All language subtitles for The.Alfred.Hitchcock.Hour.S02E10.Goodbye.George.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

Welcome to the Alfred Hitchcock
Hour.

When one becomes interested in
collecting

authentic folk music, the first
instrument

to purchase is an
electronic tape recorder.

I recently made a trip
among the mountaineers

of our country.

The trip was most rewarding.

Voyages from people like this

that one can hear music
that is uncontaminated

by sordid commercialism.

Sounds that speak from the human
heart.

At this point I was still
creeping up

on my subjects.

(guns roaring)

There is perhaps no better place

to collect folk music
than in a jail house.

And I lost little time reaching
this goal.

Actually, the town
didn't have a jailhouse.

They use an echo chamber
instead.

This evening's hootenanny
deals with some folk

in the little village of
Hollywood, California.

Lana Layne was a motion picture
star

with hardly a care in the world

until, but that's what our
story's about.

First, however, a number
this is truly indigenous

to American television, a
commercial.

(suspenseful music)

- Oh Lord, from whom all
strength and comfort flows,

teach me to know thy will and
not my own.

Forgive my pettiness and pride.

I am vain and willful, I know.

Thinking too often of myself
alone.

Lord, make me ugly.

If it would help me to serve you
more.

- Cut, print it.

Oh, Lana, baby, that was great.

- Oh, was it all right?

- Okay, boys, set up the
reverse shot and the nuns.

- Sister, you never looked
lovelier.

- Thank you Harry, darling.

- It's a little like kissing
my third grade teacher.

- Lana, darling, I knew
you'd want this lovely lady

to come and say hello.

- Well, naturally, of course
Dave.

How are you Haila, dear?

- A little out of breath
if you must know, dear.

- Haila, come over here and sit
down.

- Lana, it looked wonderful.

- [Lana] Oh did it.

- Thank you then.

Well, actually, dear.

I've got 20 million readers
who can't wait to find out

how you feel about being
nominated for the Academy Award.

Well?

- Well, what can I tell you,
Haila?

I won't pretend for an instant

that I'm not thrilled and
excited about the nomination.

I'm grateful to almost everyone
connected with the picture

but most of all, and you may
quote me,

most of all I am indebted

to my personal manager, Harry
Lawrence,

who insisted in the face of
so many studio objections

that the part of Martha in
Waverley Street

was exactly right for me.

Thank you darling, thank
you for everything.

- Do you know what my
readers really wanna know

more than anything else they
want to know

when you two plan to be married.

- Why, Haila.

- That doesn't answer my
question.

- Well, maybe not Haila dear

but one thing I can promise you

that you will be the very first
to know.

- I'd better be (laughs).

- But the only thing that I
might add

is that at the moment.

At the moment I have very little
intent.

Harry.

- [Harry] What is it?

- Harry, please take me to
my bungalow, please, hurry.

- What's the matter, what
happened?

- I can't tell you here, excuse
me, Haila.

- Lana, you can't just walk out
like this.

I dunno what happened.

- Don't apologize Dave, I've
been snubbed

by royalty and acrobats

but never until now by a
nominee for an Academy Award.

- Hey.

You're still trembling.

All right now, what is it?

- My imagination, I hope.

Oh Harry stay with me please.

- Hey, of course I will.

- I thought I saw George.

- George?

George?

I thought he was dead.

- I know!

(door tapping)

- All right, come here.

Just stay right here.

I'll take care of it.

Well, see.
- Are you out of your mind?

Walking out on an interview

with Haila French of all people.

- All right Dave, now knock it
off.

Lana's not feeling well.

And I absolutely refuse to
have her stand on her head

for Haila French for for anyone
else.

- Just as simple as that, huh?

- Yes sir, just as simple as
that.

- Well, maybe you two can
afford to brush off the press

but as publicity head
of this studio, I can't.

- Dave, don't fret.

I'll work on Haila.

- [Dave] You will?

