snores)

(laughs)

- It's like someone snoring, I'd say.

- [Hare] Ooh, that is a sound like the sound of a--

- [Burke] Indeed it is.

- I'm thinkin' it's a sound like a pig.

- Shh.

Stay here.

(snores)

(door closing)

Oh.

- [Hare] She's a big one.

- Brought herself to us on her own two feet.

- [Hare] Hey, we'd better get her inside.

- Those two in there, get them outside.

- [Hare] Aye.

- What was the noise?

- Oh, Mr. Burke's still lookin' for it.

Now, I'll tell you what's happened.

The party is over.

- What for?

We're havin' a sweet time.

- It is over.

Go.

(cup clanking)

- Come along, Glynis.

- Aye.

(snores)

- [Burke] Do you know her?

- How do we get her to the museum, a big one like that?

- McGregor'll do it.

- Here, careful, careful, you'll wake her.

- No.

No.

I won't do that.

(dramatic music)

- Done.

Aggie's outta your way now, McGregor.

And now the happy life begins.

Walk when you want to, drink when you want to,

be alone when you want to.

Oh, what made you think of that, McGregor?

What made you think of the police?

All you did was take her for a walk across the street.

That's what you say to them when they ask you.

"McGregor, what happened to your wife?"

I'll just say,

"All I did was take her for a walk across the street."

And then if they say, "McGregor,

"what do you carry in those boxes to the medical museum?"

I'll say, "Tanbark, sir."

And they say, "What do they do with that tanbark?"

I'll say, "All they do is spread it aro--"

(banging on door)

Sir, all I do is to take her for a walk across--

(banging on door)

(door closing)

- [Tommy] Sorry to trouble you, McGregor.

- [John] Tommy.

Glad you did.

Sit down.

Sorry I can't offer you much.

There's not a drop in the house.

- Oh, it's not a drop I'm wantin', McGregor.

- [John] What, then?

- It's Elsie Muldoon.

I canna find her.

Nobody has seen her.

Have you?

- No.

- It's like as if she's disappeared

from the face of the earth.

- Do you want some advice on that?

Believe that's what's happened, Tommy.

Believe she's disappeared from the face of the earth.

- [Tommy] Oh, it's painful to think that.

- Believe it.

She'd drink all your hard-earned money.

She'd stay all alone in the house

and no' go walkin' with you in the springtime.

She'd get fat.

- Would she, now?

- I promise you.

- Oh, I'd like that.

- Tommy, if you like it that she would get fat,

she would get skinny.

- Would she, now?

- I promise you.

- Oh, I wouldna like that.

- All manner of tricks and things she would use

to make you mumble to yourself the way I do.

- Aye, but she's bonny to look at.

- A trick.

- Oh-- - A trick, Tommy, lad.

They're all bonny to look at

until they get their hook into you,

and then you look at 'em up close,

and they're no' so bonny anymore.

- [Tommy] It's true?

- [John] I promise you, Tommy, lad, I promise you.

* Will someone buy me matches *

* Will someone pretty do *

- [Tommy] Elsie!

* Will someone buy my matches *

* Then I'll be warmer too *

- Hey, will someone buy my matches?

- [John] It's not Elsie Muldoon.

- Who?

- [John] It's entirely another lass.

* Will someone buy my matches *

* Then I'll be warmer too *

- Well, good mornin' to you, McGregor.

- [John] Where are you goin'?

- I need me a match.

(ominous music)

(door closing)

(knocking on door)

- What do you want, McGregor?

What do you knock on me door for?

- I was just wonderin', that's all.

- [Burke] About what?

- Whether you might have some work for me?

Tonight?

- Well, as a matter of fact, McGregor,

I want you to take another load of tanbark

to the medical museum tonight.

It's a heavy load this time.

I suppose you'll want double.

I suppose-- - No, no.

No, no sir, I'll carry it the same as usual.

- Come back when it's dark.

The box'll be ready.

- Yes, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Burke.

(dramatic music)

- Drink, McGregor.

It's on the house.

- Thank you.

- Four bottles again, McGregor?

- No bottles.

- Oh, here now, here's a thing.

To go from four bottles to no bottles at all?

- I have no need for them.

- Well now, you're a wonder.

To live in this world and to have no need for bottles.

- I have no need for them.

- What do you keep lookin' out there for?

- The nightfall.

- It'll come.

What are you waitin' for?

- I've never known it to take so long for comin' in,

the nightfall.

- It'll come.

Have another drink, McGregor.

- No.

I don't want my brain addled with that stuff, Glencannon.

Not tonight.

Not this night.

- McGregor's a jewel.

Hard workin'.

And he doesn't even want extra money.

As if he enjoyed carryin' this double load.

True, McGregor?

- It's true.

I enjoy it.

- [Burke] You're a jewel.

- Thank you, sir.

- [Burke] And McGregor.

- Sir?

