All language subtitles for The.Alfred.Hitchcock.Hour.S02E06.Nothing.Ever.Happens.in.Linvale.1080p.PCOK.WEBRip.AAC.2.0.H.265.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

("Alfred Hitchcock" theme music)

- Good evening.

Sorry to keep you waiting,
but I had to make my bed.

It will surprise you, I know,

but to be perfectly honest,
this is not really my bed.

I'm making it for my brother.

He insists on coming home late
at night

and making a great deal
of noise in the dark

before he tumbles into bed.

I thought that this orthopedic
mattress

would be precisely what he needs

to cure him of that bothersome
habit.

Our story does not
concern a bed like this,

but it does take place
in a sleepy little town.

Apparently nothing much
ever happens in Linvale.

But I have the uneasy feeling

that if we watch closely
something will.

In case you're doing the
driving,

Linvale lies just on the other
side

of this one minute billboard.

(playfully mysterious music)

(mysterious music)

- Hey Mister, you seen Flipper?

I think he came back here.

- What?

- My cat, I'm looking for him.

- Well look somewhere else.

- But he came around
the side of your house.

- Well he was trespassing just
like you.

Now take off.

Did ya hear what I said?

(sad music)

(phone rings)

- [Man] Sheriff's office.

- Oh, I'd like to speak
to the Sheriff, please.

- Well I'm sorry ma'am,
he's all tied up right now.

- Well when can I talk to
him, it's rather urgent?

- It's urgent?

- Yes so if you could have
him get in touch with me

as soon as possible.

- Do you wanna hold on
while I just get a pencil?

Do you just wanna give
me your name and address?

- It's Mrs. Logan, 74 Walnut
Lane.

- Yes ma'am, we'll I'll give
the Sheriff your message.

- Tell him it's important.

- Right.

(mutters)

74.

- How's that, Sheriff?

- Henry, you're a regular
wizard with a pair of scissors.

- Thanks.

How about some hair tonic?

- Mm, what do ya got?

- Sweet lilac, evergreen oil,
wild tiger.

- What's in that green bottle
over there?

- This is pretty potent stuff,
Sheriff.

Definitely goes over big with
the ladies.

- (chuckling) Maybe I'd better
leave well enough alone.

- Good morning, Sheriff.

I just got a phone call--

- Who's minding the store?

- Well I just got a phone
call from a lady named Logan.

She says that she has to talk to
you.

She says it's urgent.

- Urgent?

Last time I saw that word
was in a crossword puzzle.

- Wait, that's what she said.

- Probably some old spinster
with a cat up a tree.

- Is that Mrs. Logan up on
Walnut Lane?

- Yeah, 74 Walnut Lane.

- That's no spinster, Henry.

She's a widow.

Heard she moved into the Archer
house

a couple of months ago.

- Oh is that the one?

Yeah, I seen her around town.

She's kinda pretty.

Well maybe it's fate, Ben,

you and a good looking woman
like that,

something might develop.

- Sure.

All right, I'll take a ride out
there.

- Oh you don't have to see her
Ben.

Always give her a call,

unless maybe I've whet your
appetite.

- Look at that Charlie, we got a
barber

who's a regular cupid.

- Hey Mister, you seen a cat?

- Why?

Are you missing one?

- Uh huh.

I think he ran away.

- Well, that's too bad.

- You're the Sheriff, aren't
you?

- That's right.

- Well maybe you can find him.

His name's Flipper.

He's sorta gray.

- I'll keep an eye peeled.

- Yes?

- Sheriff Wister, ma'am,
you called my office?

- Oh yes, please come in.

I hope I didn't call
you away from anything.

- Well it wasn't important.

What can I do for you?

- Well it, it's something that
might only be my imagination.

I almost feel like a fool
bringing you way out here.

- Why don't you let me
be the judge of that?

- You see I'm new here and
I don't want to get involved

in something that's none of my
business.

I've been debating with myself
for the last three days,

but well I had to tell someone.

- Mind being a bit more
specific?

- Well that's just it.

It's nothing I can quite put my
finger on.

