Original subtitles

- Good evening.

Welcome, and a special greeting

to all you television engineers who can't read.

Thank you.

Now, I look a trifle foolish.

I should like to make one thing clear at the outset.

This does not refer to me personally.

Transmission has been faulty in some areas,

and viewers have been complaining

about the condition our picture has been in

when delivered.

We also have difficulty with friends of mine

of a suspicious nature.

Anything I send them is immediately submerged

in a bucket of water.

It becomes rather messy.

This evening, we are sending you a surprise package.

It is entitled "A Matter of Murder",

and is about a gentleman named Sheridan Westcott,

who is surprised by the theft of a possession

he holds dear.

It is also about some thieves

who are in for a surprise of their own.

But first, there is some postage due.

A kind friend has volunteered

to accept this obligation.

He asks only one small favor in return,

that he be allowed to insert this small, personal message.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, stop!

Hey!

Hey!

Stop!

Wait!

Stop...

(mysterious music)

- All right, let's go, let's go,

let's go, let's go!

Start painting up the serial number.

Vinny, see if you can find those Illinois plates.

(humming)

(car door slams)

Well then?

- Huh?

- You watching the big parade go by?

Floats?

Miss Universe in a bikini, hm?

- I was just looking at the Rolls, Uncle Harry.

She's a beaut.

- Yeah, that's right, she's a beaut.

Well, this beaut's gotta be

over the border today!

So get into those coveralls

and get that scraper going!

My sister's kid, I gotta bring into the business.

"Harry, you gotta do something for Weldon".

She says.

"He'll become a juvenile delinquent!"

Like that Maserati we took last month.

Oh!

Every hubcap missing.

(mysterious music)

- [Kid] What's the matter, Harry?

(mysterious music)

- Hey!

Quick, for heaven's sake, where's your phone?

- What, what?

- My wife's been kidnapped!

My wife, my wife!

Where's your phone, they stole my car

and kidnapped my wife!

- Yeah, yeah.

Inside.

- For the last time, Weldon, shut up.

- What did I say?

All I said was "Gee, a Rolls,

"maybe we ought to keep it".

- Weldon, that's not laundry in there,

that's a stiff, Weldon!

- I know that, Uncle Harry.

- A stiff, strangled!

We get caught with this wagon

then what do I tell the cops, huh?

Excuse me, Officer, do you know where

the lost and found department is?

- [Kid] Well, what do we do?

- You, start wiping off the fingerprints,

we're taking this heat back.

- Back?

- Back!

It's his car, and his body,

and he's getting them both back.

- Now miss, your aunt's been kidnapped,

but let's not go off the deep end.

- Isn't there some way to reach them?

- Reach them, Miss Bentley?

- Contacts with the underworld,

you have things like that, don't you, Lieutenant?

- We have them.

- Look, I'll pay anything.

Anything they ask, Lieutenant.

I want my wife back.

- Now, Mr. Westcott, you're not gonna help your wife

if we go charging off in the wrong direction!

- The Lieutenant's right, Sheridan.

- Now, Mr. Westcott, let's check it out.

You were out on the end of this pier.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- Your wife was in the car.

- Yes, that's right.

We often go out in the country this time of year.

- Fine, fine, your wife's in the car.

And your back was turned to her.

And you spin around when you hear the breaks.

- Yeah, Phoebe screamed.

- You heard her scream?

- I can still hear it.

- How many men were there?

- I don't know, four, five.

Definitely a gang.

- Young, middle aged, old, what?

- I don't remember.

No, no, wait.

Wait, one was an older man.

- One?

- Yes, yes.

Heavy set, very bald, dark glasses.

I only caught a glimpse, but I'm sure of that.

- What about their clothes?

Are there jackets, caps?

- No, no, suits.

- Bald, heavy set, dark glasses, suits.

- Do you know the gang, Lieutenant?

- They pull alongside your car...

Harv, doesn't that sound like--

- It sure does, Lieutenant.

- But it can't be.

