Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the sun, moving on up, to a deep...

you're thinking about, Willis. You want to gulp down a couple of pieces of that

popcorn, right?

You're not even close, George. Good.

I've been thinking I want to wolf down the whole bowl. Don't do it, Willis.

on. You'll destroy the whole month you spent up at that fat farm.

It is not called a fat farm.

It's called a diet center.

Oh, sorry.

So, was it tough up there at the pig palace?

Listen, George, I never call attention to your weight line.

The straining... buttons on your vest are ample testimony.

That was a low blow, Willis. I never called you fat.

You've been calling me fat for the last ten years.

Well, I call him as I say him.

What? That's right.

Boys, boys, this is Christmas time.

Oh, big deal.

Look, it's time for us to go caroling. Oh, I can't wait to see the look on

people's faces when they hear us sing to them.

Oh, yeah?

How can you see them while you're ducking snowballs?

Okay, George, enough of your wisecracks.

Put your coat on and let's go.

Yeah, I can't wait to hear your beautiful voice.

Oh, yeah, well, that's too bad, because I ain't going.

Oh, sweetheart, I hope you don't mind, but I'm not going either.

Oh, but, Tom, you promised.

Well, I know, dear, but we have sort of a tradition in our family.

We don't go out when it's cold.

Do you have a tradition too, George?

No. I just think Carolyn is stupid.

It's not stupid. It's beautiful.

And the reason we do it is to spread Christmas cheer.

You know, like peace on earth.

And joy to the world. And goodwill towards men.

Okay. I got the mace, the billy club, and the rape whistle.

You don't need the whistle.

George, are you sure you won't come with us? I'm telling you, caroling is not

for men.

If it was, they'd call it Michaeling.

Yeah, or Willie.

A real man wouldn't even think about it. Yeah.

I'm ready to go caroling.

I rest my case.

Oh, George.

I'm so excited. You know, this is a very special Christmas for me, having spent

the last two in the Soviet Union.

Over there, I'd sing fa -la -la -la -la, and they'd go la -la -la -la.

Oh, Mr.

Bentley, didn't you have any friends?

Oh, well, yes, I did, but for some reason during the Christmas season, they

treated me rather coolly. I never knew why.

Well, did you carol at them? Yes, I did. That's why.

Your husband has never really grasped the Christmas spirit, has he?

Look, I go for the holy part and everything.

It's the other part I don't like.

Everybody wants something. Everybody thinks they deserve something. Give me

this, give me that. I mean, this starts the whole month of December.

George, I don't do that.

No, that's right. You start asking in July.

Okay. Gifts are a part of Christmas, but a small part.

The main thing is the spirit. And the spirit is gimme, gimme, gimme.

got their hand out.

Oh, come on, George. Not everybody's got their hand out.

Merry Christmas!

Ah, the Jeffersons. Ma 'am, have I told you you're my favorite family?

Right.

Just an hour ago, you said that we were your favorite family.

Oh, no, ma 'am. What I said was you're the most wonderful family.

The Jeffersons are my favorite. And let me see. The Jensons are the most

fantastic. The Hanrahans are the finest.

Let's face it. This is one heck of a building.

And what about me, Ralph?

Well, technically, sir, you're not a family.

Ah, yes, but I did give you $10 for Christmas this year. Yes, and

you missed the last two, that averages out to $3 .33 a year.

You're lucky I'm even speaking to you.

Well, I am sorry, Ralph, and I'll tell you what. To make it up to you, I'll

you a wonderful trick I learned on my trip to Russia. Where's that $10 bill I

gave you?

Oh, well, that... Ah.

I just want you to know that you are the most wonderful doorman that I've ever

known. And you're my favorite.

And I think you are the finest.

Bye.

Now, that's very sweet, sir.

Think they meant it?

About as much as you did, Ralph.

Well, fortunately,

they're not the breadwinners.

Did you want something? No sense in beating around the bush, sir.

I'm here for my Christmas gift, gentlemen.

Here, here, here.

It's 50 bucks.

Merry Christmas. Go have it someplace else.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Mr. Willis? Yes, Ralph?

Care to make your neighbor look cheap?

Well, Ralph, I already bought you a Christmas present.