Maybe you'd better come
upstairs.

- Beg pardon?

- I'll have to show you.

Take a look through the
window at the yard next door.

It's been going on like that
for the past three days.

- The drinking?

- Yes.

He doesn't seem to want to do
anything.

He just hangs around the house
all day.

- That's Harry Jarvis, isn't it?

- Do you know him?

- Oh, by sight.

I know most of the people
in this town by sight.

He's in real estate.

Never knew he was much of a
drinker.

- Well he only started a few
days ago

after his wife disappeared.

- I'm not quite sure I follow
you.

- Oh it's a lot of little
things.

Ever since I moved in I
used to hear them arguing.

They used to shout so
loud they'd keep me awake.

Then all of a sudden
the arguments stopped.

- And you haven't seen her
since?

- No.

Once.

She used to walk her dog in the
mornings,

a little white mongrel named
Timmy.

But for the past three days

she hasn't come out of the
house.

- When was the last time you saw
her?

- Late Friday afternoon.

She was out there sitting in a
deck chair.

He was mowing the lawn.

Once or twice I saw him look at
her.

Well she didn't notice, she
was playing with the dog.

But you should've seen the
expression on his face.

He looked like he wanted to kill
her.

- Well Mrs. Logan this is
all pretty circumstantial.

Maybe his wife is sick or she
might be visiting relatives.

I can think of 100 different
explanations.

- But why does he do his own
laundry?

And why does he sit in the yard
all day?

- Well about eight years ago
we had a homicide in Linvale.

Man got clubbed with a bottle
in one of those taverns

out by the highway.

But that's just about it.

This is a peaceable town.

- Well I, I told you it
might only be my imagination.

But if you could've seen
the way he looked at her.

- Well look, there's no sense
in our going off half-cocked.

Before we start assuming things

why don't I do a little quiet
checking?

Would that make you feel better?

- Oh I think so.

- Good, I'll give you a call
tomorrow.

Well I'd just as soon deal
with Mr. Jarvis himself

if you don't mind.

I see.

Well can I set up an
appointment?

Uh huh.

Okay I'll call back next week.

Yeah, the name is Johnson.

That's right.

Bye bye.

That was his real estate office.

I get the feeling they
haven't seen him lately.

- Well maybe he's just gold
breaking.

- Maybe.

Kinda pointless though,
considering he's the boss.

No, I gotta do some checking on
this baby.

Wonder who his friends are.

- Oh I can tell ya that.

Him and Doc Wyatt are big
buddies.

- Charlie, you amaze me.

How did you know that?

- I see him all the time
up at the country club.

They're always playing golf
together.

- Country club?

You getting social on me?

- Oh it ain't that.

I just caddy up there
every once in a while,

you know pick up a couple bucks.

- Moonlighting, huh?

- Just on Sundays.

It's may day off, Sheriff.

- Well I wouldn't wanna stand in
the way

of a man's self improvement.

Now what about Jarvis?

- Well, he doesn't seem
to have many friends.

Just the Doc Wyatt.

- Well I guess I better
have a talk with him.

You nose around Walnut Lane,
see what you can find out

from the neighbors.

But Charlie, do it quietly.

I don't want any phone calls.

- Oh sure.

(playfully tense music)

- Hello Sheriff, they
said you wanted to see me.

- Yes, sir.

Sorry to bother you, Doctor.

- Oh it's no bother.

Rather look at your face than a
baby's.

I've been in delivery all
morning.

- Well this won't take long.

- Take all the time you like.

You look healthy, so I
assume that this is official.

- Sort of.

I understand you're a
friend of Harry Jarvis.

- Harry?

Known him for years.

- I was wondering if you'd
noticed any,

well changes in him lately.

- It's funny you should ask.

He has been outta sorts the past
few days.

Seems to be worrying about
something.

- You think he's under a strain?

- It's possible.

Probably worried about business
problems.

Happens to the best of us.

- Well I guess it isn't serious
then.

Thanks, Doctor.

Appreciate it if you'd
keep this confidential.

- [Doctor] Suits me.

- I wonder if his wife
has noticed anything.