- That's right, it can't be.

- What are you two talking about there?

Do you know who's got my wife?

- No, Mr. Westcott.

No, it can't be.

- That's right.

It sounds like Philadelphia Harry,

but it can't be.

- Who?

- Philadelphia Harry, a car thief.

- One of the best, Miss Bentley.

- Tops.

- Well, if it sounds like him,

and it looks like him,

why couldn't it be him?

- Harry kidnapped somebody?

Impossible.

- Even if it sounds impossible, Lieutenant,

shouldn't you do something about it

before it's too late?

- Yes, arrest him!

Unless you want to be responsible

for my wife's murder.

- Harry, murder?

(laughing)

Harv, when we get back,

maybe you better run a teletype through on Harry.

We'll find out if he's in the area.

- It seems to me, Lieutenant,

you already know he's in the area.

- Oh, police work is a lot different

than you think, Miss.

Even when we know something, we check it out.

We'll run that teletype and see.

Philadelphia Harry?

- [Man] The protest was strongly worded,

but as for this moment,

there is no reaction from the Governor.

A statement is expected not later than Monday.

Turning to the local news front,

Mrs. Phoebe Westcott, the former Phoebe Triss

of the Triss Ship Building Company,

was kidnapped this morning at Gilly's Lake

just beyond Lookout Point.

A notorious auto thief known as Philadelphia Harry

and his gang are suspected.

And according to the police,

an arrest can be expected momentarily.

- Hey, what's the matter, Harry?

(suspenseful music)

- Did you hear the broadcast?

Me?

A kidnapper?

- Every cop in the department knows better than that, Harry.

- You never hurt a fly, Harry.

- 20 years in the business.

You build up a decent reputation, pow,

in a minute, nothing.

- Why don't we just take it someplace

and just leave it, Uncle Harry?

- You asking me, Weldon, or telling me?

- Asking.

- Because, Weldon.

In the first place we park this car somewhere,

and right away the cops know it's us!

You heard the radio, huh?

Philadelphia Harry, notorious auto thief.

Leave the car alone!

I'll figure out a place to stash it later.

20 years, a kidnapper.

(ice cubes clanging)

- To the perfect crime.

And perfectly mixed.

Oh, do you have reservations, hm?

- Mm, the Lieutenant.

- Suspicious?

No.

- Oh, maybe.

You know how they train police dogs to smell, that's all.

- Why, we're covered.

Well, here's to Harry.

He snatched one car too many.

- Lucky for us.

(laughing)

- You know, we oughta drink a toast

to dear old Phoebe.

See, have you noticed, darling,

how much nicer this house is

without my late wife cluttering it up?

- Well, let's not be too happy about it.

(chuckling)

- Five years, five years without what?

Her stingy, tight-fisted drag of a battle ax.

(laughing)

You know, wherever old Phoebe is,

and I do hope it's distant,

she's going to be awfully shocked

to discover she didn't take it with her.

(tires screeching)

- The police, don't.

You better get this stuff out of here just in case.

- Yeah.

(car doors slamming)

- Harv, you wait here.

These people are very hysterical,

or they're pretending to be very hysterical.

I want to nose around in there by myself.

(knocking)

- I'll get it.

Well?

- I've got some good news for you.

We checked Harry out, he's in the neighborhood, all right.

One of our contacts spoke to him two days ago.

- You mean that's the good news?

- Well, don't you get it, Miss Bentley?

It means your Aunt's safe, Harry's got her.

She couldn't be in better hands.

I mean, if you're gonna be kidnapped.

- You rushed here to tell us that, Lieutenant?

- Well, I thought--

- This morning, you thought your friend Harry

wasn't involved.

- Well, I checked.

- Yes.

The teletype.

- Clickity click.

- Sir?

- Clickity click.

- Now, Mr. Westcott.

I've been on the force a long time, I know Harry.

He's as honest as they come.

I mean, except for heisting cars.

- Isn't that nice, Sheridan?