Oh! Oh, well, thank you, sir. That's very nice of you, but I'm

only accepting cash this year.

That's what I'm talking about. Everybody acts like that. Everybody wants stuff,

you know?

Christmas ain't the way it used to be.

Well, I can't argue with that.

What are you talking about? I thought you were one of those people that loved

Christmas. Well, I try to be.

Well, I try to make Christmas fun because, well, you see, it never was

was a boy.

What are you talking about? You were loaded.

Well, now, wait a minute. Money isn't everything.

Oh, no? Then what else is there? Well, I'll tell you what else there was. Or

I'll tell you what there wasn't.

You see, George, when I was a boy, well, we had a lot of money and we lived in a

big house.

Well,

Mr. Willis, a Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, James.

Virgil, Homer, and do I detect Jonathan Swift?

You certainly have a passion for literature, Master Willis. Oh, you know

adore books.

Master Willis, you know full well that your mother does not approve of you

snacking between meals.

And I feel obligated to tell her that you've been hiding sweets.

Oh?

You did?

are a disgusting child.

What your mother doesn't know won't hurt her, right? Right.

Merry Christmas, James. And a Merry Christmas to you, Master Willis.

My word, you certainly seem in fine spirits this evening. Is there any

reason? Oh, you betcha.

Christmas is only three days away, and Mother and Father haven't made any plans

to go anywhere.

It'll be the first Christmas I can remember with the whole family all

here at home.

James. Yes, sir?

Um... Chocolate chip.

Macaroons? Oh, good.

Merry Christmas, my boy.

Golly. Thanks, Father. I'll put it under the tree.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's your Christmas gift. I want you to open it now so I can see the look on

your face.

Oh, you'll see it Christmas morning.

Well, no, I won't. Didn't your mother tell you? Tell me...

Well, she and I are leaving for San Francisco in the morning. It'll give her

chance to visit her sister, and I have some business to transect her.

But it's Christmas.

Well, it's not as if I'm asking you to do my work for me.

And besides, you'll have a perfectly splendid Christmas right here, like you

last year with your Aunt Elizabeth and, oh, and with James.

Right, James?

Well, sir, I do feel it.

Now, my boy, open your gift. I think this is going to be your favorite

yet. Yes, sir.

Whatever you say.

Well, son, I really put a lot of thought into that gift.

Money?

Oh, I knew you'd be thrilled.

Twelve $100 bills.

One for each of the 12 days of Christmas.

But you gave me money last year. Oh, yes.

And think of the wonderful things you bought with it.

That set of lobster bibs.

Oh, and the Jeanette McDonald Nelsonetti coloring book.

And that beautiful silk ascot with the matching socks of boards.

Oh, you know, Tommy, I really love your taste.

I'm sorry, Father.

It's not that I'm not grateful.

But I was hoping this Christmas things would be a little different.

Well, I'll say they're different. I only gave you 600 last year.

Perhaps I should retire now.

Retire? Oh, my dear James, you're far too young to retire.

It's a joke, James, a joke.

Oh, but of course it is, sir. A droll witticism.

Very funny, sir, yes.

But to answer your question, don't go anywhere. It's Christmas, and the boy

might want something else.

Tom? What?

Yeah, you know what I want?

I want to make a snowman.

Oh, that's a splendid idea.

Why, let's make a snowman.

James? Mm -hmm?

Go make my son a snowman.

A snowman, sir? Mm -hmm.

Another drillwitterism.

Very funny, sir. Yes. Ha -ha! Ha -ha -ha!

It's not a joke, James.

The snowman, sir.

Yes, sir, right away.

But, Father, I want to make my own snowman with you.

You can't be serious, Thomas. It's freezing out there.

Oh, and, James, when you're finished, call us because we'll view the snowman

from the window.

Yes, sir.

Um, James, what is that book for?

Uh, the book, sir?

Oh, this book, sir.

Um, for posture, sir.

I cannot tolerate a snowman that slouches.

Be careful, that's a hundred proof.

Well, my boy, I just think that was a swell idea about the snowman.

Now tell me, what else would you like to do?

Oh, Tom, is something wrong?

Why don't you ever spend any time with me?

Now, Tom, we've been all through that.

