Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the sun, moving on up, to a deep...

I was working on at art class.

Great, Weas. I know following the numbers ain't easy.

Oh, come on. This is an original.

Oh, you made up your own numbers, huh?

You know something?

I never thought I was talented at anything until now.

You know, those art classes really have made me feel worthwhile.

I know what you mean, Weas. 20 years ago, if somebody hadn't discovered

food, I don't know where I'd be today.

Not only am I ready, let me see it.

I call it Wild

Mustangs at Play.

What do you think?

Pretty wild already.

Pretty orange, too.

I knew you would love it. Now tell me, do you think I've captured... the

realism of the scene. I mean, do you actually feel like you are right there

the feel with those Mustangs?

Believe me, Weez, ever since you showed it to me, I've been watching where I

step.

George, you flatter me.

Hey, I'm going in to look, see if I can find a place to hang it in the bedroom.

Good idea.

When I'm in there, I used to have my eyes closed.

Everywhere I look.

George, you're home.

Unfortunately, you're not. So what's up?

Well, I don't know why, but we thought it might be a good idea to take in the

Museum of Natural History with you and Louise today.

Yes, they're having a special prehistoric exhibition.

I don't have to go to a museum for that. I got Florence right here.

Besides, I have a problem.

You think you've got a problem?

Look at this.

That's my problem.

Oh, my God, George, what is it?

It's Weezy's painting.

Oh, well, what happened to it?

She painted it.

She calls it Wild Mustangs at Play.

Well, in that case... Wait, wait, wait.

Just one question.

How did she get these little orange rats to stand still and pose for?

They're not rats. They're horses.

Rat -like horses.

What's all

the

laughing about?

Oh, I was just telling that joke about the nun and the water skier.

Well, tell me. I haven't heard it. Oh, it's only funny to people who have heard

it.

Have you two seen my painting?

Why, no. Where is it?

Right there.

Oh, why, Louise.

Oh, you've really outdone yourself this time.

It's so, uh, it's so, uh, uh, Helen, what is that word I'm reaching for?

I'm late.

The word is late, which is what we are right now.

Oh, we're on our way to the museum.

Oh, do you have to run? The museum is open all day.

Yes, but those dinosaurs aren't getting any younger.

Oh, hi, Charlie.

Mr. Rose.

Bye, Charlie.

Hope you brought your shovel.

Hey, Charlie, come on in.

Oh, hi, Charlie.

Hey, Mr. Jefferson.

Mr. Jefferson.

I thought I'd just drop these olives by for that new casserole that Florence is

trying out. Five pounds?

Well, not to worry. They freeze.

The ugliest thing I've ever seen.

Now, I could talk about Florence that way, but you are guests in this house.

as a guest, I think you should come over here and take a look at this painting

of Wheezy's, okay?

And I think she'd feel real bad if somebody was to say that it wasn't the

thing in the world.

So, Mrs.

Jefferson, you did this.

Oh, yes.

Well, this is really something.

Oh, you really think so? Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, the wife drags me all over

town to museums, and I can tell you I've never seen anything quite like this.

Well, Charlie, if you like, I could paint you something to hang down in the

Oh, no, no.

No, I couldn't possibly ask you to do that, Mrs. Jefferson.

You see, what I mean is I'm allergic.

I'm allergic to great art. Why, one look at the Mona Lisa and I get a post

-nasal drip.

Oh, Charlie, I didn't know.

Oh, yeah.

As a matter of fact, I feel like allergies acting up just standing here

your painting.

Would you excuse me? I got to run downstairs and pick up my inhaler.

Poor Charlie.

Yeah, we all have our crosses to bear.

I'm sleepy. I'm going to take a nap.

Tired already?

Hey, we with a talent like yours can wear a guy out.

Don't you like it?

Miss Jefferson, my mama always told me if you can't say nothing good, don't say

nothing at all.

Well, you could be honest with me. I'm not one of those temperamental artis.

Okay. I don't like it.

Well, what do you know about art?

Nothing. It could be the greatest painting in the world.

I just don't happen to like it.

Well, everybody else liked it.

Everybody? Yes, everybody.

Well, what I wouldn't give to have an optometry shop in this building.

Florence, what a thing to say.

Oh, Miss Jefferson, can't you take a joke?

There's such a thing as joking and such a thing as hurting feelings.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

I just don't happen to like the painting, that's all.

