Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the east side, moving on up, to a

deep...

imagine yourself at 100.

Come on, will you be serious? By that time, I'll look great, but I'll need

glasses to see how great.

Well, I must say you're handsome tonight, and you're going to look even

dashing on the television.

I can't believe it. Manhattan up close coming to our home to talk to us about

how we live.

Hey, I look great.

Please just sit over here a minute.

Right there.

That's going to look fabulous when I'm sitting there.

Come to think of it, George, you just may not make it to 80. Come on, Weed,

something's bothering me.

What? Well, look, if the big guy upstairs spent all that time and energy

me so good looking, he had to have shortchanged somebody else somewhere

the way.

George, I really don't think that's the way it works.

Oh, no? Then how do you explain that?

Done with the cleaning. I washed the dishes. I cleaned the stove.

I even polished the toaster oven. Hey, I should be on TV more often. Yeah, they

need a replacement for the Munsters.

Louise, let me know when the TV people get here or when she leaves.

Where are you going?

The bedroom. We got another mirror in there. I mean, I got to be fair and give

all the mirrors equal chance.

It's working.

He's absolutely convinced that he's going to be on Manhattan up close.

Yeah, I can't wait to see his face when he finds out he's really going to be on

bobbles, bungles, and boo -boos.

Miss Jefferson, you're a genius.

Well, yes.

Well, no.

Well, what the heck, yes.

But I just can't believe how perfectly it worked out.

I mean, I was just complaining to George about how there was no excitement

happening for us anymore.

And then the next thing I know, this man approaches me in the supermarket and

asks if there's anybody in my life I'd like to poke fun at on TV.

And how many milliseconds did it take you to answer?

Now, this whole trick centers around George's precious cleaning fluid.

You did switch the bottles.

Oh, yeah, I switched them all right.

I wouldn't miss this for nothing in the world.

Me neither.

Oh, they're here.

George, they're here!

Okay, okay.

Stay calm.

Look, Floyd, get the door.

I'll be sitting over here looking natural.

Hi. Stan Froman, Manhattan up close?

Are the Jeffersons in? Because if they're not, we don't have a show

Oh, sure, Mr. Perlman. Come on in. We've been expecting you.

Hi, Sted.

It's nice to see you again. Nice to see you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, meet my cameraman, Daisy.

Can't call me a sexist. I hire broads all the time.

I see.

Well, let me tell George you're here.

Right. George?

Oh, just a sec, Weas.

What is it, sweetheart?

Stan Froman is here. Froman?

From Manhattan up close.

Oh, Stan, how are you?

Nice meeting you, Mr. Jefferson. I hope I didn't interrupt your reading. No, no,

I didn't have much of a plot anyway.

The dictionary?

I thought it was a little wordy.

A little confusing, too, wasn't it?

You're reading it upside down.

I'd like for you to meet my maid, Florence, who just blew her TV career.

And, of course, you've met my wife, Louise. I have.

Now, folks, listen. We want to make this as smooth as possible. All we're going

to do is just follow you around with the camera and see what a typical evening

is like here at the Jeffersons. All right? You know something? It's too bad

didn't get here a half hour early. The mayor stopped by for a minute.

The mayor? What did he want?

Ah, the usual. Something about New York.

That's certainly our loss. But, folks, look, let's get to work. Now, we're

to go walk out the hall again, and we'll start the tape rolling with the

greeting at the door, okay? Okay, okay.

Okay,

let's get ready. Now.

All right, now, where's your answer to the door, okay? Just act natural.

Floss, what are you doing?

Nothing. Perfect, that's natural.

Ah, Mr. Jefferson.

Cut, cut, cut.

Jefferson? Why, if it isn't Stan Froman from Manhattan up close.

George, look who's here.

Stan, Stan Froman, how are you? Come in. Thank you.

Ah, it is my pleasure to introduce you to my wife, Louise.

And I guess I'll have to introduce you to our maid, Florence.

Hi, Stan.

I watch your show all the time.

I think it's one of the classiest shows on TV. Well, thank you.

So what you got him on for?

I see this is going to be a very lively interview.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Jefferson, may I compliment you on a lovely apartment you

and your husband have?

Oh, please.

Yes, we do, Stan.

Take this lamp, for instance. There's quite a story behind it. Well, we

certainly want to hear it, okay?

It was on sale, and my wife bought it.

Yes.

the story, Stan.

And it's always fresh no matter how many times I tell it.

Good. Oh, I see you're an art buff, Mr. Jefferson. Yes, we are, Stan.

In fact, I remember the day Louise and I walked into the gallery and I said to

myself, I've got to have that painting. What was it? The brush stroke? The mood?

The color? Well, no. I noticed that the ones that had the people in them cost

twice as much.

Well, the idea was for him to make a fool of himself.