You know that I have to work very hard to give you and your mother all the

things you deserve.

Besides, we do spend time together.

Remember last Sunday afternoon?

You had me read you the commodities listings out of the newspaper.

And you're going to tell me that that wasn't a swell time?

It wasn't fun.

We never have any fun.

Ah, my boy. Come over here. Sit down.

Now, I know why you're upset. It's because your mother and I are spending

Christmas away from you.

It's not just this Christmas. Oh, but we still have the rest of the year.

And besides, there'll be other Christmases. We'll spend them together.

Now, wait a minute.

We still have tonight.

Tommy, my boy, whatever you'd like to do tonight, we'll do.

Tonight is your night.

Really, Father?

Whatever you'd like to do.

All righty. We could set up my train set.

Oh, absolutely.

We could put together my model plane. Oh, consider it done.

Oh, but first, let's... Put the angel on top of the tree. Oh, yes, let's. But

just a sec.

Bill! Edna! Oh, what a surprise!

Merry Christmas, darling.

Yeah, I hope we're not intruding. Oh, no, there's no intrusion. Oh, come in.

We'll go into the drawing room.

Great! Oh, Gloria and I have the entire evening.

So...

That was the last I saw of my father that night.

And I, well, I spent another Christmas all alone.

Wow.

Pretty unbelievable, huh?

You said it.

$1 ,200.

Oh,

that's a lot of bucks.

George, for some reason, I have the feeling you're missing the point of my

story. No, I didn't. You said $1 ,200.

That's one $100 bill for every day of Christmas. I knew that.

Listen, George.

No, how are you supposed to make me feel sorry for you?

You were loaded.

You want to hear about tough Christmases?

Listen to mine. Okay.

Now, see, my father never worked steady, right?

Like around Christmas time.

So, Mr. Hollingsworth, I mean, I could really use... that job.

You know, Christmas is right around the corner and everything. I mean, I'd

really work hard for you.

Plus, I'd be able to get my boy a little something for Christmas, you know.

Yeah, sure.

I'll be right here waiting for your call. Thank you. Goodbye.

Hey,

Pop.

Hey, how you doing, son?

Great, but I gotta say, this is just the beginning.

Someday, I'm gonna have a bunch of she -shines then.

Maybe even one near you.

Say, Pop, you know, Christmas is just way, though.

You know, I was just wondering. I know you were just wondering.

You were just wondering if I was going to buy you that bike, right?

Well, let me tell you something. I just talked to this man about the job, and if

the job comes through, you've got the bike. Just keep your fingers crossed,

okay? All right, Jamal! Get the ranch room, I said, with the bill, the white

wall, and... Well, not that it matters.

Come on, sit down. Tell me about today.

Well, Dad...

working the choice of the right location, it means we've got a shoe

You found a great corner, huh? And I put in an honest day's work, too.

Ah.

Okay, George, here it is.

I put 10 guys in the mud for you today.

A penny a shoe. That means you owe me 20 cents.

Honest day's work, huh?

Hey, I was honest.

I can't help it if Larry's a crook.

All you want to just pay up. Okay, okay.

A penny a shoe like we did.

Knock off the income tax, the state tax, and the thumb tax, and your debt comes

to six cents.

Six cents!

Larry, all you did was push people in the mud. I mean, you don't exactly have

go to college for that.

Look, tomorrow's going to be an even bigger day because I got a new plan.

What is it? I'm not going to tell you now.

Just be here tomorrow at 10.

And bring your dog.

See you tomorrow, boss.

Boss.

You don't like the sound of that.

Boy, you better pick that coat up off the floor. Are you crazy?

Don't you know dry cleaning is expensive?

I said dry cleaning is expensive, and don't you ever forget it.

I won't, Dad.

I'll never forget.

So where's Mom?

Working. Got that part -time job over at Macy's wrapping Christmas presents.

Oh, yeah, I should have known.

The electricity's back on.

And the heat is on, too. We might starve this Christmas, but at least we'd be

comfortable.

I don't think that's very funny, Pop.

Come on, son. Relax. It's Christmas.

Smile. Hey.

You want to see what I'm going to get mine for Christmas?

What's that? A piece of paper?