Have you seen her lately, by the
way?

- Marjorie?

Not for quite a while.

Though she is coming to see me
tonight.

- Oh?

- Yeah, she's coming in for a
checkup.

- You mean she'll be
in your office tonight?

- Uh huh, eight o'clock.

- Are you sure?

- Of course I'm sure.

Come and see for yourself.

(bright music)

- Excuse me, miss, I just
wanna see if my watch is right.

I have 10 past 8:00.

- That's what I have.

- Thought maybe I might be fast.

- Oh, isn't she here yet?

She's usually on the dime.

Give Mrs. Jarvis a ring
and see what's keeping her.

- Yes, Doctor.

Oh.

- What is it?

- That appointment was canceled.

I forgot to tell you I
substituted Mrs. Phillips.

- Well you're outta luck,
Sheriff.

She canceled.

- Oh she didn't cancel,
Doctor, it was her husband.

- Her husband?

- Yes, he called a few hours
ago.

- What's the trouble, Sheriff?

- [Ben] Oh nothing.

- If you want to, why
don't you give her a ring.

- No, I have a feeling
Mrs. Jarvis isn't in.

Thank you.

Thanks, Doc.

(playfully mysterious music)

- What I've gotten myself into.

Now let's see, I'll lead.

(doorbell rings)

Excuse me, girls.

(gasps) Sheriff Wister, oh come
in.

What a pleasant surprise.

- Hello Ms. Bergen, hope
I'm not disturbing anything.

- Oh no, no, no, no, it's just
the girls

come over for a little
bridge and a little tea.

Would you like a cup of tea?

- Oh, no thanks.

- Not just a little cup?

I keep telling my husband I
never see the Sheriff anymore.

- Well I've been kinda busy,
ma'am.

- I was just thinking
about you the other day.

Do you know that new teacher
over at school, Ms. Gunderson?

Oh you oughta give her a call.

You would have a lot in common.

And if you're interested in
slides

she has the most wonderful
collection,

all of those marvelous
European cathedrals.

- Well ma'am.
- Oh I know,

you think I'm a matchmaker.

But remember Sheriff, after
all you're the last batchelor

left in town.

- Well that's not exactly true
you know,

there's Charlie, my deputy and
Tom down at the fire house.

- Ah, but you, you are the prize
catch.

Oh, if I wasn't married, I'd
be running after you myself.

- Well that's very
flattering, Mrs. Bergen.

I wonder if you would mind

if I asked you a couple of
questions.

- Police business?

- Well in a way.

You know Mrs. Jarvis, don't you?

- Oh of course.

Marjorie and I are co-chairmen

of the Home for the Aging
Committee.

(giggles)

- Well have you seen her
recently?

- No, no I haven't.

That's rather odd, if you ask
me.

She missed a meeting of
the Famous Books Club

the other day and it was
one of her favorites too.

"Moby Dick".

- Well did she call to let
you know she wasn't coming?

- No, her husband called me.

He said she wasn't feeling well.

- Have you talked to her since?

- I can't reach her.

Every time I call her, her
husband says she's either out

or washing her hair.

- Well thanks, Mrs. Bergen,
you've been very helpful.

- Oh, what's it all about,
Sheriff?

You can trust me.

- Well it's nothing serious,
just routine.

- Ah, you're being very
mysterious.

But I won't pry.

Oh, just a minute.

- What's this?

- Ms. Gunderson's telephone
number.

(playful music)

- Thanks.

- Hi.

- Come up with anything?

- Well, it's hard to say.

I talked to most of the
neighbors

and I tried not to raise any
eyebrows.

I think I did a pretty good job.

- Charlie, get to the point.

Has anyone seen Mrs. Jarvis?

- No.

Not for three days.

She hasn't even taken the
garbage out.

- Well that still doesn't prove
anything.

- No, but it's kinda strange.

The way I hear it is she
used to be all over town

all the time, clubs and
meetings.

It seems that she used to spend

hardly any time with her
husband.

- Hmm.
- Oh!

By the way, that Mrs. Logan
called you this morning.