- Delighted.

You'll astonished how easy it is

to smooth our a wrinkled old
valise like Haila French.

- [Dave] Yeah, well, Haila
French just happens to be.

- All right now just a minute,
hold it.

Didn't I tell ya I'd take care
of it?

- Well, you told me but I.

- [Lana] Harry!

- Gimme a second, I'll be right
with ya.

- Harry!

- One second.

- Harry!

- All right, now wait a minute.

I want you to forget all this.

You're under a lotta pressure
now.

You're tired, your nerves are
upset.

What you saw was, who knows,

some little guy that
bore a slight resemblance

to George, and I'm right, aren't
I?

Aren't I?

- I guess so, Harry, you're
always right.

Darling.

- Now you take yourself
a nice warm shower,

I'll be back soon as I can.

(suspenseful music)

(telephone ringing)

- Hello, Peaches, baby!

I mean, that was no dream you
seen walkin', that was me.

Your own lovin' husband.

The last of the red hot Godivas.

How 'bout that, huh?

Well, don't you think
you oughta answer it?

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

Hello?

George, the newspapers said you
were shot

in that bank robbery in Newark.

- Which only proves that you
just can't believe them obits.

You know something, Peaches?

Gotta tell ya, I really go for
this.

- George, George, I don't
understand.

- It's simple, Peaches, I
switched wallets

with the guy that got shot

so the cops wouldn't go lookin'
for me.

Only trouble is, you just
can't trust them cops.

Some quiz kid detective
down at headquarters

recognized the caver as Noodles
O'Toole

and not Little Georgie.

Three months later I'm sittin'
in a bar,

Joey's joint in the St. Louis

when the cops grab me and
they make me do five years

as their guest under my real
name, too.

And the crummy newspapers don't
event give me second billing

to the Heiny ads.

That's show business for ya.

But ya know, this is nice, real
nice.

Not much like the old days, huh
Peaches?

- George, I've got to get
dressed.

It's been very nice seeing you
again.

- I mean, take all those county
fairs

and one nighters we used to
play.

Me hustlin' the crowd for
a quick buck, remember?

Step right up folks and see
little Peaches do her dance

and then you did your
dance real slow and easy

and mysterious like the natives
never knew

that grown girls came
with a full set of skin.

Ain't ya sentimental about old
times?

- You and Snakebite are
among the very few things

that fail me in that respect.

- The ol' sense of humor, huh?

Well, that's my girl.

You know, I used to lay in my
bunk

and say to myself, what
ever happened to Peaches?

Then six months later I get
outta the pen

and one day I spring two bucks
for a movie

and all of a sudden it's very
clear to me

that everything's happened to
Peaches.

A new name, for one thing.

I see Lana Layne instead of
Rosemary Peaches Cassidy.

Oh, that's an improvement, I'll
grant ya.

Also a new set of curves which
are, well,

more ladylike you could say.

Or does it just seem that way

since you stopped tossin' 'em
around?

- You mole, you.

- Baby, angel, please!

Is that a nice way to
talk to your husband?

And I was just gonna
tell you how much I like

the new hairdo and that two
million dollar smile ya got

from some dentist.

What's buggin' you now?

- How much will it cost
to get you out of my life?

- Peaches, angel, let's not be
commercial,

at least until we find out what
happens

at the Academy Awards.

You might even win it.

Like I say, the whole
thing's a laugh a minute.

- George, wait!

What are you going to
do? Where are you going?

- I don't know yet
Peaches, I'll let ya know.

- George!

- As the saying goes, don't
call us, we'll call you.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

(people chattering)

- Luke, come on, follow me.

I beg your pardon, may I just
get through?

Pardon me, pardon me.

Pardon me please.

Lana, Lana dear.

- Oh hello Dave.

- Darling, there's some
people from out of town here

they were not able to
make it for the big event

so I wonder would you mind just?

- Oh, well of course not.