I know, but I never dreamed it would work out this well.

Oh, you understand, I must say, this painting has given us hours and hours of

pleasure. In fact, sometimes we may spread a blanket out under it, you know,

have ourselves a little picnic.

You know, it's like being at the ocean, except you don't get sand on your feet.

Oh, speaking of feet, did you see my new wingtips?

Uh, maybe a little later.

But right now, we want to hear more about George Jefferson the Professional.

Okay, well...

I'm a dry cleaner. I have seven stores.

Wait a minute. I shouldn't be bragging about myself.

I'll let my wife do that.

Louise?

Oh, well, George is a very good dry cleaner. Oh, all right.

He's the greatest.

She's always embarrassing me this way.

Well, you know, this is perfect because, well, a great dry cleaner is exactly

what I need.

You see, I have a little problem, and I thought maybe you'd be able to help me

with it. Well, sure. What is it? Financial problem? Marriage problem?

No, no, no. Nothing like that. You see, I smudged my jacket on the elevator

door, and there's a small stain.

Could you help me get it out?

We in the dry cleaning business have a saying.

Neither rain nor sleet nor gloom of night can stop our pointed rounds.

Uh, Mr. Jefferson, isn't that the postman's motto?

Well, you figure all the government benefits they have, they can come up

their own motto, right?

Florence, my special formula?

Yes, sir. Oh, you mean you have something on hand.

Oh, yes. George came out with some special fluid, and it's great for

stains. Louise, you shouldn't speak of things that are over your head.

You see, Stan, I came up with a special fluid that is perfect for getting out

stains.

Florence?

Stick around. The show's about to begin.

You got that right.

Dr. Jefferson is in. Your jacket, sir. Certainly. Here we go.

Grease stains, no problem.

Grat stains, no problem.

This stain's a little problem.

You want to see my wingtips? My jacket.

It's smoking.

Oh, well, I guess you could say you have a smoking jacket.

Hey, come on.

My jacket's ruined. I demand to know what you put in that bottle. Wait a

I know what you're thinking. I'm telling you, that's not my fluid in that

bottle. Tell him about it, will you?

Oh, George, I wouldn't want to talk about something that was over my head.

Oh,

my jacket. Look at it.

Turn off the camera. I'll explain everything.

I'm not turning off the camera. I'll give you one of my stores. Six is enough

for me. No.

I'm sorry. I'm keeping the camera rolling because I want our viewers to

squirm when I tell them and tell you that you're on Bobbles, Bungles, and Boo

-Boos.

Boo -Boos. You mean to say this is my all -time favorite show of Manhattan

up close?

No. No, it isn't. We're putting you on.

Bobbles, Bungles, and Boo -Boos. My all -time favorite. My favorite show.

I want you to want to see my wingtip.

Hey, will you in on this? I'd love you for that.

And you in on it too, right? You're fired.

Oh, but it was fun though, wasn't it, George?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was fun. And I hope you had fun too.

And George, for being such a good sport, we've got something to give you.

Do you and your wife like the theater? Oh, yeah, as long as the popcorn is

and the floor's not too sticky.

No, I mean the legitimate theater.

Yeah, we paid to get in. Well, I'd say here's what I'm going to do for you.

Now, I've got four tickets to that smash Broadway hit, The Green Valise, and

we're going to give it to you and your wife and to Florence and her date. Ah,

oh, well, in that case, three will be enough.

Well, that about wraps it up, ladies and gentlemen. This is Stan Froman saying

goodnight from Bobbles, Bungles, and Boo -Boo.

This is not my work.

Mr. Froman was right. That play is awful. Yeah, but you know, I can't

out, what was that police supposed to symbolize anyway?

I have a theory.

I think it represented a little suitcase.

Those playwrights.

Oh, George!

We've been robbed!

Well, let's try to be calm.

Let's sit down and discuss what to do about this.

There's nothing to sit on.

Well, we can be calm standing up, though.

Well, who in the world would have done something like this? Who knew we... were

gone. Nobody except those people from that TV show that gave us those tickets

go to the theater. Wait a minute. I bet you that's who did it. Oh, George, don't

be ridiculous.

They can't be crooks.

A TV show?

Well, how do you know they're from a TV show?

Where'd you meet them anyway?

Some people approached me in the supermarket. A supermarket always? You

sucked in.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Jefferson. You're pressuring her.

You're trying to make her story sound dumb.

Now, I'm sure Miss Jefferson has a very good explanation.

Well, yeah.

Surely somebody showed you some identification.

Well, no, nobody did.

Then may I ask what made you think Mr. Frohman was a TV show host?

He had such nice teeth.

Where are you going?

Your defense is going to rest.

Wake me when you have a better alibi.

Oh, George, I still say it couldn't be.

How could they have gotten all of that furniture past Ralph?