She wanted you to call her right
back.

- Well why didn't you leave me a
note?

- I couldn't find a pencil.

(Ben scowls)

(playfully suspenseful music)

(phone rings)

- Hello?

- Sheriff Wister, ma'am.

- Oh, I've been trying
to reach you all morning.

- Why, what happened?

- Now I'm sure something's
wrong.

Last night Mr. Jarvis came
out into his backyard.

And he started digging in his
garden.

- Digging?

- Can you think of any reason on
Earth

why he'd do a thing like that?

- Only one and I'm not sure I
like it.

Tell you what, Mrs. Logan,

suppose I drop by your place
tonight.

- I wish you would.

I'll be expecting you.

Thank you.

- Bye.

- Well, what'd she want?

- Problems, Charlie, problems.

See ya in the morning.

Oh, say, do you know that
new teacher up at the school,

Ms. Gunderson?

- Oh sure, the fat one.

- Uh huh.

- He may not come out again
tonight.

But you can see the hole.

(startling tones)

I went to bed early last night

and then I heard him
working in the garden.

At first I thought I was
dreaming.

But there he was in his shirt
sleeves.

He had a shovel.

He was whistling to himself
while he dug.

Whistling and digging.

After a while I went back to
bed but I could still hear him.

- Just doesn't make any sense.

- It makes a lotta sense.

He's probably killed that poor
woman

and he's going to bury her out
there.

- Now, now, we can't jump to
conclusions.

- Well what else can we do?

You said yourself she didn't
show up

for her doctor's appointment,
no one's seen her for days.

It's got to be murder.

(door clicks)

(suspenseful music)

See?

Why don't you go down
there and arrest him?

- On what charge?

There's no law against a man
digging in his own backyard.

- Sheriff I don't understand
why you're so hesitant.

- Well because I don't want
a suit for false arrest.

- What more do you need?

It's obvious he's digging
a grave out there.

(gasps)

- What is it?

- I think he saw me.

Get away from that window.

Well he's gone.

You must've frightened him away.

- He looked straight at me.

Now he knows I've been watching
him.

- Well it was bound to
happen sooner or later.

- Sheriff I don't like it.

I'm alone here.

If he decides I know something.

(doorbell rings)

That's him.

- Maybe not.

- I didn't hear any car drive
up.

Who else could it be?

(doorbell rings)

- Better answer it.

It's all right, I'm here.

(tense music)

(tapping at door)

I'll be two feet away.

- I'm Jarvis, your next door
neighbor.

Well, can I come in?

- Oh.

Yes, of course.

Is there something I can do for
you?

- You tell me.

- I beg your pardon.

- I saw ya spying on me
from your bedroom window.

Why?

- Spying?

I think you're mistaken.

I just happened to look out.

- Oh, just happened, huh?

- I heard a noise and I was
curious.

- I suppose you think it's
funny,

me digging in the garden at
night.

- Well it's really none of my
business.

- That's exactly right,
it's none of your business.

But I wouldn't want you
to get the wrong idea.

You see I like to do
my gardening at night.

During the day it's
too hot, too many bugs.

But after dark it's cool and
quiet.

You can hear yourself think.

- Well that's perfectly
understandable.

- I'm glad you feel that way.

Maybe now you'll stop watching
me.

- Honestly, Mr. Jarvis,
I had no intention--

- Forget it.

I think we understand each
other.

- Mr. Jarvis, I'm new here

and this town isn't very
friendly.

- So?

- Well I'd like to get to
know you and your wife better.

Maybe you two could come
over for dinner one evening.

- I'm sorry, my wife
doesn't like to go out much.

- But we're right next door to
each other.

- I said she doesn't like to go
out.

Besides you've probably seen
enough of us

from your bedroom window.

(suspenseful music)

- You heard that.

- I heard.

- Now do you believe me?

- Well I never said I
doubted you, Mrs. Logan.

That still doesn't prove
anything.

All he's done is call on
his next door neighbor.

- But, the way he talked to me,

the way he looked at me.

- That still doesn't prove

he's burying his wife in his
backyard.

