Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the east side, moving on up, to the

deep...

What? What we need is someone strong to take our grievances to Mr. Whittendale

personally. Oh, what's the use?

Whittendale's a cheap, mean -hearted rent gouger.

I have something to add. Would she please stick to the rules of order?

Uh -oh, well, it looks like your wife is about to eat that gavel any minute.

Thanks a lot, George. Maybe lose count.

One, two... Oh, the chair recognizes Mr. Bentley.

And Mr.

Bentley recognizes the chair.

Standard metal folding, isn't it?

The chair no longer recognizes Mr. Bentley.

Oh, please, Mrs. J., I was only joking, you see. It's just that I feel we may be

getting a bit petty here tonight with our concerns.

Now, there are much bigger issues. Nuclear war, for instance.

The fact that one madman can push a button and destroy the entire human

And I just think we should take a moment here to reflect upon that.

Now, about that squeak in the revolving door out there, it seems to me that

what... Mr. Bentley, I got a big problem in the laundry room.

What big problem in the laundry room?

The amount of time I spend there.

Miss Jefferson, would it be all right with you if I only do permanent press

day a week?

We'll talk about that upstairs.

Will a chair recognize a tenant that's married to it?

What do you want, George?

Her to shut up.

Why do we have to listen to her? She don't pay no rent.

The way you pay me, I'm too poor to pay attention.

Well, maybe if you did some work, you could get...

I'll pay you good.

Order!

Would you sit down, please? Ladies and gentlemen, may we carry on?

Mr.

Don Levy here, our respected president, has tried his best with Mr. Whittendale,

but the dear man is tired.

We'd like to... thank him for his devoted years in office.

But now that his term has expired... Looks like he's expired.

George, where are you going?

Down to Charlie's Bar to play some Donkey Kong.

Oh, uh, by the way, 45.

What? Holes in the acoustical tiles.

Per tile.

You better count again. I counted 43.

What? Oh, gee, maybe there were two flies.

One, two... People!

We need a new president, someone who can devote her or his

or her full time to the job. Someone strong,

kind of like me, committed, much as I am,

home during the day, as I frequently find myself.

But most important.

Someone who's accustomed to dealing with adversity. I nominate Louise Jefferson.

I'm speechless.

I don't know what to say.

My dear friends and neighbors, this honor comes

as a complete and utter surprise.

Who would have thought?

that only a few short - Hold it, hold it. Stop, everybody. I nominate my wife

for the office of president.

George, she's already been nominated.

Weasley, I thought this was what you had me dragged down here for. I was

brilliant in talking about it.

Well, that's my husband for you.

He's quite a little funster.

Mr. Jefferson, if you leave now, you're going to miss your wife's spontaneous

remarks. No, I won't. I'm the one who wrote the spontaneous remarks.

Well... I guess I'm it.

Madam Chairperson, point of order. Shouldn't we call for any other

What? Oh, sure.

There are no other nominations. Are there? No? Good.

Well, then, since Mr.

Donlevy's term is over on the 15th, and after the building votes, I guess you'll

take over the job, Louie.

Thank you. Thank you.

Now, where's Louise so we can get this meeting started?

Oh, don't you worry, Miss Callahan. You have my complete support on that.

And it will remain a priority until it is rectified.

And I vow to you that the next time you step on the elevator, you will hear

music by Helen Reddy.

I am... Damn woman, hear me roar.

Louise, you're not going to believe it. You are not going to believe it. You are

not going to believe it. Well, try me. Maybe I will believe it.

Somebody in this building is running against you.

I don't believe it.

You sure?

Absolutely. I heard it from 11B.

But can we trust that?

11B is always gossiping. Granted.

But remember, 11B is the one who told us the story about the stewardess in 7C

who was seen on the fourth floor knocking at apartment E.

That's right.

But doesn't she usually get her information from 15F? Sorry, but this

got it on good authority from 3G, who was told by 7A who heard it from

9D.

9D? Mm -hmm.

Oh, boy.

Then it is true. You can take it to the bank. I even went and asked Mr. Donlevy

about it.

And what did he say?

He always takes the same position on every issue.

Louise, did you hear the news? The whole building is bundling with it. Yeah, I

guess it's true.

But it could be idle gossip.

Tom, it came from 9D.

Oh, Louise.

I know who it is. Mrs.

Neumeier from 11th.

One day I lost my head and said something awful to Gabby, her talking

bird. Forgive me for asking, Louise, but why did you say something awful to a

bird? He kept asking me to make an egg with him, okay?

It's got to be her.

And she didn't come to the tenancy meeting either. That's because they

live in the building anymore.

I heard from 11C that Gabby got asthma and they both moved to Arizona.

I hope the coyotes get them.