The Lieutenant ran through a couple of red lights

to tell us that Harry is an honest man!

- Miss Bentley what I'm trying to tell you is,

is that your Aunt is safe.

- Thank you, Lieutenant.

And now that we know that my wife

is in such reputable hands,

what would you suggest we do?

- Well, just sit tight.

There will probably be a ransom note

in a day or two.

- A ransom note?

- Sure, that's the reason people go in

for kidnapping, you know.

Money.

- Oh, yes, yes, of course.

- Well, when the note comes, Mr. Westcott,

you call me, huh?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Philadelphia Harry.

Why don't I believe it?

(mysterious music)

(whimsical music)

- No blackmail or ransom,

we ain't shaking down nobody.

- Well, but Uncle Harry, we got this guy over a barrel.

- Maybe the kid's right, Harry.

A couple of G's, huh?

- Yeah, to pay our expenses.

- Not a dime!

Now, let me tell you something, Weldon.

You know what a chump is?

A chump is a guy who doesn't stick to his own racket.

- If the cops pick us up, Harry,

all we gotta do is tell them the truth.

- Yeah, what truth?

- This Westcott, he knocked off the old lady.

- So, who are the cops gonna believe, us or him?

Him, that's who!

- [Kid] Yeah, but Uncle Harry--

- Shut up!

And you know what else we got on the agenda?

A murder rap.

And we don't even live in a state

where it's abolished the death penalty.

- Well, they wouldn't do that to us, Harry.

(laughing)

- Okay, so what do we do?

- Number one.

We gotta get rid of this,

but we gotta be very particular where we dump it.

- Okay, where?

- So, where's the safest spot in town?

- Right back in his own garage.

- His garage?

- Well, how does that get us off the hook?

- By putting him on.

He said the car got snatched by the lake, right?

So what happens when the cops go in the garage

and there's the car,

and there's the stiff in the car?

They got him cold, right?

- Yeah, but Uncle Harry,

who's gonna tell the cops to look in the garage?

- A dirty little bird's gonna tell him, Weldon.

Give me that stool pigeon, what's his code name?

General Delivery.

I want him here the first thing in the morning.

Tonight, we're dumping this heap into Westcott's garage.

- Darling.

- Mm.

- Do you think he'll send a note?

- Who?

- Harry.

- Well, if he does, it'll only

tighten the rope around his neck.

- Hm.

Well then, it's just possible that he might not.

- You know, I never thought of that.

- You know what, darling?

- I think we're going to have to send a note for him.

(mysterious music)

(laughing)

(lighthearted music)

- Leave it alone.

(dramatic music)

(lighthearted music)

- $200,000.

I wish you'd shown me the note.

- What for?

The police were just here and got it.

- Would you hurry this up?

I have a doctor's appointment at 10:00.

- $200,000.

What else did it say?

- It said that she's alive and well,

and the next note will give us instructions

on how to pay it.

- Alive and well?

That's what they always say!

- What do you mean?

- Well, they're not gonna say

she's dead as a mackerel, are they?

Who'd pay $200,000 for a corpse?

- Mr. Flagstone, as my Aunt's lawyer,

will you or will you not release the money?

- At least they didn't say she was happy.

She wouldn't be happy anywhere.

- Hey, Mr. Flagstone.

Will you release the money?

- I'll release it.

- Good.

I have to go now.

- What's she seeing a doctor for?

- Nerves, Mr. Flagstone.

She's taking this very hard.

(whimsical music)

(door slams)

- Water.

- What's the matter?

- I'm gonna be sick.

- Sick?

Do you want me to call a doctor?

- No, no.

- [Sheridan] You want to go upstairs?

- No, I don't want to go upstairs.

I'm gonna be sick right here.

- Flagstone, perhaps you better go.

She's feeling bad.

- Feeling bad?

Never met a woman yet who ever felt good.

- [Enid] Sheridan?

- Yes, Enid?

- Is he gone?

- On his way.

- Well now, we had a meeting last night

about Mrs. Westcott's estate.

