Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to the...

Single adult?

Hello.

What is that?

It was from the Debonair Dating Service. Same place Betty got hooked up with

last month.

She said it was the best thing she ever did.

Well, don't tell me they found her a man.

No, but they sent her so much stuff, the mailman asked her out.

Hey, Reese Floss. Hi, George.

How was your day?

Miserable.

One of my very...

The cuff machine shorted out. Then Fat Mrs. Bowen said we shrunk her cowlins

again.

Oh, well, just remember, George, things could always get worse.

They did, to prove it, Mrs. Bowen did a deep knee bend.

I don't remember much after that.

Well, knock wood, I never have a weight problem.

Knock on your pot roast, you'll find out why.

Now, would you get me a ginger ale, please?

because we grew up in Harlem.

Wow, good old Andy, man.

I ain't seen him in... 25 years.

25 years?

Not since he moved to, uh, uh, uh, Chicago.

Chicago? And then he married that girl. What's her name?

Ethel Squires. Ethel Squires? Wow.

You remember him, Weez?

Not as well as you do, George.

What does he have to say?

Oh, let me see here.

Dear George, guess what? The other day I was going through some stuff in the

closet and found the old Garner list that we wrote when we were 12.

That's amazing.

What, that he found the list? No, that you could write when you were 12.

What's a Garner list?

It's a list of things you're going to do before you die.

A lot of kids do that. How come you girls never did stuff like that?

Maybe we were too busy trying to keep off those lists you boys were writing.

I wonder if I was ever on anybody's list.

Well, it depends if Barnum and Bailey ever came to your neighborhood.

Thank you.

Anyway, we, like I was saying, you know, sometimes we would make it a contest,

you know, and whoever finishes the list first would win.

Would win what?

A chance to rub the other guy's nose in it.

Razzing. You know, break his spirit. Make him wish he had never been born.

I haven't closed a copy of both your list and mine. Thought you'd get a kick

of the silly competitive place our heads were at when we were kids.

Sincerely, Andy.

P .S. I just finished number nine. Last one done runs like a girl.

George, I can't believe it. He's actually trying to egg you on with that

game. He must think you're still a child, huh, George?

George? Look at this weed. He did finish nine things.

And he's working on the tenth.

Owning a Cadillac, which should be delivered this week.

Oh, George, now please don't say that means you only have a few days left

you finish your list.

That means I only have a few days left before I finish my list.

How'd I let him get so far ahead of me? I'll never be able to catch him now.

Anything on your list about growing up good -looking?

No.

You still got a chance.

Well, George, this is ridiculous.

Wait a minute. Listen to the things on my list, okay?

Someday I want to have my own business.

Okay, you did that. I want to live below 110th Street.

You did that.

Number three, I want to be a genius.

George,

owning seven cleaning stores after starting out with nothing, that took

So did your answer.

Thank you, Weave. Okay.

Number four, I want to make love with the most beautiful woman in the world.

Did that.

Mr. Jefferson, George, you never told me that.

I'm talking about you, love.

Oh, of course.

Let's see, five, I want to be friends with Jackie Robinson. Yeah, I did that.

Your dad?

Yeah, it was at Ebbets Field after the Dodger game. He talked to me and

everything. You mean you actually talked to Jackie Robinson?

Well, you know how it is. Two guys talking ball.

You never told me that. What did he say?

Oh, I said, no, I ain't got no free tickets and get off my car.

Now, let's see.

I did that, I did that, I did that.

You know something? I only did eight things on my list.

Yes, but you made those lists when you were kids.

Fortunately, you're grown up now.

Well, almost.

Number nine, I'm going to bench press my own weight. And ten...

Someday I'm going to get evil with Powerhouse Watson and kick his butt.

Who's Powerhouse Watson?

I told you about him. He's the bully on the block that I used to fight with.

Oh, you mean big Powerhouse Watson. The one who used to carve his name in trees

with his fingers?

No, that's his little brother Stanley.

Powerhouse was the big guy, you know. He used to pick fights with me all the

time. I'm the only one on the block that would fight him back, you know. Man,

I'd stick and move.

Stick and move.

Move to the left.

Dance to the right. And what did he do?

He beat me half to death.

I was right back in his face the next day. I never give up. Just like on this

list here, I ain't quitting.

Mr. Jefferson, ain't no way you gonna finish that list after all these years.