But who could it be?

Well, there's no point in standing around here speculating.

Yes, we've got to find the facts.

Good idea.

Where should we start?

Nine D!

Oh, Louise, you have such good support in this building.

Someone had got to be a pretty big fool to run against you. Oh, a real idiot.

George!

George!

Now, Louise, don't do anything hasty. But I am so angry.

I know.

But don't do anything hasty.

Make it slow... and painful.

I don't believe it. How could George do this to me? Why would he do it to you?

Yeah, the only thing on his mind during the whole tenants' meeting was counting

the 44 holes in the acoustical tiles.

43, Tom.

Then there was a fly.

Mr. Whittingdale, I appreciate the posters and everything, and they really

up the elevator, but to run against my wife, she'll kill me.

For the last time, Jefferson, I hold in my hand the soon -to -expire lease on

Dave's Discount Records.

Do you or do you not want to expand your downstairs store into Dave's? Of course

I do. The location is terrific. It's right next door.

But run against my wife? I told you, Jefferson, I don't want her in that

I want someone in there who will watch out for my best interests.

Someone who is weak, ineffective, spineless, if you will. Jefferson, I

Look, I'm flattered and honored.

Like I say, run against my wife, she'll strangle me.

But of course, with that extra space, there'll be a lot of places to hide.

Jefferson? You win that election, and Dave's is yours.

Oh, hold it. There's one more little problem, sir. This may come as a

to you, but through the years, I've sort of offended a lot of people in the

building. So, um, some of the people in the building, uh, well, they, uh, how

can I put this? Uh, hate you.

Right.

So how am I going to run against Wheezy? That's your problem. But you want this

lease bad enough, you'll find a way. Oh, and Jefferson, remember...

This conversation never took place.

What conversation?

Jefferson.

Oh, what a beautiful day!

Isn't it great to be alive?

It sure is. Enjoy it while it lasts.

George, I know you alone.

But this is the lowest.

I know you're sneaky, but this is the sneakiest. And I know you're kind, and

this is the kindest.

Whoops. Let's start again.

Listen, would you two excuse us, please? I would like to assault my husband in

private. Oh, come on, Louisa. We're just starting to get interesting.

She's right, Tom. Let's go.

We can read it tomorrow in the obituaries.

Oh, George, I thought you were fair, and this is the fairest.

You know, this just isn't my day, is it?

George, how dare you run against me? How dare you humiliate me like this? This

is beautiful.

It's working. What are you talking about?

My plan, Weas. Look, if you can't see through it, nobody else will. Plan what

plan? Weas, have you ever heard of a little place called Russia?

Oh, brother.

Look, Weas, I'm serious now.

In Russia, you don't have a choice. You only have one candidate to vote for. Is

that what you want? To turn our beautiful American building into Kremlin

Wait.

What am I even worried about?

Nobody's going to vote for you anyway.

Exactly. I'm a paper candidate.

I don't want to take no votes from you. I wouldn't even try.

Okay, Ralph, what dirt did you get on my wife?

Sir.

To be your campaign manager is one thing, but I consider your wife to be a

friend. And the very thought of dragging her name through the mud, of spreading

ugly, vicious... I'll double your fee.

We'll bury you, sir.

You got all that on wheeze? Oh, no, no, dear me, no. This is just my own

personal collection of all the tenants' little, shall we say, quirt.

Let's see.

G... H...

What a little devil Mr.

Huntington is.

I... Jay. Yes, sir.

Mrs. Jackson and the census taker.

Mrs. Jackson and the UPS man.

Mrs. Jackson and the roofing crew.

Here we are.

Jefferson. Give it all to me, Ralph. I want to grind her up. I want to bury her

face in the mud. But...

I don't want to hurt her feelings, okay?

I understand, sir.

Here's a goodie.

No, that's about you.

Here's one.

No, that's you, too.

I remember this. This is a doozy.

No, you again.

Look, Ralph, don't you have anything on her?

Not a thing.

Other than... That she married you.

Let's use this.

Wait a minute, what am I saying? Come on, Ralph, we gotta find something.

We better, because you're slipping at the polls.

Polls? You took a poll? Of course.

Here.

In the 18 to 20 year age range, you don't have a vote.

Women, zip.

Seniors, nada.

Ah. But now here's your power base.

Your middle -aged black male dry cleaners. You carry them 100%.

Great. Wait a minute. I'm the only one in the building.

Don't move out.

We're in trouble, Ray.

Well, the cavalry may be on its way. I sent a copy of the poll to Mr.

Whittendale. What'd you do that for?

$75.

You may be the candidate, but he's the machine.

I'll get that, sir. I'll get it. And we'll just deduct that from the slush

Sir!