- Sheriff Wister, do you like
me?

- Of course I do, ma'am.

- Then remember this,
he knows that I saw him.

If he did kill his wife,
then I am a threat to him.

Think about that.

- Aristotle once said
that a play should have

a beginning, a middle and an
end.

But what did he know.

Today a play must have a
first half, a second half

and a station break.

You have seen only one of these.

The other two follow.

(suspenseful music)

(doorbell buzzes)

- Hello Sheriff.

What do you want?

- I'd like to talk with you, Mr.
Jarvis.

- Is this police business?

- Yes sir.

- Well, come in.

The place needs a good cleaning.

But I guess you can see that for
yourself.

Then again I wasn't expecting
any company.

- Well I'll try to be brief.

Is your wife at home?

- My wife?

Well why?

- There was an automobile
accident in town yesterday.

I'm investigating it.

And we think maybe your
wife was a witness.

- Must be some mistake.

- One of the drivers of the cars

gave a pretty good description
of her.

Said she was walking her dog.

So if I could just talk
with her a few minutes.

- She isn't here.

- Well I can come back tomorrow.

- No, no, I mean she's away.

- Oh? Vacation?

- Well something like that.

She's been gone for three days.

So she couldn't have been
a witness to any accident.

- I see.

Well just for the record,
so we can write it off,

where can we get in touch with
her?

- She went upstate, she was
gonna write me

and tell me the name of her
hotel,

but I haven't heard from her
yet.

- And she's been gone three
days?

- That's right.

- Tell me, did she take the dog
with her?

- Yeah, yeah she took the dog.

Any more questions?

- No, that's all.

Thanks for your cooperation.

- You can go out the front door,
Sheriff.

(suspenseful music)

- Out kinda late, aren't you
sonny?

- I can stay up as long as I
want.

- Find your cat?

- Yeah, he was home under the
bed.

- Good.

- What'd ya see old man Jarvis
for?

- Why?

Isn't he your friend?

- He's nobody's friend.

Always siccing Timmy on my cat.

- Timmy, Timmy's his dog isn't
he?

Tell me something, son,

have you seen him today?

- Who, Mr. Jarvis?

- No, the dog.

- Sure, I saw him this
afternoon.

He was sitting in the
window barking up a storm.

- You're positive it was Timmy?

- Yep, unless he got two dogs.

- Thanks.

(frenzied music)

(engine revs)

(tires peel)

Now Mrs. Bergen, why did
you do a thing like that?

- I was only trying to help.

After all it was obvious

you were suspicious about
something.

So I just baked a cake
and went over there.

I really wasn't in any danger.

- That's not exactly the point.

- When Mr. Jarvis answered the
door

I said I want to see Marjorie.

I said I have a new recipe
that she's interested in.

Mocha, Marjorie's very fond of
mocha.

- What did Mr. Jarvis
have to say for himself?

- He was positively rude.

He said Marjorie isn't well
and he grabbed the cake

and he slammed the door in my
face.

- Wait a minute.

You mean to say he didn't
say his wife was out of town?

- Oh of course not.

Why would Marjorie go out of
town?

She hasn't been anywhere
since I've know her

and that's 10 years.

(phone rings)

- Excuse me.

Sheriff Wister.

- It's me, Sheriff.

A little while ago he hopped
in his car and he drove off.

- You follow him?

- Yeah, he went right to
Bell's Hardware Store.

I'm across the street right now.

Hey wait a minute.

- [Ben] Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie?

- I'm all right here.

I'm right here, Sheriff.

Listen, he just got in
his car and drove off.

He had a package with him.

Should I follow him?

- No, you stay where you are.

I'll meet you.

I gotta run Mrs. Bergen.

- What's he up to?

Do you think he's done
something to Marjorie?

- I'll tell you what, Ms.
Bergen,

if he has you'll be the first to
know.

(horn honking)

(tires peeling)

(murmuring)

- Oh howdy, Sheriff,

Charlie.
- Mr. Bell.

- You come for your fishing rod,
Sheriff?

- No, I'll pick that up next
week.