Oh, no, I just remembered.

I told him to go along with whatever those TV people said.

I don't believe this. We get ripped off and I gotta tip Ralph for it.

Just calm down. I'll call this Buggles and Boo -Boo show and straighten this

whole thing out because I know it wasn't them.

Hello? This is Louise Jefferson.

I thought you were going to bed.

I was, but I ran into a problem.

What? I ain't got no bed.

What?

Well, look, don't get no ideas about sleeping with us.

Don't worry.

You ain't got no bed either.

George, I'm sorry.

They've never heard of us.

That's okay, Weez. They will.

Tomorrow when the headlines say, wife falls for oldest chick in the book.

Husband has spinal damage from sleeping on the hard floor.

I'm calling the cops.

Oh, Florence, I feel like such a fool.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

It was so stupid of me.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Maybe the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You know, you don't have to agree.

What do you mean?

What I told the cops.

Oh, George, I feel terrible. Why do you go around trusting people like that?

That's the worst thing in the world to do. Trust me.

What is this?

Oh, a book of matches.

All hands massage parlor.

You're in a good state with all hands.

Hey,

wait a minute. This could be a clue.

Yeah.

I'm going down there to check it out. Well, shouldn't you wait for the police?

Look, Weaves, by the time they get here, our furniture could be in Alaska

someplace. Then let me go with you. This could be dangerous, Weaves.

Please. I want a chance to redeem myself.

Okay, but let me give you a little advice. If these people put up a fight,

like those armchairs anyway. Let's go.

Wait a minute.

Are y 'all sure you want to do this?

Yes, we are.

Good, because the Willis's ain't got but one extra bed.

George, I'm a little scared.

Maybe we should leave this to the police.

I mean, they're a little more experienced in this field.

Thanks, though.

Keep the change.

I think you're wrong. These are a lot more experienced.

Now, look, remember, these people are real clever, and they're not going to

away anything.

So look for the tiniest clue, okay?

George is our sofa.

This is a dead giveaway.

I can't believe it. This is all our furniture.

What are we going to do?

Tell you what.

You stay here and stall them. I'll go get the car.

How am I going to do that? You'll think of something. Here.

Can I help you?

Oh, okie doke. What are your qualifications?

Oh, I'm not really sure.

I have a variety of skills.

But what exactly are you looking for in qualifications?

Are you over 18?

Yes, I am.

Welcome aboard.

Now, you can choose from one of the following available names.

Angelique Raven Champagne Ethel Mertz.

Well, can I use my own name?

All right. What is it?

Helen Willis.

If you say so.

Now, we split all money 50 -50, including tips.

Wait a minute. I have to give you half my tips?

It goes into a kitty to bail you girls out of jail.

Oh.

I see.

Oh,

hi. Hi.

Welcome.

Make yourself at home.

Well, in a way I feel I am.

Oh, uh, excuse me, but would you mind putting that cigarette out?

Why? Does smoke bother you?

No, I'm afraid you'll burn up the furniture.

Caramba, you this picky at home?

Well, I used to be.

Sweetheart, your feet.

There's a customer coming, ladies. Look alive.

Oh, I'll take that. I'll take that.

I'll give you the most unforgettable half hour of your life.

Have you ever been to paradise?

No.

Fire.

really don't do massages.

That's okay.

I don't really want one.

But you don't understand.

You see, not only massages, but I don't do anything else either.

Especially anything else.

Come on.

Don't make me beg. I can do that at home.

Really, I'd rather not. Wouldn't you prefer one of these other girls?

I mean, look at all the trouble they went through, garters and everything.

Hey, lady, you work here, don't you?

Yes,

I do. Did you say yes?

Yes, I did. That's all I had to hear. You're under arrest. This is a raid.

Oh, no. Come on in, guys.

Well, you don't understand. You see, someone stole my furniture, and I...

do I qualify for that bail fund?

I'm going to read you your rights.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held

against you.

Do you know why?

Because, Louise Jefferson, you're on...

right, you always say we never have any fun, right? So I rigged up this whole

bit.

And you knew we switched your cleaning fluid? That's right.

Clever, huh?

And when you approached me in the supermarket, that was all part of the

Oh, and what a plan it was. You two were wonderful.

But because you're such good sports, I'll tell you what we're going to do.

going to send you on an all -expense -paid weekend of fun in...

if you would just get me out of here.

Of course.

Joe, the key.

I don't have the key.

Darlene?

No, I don't have it. I thought Kathy had it.

I don't have it, Crystal.

I don't have it.

Jackie? Hey, I don't have it. Mr. Jefferson?

I never had it.

Oh, come on. This is a bubble, isn't it? No, I'm afraid it's a boo -boo. We

really forgot it.

Oh, I don't believe...

this. Look, I'm not laughing anymore.

George, do something.