Flagstone Sr. was there, I was there,

Flagstone III was there, three good lawyers.

- Yeah, but what we need right now, Mr. Flagstone,

is one good doctor.

- [Enid] Sheridan?

- Yes, dear?

- [Enid] Is he gone yet?

- He's gone.

- They brought it back.

The car, it's in the garage.

- The what in the where?

- The car, the car!

They brought it back, it's in the garage.

No, not that way, this way!

The kitchen.

(car trunk slams)

- We gotta get it out of here, we gotta lose it.

- Look.

It's a note.

- A note?

- "Stealing is one thing, murder ain't.

"I hope you get the chair".

Harry.

- What does this mean?

- The Lieutenant's right.

A man of high moral standards.

Well, Aunt Phoebe's safe with him.

- Safe?

She's in the trunk!

- Don't you see?

Harry isn't the sort of man to kidnap anybody,

it's against his principles.

Yet obviously he did it.

But don't you see what happened there?

- He got scared!

- That's it.

He got scared!

So he abandons the car which is hot,

and Aunt Phoebe, who's cold, on some mountain road.

- And then we deliver the ransom money.

- Yeah, only he's not there to receive it.

Why not?

Because he got scared!

All he cares about now is saving his own neck.

- Which isn't a trap.p

- Yes, a lovely trap.

- Well now, we have to set this up in stages.

First, the second ransom note has to be mailed.

- Yeah.

And then the police find the car

with the body in a trunk on a road somewhere.

- Exactly, darling.

On a road somewhere.

- Yeah.

- Get it down!

What took you so long?

- He was on the phone.

- I'm always on a phone.

- Ah, leave it on.

- Leave it on, leave it on.

I don't want to know who you are,

I don't gotta know.

- Okay, look, I want you to call the Chief of police.

- The Chief?

With good merchandise?

- Yeah, good merchandise.

- Okay, $50.

You got a phone?

- Yeah.

- Show me the money.

- 20, okay.

20, okay.

- The eye, the eye--

- Yeah, get your lip out of the way.

- 10, okay.

What do I say?

- Say, "If he wants to break the Westcott kidnapping

"to look into the Westcott garage.

"The kidnapped car is there,

"and it's never been any place else".

- True merchandise?

- True merchandise.

- Well, the Chief has got to be A, number one,

U.S. Government guaranteed, you understand?

I respect him, he respects me, always been.

- That's why you're here, I want quick action.

This has got to go through.

- Take me to your phone.

- How's he gonna dial with the napkin on?

- The Chief.

I can dial him with my nose.

Hello?

Give me the Chief.

The Chief!

Nevermind who I am, just say General Delivery's calling.

(phone buzzes)

- Yes?

Oh sure, I'll talk to him.

On line two?

It's General Delivery.

Yes, General.

- Chief, I got big merchandise for you,

the Westcott kidnap.

Double money, main post office, cab General Delivery.

Sold.

Go to the Westcott garage.

The kidnapped car, it's there.

It was never anywhere else.

- Tell them to look in the trunk.

- And look in the trunk.

That's it.

(machine whirs)

- Perfect.

- Poor Phoebe.

- Why?

- A silver hearse.

- Well, it's more cheerful.

Now, the idea is they were repainting the car.

- Panicked, murdered Phoebe so there wouldn't be a witness.

- And we make sure the car is found.

- Yeah, by tipping the police that it's at Lookout Point.

- Take a back road.

- Well, shouldn't we wait 'til nightfall?

- We'll have to risk it,

the car has been here too long already.

All right, clean up the garage,

we gotta get out of here!

- Well, all right.

(dramatic music)

- I left him off at the drug store.

- $50 for a phone call.

- Okay, that's that, it's over.

- I'd sure like to see his face

when the cops get there.

(laughing)

- Okay.

We had our little laugh,

let's figure it never happened.

We got things to do, we ain't made a nickel

since we got here.

- Do you mean we ain't taking a break or nothing?

- We're going right back to work.