Mr. Whittendale, I've been going over the polls.

Not exactly the people's choice, are we, Jefferson?

No, sir, but we are carrying the black middle -aged dry cleaner 100%, sir.

He likes to call that his power base.

Come off it. You're getting nowhere.

Look, I don't have the stomach for this, Mr. Whittendale.

Nonsense. Jefferson, you need that store, don't you?

more than oxygen itself, then let me share a little bit of personal

with you. When it comes to getting what you want, whatever it takes, that's what

it takes.

So, let me tell you the way it's going to go down.

And point 91.

If elected, I pledge to stand up to the management and not take no

for an answer.

Point 92, my opponent is a pipsqueak.

Thank you.

Thank you, candidate Jefferson number one. And I now call on candidate

number two for his rebuttal.

I rebut.

That was succinct. Thank you. Now, before we start the election, I'd like

remind everyone to really pitch in on their contributions for our beloved ex

-president, Mr. Don Levy. Oh, my. He's dead?

Not yet.

But he is honeymooning in Florida with a 23 -year -old.

Oh, that's preposterous. Florida's so humid at this time of year.

Now we'll have our nominees discuss the issues with our landlord, Mr.

Whittendale, who has graciously invited himself to our meeting.

Mr.

Whittendale, the floor is yours.

Mr. Willis, the entire building is mine.

Now, I'm a very busy man, so let's get on with it.

Soften him up for me, please.

With pleasure.

Mr. Whittendale, let's start with the garage.

It's dirty, the lights are always out, and it's impossible to find your own

Now, what do you say to that?

Take cabs.

George? Uh, Mr. Whittendale, the garage is dark. A very valid point,

Jefferson. I'll price neon fixtures first thing next week.

Uh, my, uh, second complaint, Mr. Whittendale, concerns the elevator.

It's practically obsolete.

And when it works, if it works, it's low and inconvenient.

It goes up.

It goes down.

Just like life.

Your serve.

Mr. Whittendale, is it really just like life?

When you put it that way, I see the problem.

I'll look into more modern equipment right away.

Do you smell a rat?

No. But you could put saddles on the cockroaches in my apartment.

A more immediate problem is the carpet in the lobby.

It's frayed and a safety hazard.

People could trip on it.

Then walk through the garage.

It'll be better lit by then.

He will never budge on that carpet.

Okay, okay, Jefferson. I'll have some sample sent over first thing in the

morning. Perhaps a durable, tufted polyester.

Isn't the democratic process just marvelous?

And now we'll continue our discussion with you, Louise.

A discussion?

Don't you mean a performance?

What are you saying? I'm saying that Mr.

Whittendale and my husband have conspired to overthrow me. What?

That's a lie.

A lie, is it? Well, how do you explain... Wait a minute, Mr.

calls my wife a liar and gets away with it. Jefferson, don't do anything rash.

I can live with a little rash.

I gotta come clean, Weas. This was all a setup.

I knew it. Jefferson.

That's right. Mr. Windale was going to take back all of his promises the minute

that I was elected. You'll pay for this.

Maybe some of that's better than people in the building paying for it.

Oh, George, I don't know what to say. I do. Let's get on with the voting.

Please step forward and pick up your ballots.

It worked like a charm, didn't it, Jefferson?

Just like you said it would. They loved you for standing up to me. There's no

way you can lose.

If I may compliment you, sir, I was extraordinary, wasn't I?

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? We've just counted

ballots for the fourth time, and there's an unusual situation here.

A tie.

A tie.

A tie.

Nobody wins, nobody loses.

No feeling of euphoria, yet none of remorse.

No smiles, no frowns. No ups, no downs. Do you know I've just realized

something? What's that?

My life is a tie.

Oh, wait a minute.

I just went over the tenants' list and one person here hasn't voted yet.

Who would bother to come to a tenants' meeting and not vote?

George.

Good work, Jefferson.

As soon as you cast your vote, the lease is yours.

Well, sir, I was thinking as soon as you signed the lease, then I'd cast my

vote. Why should I trust you, Jefferson?

You were part of a very underhanded plan.

But correct me if I'm wrong. It was your underhand that came up with the plan.

Tell you what.

Why don't we sign our documents simultaneously? Sounds good enough to

Thank you.

Thank you, Jefferson, for a job well done. And may I extend my

to the new president of the Tenants' Council.

Louise Jefferson!

Oh, my God!

Oh, George, you've made me so happy.

Well, we see the best person for the job.

Jefferson, how could you double -cross me like this? Mr. Whittendale, when it

comes to what you want... Whatever it takes is what it takes.

Thank you. I'm holding in my hand the lease to Dave's Discount Records, signed

by the man himself, Mr.

Roy Rogers.