After all, that's what a
press reception is for.

You will excuse me, won't you?
- Thank you darling, so much.

Here we are ladies and
gentlemen.

- How nice of you all to come.

- [Dave] All right, there we go.

- Well, it's mine all mine.

- [Dave] All right.

- I still can't believe it,
it's like some kind of a dream.

- [Dave] It sure is.

- Thank you so much.

- Fine, thank you darling so
much.

- You will excuse us, won't you?

- Right on.
- You enjoy yourselves.

- Bye bye, no.

- Well, aren't I being
collaborative with the press.

- Now, look, let's go and
mend some fences with Haila.

- Oh yes, dear Haila.

- [Dave] Pardon me.

- Of course I feel the daughter
gave the Oscar performance

in that picture and I predict
great things for that child.

- Haila darling, Haila,
here's someone who wants

to say hello.

- Oh darling.

- Well, honestly, can you
actually believe all this?

- No I actually can't.

Oh dear hello.
- Good evening my dear.

How are you?
- Fine.

- Can you forgive me
if I take our girl away

for a little while?

- Oh no, don't worry about me.

- We'll be back.

- Well, as I was saying,
oh, thank you so much.

As I was saying, it's the kids
picture

and I predict great things.

She's really going to go
someplace.

Mark my words.

- Hello, good evening,

it's so nice to see you.

Hello.

Thank you darling for rescuing
me.

- My pleasure.

Why don't you give me that

before you drop it on my foot.
- Not on your life.

- How you bearing up?

- I could use a drink.

- Well, I think that can be
arranged.

Tom, very dry martini for the
lady.

- Harry.

- Lana, Lana!

Can't you talk to Haila

for five minutes without walking
away.

- Honey, Dave's absolutely
right.

We've got to get back to Haila.

But gimme a second with
her first, will ya?

I wanna kinda smooth things
over.

Come on Dave.

Just come in in a couple of
minutes.

- Oh hello Ed, how nice to see
you.

I'll be right back.

Oh, oh excuse me dear, I am so
sorry.

- Oh it was nothing, really.

- I do hope you're having a
pleasant time.

Tell me, do you know Ed Jackson

of the Union Press, Sally
Tracey.

Don't you dare open that
big rat trap mouth of yours,

do you hear?

I'll be upstairs.

Third door on the left.

Now you two have got to
get to know each other.

Excuse me, I'll be back.

- Isn't she beautiful?

And such a lady.

Hey, what's the matter.

- Nothin' that won't be
cured real soon, honey.

I'll see ya round.

- Oh Mr. Jackson.

There's something I've been
wanting to talk to you about.

Don't you think it's a pity the
way

they type young actresses
nowadays?

(upbeat music)

- George, George, in here.

- This is nice and chummy,
Peaches.

You know, I never figured
we could strike it so good

and still be legal.

Well, well, you me and Oscar.

Just the three of us.

Sturdy little feller, ain't he?

Sure don't look like me.

You know, I had every
confidence you'd win it.

That's why I didn't bug
ya these last few days.

Figured you'd be busy takin'
bows.

- [Lana] How did you get
into this party tonight?

- No problem, it's a press party

so I told 'em I was from the
press.

- [Lana] What else did you tell
them?

- Why, nothing, precious.

At least not yet.

- What is your price, George?

- Price, honey, how can anyone
put a price

on the situation we've got
goin' here.

Like I said, you, me and Oscar.

One little family against the
world.

- Stop it!

I'm not afraid of you anymore,
George.

Harry knows all about you

and he knows how to deal
with people like you.

- Your personal manager?

- That's right.

- How personal, Peaches?

- Harry and I have
discussed the whole thing

and we've decided that
every plague has its price.

Harry's very good at this sort
of thing.

You can talk over all the
cash details with him.

- Tell me more.

- The general idea is

that you will go to Mexico

and get a quiet, uncontested
divorce.

Not from Lana Layne, of course.

