Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to the...

I wish I had somebody better to tell this to.

Anyway, Florence, you are looking at a man who made the smartest decision of

whole life.

And you are looking at a woman who couldn't care less.

Hey, Weez, guess what I just bought?

What? I'll give you a hint, okay?

What is the one thing we don't have the best of? And it's not our maid.

Well, I don't know, George. It could be a lot of things. Okay, I'll give you a

hint, okay?

It's cold, it doesn't move, and it's made out of stone. And it's not our

Do me a favor and just spit it out.

I bought a statue.

A statue?

What kind of statue?

One that you'll love. Here, sit down. I'll tell you about it, okay? Now, close

your eyes and picture a magnificent work of art.

George, will you just tell me what it is? Okay.

It's called The Self -Made Man.

Can you think of anything that better captures my essence?

Dirty clothes.

True. But I'm talking about in the world of art.

That's probably them now. The gallery said they'd deliver it tonight.

Oh, no, no, no.

Let me get this.

This I gotta see.

You got taken.

The Willises have had one of these for years.

Well, what's with her?

She's disappointed because you're not a work of art. Well, gee whiz, doesn't

personality count for anything anymore?

What do you want, Willis? I want you to try to guess what's in my pocket. Okay,

two chocolate candy bars and a pack of M &M's.

Besides that.

Oh, no.

Two tickets to the big Yankee Angels game tonight at Yankee Stadium.

They're fantastic seats.

in the right field bleachers. You can't even see home plate from there.

Yes, because you can practically reach out and touch the hot dog stand.

And besides, it's always exciting to be at the stadium when Reggie Jackson's in

town.

Reggie! Reggie!

Reggie! Of course he knows that name. It used to be a candy bar.

But I also know that Ron Guidry is pitching for the Yankees tonight.

So?

So, haven't you read about the big rivalry between those two?

Why, when they played in Anaheim, Guidry brushed him back three times in the

same game. Oh, boy, was Reggie mad.

Yeah, that sounds exciting, but I can't go. I'm expecting a delivery.

You know, they can send a man to the moon, but they can't deliver a statue

across town.

I don't think he appreciates how tough it is to come by those tickets.

You know, the subway ride out to the stadium.

And then fighting the crowd to the ticket window, only to have it slammed

in your face.

And then being laughed at by three low -life scalpers. And then having to give

in to them and pay their price.

Oh, Tom, that sounds awful.

Oh, it must have been. Helen swore she'd never do it again.

Oh, the truck broke down. It can't deliver the self -made man till

Too bad it's not a self -delivering man.

Well, now, let's look at the bright side.

After all, you're holding on to two tickets to the game?

Hey, that's right.

Thanks, Willis.

Hey, Wheeze, what do you say you and me taking the game?

Just one moment. Those are my tickets.

What kind of friend do you think I am? I'm going to pay you for them.

George,

you go with Tom.

You'll have a good time and it'll take your mind off your statue for a while.

Well, it is a nice night. It should be a great game with this Jackson Guidry

rival and everything.

And I love the green fields and the peanuts and the beer and everything.

But, George, aren't you forgetting about spending an evening with a great guy?

Yeah, I'd like to, but they're your tickets.

Let's take our gloves.

No need.

That's the beauty of holding a couple of warm hot dogs.

Your hands never get cold.

I'm talking about our baseball gloves.

I got mine.

What for?

What do you mean, what for?

Suppose somebody cracked the line drive dead at your skull, what would you do?

Well, now let me think. I think when a situation like that comes up, I'd have

sit back and assess it when it happens.

A line drive, huh?

I'd probably duck.

Mm -hmm. Well, lucky for you, you got me there to protect you.

If anything comes in our direction, I just reach out and snag it.

You know, when I used to play sandlot ball, I had the stickiest fingers on the

team. In fact, you know what my nickname was back then?

Georgie. No.

Sticky fingers.

I set all kinds of defensive records. In fact, I caught everything within reach.

I even caught things that weren't even in my reach.

Well, that doesn't make any sense.

Neither do your eating habits. Do I question those?

No.

I think the Yankees are going to win.

Well, what makes you say that?

It's obvious.

They've got much nicer uniforms.

Mr.

Jefferson, don't you know nothing about baseball?

It ain't the uniform that makes the winner.

It's what's in the uniform.

And the angels are much cuter.

gentlemen we couldn't have asked for a more dramatic confrontation up to the

plate watch reggie war club in hand to face his nemesis shane raleigh with

that's right everybody the bases jam oh isn't this exciting yeah let's turn to

my soap for a minute you all remember how raleigh threw at reggie when these

teams tangled in california well this is the first time they faced each other

since then

Well, I've seen enough.

I can't, Wheeze. I'm not hungry.

