Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to...

But you people are rich. Y 'all ought to hire somebody to do this sort of thing.

Oh, hello, Florence.

Oh, hi, Ralph.

Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson.

Of course, that's a bit redundant because any morning with you two in it

bound to be a good one.

Why, that's very well rehearsed of you, Ralph.

Now, what can I do for you? Well, I was just bringing up your mail. Hey, Ralph,

look. I was wondering if you'd do me a favor. A favor, sir? That's fine with

See, I got this loudmouthed client flying in from Chicago tomorrow. Now,

real jerk, but it could be a good account for me. So I want you to hire

biggest limousine you can find, pick him up at the airport, and drive him off at

his hotel so he's out of my hair. Well, sir, I wouldn't do that for just

anybody, but this guy sounds like he's a pretty special friend. Right.

Here's his itinerary. Now, look, take care of this for me, Ralph. It's

important. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Oh, yeah.

Here you are.

Don't you worry, sir.

My motto is... I never let a man down who gives me 50 bucks. Hey, I got a

Want to hear it?

Love to.

I pulled a fast one on Ralph.

I didn't give him the buck for the mail.

Anything in there for me?

Yeah, this.

It's perfumed and it says sealed with a kiss.

Do you know where it's from?

Probably the phone company.

John McBride?

Uh, George, isn't that the name of the girl you were dating before you met me?

Look, Wheezy, there was no before you.

I don't believe it.

What, that she had right?

No, that somebody else was dumb enough to go out with him.

I mean, you know what I mean.

Look, Florence, I'll have you know that I was considered quite a catch in my

time. In fact, I was such a lady killer, I thought my name was Ho -Ho -Ho

George.

You sure that wasn't grow, George?

Florence, don't you have something better to do?

Something? Yeah.

Something better? No.

Yvonne McBride, I can't believe this.

Wait a minute, George.

Aren't you going to read it? Yeah, right now.

Anything that smells like that should be read out here.

Weezy, I think you're jealous.

No, I'm not.

You are.

I am not. Okay, then I'll read it in the bathroom.

Freeze.

Look at you.

I can't believe you're really jealous.

Well, I just know how much you were stuck on Yvonne, and I just wanted to

what she had to say, that's all.

I wasn't stuck on Yvonne. She was stuck on me. You were stuck on her. In fact,

the whole neighborhood was.

She used to wear her sweater so tight that you could bounce a quarter off her

cleavage.

Please, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, being jealous of something

happened over 35 years ago. I never put down one of your old boyfriends.

I'm not putting her down.

I'm merely stating the truth.

How do you know it's the truth?

Because that's what you told Gregory Parks.

And when I dated him, he repeated it to me.

You dated Gregory Parks?

Gooseneck Parks?

I certainly did.

Well, you got to hear this.

You should have seen this guy. His neck was so long, they used to stick a rim in

his mouth and practice shooting baskets.

Well, Gregory isn't sending me perfume letters. Now, open it up and let's see

what it says. Hey!

Wait a minute.

Should I be here to listen to this? Why not? You save yourself the trouble of

putting a glass up to the wall.

Oh, George.

No, no, no.

Dear George, I'm back in town. Can't wait to see you. I'll drop by Saturday

18th at 1 o 'clock. See you then, Yvonne. Saturday? That's tomorrow, Weas.

am I going to do?

Just pray that the years have been as cruel to her as they have to you.

George, if you really want to see Yvonne, that's fine with me.

Really, Weas?

That's right.

And if that's really your decision, I'm behind you 100%.

Information.

The number of Gregory Parks, please.

Wheezy, that's just the way you trust me.

I certainly do, but it's Yvonne I don't trust.

I mean, what is she still crazy about you after all these years? Oh, come on,

Wheezy, you know that's only natural. I mean, any time a woman's in my presence,

I grow on her.

Yeah, like a wart.

Look, Wheezy, I don't love Yvonne. I love you.

Yeah, I know.

It's just that I can't be rude to her. That's all I mean.

I'm sure she's been looking forward to this day for a long time.

I mean, I know if I didn't spend enough time with me, I'd want to see me.

