Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the side. Moving on up. To a deep.

arrange the file cabinets that they'll... Uh -huh. And we've picked up

pamphlets from the printers.

Uh -huh. So now all we've got to do is put them in the envelope, address them,

and pre -sort them by zip code.

For what? So the post office can lose them in numerical order?

Okay. How do I look?

Like a blackberry with feet.

Oh, what's the touch for?

The...

for when you win the Help Center's Volunteer of the Year Award next week.

Oh, George, you know I don't care about awards. I just want to do a good job.

Oh, we that sick.

Oh, don't parent it to him, Miss Jefferson. I'm always proud when I do a

job. Well, you must have been feeling pretty low for a long time.

You'd feel low, too, if you always got a paycheck that jingled.

I found this boy wandering around downstairs looking for your apartment.

He seemed to pose no apparent threat, but as you know, appearances can be

deceptive, so... In other words, he didn't have no money to give you a tip,

I consider that vagrancy, sir.

He searched me.

Help Center. We are sending him to camp this week. Come on in, artist.

By the way, Mrs. Jefferson, Mr. Jefferson told me about your award

week. I just wanted to wish you good luck.

Well, thank you, Ralph.

It would be an honor for the whole building if you win.

Oh, well, it's only a trophy, Ralph. There's no cash prize.

Oh, you're still going?

So, uh, now... What can I do for you, artist?

My mother made me come over here to thank you for sending me to that crummy,

stinking camp for a week.

Well, the joy on your face is thanks enough.

You don't know how lucky you are. The country is beautiful and peaceful.

Besides, there must be somebody you want to get away from.

You know, you got it made. I wish I could take your place.

Good. I'll go tell Mom.

Wait a minute, Otis. Now tell me, what is it about the country you don't like?

I told you, it's crummy and stinky.

Uh, well, what is it exactly that crumbs and stinks?

Well, first of all, you gotta sleep on rocks.

Second thing is, you gotta wake up on rocks.

And the third thing, well... I don't even want to talk about going to the

bathroom.

Yeah, those dry leaves are pretty rough.

Artis, why don't you just go to the camp, honey? You'll have a good time.

But I won't. I know it.

Even though I'm only nine, this is the worst thing that ever happened to me in

my whole life.

Oh, I forgot.

So I don't have to lie to my mother.

Gee, Mrs. Jefferson, thanks a lot for... me to camp.

You're welcome.

Can I borrow a quarter? I don't want that guy downstairs hassling me again.

How much do you mean?

Thanks. Okay. Be careful.

Okay?

Hey, how come it's so hard for me to get money out of you and so easy for him?

Because he treats me with the respect that I deserve. Can you do this?

Being poor ain't that bad.

Weezy, I think that's a great idea, sending that kid to camp.

Why? Because if we play our cards right, you could become volunteer of the

century. Oh, George, I don't want to hear that again. Oh, you know you want

be volunteer? No, I don't. I mean, that subject is closed. Oh, come on, Weezy.

There she is, our little volunteer of the year.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, you don't need prayer, little... Louise, you're a shoo -in. She will be

after I get through. I got some plans you won't believe. You do?

Oh, yes, because we have some ourselves.

Oh, great, great, great, great. Let's hear about yours. Okay. I think I'll

a sky writer. You know, nothing elaborate, just English and Spanish.

That's a terrific idea.

Now, wait till you hear out. Come on, guys. Look, I work at the help center

the people, not for an award.

Sit down. Talk about something else. Please.

Oh, no problem, Louise.

We understand.

Mm -hmm.

I still say you should have been volunteer of the year last year.

That's right. Why? What happened last year? Oh, they gave it to that old

uppity Miss Van Morris. Remember?

While you did all the work, she got all the credit. She'd never even show up at

the office. What? But, Helen, didn't I see her at last year's blood drive?

Sure. She donated a pint from a chauffeur.

How could a woman like that possibly win?

It was easy.

She got her millionaire husband to let some neighborhood kids into his

park for free. Then she got some photographer to take her picture with

got into the society pages, and that, my dear, is why she won the award. Oh,

yeah? Okay, well, this year we'll go one better. I'll open one of my cleaning

stores. We'll have all the kids come there.

We'll tie balloons on my automatic pant legger.

Oh, I saw streamers on the automatic pant leg. Streamers is better!

Now, George, now just forget it. Now, I'm not interested in trying to outdo

Van Morris.

Fine, let's just drop the whole subject of Mrs. Van Morris.

Oh, thank you, Tom.

Let's talk about Mr. Van Morris. I'd like to punch him in his face. You don't

have to.

Because his wife, you know, who can't possibly win the award this year because

they've been on a world cruise for the last eight months.

We just made you think to win. All right, now, listen. The three of you can

discuss this as long as you want, but as of this minute...

Count me out.

I am simply going to do my work the way I've always been doing it,

and I'm not going to ruin my day by even thinking about Mrs.

Van Morris.

Mrs. Van Morris!