But from that same Rosemary
Cassidy.

Who married you when she was 17
years old.

- Oh, them was the days eh,
Peaches?

Oh you sure were a bouncy little
dame.

- I must also have had a
hole in my head large enough

to hold a full cup of coffee.

How else could I have married
you?

- Yes sir, that's my Peaches.

Gimme a girl with spirit every
time.

- There's no sense in our
prolonging

this discussion, George.

I have too many guests
downstairs.

Please call me tomorrow.

Not at the studio but here

and I'll tell you when and
where you can meet with Harry

about the money.

- Baby, I'm only tryin' to
be friendly and logical.

It stands to reason when a
crippled citizen like me,

that's what the warden
used to call us sometimes,

crippled citizens.

It stands to reason that I
wouldn't wanna be shakin' down

you or your boyfriend in any way

that the law could say was,

if you'll pardon the expression,
the ugly word is extortion.

- Well, that's very nice of you
George.

But I really don't mind helping
you out

with a little something.

- Peaches, baby, seriously now.

Let's be honest with each other.

I mean, why would I wanna
talk with anyone about money?

- Well I thought that.

- Well, I mean, with you
winnin' the Oscar

and the way things are goin'
right now.

I'd say that you and I had
just about everything we need.

- We?

- This is California, baby.

Community property.

Well, naturally what's mine is
yours

and what's yours is mine.

- Now wait a minute.

- [George] Am I right?

- I'm telling you right now
you won't get away with it.

- Always talkin' about
gettin' away with something.

The whole idea's ridiculous.

Here, for instance,

just to pass the time sort of,

I took the trouble of checkin'

into our real estate holdin's.

Oh I like what ya done
with only a few exceptions.

Now, I'm not knocking
that warehouse you bought

in downtown L.A. but I'm sure we
can get

some more mileage out of
our money in the valley.

- Our money?

Now you listen to me!

- Peaches, honey.

I'm tryin' to point out
to you in a friendly way

that I'm 100% for community
property.

And why wouldn't I be?

That's the way they've got
it written in the books.

- If anybody ever found out

that I had ever been married to
you,

my career wouldn't be worth a
dime

to you or anybody else.

- That's the old fashioned
point of view, baby.

The smart thing nowadays is
to have come up the hard way.

- How?

Like a snake up a rope
the way you're creeping

into my life now.

- Peaches, you can take our own
case.

I guarantee it's got universal
appeal.

- You are out of your
mind, do you hear me?

Out of your rock headed skull.

- Now listen, a poor schnook
pays his debt to society.

That's me, five long years
in the cooler he gets

and don't spare the details

because in the fan magazines,
they will love it to pieces.

Five long years in the cooler

and when the warden shakes his
hand

and says goodbye, who's
waitin' for him outside?

Faithful as a crosstown
bus, you guessed it baby,

the same little girl he left
behind only now she happens

to be Hollywood's most glamorous
package

and she's waitin' for
the same poor schnook

with a heart as big as
the First National Bank.

I tell ya, it's what dreams are
made of.

The end of the rainbow.

Oh baby it's Cinderella even

except that this time,
Cinderella's wearin' pants.

- Let go of me I tell ya.

- Come here baby, we got it
made.

(Lana grunting)

(Lana panting)

- George?

George?

Harry, Harry.

(Lana gasps)

- What is it?

- He wouldn't take his hands off
me.

I couldn't help myself.

- Yeah, well, obviously you
weren't trying to help George.

- Is he?

- Oh yes, he couldn't be any
deader

if you had him kippered and
hung.

- Harry, what are we going to
do?

- Well, I don't know exactly
darling.

Actually, you could plead
self defense I suppose.

The obvious and prudent thing
would be to call the police

and yet.

(abrupt knocking)

- Harry, ya promised me
that she'd cooperate.

- All right Dave, now what is it
now?

- This is a part for the press.