- Tell Dr. Knox when you see him,

tell the good Dr. Knox that I'll be payin' him a visit soon

to discuss the new price of tanbark.

Good man.

Tell him that.

(ominous music)

It's still a puzzlement to me, Mr. Hare.

- What is, Mr. Burke?

- What nice thing have we done

to deserve such a gift on our doorstep?

I wonder where she came from.

I wonder who she is.

- Aggie, look at it this way.

We're both free.

Besides, Aggie, once you were good for nothin'

except drinkin' your bottles o' whisky.

Now you will help make some bonny lad a fine surgeon.

It's a heavy load you're gettin' tonight.

- Good, good.

- Ask you a question, doctor?

- Certainly.

- The work you're doin' is helpful.

Isn't it helpful, doctor?

- Certainly.

- Sir-- - What is it, McGregor?

- Mr. Burke said there'd be a new price for tanbark.

He told me to tell you.

- Did he?

- He said he'd come by to see you soon

to talk with you about it.

- I see.

- I'll be sayin' goodnight, doctor.

- A moment, McGregor.

- Yes, sir.

- A little thing for your trouble.

What is it, McGregor?

- It don't seem right to take extra pay for it.

(door closing)

(dramatic music)

(door closing)

(bottles clanking)

* Will someone buy my matches *

* Will someone pretty do *

* Will someone buy my matches *

- Would you buy some matches, sir?

- Listen to me.

- Sir?

- It's late at night, you should not be about here.

- And why not?

- 'Cause there's many that walk here of the night

that never get to walk in the mornin'.

Come with me.

- Where?

- There.

- [Wench] Why?

- To tell you the truth, I'm lonely.

You never knowed her, did ye?

You never knowed her.

- Who?

- Aggie.

Who you think I been talkin' about?

- Is Aggie your woman?

- Was.

- What happened to her?

- She's gone.

- She run away from you, luvvie?

- No, that's not the way of it.

- That's not the way of it?

Men always say that.

But it's them who's always the cause

of no woman being around.

Was she as pretty as me?

- No.

She was fat.

- If she was fat, she was lazy.

- Aye.

She was lazy.

But I miss her.

- True?

- Aye.

- How does a man miss a woman who was fat and lazy?

- Do not do that!

- What?

- Get off that bed.

That's Aggie's bed!

- Ach!

Well, you get Aggie to do for you,

kissin' and all like that.

- I canna do that.

I'm lonely, Aggie.

And I miss you.

I miss you, Aggie.

You're gone forever, Aggie, but you know what?

I never even got to say a proper goodbye to you.

Just left you there.

Sittin'.

Not even a goodbye.

Open!

I gotta see her.

I gotta see the--

- Jarmley!

- You canna deny a man a last goodbye.

All I want to do is to look and to--

- What is this?

- Doctor.

Tell 'em there's no harm in it.

- What is this, McGregor?

- Last night I brought you a box.

- Yes, you did.

- In the box was a body.

- A body?

It was tanbark.

- A body.

- Tanbark.

McGregor, what was in that box was tanbark.

Was tanbark.

Tanbark.

- Just a look.

No?

- You're drunk, McGregor.

And sometimes that's good for a man.

But sometimes a man doesn't know what he's talking about.

(dramatic music)

- [Burke] Are you celebratin', McGregor?

I'm surprised to see you here.

- Aye.

I'm,

are you a friend of mine?

- [Burke] That I am.

Don't you know me?

- Aye.

No, afraid not.

I been celebratin'.

I'm drunk.

- [Burke] You should go home, McGregor.

- Aye.

- [Burke] I'll help you home.

- I wish you would.

I wish you would.

I should go home, just like you say.

Very nice.

- McGregor.

- Yes, friend.

- I want to thank you for telling Dr. Knox

that I was to pay him a visit

about the new price of tanbark.

- Never got to say goodbye.

- I did, McGregor.

And he told me

that you wanted to see a body in a box.

- Didn't mean no harm.

Didn't mean no harm at all.

(ominous music)

(knocking on door)

- [Becker] It was a different man who delivered the box.

- So it was.

- [Becker] Doctor?

- Yes, what is it, Becker?

- [Becker] Doctor, the man who used to deliver the box

is now inside the box.

- [Jarmley] Agree!

- [Dr. Knox] But all in a good cause, Becker.

A most laudable cause.

- [Jarmley] Agree.

when he wrote this epitaph.

"As father Adam first was fooled,

"A case that's still too common.

"Here lies a man a woman ruled

"The devil ruled the woman."

As you know, Burke and Hare were brought to justice.

Hare turned state's evidence,

but Burke was somewhat less fortunate.

He ended up on the dissecting table.

After he had been executed, of course.

I seem to have developed a leak.

Music critics are a vindictive lot.

(bagpipe music)

Goodnight.

("Funeral March of a Marionette")

(regal fanfare)