Eloise!

Oh, I hope I'm not intruding. I see I caught you in the middle of your house

cleaning.

Well, Mrs. Van Morris, I don't see how a visit from you could possibly be an

intrusion. After all, you're not even in yet.

Oh, yes, I know.

Well, then, you already know Helen.

And this is her husband, Tom.

And, of course, you remember George.

Ah, yes, the little man who threw broccoli when I won Volunteer of the

award last year.

Yes, I would have thrown corn, but broccoli looks funnier in your hair.

Tell me, to what do we owe the honor? The pleasure.

Why are you here?

I heard of the tremendous amount of work you've done for the health center this

year. Why, I, last year's volunteer of the year, was on this wonderful,

tremendous, beautiful, oh, breathtaking, glorious...

glorious truths for eight beautiful months, while, uh, well, I didn't

anything to the help center.

Well, Mrs. Van Morris, don't worry about it. We manage.

Oh, no. I simply couldn't live with myself if I didn't hold up my end. So,

boys...

Now, I want to donate this check to the health center in my own name for

the amount of $25 ,000.

George,

what are you doing?

I'm getting the spot ready for your trophy.

Well, stop it.

No, Louise. For once in his life, he's right.

You are going to win that award tonight.

Mrs. Van Mars can't buy it this year.

Everybody's wise to old tricks.

Well, I really don't care if I win or not.

What? What are you talking about, Louise? Where's your spirit of

This is America.

You're supposed to want to win.

What would happen if George Washington didn't want to win?

We'd be speaking English.

Exactly.

No, I agree.

Competition has made America great. That's right. Take me and my buddy

here, right?

Now, each one of us naturally wants to outdo each other, right?

But see, it inspires Willis to know that me, his best friend, outdoes him in

every aspect of life.

Right? Well, I wouldn't say that. You don't have to thank me, old buddy. I'm

just saying that because I'm your friend.

Gee, thanks.

I hate to interrupt this tribute to yourself, George, but it's time to go.

We don't want Louise to miss hearing her name announced as the winner now, do

we? Hey, hey, hey, hey. All right, Louise.

Come on, Louise.

Oh, now look, this is all very flattery, but I'm telling you, I don't care if I

win or lose.

That witch beat me again!

Louise, I thought you said you didn't care about winning the award.

Oh, shut up!

Now, Louise, I know you're upset, but I think back to something you told me

yourself. It's the good that you do, not the award.

And if it makes any difference, you're our volunteer of the year every year.

Oh, put a sock in it.

Look on the bright side.

What bright side?

Um, well, one, the help center really can use the money that Mrs. Van Morris

donated. And two,

a donation might inspire other people to give money. And, uh, three...

Even though she has a lot more money

than you, Louise, she's probably very unhappy.

Then the joke's on her, huh, Helen?

Right.

Get out of my house.

I've decided I am not doing any more work for that organization.

Why should I? They don't appreciate it. Next year, I'll just give them a blank

check. A blank check, please.

You really don't want to give a blank check, do you? And you, you didn't do a

thing on my behalf.

What are you talking about? It was my idea to hire the skywriter. Then why

didn't you do it? Because you told me not to.

Oh.

Married for 30 years, and you picked now to start listening.

Oh.

And you... What did I do?

You are on the board of directors.

I'll bet I didn't even get your vote.

Trust me.

I voted for you.

Oh, yeah? So you say. But how do I really know?

Louise, I'm your best friend. Of course I voted for you.

But there's no way I'm really telling now, is there? Oh, Louise!

Admit it!

You didn't vote for me, did you?

Look, you only got one vote. Who the hell else do you think voted for you?

One vote?

I only got one vote?

Well, one or something like that.

Twelve people on the board and I only got one vote?

Or something like that.

Well, I've lost.

Well, it's just something I've got to accept.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Where you going?

Into my kitchen to think. You were right.

I did get a little overexcited. I'm just going to take a couple of minutes to

calm down.

look a lot better.

Doesn't she, everybody?

Well, I did a little soul -searching, and I do feel a lot better now.

Oh, by the way, if I were you, I wouldn't walk in there barefoot.

Please, are you all right?

Oh, yes, I'm fine.

The subject of Volunteer of the Year is closed.

I'm my old self again.

You take it easy.

See, it's only Ralph.

You don't hate Ralph now, do you?

No.

Thank you, ma 'am. I don't hate you either.

I just came by to present you with this.

What is it?

It's a doily, ma 'am.

I thought you could sit your trophy on it. Listen, Ralph.

No need to thank me, sir.

I realize it's not much, but this doily has been in my family for generations.

It took my poor old great -grandmother months to make with her bony, arthritic

little fingers.

And how come it says J .C. Penney?

J .C. Penney.

See, that was her name, sir.

Jacqueline Cara Penney.

Her darlies were so beloved that the retail chain not only bought her line,

they also took her name. Just a little bit of Americana for you, sir.

Nice try, Ralph, but we don't need it.