We haven't even photographed
her with the Oscar yet.

- You're right.

Hold on one second.

I got a gorgeous idea,
sweetheart,
you're gonna love this.

Downstairs, you find a nice
location

and we'll get a shot of
her with both of these.

Huh?

Is that beautiful?

Huh?

And I guarantee ya she'll be
downstairs

in less than five minutes, all
right?

- Okay.

- There we go.

- But don't forget, Harry, it's
her neck

just as much as mine.
- Right.

- I've got a job to do for the
studio.

- Five minutes, sweetheart,
count 'em, five.

- Oh Harry, what are we going to
do now.

- Well, what do you think?

- Well darling I don't know.

All I can do is rely on you.

Darling, we could lose
everything.

- Yes, it crossed my mind.

Is there any chance he
was seen coming in here?

- No, no, I don't think so.

I mean, all the help and
caterers were downstairs

at the time.

He was passing himself off
as one of the reporters.

I'm sure nobody knew him.

Oh Harry, what should we do?

- I say let's go for the brass
ring.

I say let's get rid of George.

- Oh, Harry!

- But let's save the celebration

until we're alone, all right.

Darling, your ceder
closet has a combination?

- Uh huh?

- You're the only one
with the combination.

- Oh yes, Harry.

- Well, that's good enough for
now.

We'll play the rest by ear.

- Well, I don't understand.

- You open the cedar closet,
freshen your lipstick,

put on a nice big smile
and we'll be outta here

in about 55 seconds.

- But Harry, we can't
leave the body in there.

- Honey, you just be charming to
everybody

when we get downstairs.

Leave the rest to me.

You make a beautiful widow.

I'm not even sure you need
the lipstick but hurry.

(Harry grunting)

where I always feel like
a man in the middle.

On one side is the first half of
our show

on the other, the second half.

Straight ahead, the station
break.

(dramatic music)

- It's great party, isn't it?

What are we supposed to do,
take pictures of each other?

(people laughing)

- She'll be down.

Just be patient.

It's just one of those
things couldn't be helped.

- Oh yes it could be helped.

It coulda been helped very
nicely

if we'd all been smart
enough to stay home.

- Haila, darling,

now you know Lana has been
under a tremendous strain.

- Well, how 'bout the rest of
us.

Listen, is it her habit
to disappear every time

she has an appointment with the
press.

- Oh, now you know better than
that.

- Dave, here hold this.

Dave, I've got something to tell
ya.

I happen to represent 300
newspapers

and I didn't come here like
some $100 a week reporter

for the free booze and chicken
salad.

- Aw, now, Haila, let's not you

and I misunderstand each other.

- I've had it, I've had it.
- Here she is.

- Haila, darling, you're an
absolute angel of patience.

That girl is exhausted, honey.

I can't think of anything in the
world

that'd bring her down those
stairs

at this time except her loyalty
to you.

- Oh, you're a fraud, a
shameless fraud.

- You're peaked. Darling, I
want you to wait right here.

I have a very important
announcement to make.

- Announcement?

Am I in charge public relations
here

or did they ask me over
to count the sandwiches?

- Oh, don't be sensitive, Dave.

I never am.

- Oh Haila, darling, you're not
leaving?

- No.

- Oh.

- May I have your attention
please!

I have an announcement to make.
Will you all gather round?

Just come right in here.

- Love that man, I just love
that man.

- Well, you're a little late,
Haila, dear.

It happens that I do too.

- My friends, I don't
think there's anyone here

that I don't know well
enough to call a friend.

I have something to say to you

which I'm just vain
enough to think, to hope,

will be of interest to all of
you.

- When for heavens sake
are you gonna marry

that glorious man?

- Well, as I promised
you once before, Haila,

if and when he decides to ask
me,

you'll be the very first to
know.

- But before I launch
into this announcement,

I think I'm entitled to a
certain amount

of moral support which
only one of you can supply

at the moment darling.