Now, look, George, you've got to get over this.

Everybody drops one once in a while.

Wheeze, my hands were right there.

I had my eye on the ball all the time, and then... I don't know what happened.

Oh, but I do.

You made an awkward lunge, closed your eyes, and missed the ball. It was

perfectly clear on TV.

speech, okay?

I'm miserable enough.

Look, George, it's not so bad.

Not so bad? The whole country saw it.

No, not the whole country.

Just the people who were watching the game of the week. Look, you're a woman.

You have no idea what this is like, okay?

Okay, for instance, what woman do you admire most in the whole world?

Queen Elizabeth?

Okay. It's as if she hit a grand slam and you dropped it.

Mr. Jefferson, look what I found out by the trash chute.

I know. I threw that thing away.

But I found it by the trash chute.

What'd you do? Drop that too?

Get that for me, Weez. I don't want to see nobody.

Besides, I might drop the door.

All right. George this time.

But sooner or later, you're going to have to forget about that fly ball

and get on with your life.

Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

Is he in? Yes, Ralph, he is.

Good. I figured he could use a friend about now.

Better me than the bottle.

Although I have taken the liberty of bringing up a flask in case I don't get

through.

George!

Look who's here.

Hey, Ralph.

Well, before I leave you two alone, I just thought of something.

George, this may not be the best time to mention this, but do you remember our

wedding ceremony when the minister told you to slip the ring on my finger? Well,

you dropped that, too, and everything turned out all right, didn't it?

I'll go now.

Bad day at the ballpark, eh, sir?

Oh, you saw the game, too, huh? No, I didn't. I was working.

No, what a relief.

I caught it on the news.

Pardon me. I saw it on the news.

It was on the news?

Oh, you know the press, sir.

They prey on tragedies like this.

But may I say here and now, I categorically disagree with that fan who

you hands of stone.

And I think it was pretty cheap of that announcer saying any three -year -old

could have caught it.

But neither of those was as contemptible as that guy from the New York world

calling you old toaster glove.

I guess he was just referring to the way the ball just sort of...

popped out of there.

Why are you here, Ralph? Yes, sir. I knew you wouldn't want to be seen down

the lobby, so I thoughtfully brought up your newspaper for you. Thanks.

You got it, sir?

Well, sir, you know, there is some solace that you can take from

all of this.

Oh, sure.

You were the laughingstock of the network news last night.

And the wire services are having their little fun with your photograph today.

But it's not that bad, because you're still just a

nameless face in the crowd.

See what I mean, sir? Nobody knows your name.

They do now, Ralph.

Look at this ad that Cunningham Cleaners is running.

Would you trust your delicates to George Jefferson's hands?

The self -made man, huh?

Where's the rest of him?

I don't know.

I guess he didn't finish himself.

Oh, George!

Good news!

Your statue is here!

He should come out and see it!

He should come out and smash it.

I didn't enjoy it, Weaves. I don't belong in the same room with the self

man.

Oh, Florence, I'm worried about him.

I am, too.

I'm worried about anybody who would spend $5 ,000 on a piece of junk like

I mean, he's so depressed because he missed that home run ball that he won't

come out to see his statue.

Oh, I've got to do something.

I know.

There's only one man who can put him out of his misery now.

What you talking about?

New York is full of brain surgeons.

I'm talking about Reggie Jackson.

Reggie Jackson?

I knew the child could hit, but I sure didn't know he went to medical school.

I guess I should have mentioned it. I would like to see Reggie Jackson,

Yeah? You and half the free world.

Forget about it, lady.

But look, sir, I've been phoning his hotel and I can't get through. And I

need to see Mr. Jackson badly.

Look, nobody's allowed through here after the game but players and press.

And that's it. Understand?

Players and press?

Well, why didn't you say that? I'm with the press.

Oh, you are, are you? What paper?

It's called the...

center newsletter.

I just happen to have a copy with me.

You don't even have a sports page.

Of course not.

That's why I have to get in there to start one.

Here's a quarter, lady.

Go buy a pack of baseball cards.

Maybe you'll get lucky and get a Reggie.

Finally got some clean ones, huh?

Nah, they're still dirty. I just threw them in the dryer.

Hey, it's about time.

Throw me a couple of those, will you? Here you go.

Oh, who me?

Well, I'm a reporter.

What else?

Well, then I guess you're going to want to interview me.

No, I want to talk to a player.

I'm a player.

Brian Downing, the guy who drove home today's game winner.

Oh, how thoughtful.

He didn't have cab fare.

Well, actually, I'm here to see Reggie Jackson. Do you know him?

Yeah, he's in there. Right, guys?

Right.

Just walk right in.

All right, thank you.