The overhead in this chart's killing me.

(whimsical music)

(mysterious music)

- Maybe it was a bum steer.

- General Delivery doesn't give bum steers,

not to the Chief.

"And look in the trunk".

- From now on, we're putting a tail on Mr. Westcott.

Let's go.

(dramatic music)

(lighthearted music)

(car honks)

- Look what we got, Uncle Harry.

- Hey!

That's a nice piece of merchandise.

(laughing)

(knocking)

Genuine steel, they don't make them like that no more.

- Eh, you lose one, you win one.

- You did very nice, Weldon, very nice.

- Hey, there's a bar in the back.

You want to see it, Uncle Harry?

- Not now, Weldon.

Hey, get the hood up.

- I guess I ain't a total loss, hey, Uncle Harry?

- No, Weldon.

Totally worth.

(laughing)

(melancholic music)

- I'm adding your code number to the address

so that our program can be zipped to you

as quickly as possible.

There's only one difficulty.

The numbers are so long

that by the time I finished addressing the envelopes,

the show is over.

Just now, that eager courier

who has delivered the first half,

wishes to identify himself.

(lighthearted music)

- They're finishing up with the serial numbers now.

That ransom note frightened Miss Bentley

pretty badly, Lieutenant.

"No police, or you get your wife back in a box".

- We'll stay out.

- Let's pay the money first.

I want my wife back safe.

- In that case, it was the husband who disappeared.

They paid the money and never saw hiding

or hear of them again.

Disappeared like a rat down a drainpipe.

Well, here.

$200,000.

Million dollars before taxes.

If it isn't the government, it's kidnappers.

Come along, boy.

There's one consolation.

It isn't the money it was.

When I was a kid, I could hire a man like you

for a dollar a day.

(door slams)

- Okay, it's time.

- Yes.

- Sheridan.

- Yes, dear?

- Could I talk to you for a minute before you go?

- We'll wait for you outside.

- Now remember.

You'll be watching for faces, for people.

For somebody to approach you.

You can't be casual about this,

they'll be checking every move.

- Well, they're only going as far

as the highway with me.

- Don't be silly, they'll be watching you.

Act, Sheridan.

Now, according to the ransom note,

you'll be waiting for a man to approach you.

He's going to ask you to name the capital of Guatemala.

- Yes, all right.

Now, I start walking around the square

of the small town named Flamingo Corners.

Now, there aren't many pedestrians,

so I look at every passerby.

I stop, and I wait.

Suddenly, I see a man coming toward me,

I think it's the collector.

I go up to him, but he goes right by, it's not him.

I'm disappointed, so I keep on walking

around and around the square.

It's getting late, I'm worried, time is going,

it means my wife's life.

- That's right.

And just remember, the Lieutenant has instincts.

He uses them instead of brains.

The more the evidence points the other way,

the more suspicious he naturally becomes of us.

- Yes, yes, of course.

Well...

Goodbye, darling.

- Goodbye, dear.

Good luck.

- Yes.

(door slams)

What is the capital of Guatemala?

- It doesn't matter!

Nobody's going to ask you.

- Oh.

- Act, Sheridan.

Win an award.

(dramatic music)

(relaxing music)

- There's no way out of Flamingo Corners but car or bus.

Unless those kidnappers have got a new wrinkle.

(car engine revs)

(lighthearted music)

- You're no good!

N-o-g-g-g-g-g!

No good!

$10 please, the Chief don't pay.

- What'd you bring him here for?

- He said he had something.

- In my hand, the money.

- Laid out by a $10 stool pigeon,

look what I sunk to.

All on account of this thing!

With a new paint job that's bugging me,

and bugging me, and bugging me.

- $10, $10.

$10.

- All right, $10.

- Okay, we're friends.

In my hand.

- Stand still, will ya?

- I'm still.

(dramatic music)

- Carry your bag, mister?

- No thanks, sonny, I can handle it.

(dramatic music)

(buzzer rings)

- Yes?

Put him on.