Turkey, please.

You just watch me.

First, I ought to get some weight.

Anything around here weigh as much as me -wees?

Florence, bake any of those muffins today?

Never mind. I just got out to the sporting goods store and bought you some

weights. Clean me a spot, okay?

Absolutely not.

I am not lifting a finger to help you with this harebrained scheme, and

who does is an idiot.

Now, remember, Mr. J, I'm here to help you.

Let me ask you one question, Bentley.

You have spotted a guy before, right?

Of course I have. Why, just this morning, I saw one in the elevator. I

in the elevator.

Would you be serious? Come on, let's go.

Get ready now.

Right. Okay. I got it. I got it.

Wait. Wait.

How are we doing?

Come on now, Mr. James. You can do it.

Remember, it takes pain to gain.

Don't wimp out on me now.

Help me.

Ah, I imagine this is where the spotting comes in, eh?

All right now.

What's the matter with you, Benny? You saw me choking to death.

Mr. J, but when a person is choking, I'm used to seeing his face turn red. You

threw me.

Oh, look.

I could have sworn I could lift it. The salesperson made it look so easy.

Yes, but remember, she's a lot younger than you are.

Well, how's our little bench presser doing?

Not too well, I'm afraid.

Well, Charlie, if you still intend on pressing something, there's a dress in

room that needs to touch up.

Please give this up. You could hurt yourself.

Look, I can't give it up. Okay, now, Bentley.

When I say help, what do I want?

What you want, Mr. J, is what I'm trying to provide for you right now. Help.

What kind of help are you providing? I'm supposed to lift my own weight. Yes,

and I'm trying to help you. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Think of what?

Well, when you made out that list, Mr. J, you were 12 years old, was it?

Yeah. How much did you weigh then?

90 pounds.

Perfect. Now try this.

How much does it weigh?

90 pounds.

90 pounds?

Oh, hey!

All right, Ben.

Easy, easy. I got it.

you out of your mind, powerhouse could rip you to shreds. Look, all I want is

one punch for all the fights and he's won.

That's all.

Just one punch.

But George... Mr.

Bentley, would you tell him he's getting in over his head? That only a fool

would hold a grudge this long? I'd be glad to tell him that, Mr. J, but

a problem.

Oh, what's that?

He's gone.

Did you catch him?

No. He was out of the building and gone by the time I got down to the lobby.

Well, what about Mr. Bentley? Did he have any luck?

Oh, he was a great help.

Fifteen minutes he spent helping George lift weights, and he throws his back out

pushing the elevator button.

Well, things may not be as bad as they seem, because I found out where

Powerhouse is.

How did you do that?

Well, the telephone book ain't exactly chock full of Watson's name powerhouse,

you know.

Oh, great.

Where is he?

Well, I called his house, and they said he owns a pool hall up in Harlem. So I

wrote the address down for you.

Oh, good.

We better get going.

We?

Well, Florence, you can't expect me to go to some pool hall in Harlem by

Let me put it to you like this.

If you were in my shoes, would you go?

Of course.

Well, here they are.

Bring them back when you're through.

Oh, Helen, thank God you're here. Why? What's the matter?

Well, you know, well, today is such a nice day. I thought we may do something

together. Great.

Want to see a movie?

No, not really.

Shopping?

I don't think so.

Why did I ever allow myself to be talked into this?

Now, Helen... Louise,

this is the craziest thing that you have ever talked me into doing.

And you have talked me into some crazy things before. But coming up here,

looking for somebody with a stupid...

Louise Jefferson, and this is her anonymous friend.

You wouldn't be Mr. Powerhouse by any chance? No, I'm his little brother,

Stanley.

Oh, well, we were on a little shopping excursion in the neighborhood, and we

wondered if there was a Powerhouse Watson around by any chance.

What you want with it?

Uh, it's, uh, personal.

He's in the back. I'll get him.

Oh, man.

Woo -hoo.

You see?

My horoscope said this was my lucky day.

Did it also tell you that it might be your last one?

Oh, come on, Helen. No one has bothered you yet.

Hey, babe.

Want to come back to my place and disturb the next -door neighbors?

me that again.

Sorry, sir, but I'm her neighbor and you have managed to disturb me quite well

right here. Thank you.

Hey, what's the matter? She got to do your talking for you?

That's what I get for trying to do somebody a favor.