Well, I guess I have been acting kind of infantile. Oh, come on, Weasley. I

wouldn't say infantile.

Juvenile, maybe.

Well, George, why don't you have this meeting with Yvonne tomorrow?

And Florence and I can go out shopping so we won't disturb you. Oh, thank we.

Mr. Jefferson, do you know what a saint you married to?

Man, if I was married to you, I'd stomp your little behind so deep in the

ground.

You would shake hands with the devil.

Well, George, you just... do what you have to do. And while you're out with

Yvonne tomorrow, I trust you. I respect you.

And I have complete faith in you.

Thanks, Weez.

You wouldn't be offended if I taped this little get -together?

Come on, Weez. You ain't got nothing to worry about. Look, I got everything

under control.

I'm gonna keep this thing very low -key. Very low -key, okay?

All right. So I'm responsible for the seven cleaning stores.

The good look, well, you have to give that credit to the big guy upstairs.

Hey.

Goodbye.

You're even lovelier than I remember.

You're even lovelier than I remember.

You're even lovelier than I remember.

You having a slow day, Mr. J?

I came here to invite you over to my apartment. We're right in the middle of

first annual trivia party.

Your what party?

A trivia, Mr. J. You know, where a group of people gather together and exchange

bits of information that are totally useless.

You'd be a smash.

Well, while you're getting out, I'll think it over. Just let me whet your

appetite with this little stumper I got from the ambassador from Kuwait.

In the original Kuwaiti television series, Love That Ahmed...

Who played the wacky neighbor Habib? Who cares?

Was it A, Ali Hassan, B, Hamad Fahebeh, or C, McLean Stevenson?

Give you a hint, the show was canceled.

Ivan, why are you even lovelier than I remember?

Ivan, you're even lovelier.

No, Ivan, you're lovelier than I am.

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, no, thanks, George. I didn't come here to drink.

Mm -mm -mm. Boy, Father Time sure has been good to you.

Oh, to you, too, George. Yeah, he loved me.

Oh, listen, George, um, are we alone?

Mm. You don't waste time, do you?

Yes, we're alone. Look, uh, look, Yvonne, I know why you're here, and I

blame you. Oh, really?

Yeah, I know you still have feelings for me, but you've got to remember, there

are other guys such as I, such men as Cary Grant and, um... Well, there's got

be somebody else in another country somewhere.

Okay, look, look, if you say anything, I'm married.

Oh. Well, George, I'm sorry, but you... No, it's cool. She's a good woman.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I think there's been a little misunderstanding here. You

see, uh, I didn't come to make no move on you, George.

Oh, no?

What you come here for?

Oh, I came here to kill you.

What's so funny?

What do you mean, what's so funny? You and that gun, that's what's funny.

You know, you had me fooled for a minute. I thought it was real.

So tell me, what happens when you pull the trigger?

M &M's come out, right?

No.

Actually, the salesman said these bullets here come out.

Oh, no chance of them melting in your mouth, huh?

Why do you want to kill me? I thought we were having such a good time here.

Look, I know I'm not the greatest host in the world, but most of my friends

either leave or tell me to shut up before they go for their gun, you know?

Sit down, George.

Look, I don't understand. I said sit down.

Look, I mean, why do you want to shoot me?

I mean, there are a lot of other guys who deserve it more than I do.

You ever watch daytime television?

You ever think about me, George?

Of course.

In fact, right now.

I mean, have you ever wondered what my life has been like these last 30 years?

Of course I have.

You never called.

Well, I tried. I called you thousands of times. I could never get you.

You brought me in the shower.

Same old George.

You know you haven't changed a bit. Well, you neither, except for the gun.

So you know.

I wound up married to Kenny Williamson. Kenny Williamson, my man Kenny.

Boy, a great guy.

He's a dog.

Yes, he is.

Alcoholic, too.

I found that out soon after we moved to Baltimore.

Baltimore, boy, did I party in Baltimore. That's a great town.

It's a home.

Yes, it is.

And naturally, since Kenny couldn't get no work, He whiled away the time turning

me into a baby -making machine.