That's it.

Rub it in.

I'm not rubbing it in. I'm just giving you my opinion.

On a subject you know absolutely nothing about.

Now, look. You're the one who wanted to know what I liked, right?

Well, I don't like them orange rodents.

Those are not orange rodents. They are wild...

look like used Buicks.

Orange Buicks.

Oh, what's the use? If you had any sense of culture... Who are you calling

uncultured?

A certain woman whose idea of sophistication is going to a roller

Well, that's a lot of nerve from a certain woman who don't know the

between a horse and a hamster.

Florence?

I think you should take your mother's advice and zip your lip.

Oh, you want me to zip my lip?

I'll zip it. But I have one more thing to say.

Oh, yeah!

You're probably wondering why I gathered you all here.

Well, I have a...

Mr. Jefferson, would you like a green salad for dinner?

Florence, can't you see I'm talking?

Mr. Jefferson, you might mention to your wife that I can see perfectly well.

That is the problem.

Now, about your salad.

Uh, yeah, sounds good.

I just wanted to be sure you wanted a green salad.

You see, I get confused in a world where horses are orange.

Doesn't envy make a person ugly?

Please be fair. Nature has something to do with it, too.

Anyway, as I was trying to say, I've decided to have a showing

of my work.

At Charlie's Bar.

Oh,

Louise.

A showing so soon?

Yes, you don't want to do Charlie's Bar before a European tour.

Oh, now, Tom, I know you love my work.

But let's be realistic.

I'm a good...

Six months from being ready for Europe.

I've booked Charlie's for Wednesday afternoon.

Wednesday? Don't you think that's kind of soon? I mean, you only got one

painting to your name.

Yes, you need at least a dozen.

Well, I've got four whole days.

I think we'd better talk.

Oh, later, George.

I don't have much time. I'd better get to work. Can I borrow your bowling ball?

My bowling ball for what? I'd like to paint it.

A study in roundness.

This is awful.

What are we going to do?

Well, I know what we better do.

One of us better tell her the truth. I agree, and I think it should be you.

You're her husband, after all.

But isn't that a little obvious, Willis?

Well, yes, I guess so. Well, I guess that just leaves you, Helen.

Me?

I'm her best friend. I can't tell her the truth.

Besides, what about you?

Oh, I'm tired of being the bearer of bad news. I was the one that told her about

Ann Lander's divorce.

Well, look, somebody's got to stop her.

Hey, wait a minute. Maybe we don't have to stop her.

Oh, sure, Will. It's easy for you to say. Your wife knows she has no talent.

Let's just hear the plan.

Now, listen, George.

What if we invited an art critic to Louisa's showing? He could tell her that

work shows promise, but she's not quite ready for public viewing.

Brilliant, Willis. You know any blind art critics?

Listen, George, I think you're missing the point. I'm not suggesting we hire a

real art critic.

I'm saying that we hire some guy to pose as an art critic.

Oh, now I get you. You mean bringing somebody like Will Hicks.

Will Hicks, exactly.

Who's Will Hicks?

He's the manager of my Bronx store. He'll do anything for money.

For 50 bucks, he had his pants pressed while he was still in them.

Now that's an art critic.

Mr.

Jefferson. Hey there, Will. You got here.

Weezy's not here yet. Hey, see you one time. Nice touch.

Yeah, I got it out of the lost and found.

We don't have a lost and found.

We do now.

So you know what you're going to do, right? Yeah.

Think you can handle it? No problem.

Look, I want you to make her believe that you know all about art. Hey, when

hired me, I made you believe I knew all about dry cleaning.

Right on.

I'll let you know what she gets here.

Hey, Charlie, I just want to say thanks for closing up the bar this afternoon.

Oh, no problem, Mr. Jefferson. I know how much this show means to Mrs.

Jefferson. I mean, it's her hopes, it's her dreams, it's her aspirations.

Besides, I wouldn't want any of my regular seeing this schlock.

You know, Helen, this is the first time I've ever been somewhere where the goat

cheese was the second ugliest thing in the room.

A bowling ball.

A still life.

Can you believe it? No.

Who would put a bowling ball in a fruit basket?

Oh, there's Louise now.

She looks so excited.

I hope this whole thing works out.

Oh, yes. I do, too.

But if it doesn't, try the mustard sauce on these little chicken nuggets.