Actually I came to inquire
about one of your customers.

- Oh, who's that?

- Harry Jarvis.

I understand he was just in.

- That's right.

- Mind telling me what he
bought?

- Well let me see.

He picked up a sack of grass
seed.

- Mm hmm.

Anything else?

- Yeah, a can of rat poison.

That was it.

Seemed like he was in a hurry.

- Well thanks, Mr. Bell.

Come on, Charlie.

Well the grass is easy to
figure.

He wants to seed the garden,

but why the rat poison?

- Well maybe he has rats.

- Is it possible his wife isn't
dead yet?

- Do you mean you think

he's got her locked up in that
house?

- No, he wouldn't take a chance
like that.

Why the poison?

- Well like I said, maybe he has
rats.

- Charlie, get in touch with Al

and tell him to meet us at
Mrs. Logan's house tonight.

- What for?

- We're gonna see if
Jarvis has dropped anything

in that hole he's been digging.

And Charlie, bring shovels.

(suspenseful music)

(whistling)

- More coffee, Charlie?

- Oh actually, I'd like
something

a little bit stronger, ma'am.

- Charlie, you're on duty.

- Coffee'll be fine.

- How long we gonna keep
waiting on that guy, Sheriff?

- Got anything better to do, Al?

- No, no, but that whistling's
getting on my nerves.

I wish he'd learn a tune.

- Yeah.

- He's been at it since before
you came.

First he started digging
and now he's covering up.

- Did he put anything in the
hole?

- Hi might've.

I couldn't watch that carefully

because he kept looking up here.

I'm afraid Sheriff, he
might do something to me.

After last night I don't
want to take any chances.

- All right.

We may as well move in.

Charlie, Al, let's go.

(tense music)

Charlie get the shovels.

- Sheriff, you'll let
me know what happens?

- Just watch from the window,
you can see for yourself.

- What are you doing here?

- Sorry, Mr. Jarvis,

we're gonna have to do a little
digging.

- What?

You've got no right to go around
here

digging in my garden.

That busybody next door,
she called you, didn't she?

There.

I just saw her at the window,

she called you, didn't she?

- We got a tip, Mr. Jarvis.

We wanna know why you come
out here and dig at night.

- I can't dig in my own
property?

A man can't dig in his own
property?

- You've gotta admit it
looks mighty suspicious.

- So I'm eccentric.

Do I have to plan my life to
suit you?

- Charlie, Al.

- Excuse me.

(tense music)

- [Charlie] Sheriff?

- Yeah.

- You'd better come here.

Something buried here.

- Can you make out what it is?

- Not yet.

Keep digging, Al.

- There's something down there,
all right.

You wanna start talking?

- Nope.

- Charlie, let me have your
light.

What is it?

Can you make it out?

- Sheriff, it's a dog.

- What?

All this digging and it
ain't nothing but a dead dog.

- Well what did you expect?

A body?

(playful music)

(suspenseful music)

I hated myself for doing it.

I'm not a cruel man.

The dog was sick anyway.

And Marjorie being gone, I
suppose I just wanted to put it

out of its misery.

So I dug the hole and
bought the rat poison.

- To give to the dog?

- Who else would I give it to?

Wait a minute, you mean
you were looking for her?

You mean that character next
door

said that I might've murdered
Marjorie?

- Let's be frank, Mr. Jarvis,

there's still some mystery as
to your wife's whereabouts.

- But to assume that I killed
her.

- But you've been giving
everybody in town

a different story.

You've told some people she was
sick

and you told me she was on
vacation.

And with that hole you're
digging out in back.

- I guess it did look a little
suspicious.

(sighs)

Well, I've learned one thing
anyway.

Ya can't keep a secret in
Linvale.

- What kind of secret?

- Marjorie left me, Sheriff.

She walked out four days ago.

- Just like that?

- No explanations.

Walked in and told me we were
through.

Packed her things, took our
reserve cash and her jewelry

and that was that.

After 15 years of marriage.

- I'm sorry to hear that, Mr.
Jarvis.

Do you know is she planning a
divorce?