- What is it, Harry?

- Now it's certainly not any
news

that Lana and I have been
in love for a long time

what may be news is that
we've finally decided

to do something about it.

- They couldn't, they wouldn't.

- I think this press
party is an ideal time

to make the announcement that
Lana and I

are about to be married.

- Hey, that's great.

(people clapping)

- They can't do this to me,

she just said I'd be the first
to know.

- All right, fellas, hold it
down just for a minute please

because I wanna explain that
this brilliant idea came

to me without warning in a
blinding flash of inspiration.

Consequently I have
forgotten one tiny detail.

I haven't asked the bride to be.

Darling.

- Oh Harry!

- Well, my impression
is the girl says yes.

Moreover, since she doesn't say
no,

I can guarantee you we'll be
outta here within the hour

on our way to Tijuana

and the first marriage counselor
we can roust out of bed.

- Where are you going for your
honeymoon?

- Haila, you'll have to forgive
me

but I think that's one thing
that the bride and groom

should keep to themselves.

All I can say is if we'd
known about this beforehand,

there would've been champagne.

Meanwhile, the bar remains open.

(upbeat music)

- Darling, I had no idea.

- Well, honey, the honeymoon
is touching custom.

After all, it couldn't be a
better reason

if you're going on a long trip

and taking with you a large
trunk.

- Me and Ed here, we'd like to
wish you

and the future Mrs. Lawrence
all the luck and happiness.

- Well, thank you.
- Well, thank you.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you very much,

both of you.
- That's the nicest thing

I've heard all night.

- Thank you again, see ya later
fellas.

Open the cedar closet, honey.

- Oh Harry, I'm so scared.

I'm almost as frightened as I am
thrilled.

- Well, why wouldn't you be.

How often does a girl
knock off one husband

then haul him along on a
honeymoon

with the fellow next in line?

- Oh Harry, we mustn't be
ghoulish.

Oh, I don't wanna look inside.

- You don't have to.

Just go on and gather up
the rest of your trousseau.

- Is he all right?

- [Harry] I'm sure he never
looked better.

(Harry grunting)

With that temperature control,

there's no telling how long
he'd be able to keep in there.

We're gonna have to pad
this out with something.

We don't want him rattling
around when he goes downstairs.

- I thought of that.

- Oh, you did, did you?

How many husbands have
you disposed of, dear?

- Well, only one so far.

That wasn't especially funny.

- Darling, let's go
over this one more time.

Now, assuming that we're
outta here in the next hour,

we'll be in Tijuana a
little after midnight.

Sit down.

Getting married down
there, as you'll know,

is a very trying ordeal.

May take us all of 20 minutes.

- Harry, you make it sound so
romantic.

- It's a talent I have.

- Thank you.

- I can do better.

Now, I've told Dave he can
bring all the reporters he wants

to Tijuana, that's his business

but where we go on our
honeymoon is entirely up to us.

- But they might follow us.

- Let 'em try if they want to.

I doubt very much that they
will.

I've been busy creating
the impression we're going

someplace deep into Mexico.

All right, now just to get
our own story straight.

From Tijuana, we'd have to go
east,

catch the main road south.

Then we'll double back.

At a point roughly here

and cross back into the States
at Mexicali

and from there can't be more
than another hour to my shack.

- Darling.

- Bury George before daybreak.

That's our slogan, darling.

- Yes Harry.

- Now there's one more thing.

- Yes Harry.

(loud thumping)

Lock it!

- The key.

- I haven't got the key.

- Sit on it, sit.

- Well, I hope you both
realize that Haila French

is now your devoted enemy
and worse than that,

she's also turned on me.

- Gee, I'm sorry, Dave.

- She gave me a preview
of Monday's column.

Believe me it is not going to
assist you

in any plans you may have for
the future.

- Well, Dave, what
would you like me to do?

Take her on a separate honeymoon

when I get back from this one?

- Harry!