Thanks, Louise.

Now, let's go.

Helen, where's the adventure in you?

Life is to be lived to its fullest.

That's what life is all about, isn't it?

Staying alive is what life is all about.

Maybe George was here already.

Oh, no, I doubt it.

What makes you so sure?

Because I don't see any teeth on the floor.

Okay, one.

But that's not George's.

Louise, let's get out of here, please.

No, not until I see Powerhouse.

I've got to convince him to promise me that he won't hurt George. Now, we're

leaving until I do.

Four ball in the corner.

Eight in the side.

Hey, man.

You want to lay double or nothing on that?

No, man, it's too easy.

It ain't easy, man.

What you talking about, man? It's a duck.

It's not a duck.

ladies could make that shot.

Like which one? Either one.

Let's just say you're wrong. Bet.

Come here, sweetheart.

Do it.

Oh, I don't know. I don't know how to do it.

I'd love to.

Hey,

what you doing?

That ain't the right shot.

Besides, ain't you gonna put your part on first?

Hand me my purse.

Face powder.

This stuff over here?

Oh, of course.

Lady, lady, you're going to break the thing. I'm sorry.

the adventure in you.

Life is for the living, isn't that what you said?

Well, you know I don't know how to play this. Well, you better.

Besides, how hard could it be? It's only the side ball in the eight pocket.

The eight ball in the side pocket.

See, you do know the game.

That's enough.

Get rid of some of it.

going to shoot.

Okay,

I'm

going to shoot now.

The eight ball in the side.

Or not.

Okay, here goes.

On your mark, get ready.

that I'm too tired?

I'll throw away all my credit cards.

Hi.

Would you be Powerhouse Watson by any chance?

Yeah. Who are you?

Cagney Lacey.

Well, I'm Louise, and this is my friend Helen.

Helen, say hello to Mr.

House.

What it is?

you want it to be, sir.

So what can I do for you?

Oh, you're going to get a kick out of this because I did.

Now, do you happen to remember an old school chum by the name of George

Jefferson?

George?

George.

Jefferson? You mean Squeaky, the little runt that used to walk like this?

Yeah, that's him.

I used to beat the tar out of him every day after school. How's he doing?

He's doing fine.

Just fine.

Oh, as a matter of fact, he owns seven cleaning stores around town.

And we have a lovely apartment on East 63rd Street.

And we... Oh, but he's doing

okay. And we are just getting along.

But the main point is...

He is my husband.

Husband? You mean you married that little runt?

How about that? Even runts get married.

Yes, they do.

And he said that one day he was going to beat you up.

You married him? Yes.

So, if he should come in here all full of rage and...

And carrying on. Oh, what the heck.

Just let him hit you once.

Take a dive.

Who'll ever know?

Who'll ever know?

Your undertaker.

Well, thank you so much for your time and your honesty, sir. Bye now.

Helen, Helen, wait, wait, wait.

What do you mean, my undertaker?

Lady, I can't go around taking no dives.

Think I unfairly beat all the other people who tried to hit me before.

What happened to him?

See those dudes standing against the wall over there?

Yeah. See those places between them where no one is standing?

Yeah. Those places represent people who tried to hit me before.

I hope you understand.

What? You mean you're just going to let my husband walk in here? Walk in?

Yes. Walking out is going to be a little sticky.

Let's go, Louie.

No, not until this is settled.

I kind of think it's better, Louise.

Not as long as I can do something about it.

Look, lady, if you want to do something about it, you can hang around to pick

him up off the floor.

Either that or take a walk.

Well, suppose she doesn't want to take a walk.

What are you going to do about it?

You wouldn't hit a woman, would you?

No.

You're right.

Hey, Buffy?

in for some coffee.

Coffee.

Amazing what you can do when you have to do it.

Are you out of your mind?

All right, Helen.

We may have lost the battle, but we can still win the war.

Now, if we want to save George's life, we have to get a different strategy.

And I think I've got it.

Two simple words.

Besides, I couldn't find him.

Well, the telephone book only has one part.

Say what?

Oh, nothing. I meant I underestimated you, and I'm sorry.

Real sorry.

Most people do, Weed.

Where you been anyway?

Well, there was this sale at Bloomingdale's, and Helen and I thought

down and look around.

It was a real battle.

something nice to go along with your hair. I really like it.

Mmm.