We had five children.

Oh, that's great.

How they doing?

Two in prison.

Two on drugs.

And my little girl, I don't even know where she is.

Well, you know how kids are. I mean, sometimes they misbehave, like my son

Lionel. Here's his picture.

Lionel used to like to take sandwiches to his bedroom at night, you know?

I used to find sandwiches under the bed all hard and crusty. It's not the same

thing. Yeah, it's not. Okay. Look, we find... Why don't you put down the gun

we can talk about it? And then you know what?

Kenny left me for a 20 -year -old girl.

Oh, that's too bad.

You forgot one thing. What's that?

Put down the gun.

I'll put it down when I'm through with it.

Take your time.

Thank you.

What do I have to do with any of this? I mean, Kenny's the one that did you

wrong. Kenny is not around.

But I expected that. I always figured he'd run off like that.

I even prepared myself for it so it wasn't no big surprise.

But you know what was?

What? You. Me?

I've been watching you, you know. Oh, you have?

What do you expect?

I open a newspaper.

There you are.

I turn on the radio.

The TV, your commercials all over the place. Everywhere I look, I turn, I see

you.

That's why I decided to kill you.

For what? For making me feel like a fool.

Making you feel like a fool? Oh, I watch you walking in and out of this fancy

building with your fancy hoops and your fancy wife.

Oh, George, hurry. We're going to be late for the ballet.

Oh, George, it's... Oh, I need my snow.

Oh, Yvonne. Don't touch me. Sit down. Sit down.

Sit down.

Okay. I understand life has been rough for you, Yvonne. I mean, it hasn't been

easy for me either. Oh, George, please.

I'm telling you, you think I'm rich, right? This apartment, this is all a

What about the cleaners? The cleaners? Oh, I know. You think those stores are

making money? Well, I got news for you. They're losing money.

All seven? That's right.

That's why I got seven.

one store covers the other store's back, you know?

Like the Brooklyn store covers the Bronx store, the Bronx store covers the

Queens store.

It's getting so bad, I might have to buy an eighth and ninth store just so I can

make it through the rest of the year.

Do I look that stupid to you?

No, you don't. But it's the truth.

I'm telling you.

Look, you see this suit?

Five years old.

This furniture, 20 years old.

What about your wife?

Well, she's older than both of them.

I am talking about the furs and the jewelry.

Those are all rented. Everything is rented.

Who is that?

I don't know.

Probably the credit bureau.

Last time they came, they kicked the door down.

Look, I better open it or else they're going to think something's wrong.

Go ahead.

Look, just remember, I'm not rich, okay?

You see this painting here?

I couldn't even afford to have people in it.

Skip that door.

Just don't forget, I'm not rich.

I got your limousine, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

And might I add, she's a real beauty. Color TV, wet bar, telephone.

Just like you said, the best of everything. And I fear no expense.

Now, will you be needing me for anything else?

Now, Ralph, why don't you shoot back downstairs now?

Yes, sir, as long as everything's all right with the limo. Wait, Ralph, the

limo. You know, I'm not too keen on color television sets.

So, when you shoot back downstairs,

send up a black and white, okay?

A black and white television set, sir?

Ralph!

Send up a black and white.

Yes, sir. But I'm afraid the limos don't come that way.

I think I can get one without a set, then rent you my portable.

No, no, no, no. Don't worry, sir. It's not as though you can't afford it.

Oh, that Ralph was. He a kiddin'. Limousine.

Limousine? Look, that's a sandwich.

They sell it over at the deli. It's something like a submarine sandwich,

it's longer and crispier.

Limousines, furs, the ballet.

You have really got it made, haven't you?

Okay, so I'm rich. So what? Is that what you want to hear? No, that is not what

I want to hear.

I want to hear that all of this should have been mine.

This horrible mine. But you dumped me. You remember?

You left me just like Kenny did. That's a lie.

But I'm willing to listen to your side.

That was my side.

What is the matter with you? You act like the world is over or something.

at you. You still got your health and strength. You're smart.

You can get a job.

Yeah. Build up a little nest egg, huh? Exactly. Shut up.