- Honey, I'm only kidding.

- Look, Haila's not a bad egg.

I think she'd come around if you
just,

you know, gave her a nice little
scoop.

Maybe an exclusive on your
first day of marriage.

What you ate for breakfast,

the kind of family you hope you
to have.

Your hopes, your dreams.

- That's a lotta hogwash, Dave.

- And it could save our
skins in 300 newspapers.

Harry, look the least you could
do

is let Haila know where you're
going.

- I told ya, Mexico.

Deep in Mexico, Guaymas,
Chihuahua, Guadalajara,

you name it, I'll try to
pronounce it,

but I guarantee you
won't be able to find us.

- You're sure of that?

- Not with a Geiger counter

or with Haila's twitching nose.

Dave, I'll tell you what I will
do.

I promise that I will phone
Haila

an exclusive report on our
honeymoon

at the end of the first week.

I guarantee it.

You can tell her she's the
only old crow in the world

that we're allowing to peep into
our nest.

I'm speaking figuratively of
course.

- Well, that could help

but as a matter of fact,

it might even take me off the
hook.

- You can even tell her if she
wants to,

she can still be maid of honor.

Two of you can ride down with us

and hitch a ride back. Now,
will you get outta here?

- [Dave] Yeah, okay, Harry so
long.

- [Al] Mr. Lawrence, we thought
maybe it

was time to help you down
to your car with the trunk.

- [Harry] Not just yet Al.

We'll be ready in a few minutes.

- Okay, that'll be fine.

Oh, and another thing.

Ed here and me, we wanted
to give this to Ms. Layne.

- Oh, how sweet of you!

Well, I don't know what to say.

Come here.

That's for both of you.

- All right, Al, thanks very
much.

We'll call for you in a few
minutes.

- Oh, I almost forgot to give
you the key to the trunk.

- Thank you.

All right, couple minutes now.

We're gonna have to pack this
thing

a little more tightly, honey.

Honey?

- There are nice people
in this world, Harry.

I mean, simple, unaffected
people

that aren't forever trying

to grasp something for
themselves.

I guess somehow I'd forgotten
that.

- Darling.

- Why did you do that?

- [Harry] Seemed like the least
we can do.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

(people chattering)

- Here they are!

(people chattering)

- Thank you Haila, thank you

for being so understand and
everything.

Oh, darling, this is for you.

Bye, bye.

- [Haila] Oh Harry, Harry
darling.

- [Harry] Bye.

- Oh, heaven help you
Harry if you let me down.

- End of the first week,
darling,

a blow by blow from the bride
and groom.

- Harry, if you don't
phone that story to Haila,

it's my neck.

- What's the matter,
pally, don't you trust me?

(people cheering)

(speaking in Spanish)

- Come on, let's get a drink.

(suspenseful music)

- What do ya see?

- Just exactly what you said I'd
see.

Nothing.

We're the only car in the road.

- Tired?

- I'm so tired and happy I could
die.

- Darling, can't you find
a happier expression?

- Oh darling, I'm sorry, I
really didn't mean it that way.

No, I mean.

Oh, it's been such a
long and terrible strain.

Do you know something Harry?

- [Harry] What?

- I owe you my life.

I owe you everything.

- All right, I'll send you a
bill.

Why don't you relax a little?

- Okay, I'll try.

Harry?

- [Harry] Mm-hm?

- Oh, nothing I guess.

I guess it's just restlessness.

- You're thinking about our
guest again.

- Oh Harry.

- Oh come on now, honey, forget
it.

- Well now how can I forget it?

I mean, it's the one moment in
my life

when I should be happy and here
I am

with that miserable albatross
still hanging around my neck.

You know that's so like him
just to ruin everything.

(dramatic music)

- Oh what is it?

Harry, what happened?

- Nothing, honey, I just
turned the car around.

We're heading back to Mexicali.

- Oh, so soon?

- Well, you've been asleep.