There, you see, Louise? You'll have to admit it was nice of Ralph to offer you

gift. A gift? Oh, no, sir.

I'd never give away my great -grandmother's handiwork. Never. How

for it? $5 .95, sir.

You can't use it, Ralph.

Louise didn't win.

Oh, that's a shame.

You wouldn't happen to know the address of the winner?

I am! Louise! I hate wealth! I hate Mrs. Van Mars! And worst of all,

I hate the health center!

Oh, what good is it? None!

And Helen laid me alone!

Okay, I'll leave you alone.

But after you calm down, maybe you can help me get rid of my anger.

I wasn't even nominated for that ridiculous...

Angel, sweetheart, I think... Hey, I work there, too. And I certainly do more

than Mrs. Sandman. And what about that plumbing for senior citizen seminar?

I arranged that.

And I'm a much better loser than Louise.

But, sweetheart, just remember, you're my woman of the year.

Oh, shut up.

Realize how immature Helen really is.

Helen, what about you?

Me? Yeah, you don't mean what you said about not going back to the help center,

do you? I don't? Look at me. Do I look like I'm going anywhere?

But, Weasley, I thought you cared about those people. You love helping people.

You can't stop doing that, can you?

Of course I like helping people.

It's just that...

Sometimes I wonder, what's the point?

Oh, Weed, well, those people need you. I mean, you can't let them down.

Of course not, but I did my best.

It wasn't good enough.

So, I'm hurt.

That's all.

Oh, Weed, yeah.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I know how you feel.

And I've been through the same thing.

You know, sometimes I go down to that cleaning store, the hangers are bent.

Sometimes I'm low on starch.

George.

Sometimes even the sleeve puffer looks just like any other machine.

George. You know, one time I went down there, and the pleats didn't even make

smile. George.

I've just changed my mind.

I'm going back to work.

Yeah.

What was the matter?

Maybe I should just retire, Louise.

I'll do it.

And, George, thank you for making me feel better.

For a little while, anyway.

Louise, Louise, Louise, Louise.

Well, that's that. What can we do for you, Mrs. Van Morris? I can't tell you

enough how... Sorry, I am, that you didn't win the award again this year.

I had no idea that I was even in the running.

That makes two years in a row.

Am I right, Louise?

Yes, two.

It's easy to remember.

One for each of your faces.

That's cute.

Then again, you always did handle defeat well.

Mrs. Van Laar, please. But of course, you.

We just... Couldn't seem to control ourselves, could we? What are we talking

about? I always throw artichoke hearts when I'm happy.

Louise, I know that this is the worst possible moment to ask a favor of you,

the committee would like me to give a speech at the press conference tomorrow,

and I was wondering if you'd mind terribly writing my acceptance speech

What? You're asking her to write a speech for you?

Well, it's such short notice, and she does have a mind for detail.

Mrs. Van Morris, right now, the only thing I have a mind to do is... George,

that, and if that's the paramedics, hold them. The only thing I have a mind to

do is to take that trophy and turn it into a tight -fitting cap.

Hello, Mrs. Jefferson. Can I come in? And what do you want? To tell me what a

crummy, sticky time you had at the crummy, sticky cap?

No, I just wanted to tell you what a good time I had at camp. You were right,

Mr. Jefferson. It was great.

It was?

Yeah, and, well, I kind of made you something in ceramics class.

Here, it started out as an ashtray, but since I remembered you don't smoke, I

just skipped off the dents and called it a dish.

Sorry if it didn't turn out so good.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Listen to this, George.

To Mrs.

Jefferson, world's greatest... Wom?

That's supposed to say woman, but the A and the N are on a dent.

I can do it over if you want me to. Oh, no, I wouldn't hear of it. A special

gift like this deserves a special place of its own so that everyone can see it.

How's this?

Yeah.

It kind of goes with everything.

Right.

Anyway, my mother's waiting for me downstairs, so I better go. Thanks

Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, and thank you, Otis. And I'm sorry I yelled at you before.

Oh, that's... Okay.

You're a grown -up. You're supposed to.

Oh, uh, Mr. Jefferson, would you happen to have a quarter?

Oh, Ralph, huh?

Oh, I just wanted to buy a candy bar.

Bye -bye, artist.

Kids.

Yeah, there's something else, aren't there?

Well, listen, Louise.

I can understand why you might be reluctant to write my speech for me. I

someone on my staff to help me. Oh, no, Mrs. Van Morris. I'll write it. What?

Oh, thank you, Louise. I knew I could depend on you. I'll come back tomorrow

pick it up. Oh, nothing too fancy. And please, try not to overuse the word

godsend.

I don't believe you're going to write a speech for a woman like that.

Well, George, she needs help.

And I guess I've forgotten that sometimes people who need help the most

even know they need it. So, in other words, you're not mad about not winning

award anymore, huh?

No. As a matter of fact, I already got the best award a woman

could have.

Oh, come on. That ain't that great.