How would you feel starting all over again at this age?

Let me tell you something, George.

If the tables had have been turned and you were coming to me like this, you'd

understand. Damn it, George.

People are thinking about retiring at this age, and we would have been. But

never gave me a...

about i wanted to spend time with you but i had to work i didn't have the time

liar can i get the door yeah but you pull

that shoot downstairs stuff again and you are in trouble i also want you to

i'm hip to the black and white i better not hear nothing about black and white

again either

No, this ain't my fault.

Excuse me, George. We didn't realize that you had company.

Don't worry about it, Willis. What's the problem?

Uh, George, we were at Mr. Bentley's trivia party, and we had a slight

disagreement that maybe you can help us solve.

Yes. Now, in the TV show, The Rifleman, how many times did Chuck Connors shoot

his gun? Now, you remember how the show started.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

No, Tom.

Chuck... Connors was a lefty, and there were eight shots.

He went bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Helen, I watched that show religiously, and you're wrong. It was bang, bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

What do you think, George?

You don't want to know what I think.

Oh, he doesn't know. Excuse me, miss, but are you familiar with the TV show

Rifleman? No, no, I'm sorry. I don't know. The very subject of guns scares me

death.

Oh, really?

Well, she doesn't know either. Let's go, Helen. And I still insist that it was

seven shots. Wrong, Tom. It was eight. I say seven. Eight, Tom.

Back up from that door.

Look, you're making a big mistake here, Pop. I wouldn't be the first one for

either one of us, would it? Oh, now you're talking about me dumping you

I'm telling you, I didn't do that.

I never got over you.

Oh, is that right? That's right. I'm telling you the truth.

Isn't it obvious?

Can't you see?

I never think about anybody but you.

Mm -hmm. Is that right?

That's right. How about when you married your wife?

Yeah, even then. In fact, as I was slipping the ring on Weasley's finger, I

saying to myself,

Yvonne's got fingers.

I ought to slap you upside the face with this gun. I'm telling you the truth,

Yvonne, even when I named my son Lionel. If you'll notice, both Lionel and

Yvonne have six... Letters each.

They both end with an E.

Lionel don't end with no E.

Well, I wanted it to.

Look, Yvonne, I'm sure we can talk this thing out.

What do you want from me, huh? Money?

You want to marry me? You want me to pity you?

No, George.

You have done more than enough for me already.

Who is it?

It's me, George.

Excuse me, George, but Helen and I were wondering, where's the weed?

Okay, now, how do you feel looking down the

barrel of a gun, huh? I should have killed you when I had the chance.

Uh -huh.

You're wrong. No, no, no.

All of this could have never been yours. You want to know why, Yvonne?

Because you're the one who never changed.

You always wanted things the easy way. And you want things the easy way now.

Easy? That's right.

You wanted to have fun.

I had to work.

So you ran off with Kenny. I was making $1 .15 a day.

But that wasn't good enough, right?

Kenny had a car.

Kenny had money. Kenny had this. Kenny had that. But one thing you didn't

realize, Kenny was a numbers runner.

And you don't get a gold watch for being a numbers runner.

We were kids. Well, I grew up.

I never blamed anybody for anything I did.

But you.

You blame everybody.

You blame Kenny.

You blame your kids.

You blame me.

Well, what about you?

Why don't you blame yourself, huh?

You didn't have a choice.

No, you wanted to have fun.

See, Louise wasn't like that.

Louise wasn't interested in fun. She was interested in me.

So, baby, you are wrong.

None of this could have ever been yours, because if I'd followed you, I'd have

followed a different road, and I would have had none of this to give to you.

What are you doing?

What do you think of them? I'm calling the cops.

And where do you think you're going?

Back to Baltimore.

And you'll never call the police on me, George. Oh, no, you just stay in there

and watch.

You'll never do it.

What do you think you're doing coming here?

Put a gun to my head and think I'm going to feel sorry for you? That's exactly

what I think.

And that's why you're not going to call the police.

Because you know why?

Deep down inside, you probably care more about me than I care about myself.

You're right, Yvonne. I always did.

Mmm.