We were running south for almost
an hour.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't be sorry.

So far I've seen an abandoned
truck and three cows.

- Harry.

Do you think it's safe to
go back to California now?

- Mm-hm, have to be,

if we wanna get to the lodge

and unload George before
daylight.

- When we go back into
California

that's at Calexico isn't it?

- Yep, first Mexicali
and then Calexico, why?

- Well, I just hope
the customs inspections

are just as simple as
you say they will be.

- Aw, honey, listen,

I've never been challenged
in over 50 crossings.

They will ask us where we born

and we will reply with great
courtesy in the United States.

Then they may ask you if you
have anything

on which duty should be paid

and you will say no,
not unless there's a tax

on dead husbands.

- Harry, please.

- Well, honey, I'm just
trying to demonstrate to ya

how silly it is to worry about
it.

Those customs inspectors
are going to recognize you

and they're not going to say,

Ms. Layne, may we peep
into your trousseau.

- I'm sorry Harry.

It's just that.

- I know, you cheer up.

We'll soon be rid of George.

(upbeat music)

(Lana sighs)

- Thank goodness that's over.

- I told ya we wouldn't have
any trouble at the border.

That guy was so busy gawking at
you,

we coulda had the back
loaded with machine guns

and tropical spiders.

- Well, how much longer is it
now?

- Oh, another hour or so.

We stay on 98 and 80 almost all
the way

and then we turn off at the
lake.

- Do you want me to get
the map outta your coat?

- No, I don't need it.

- Light two, will ya, hun?

- Here ya go.

- Thank you.

Thank you again.

- My pleasure.

(Harry grunts)

(suspenseful music)

- Honey.

Honey.

There's a car coming up
behind us rather fast.

No need to get yourself all
excited.

- Could it be Dave and those
reporters?

- No, I don't think so.

Not this time.

- Well, Harry, they must've
found out.

What can we do?

- Hold onto yourself.

That's what you can do.

(siren wailing)

- [Radio] 12-T-7, to 77.

- Be charming if it kills you.

- Your license.

- Yes sir.

- 85 miles an hour is
too fast on this road

at any time and with the curves
ahead,

it's a nice chance that
you'll break your neck.

- I realize it's much too
fast, officer, and I'm sorry.

The truth is we've only been
married for a few hours.

We've chosen this route
back to Los Angeles

to fool the reporters.

- I'm Lana Layne, officer.

- I know.

We got the message in
on the border patrol.

We're sort of allergic to
dead bodies around here.

- [Harry] Excuse me?

- I mean if you wanna wrap
yourself around a tree,

do it back in L.A. or Beverley
Hills.

We don't want that kind of
publicity.

- Oh.

- Here's your license, good
night.

- Good night.

- He was the most insulting,
impudent police officer

I've ever known.

(suspenseful music)

- Well, we made it, angel.

Now let's dispose of George.

- Harry, must we do it now?

- If you mean bury him
tonight, the answer's no.

I'm just too tired.

Tonight he goes in the cellar

for safe keeping but by tomorrow
evening,

old George is gonna be buried
deeper

than the bones of a dinosaur.

- Oh, Harry, I can't bear to
look.

- All right, okay, you don't
have to.

Take your bag, go on up to the
house.

- Oh Harry, where's the key?

- It's under the potted plant by
the door.

- Oh, okay.

Harry!

Oh Harry, it's not there.

It's not under the pot.

- [Harry] By the lamp.

- Oh.

Oh yes, here it is, I've got it.

There, there we go.

Harry, Harry, where's the light?

- [Harry] Feel around for it
honey.

Boy, not exactly like carrying
the bride over the threshold.

However, I guess you
can't have everything.

- [Guests] Surprise!

- Surprise!

(woman screams)

(dramatic music)

I don't approve of taking
the first husband along

on the honeymoon.

Next on our program is a one
minute solo by the sponsor

followed by some scenes
from next week's play.