- Who knows.

I don't even know why she left
me.

What does go on in a
woman's mind, Sheriff?

- Don't ask me.

- Sure, we had our fights.

We argued a lot.

But to wake up one
morning and find your wife

packing a suitcase, it's a
little hard to live with.

I guess I did go overboard
drinking and isolating myself.

Probably I did take it all out
on the dog.

She loved that thing.

I was just somebody who
brought the paper home.

- You mind if I take a
look through the house?

- No, no help yourself.

I guess this had to come out
anyway.

Might've been a little easier

if that busybody next door
had kept her blinds closed.

(thoughtful music)

(doorbell rings)

- Sheriff Wister.

You saw what we dug up.

- Yes, the dog.

- I suppose I should've known.

- Why?

Why should you have known?

- Because this is Linvale.

Things like that just don't
happen here.

- What did he tell you?

- That his wife had left him.

That's all there is to it.

She'll probably sue for divorce.

- Do you mean to say you believe
that?

- Sure I do, it happens every
day.

- Then you're taking him at his
word?

- Well what else can I do?

I've searched the house and the
garage.

Her jewelry is gone, personal
effects,

suitcases, everything.

- Then why did he lie to
everyone?

- Poor guy's ashamed.

He didn't want it know
that she'd left him.

As a matter of fact he's
hoping she'll come back

when she runs out of money.

- Oh that's the most far
fetched story I ever heard.

- Look Mrs. Logan, I've
made a fool out of myself

and dug up a man's garden.

If he wanted to, he could
get me in a lot of trouble.

But he's been pretty decent
about it.

He's gonna let it drop.

And that's just what I'm
gonna do, let it drop.

- Suppose you're wrong.

- Bring me some proof, then I'll
act.

But until you do, I'm
just gonna forget it.

- Sheriff, I don't feel
safe with that man around.

There's something wrong, I tell
you.

- Well there's nothing to fear.

You just call me if anything
happens.

- It would be too late then.

- I'm sorry ma'am, but
there's nothing I can do.

I just can't arrest him on your
say so.

- You've made yourself perfectly
clear.

Goodnight.

- No reason why we can't be
friends.

- I think there is.

Goodnight.

(playful music)

- I'll tell you one thing
boys, don't ever get married.

- (laughing) You shoulda
told me that five years ago.

- Yeah, well thanks for helping
us, Al.

- Anytime.

- Come on Charlie.

(playful music)

(whistling)

(dark music)

- I still can't believe it.

What a chance we took.

- It worked, didn't it?

What did he say when he left?

- "Give me some proof, then I'll
act.

"But until you do, I
wanna forget about it."

- Fine, that's exactly what we
want.

(happy music)

Come on.

We got work to do.

It's a good thing they
never looked in your yard.

Gimme a hand.

(crashing)

- Do you need some help?

- No, you fill in the hole.

I'll take care of things over
here.

(dark music)

(doorbell buzzes)

- [Ben] Hello Mr. Jarvis.

- Sheriff, what are you doing
back here?

- [Ben] Came for the dog.

- What?

- Can we come in?

- Well I was just getting ready
for bed.

- Well this won't take but just
a minute.

- But I don't understand.

I thought this was all cleared
up.

- Well there's a city ordinance
against burying animals

on residential property.

We'll just dump it in this
basket and be on our way.

- But I filled the hole in
again.

Look, I'll dig it up in the
morning

and then you can come back for
the dog.

- Wouldn't think of
bothering you, Mr. Jarvis.

We've bothered you enough
already.

Charlie and I can take care of
it.

- Yeah but I--

- Don't you worry about
a thing, Mr. Jarvis.

- Darling, here, you'll need
this.

(playful music)

- I think our story is further
evidence

to support my belief
that in cases like this

there is nothing quite
so good as burial at sea.

It is simple, tidy and
not very incriminating.

One word of warning, however,

if you take your wife on a sea
voyage,

buy her a round trip ticket,

no matter what your plans may
be.

Next week I shall return with a
story,

some commercials and more
friendly tips for happy
husbands.

Until then, goodnight.