Hello.

I see.

Nothing, huh?

Just round and round the square.

All right.

Keep calling me on the hour.

(bell ringing)

(dramatic music)

(lighthearted music)

(suspenseful music)

- All right, wake up.

- What?

- Wake up!

- What is it?

- What?

What?

- Get up.

It's been bugging me ever since

you brought the heap in here.

You know what the paint's on there for?

- What, Harry?

- I had a nightmare.

It had come to me.

The paint is on the heap, you know why?

Because when this car's picked up on the road,

it should like it's us that done the painting.

- Huh?

- Us!

The finger points to us.

Gentlemen, we're dealing with a fiend

who ain't got no morals.

We gotta get rid of this faster

than we did last time.

We can't wait.

And when we can't wait, who do we go to?

- Lopez.

- No, not Lopez, Harry.

- That South American anteater will rob us blind.

- This ain't business no more, this is war.

Lopez will have it out of the country in 24 hours.

I think I'll go call him.

- Well, maybe we can leave the body in the trunk.

Maybe Lopez won't notice it.

- "Maybe Lopez won't notice it".

He says.

Lopez will go through it with a microscope,

he'll vacuum it.

Who knows?

He might find a nickel under the seat.

(dramatic music)

- You trailed me, don't try to deny it.

They'd approach me otherwise.

- No, no, Mr. Westcott!

- I walked all night!

If anything happens to my wife,

I'm gonna hold you personally responsible.

- Nobody trailed anybody!

Now you're getting yourself all excited.

Something went wrong, that's all.

Now just sit tight and wait,

they'll send another note.

- What if they don't?

- Yes, that's right!

What if they don't?

- What if they don't?

They have to.

They want the money, don't they?

- Suppose they don't want the money.

Did that ever occur to you?

Suppose they're too frightened

to try to get the money now.

- Frightened?

- Harry's an amateur kidnapper,

you said that yourself.

- A car thief with ethics,

isn't that what you said?

- Well, yes, sort of.

Yes, I did. - Yeah.

- Well then, why couldn't they become frightened?

Why couldn't they decide to forget everything

and save their own skins?

Why shouldn't they pull out?

Why wouldn't they think it's all become

too dangerous all together?

Murder my aunt to get rid of a witness,

dispose of her body, and do everything to clear themselves.

Forget about the ransom,

forget about everything!

- You trailed me, Lieutenant.

You frightened them off!

- Now, now, it's not so!

- [Enid] Sheridan.

- Yes, Enid?

- They killed her.

The police killed her!

- Now, Enid, control yourself.

- With their test tubes and their teletypes,

that's what killed Aunt Phoebe.

- Now, now, now, you're not helping, Enid.

- He's right, Miss Bentley.

You're getting all excited.

Now, they'll send another note.

- No, Lieutenant.

There won't be another note.

- Now, Miss Bentley--

- There will be no more ransom notes.

(lighthearted music)

- Hello, police?

I think I may have something

on the Westcott kidnapping case.

There's a car at Lookout Point,

it's been there for two days.

It answers the description of the kidnapped car.

(lighthearted music)

(car engine revs)

(lighthearted music)

- Okay, shoot.

- Number one, there was no car at Lookout Point.

Number two, the call came in at 1:18.

At 1:05, Westcott left his house,

went to a phone booth, and made a call.

The time?

1:18.

- Go on.

- Why didn't he use his own phone?

Because he was afraid the call could be traced.

Now this is the second wild goose chase

we've had about this car.

Westcott both times, for exactly the same reason.

For a period of time, maybe an hour, maybe less,

he would be certain that I wouldn't be anywhere near him.

- But why?

- Because he's hiding something,

and if he's hiding something, he's in it somewhere.

And if he's in it somewhere, his story smells.

Maybe Harry hasn't gone in for kidnapping.

Maybe he was just going about his business as usual.

Maybe nobody was in the car.

- I've thought of that myself.

- Suppose Westcott has to get rid of a body.