It's not a piece of paper, Dad. It's what I wrote on it. Oh, yeah? And what

you write?

It's an IOU. I can't afford to buy anything right now, but those are things

going to buy someday.

Oh, okay.

Let's see. Number one. Fur coat, classy apartment, a trip to any place in the

world you want to go, even if it's by cab.

What, you got a dream about being rich or something?

It's not a dream, Pop. It's gonna happen.

I know it. In fact, if you ain't getting that job this afternoon, I tell you,

you can work for me anytime.

Get the door, will you, Pop?

Hey, wait a minute. I'm not working for you yet.

Boy, I tell you, that's what you get for trying to be the best son in the world.

Jefferson? Yeah?

I think he means me, George. Come on in, Coleman.

That's Mr.

Coleman. Let's make this quick. I got a bill in the run. Well, that's why I

called you up here. Look here, Coleman.

Now, I got a window in the bedroom that needs fixing, the ceiling leaks, and the

drain pipes drip.

When are you going to fix these things? You know the rule, no rent, no service.

That works both ways, you know. What you talking about, Jefferson?

I mean, I've been holding back my renter till you fix some of these things that

need fixing around here. You can't do that, because that's against the law.

yeah, the law, huh?

Okay, have you ever read Section 7, Article 2 of the New York Housing Code?

I will quote.

No rent will be paid by a tenant until all repairs have been made.

And in extreme cases, the landlord, which is you, Coleman, will go to jail.

Jail? Section 7, Article 2. I ain't never heard of that.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm sure the cops will be willing to explain it to you.

Jail, huh?

Well, seeing as how it's Christmas, I guess I could send somebody around here

the morning.

Good. Right. Well, I'll see you in the morning. Yeah, well, don't make it no

later. I hate to think you're spending the holidays in jail.

Wow. I didn't know you knew anything about the city code.

I don't, son, but neither does he.

He sure was scared of you. Look, I wasn't trying to scare you. Let me

something to you. See, sometimes in life, when you get big, you know, to

point, you got to talk big.

Remember that, okay?

I got it, Dad.

Good.

Hey, but after he fixes everything, you still gonna have to pay the rent.

Well, look, you always got to pay the rent.

But I'm telling you, when I pay the rent, I'll still have enough money left

maybe to get that little, uh, what is it, red bike somebody I know wanted?

Oh, Pop.

All right.

You do mean my bicycle, don't you? Well, I sure don't want no bike. Hey, hey,

over here.

That might be him. Shh, quiet.

Hello? Oh, it's Mr. Harnsworth.

Yes, Mr. Harnsworth.

What?

You're not?

Oh, younger man?

Hmm.

Oh.

Uh, sir, yes, sir. Any other positions available?

Oh, uh -huh.

Oh, sure, sure. You know, I understand.

Uh -huh.

Uh, good.

Merry Christmas to you, too.

Who cares?

This way we can be sure to be together on Christmas.

And about my bike?

Well, I'll take an R .U. on it.

So what do you think about that, Willis?

Boy, were you lucky.

Lucky? You didn't hear a word I said? I said my old man didn't have a steady

job.

Well, I didn't say he was lucky, but at least he was with you.

You were together.

Now that's the most important thing.

Oh, what do you know about anything, Mr. Have -Your -Butler -Build -A -Snowman

-For -You?

And what do you know about being alone?

Believe me, it hurts.

Yeah, but you're not alone now.

We got a nice family.

Good job.

The wife is crazy about you.

I don't know why, but she is.

Well, one thing for sure, you're not broke anymore.

That's right. I'm rich, and I love it!

And that I .O .U. you gave your mother, well, you paid that back in full.

That's right.

You know, maybe we've been thinking about too many of the things that we

have.

Maybe we should think about some of the things we do have.

Yeah.

Well, like our good wives, good homes.

Good family.

Good friends.

Merry Christmas, George.

Merry Christmas, Willis.

Bye,

Mr. Bentley. Good night.

Oh, well, would you ladies care for some hot chocolate?

Oh, yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

Well,

would you look at that?

While we were out spreading good cheer, they just sat here getting zonked.

Yeah, let's face it, Helen.

I'm afraid these two will never know the real meaning of Christmas.

Thank you.

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