They're scrumptious.

Hey, Louise.

Yo, Will. Will?

Uh, Louise, I'd like for you to meet Will Hicks, the famous art critic.

Art critic? Oh, I'm so happy you could be here.

Yeah, Will is just returning from a trip to the Orient.

Yes, there's so much art there yet to be criticized.

How wonderful.

Uh, Mr. Hicks, how did you hear about my showing?

Uh, you heard of my fellow critic, Kellum DeForest?

No, I haven't. He don't.

Well, Mr. Higgs, I'd be honored to hear what you would have to say about my

masterpiece.

I think it's time to introduce me. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, Louise.

Thank you. Thank you.

And now for the moment you all have been waiting for. my

masterpiece.

I give you Wild...

critic Will Hicks loved my painting.

What color.

What depth.

What nerve.

Oh, Mr.

Emmett, you made it. Your office told me you were attending another opening.

I was, but you see, it was canceled. The artist wanted to finish one work in

progress, so he postponed his showing for a year.

A year?

What's he painting, his house?

I've just unveiled my masterpiece, and you've just got to see it. It would be

pleasure, Mrs. Jefferson.

Hey, who's this guy?

Oh, I'm sorry.

George, this is Mr.

Whitney Emmett, another famous critic.

He was the lecturer in one of our classes.

Oh, nice of you to come.

But we already have an art critic, and he's wearing a tie.

My husband has quite a sense of humor.

I tell you what.

You enjoy the exhibit while I go get you a glass of wine.

Hey, boss.

I didn't realize I was going to have competition.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to charge you extra. Hey.

We made a deal.

Okay, have it your way.

I'll just talk to your wife.

Hold it.

Okay.

Here's another 20 bucks, okay?

Now, you better make her believe that you like all of her junk.

Uh, George, what's going on? Here?

Look, this is not what you think.

Uh, that's cab fare. See, uh, old Will lives 20 bucks away.

Yeah, a lot of us are critics, too.

See ya.

George, you felt you had to bribe someone?

Ease don't feel bad.

What are you talking about? What do I have to feel bad about?

Well, your pictures.

Well, how can I put this nicely?

I can't.

You mean you don't like them?

No, Ease.

You never did?

No, Ease.

Well, the Willises?

Nope.

Charlie?

Just like Florence, you know nothing.

Well, if you don't mind, I'll take my criticism from somebody who knows

something about art.

Mr. Emmett!

Just one moment.

I'm awestruck.

Awestruck?

As in struck by awe?

Quite frankly, I've just never seen such beautiful work.

I mean the detail, the style.

What do you say to $500?

$500? I'm sorry, I insulted you. $700?

Well, I think I was pretty polite that time.

Did you hear that?

Mr. Emmett, normally I wouldn't let it go at such a low price. But for you...

Thank you, thank you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd, uh... I'd like to take it with me right now.

Thank you. Would you hold this, please?

Oh, sure.

This frame is an

exquisite example.

It's just an exquisite example of 19th century hand -carved craftsmanship. You

see, it's solid oak.

Oh, thank you so much.

Oh, oh, and you can take this, whatever. This, I don't need this.

Please.

You didn't by any chance hand -carve that frame, did you?

I made a complete fool of myself, didn't I?

Oh, don't be sad.

Sad? I'm furious.

Not one of you tried to stop me. Not one of you.

Courage to be honest with me, to tell me the truth.

You're wrong, Weas. One of us did.

Oh, my God.

Florence!

Uh, no, Florence, wait.

Miss Jefferson, if you're going to say some more nasty things to me, I'd just

soon put a couple of rooms between us. I'm not going to say anything nasty.

What I came to say is I'm sorry.

Well... I'll stick around for that.

And I also want to say thank you.

Thank you?

For what?

For being the only one with courage enough to be honest with me.

Let's face it.

My paintings... Well, they are more like...

They... Pink.

Well, not after the paint dries.

Mr.

Jefferson, tell you what. You've been such a good sport.

Go ahead, take a shot at me.

What? No, I couldn't do that.

Oh, go ahead.

Criticize anything. I can take it.

You'll feel better.

Oh, I don't know.

Come on, I mean it.

Well, okay.

Those earrings you're wearing, what's the word?

They're hideous.

Where in the world did you get them?

Out of your jewelry box.