What's the matter, lady? Haven't you ever seen a naked man before?

A real one?

Then what do you want?

Listen, I might quit. I was a game -winning pitcher today.

What can I do for you?

Well, I want Reggie Jackson.

In pants, please.

Oh, yeah, right here. Oh, here he is, right here.

Oh, well, thank you.

Mr.

Jackson, Louise Jefferson.

Help sent a newsletter.

Have you got a pencil and some paper?

Are you a reporter?

Well, not really.

Well, in that case, you shouldn't be in here. Hey, Al. Yeah, Rich.

No, no, no. What I mean is I'm a columnist.

Reporting is so degrading.

Oh, is that right? Well, what do you want to interview me for?

I fanned three times today.

Of course you fanned, Mr. Jackson. It's over 100 degrees out there.

Tell me, what are you really here for?

Well, I'd like to tell you, but it's really private.

It's okay. It's all right.

It's all right.

Go ahead. I'll give you a second.

Hey, hey, guys.

This is the lady that's married to old Toaster Glove.

What happened to I can keep a secret?

Well, lady, what happened yesterday isn't exactly a secret.

I mean, the game was on television. 20 million people saw the game.

Well, I guess you've got a point.

But I'm also hoping you have a heart.

What do you mean?

Well, my husband took an awful ribbing for dropping that ball, and it's really

gotten to him, and I can't cheer him up.

So I was thinking perhaps a phone call from you might do the trick.

Now, I know you are a very busy man, but I'm willing to pay because I know you

guys don't make much money.

Don't worry.

I picked up a buck seventy -five in right field today.

Oh, well, I'm sorry I bothered you.

You say your husband's feeling that low?

You would think it was the fourth quarter of the last frame of the World

Well, in that case, I don't think a phone call's gonna do it. Oh, please.

I think I'll have to go see him in person.

Really? Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, you're a sweetheart. You really are.

I tell you what. You go call us a cab, and I'll go over and finish getting

dressed. Okay, if that's what you want me to do.

But that man over there,

Loves driving people home.

See that hole in your head?

I got one here just like it, where my heart used to be.

Get that, will you?

Hi,

Mr. Jefferson.

I'm Reggie Jackson.

Can I come in?

I came to talk to you about last night's game. Oh.

You came to make fun of me, too, huh?

No, I think the fans, newspapers, and wire services did enough of that last

night.

I'm sure the guys in the locker room had a couple laughs at my expense.

Believe me, we did not have a couple laughs.

Well, that's a relief.

See, George, now, don't you feel better?

Please, why don't you get home?

Mr. Jefferson, your wife came by the ballpark to talk to me.

She told me that you're really feeling low.

Well, Reggie... You know that brown, nasty tobacco juice you guys spit out

then grind into the dirt before you come off the bat?

Very well.

I feel lower than that.

Look, Mr. Jefferson, as long as they've been playing baseball, guys have been

dropping fly balls.

I mean, all the great ones. Guys like Mays, Mantle, DiMaggio... You know, Mr.

Jackson... George says you dropped a penny yourself.

Damn, lady.

You got a funny way of talking to a cat when he's trying to help you out.

Reggie, you don't mind if I call you Reggie, do you? No, it's all right.

Look, I appreciate you coming to my house. I know why you're here, but I'm

afraid it's no use. I mean, I did it. I have to live with it, okay?

I mean, I am and always will be the guy who dropped... Reggie Jackson's called

shot grand slam ball.

But, Mr. Jefferson, you've got to... It's okay. I'll live with it. I'll live

with it.

Okay.

I tried, Mr. Jefferson. What can we do?

Well, Reggie, can't you stay for dinner?

No, I can't be hanging around here. I got some action tonight.

Oh, I just love that sports lingo.

Goodbye. Hey, Jefferson, think fast.

What's this?

I'll tell you what that is.

That's a pretty good catch.

And I'll tell you what else that is.

What? That's the called shot that I hit last night, the ball that you dropped.

So?

Now you can tell all your friends that you really did catch Reggie's called

shot.

Yeah, but that was there. I caught this here.

Okay. Wait a minute.

But I caught this without a glove.

It sort of evens things out, right?

Yes, it does, George.

Hey, Reggie, you know something?

When I was a kid, I used to play a lot of sandlot ball, you know?

I had the stickiest fingers on the team. In fact, you know what my nickname was

back then?

Georgie.

Oh, sticky fingers.

How come nobody gets that?

Reggie, is there any way you can let George keep the ball?

Oh, yeah, that sure would help my story.

Sure, you can keep it.

I'll even sign it for you. Hey, that's great. And when you come into town, you

can visit it.

That's great. It'll also give me a chance to visit your wife.

She seems to know a lot about baseball.

Mr. October!