That would be a pretty good reason

for wanting me out of the way.

There are two places he can't let it be found.

In his home, and in the lake.

And if nobody was in the car,

then it's got to be in one or the other.

And I'm betting it's in his cellar.

Do I move in?

- Don't you think you're moving too fast?

- No, I'm not moving too fast.

There's something fishy about all this.

I'll stake my reputation on it.

- And your job?

- And my job.

- A hundred dollars?

Now look here, Lopez.

- $100, yes or no?

It's a hot car, it's a--

- It's not a hot car, I'm hot!

You could take this car anyplace in town.

Now look, Lopez.

Would you give me a break?

I ain't made a dime since I been here.

- Somebody else, I don't touch it.

But you, my friend, I got a warm feeling.

I want to help, you know.

I do you a big favor getting rid of the evidence.

- It's an $18,000 car!

What kind of favor?

- $100, yes or no, right now, I got other business.

- Okay, you win.

- Oh, my friend.

It gives me great pleasure to help you out.

- Yeah.

When are you gonna get the car out of here?

- Oh, I send my boy about 20 minutes.

- Mhm.

10, 20, 30, 40, 50--

- Believe me.

It's gonna cost me more than a hundred

just to get it out of here.

- 95, $100.

- I hope you're not too disappointed, Lieutenant.

- I'm sorry I had to mess the place up.

- How very touching.

Foul up my house, look under the beds

for my wife's body, dig up my cellar,

practically accuse me of murdering her,

and you're sorry.

- A few doubts, that's all.

I had to clear them up.

- The Lieutenant had to explore all the avenues, Sheridan.

- Any boulevards you neglected, Lieutenant,

before I call the maid in?

- Well, there's one more, the lake.

We're gonna drag it in the morning.

- Drag it.

- Like Miss Bentley said, all the avenues.

- A policeman's life is certainly exhausting.

Dragging a whole lake?

And in the morning?

- You won't have to be there, Miss Bentley.

- Oh, I wouldn't dream of missing it.

- Yeah, that's right, we'll be there.

You might find an old boot or something.

- Goodbye!

- We'll be there with bells on.

Miss Bentley, myself, and my lawyers.

- Suit yourself.

- And one more small item, Lieutenant,

a message for your Chief.

You tell him, perhaps when the lake is dragged

and my wife is not found,

I'm gonna sue him, you, the city,

and the diver's union!

Now put that in your teletype!

- Well, I did a great job in there.

I cleared Westcott.

- Cleared him?

Aren't you gonna drag the lake?

- The lake?

Yeah, we're gonna drag the lake.

And when we're finished, I'm gonna jump in.

(laughing)

- Oh, you should've seen the look on his face

when I told him that we were gonna sue.

I thought he would walk right through the sidewalk.

- Sheridan, this is the first time

since this whole thing started

that I feel safe.

- Safe!

Baby, we're free.

We're free!

- All right.

There was nobody in the car, dead or alive.

That's the way it's gotta be.

Now, look.

If we got there 10 minutes later than we did,

his wife would've been at the bottom of the lake

and we would've had his car, right?

All right.

So we got there 10 minutes later than we did.

We stick to that, or we're through!

Now, we gotta get rid of the body.

We gotta get rid of it so it'll never be found.

And since we're telling ourselves

that we got there 10 minutes later than we did.

Where would the body be, hm?

At the bottom of the lake!

And just to make the story stick in our minds,

that's exactly where it's gone.

Okay, put her in the trunk.

(whimsical music)

Put her in the trunk!

(lighthearted music)

We did want you to hear what Mr. Westcott said

when the police found his beloved's body.

However, we aren't allowed to send it through the mails.

It was not his finest hour.

By the way, we have a new complaint.

Certain parties are claiming

that the picture is coming through excellently,

but that I look distorted.

Now, I shall be handled in a most suitable manner

and not toss so recklessly about in transit.

I'm sure that next week, I shall arrive

completely free of any unsightly bulges or wrinkles.

(lighthearted music)