Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the side, moving on up, to a deep...

when staying in bed was taking care of business.

Yeah, well, so do I.

But now they send the Wall Street Journal to my office.

So what are you going to do today?

Well, with running around waiting on you hand and foot for the last five days, I

can hardly move a muscle.

Oh, you must have caught what I had.

I did if you caught hell.

Oh, Miss Jefferson, do me a favor. I want y 'all to take these cookies I

Oh, wonderful.

Why?

They're my entries in that new cooking show, Baking with Babs. And I'm calling

my entry, Florence Johnston's Chewy Surprise.

Really?

What's the surprise?

They're edible.

Well, we'd love to try them.

Uh -uh, not for me, Reese. If you pass out, somebody's got to call a paramedic.

What does it taste like?

Hmm.

Well, I thought I recognized it, but... Oh, no, it couldn't be.

I was going to say cucumber.

I think you have as much chance of winning that contest as anybody else.

really think so? No.

Yeah, that's okay.

You know, they laughed at Columbus.

They laughed at Edison.

And they laughed at the Wright brothers.

And look what happened to them. Yeah, they died just like whoever eats those

cookies gonna do.

Wish I could say the same for you.

Well, he's back to normal.

Sorry, Louise.

Anyway, we came to borrow those extra folding chairs for tonight.

Oh, yeah. They're in the closet. I'll get them.

Wait a minute. Where are they going with our chairs?

Oh, didn't I tell you? The help center asked Tom and Helen to give a lecture to

some newlyweds this evening.

They're going to discuss what it takes to make a happy marriage.

Oh, can I get Liz and Dick?

You know, if you two care to stop by tonight, you're more than welcome.

Yes, we're going to talk about love and caring and intimacy.

What's that got to do with me and Wheezy?

You know, George, maybe you're not as in touch with those feelings as you think.

Oh. And I take it you've forgotten about that card that I gave you last

anniversary? George gave you a card?

What did it say?

American Express.

George, what we're talking about are the little things.

For example, do you know that Tom writes me a love note every single day?

Oh, how sweet.

How sweet.

Oh, it's so romantic.

I never know where they'll turn up.

Sometimes in the shower, sometimes under my pillow.

And lots of times on the refrigerator door.

What is the big deal? I give you love notes, too. In fact, I just gave you one

yesterday.

And what's so romantic about we are all out of deodorant?

I signed it Love, George, right?

Now, that's a perfect example of what we're planning to discuss at the meeting

tonight. Direct communication in a marriage. Now, you really wanted to tell

Louise that you loved her.

but you had to hide it in a note about deodorant. I didn't hide it. I stuck it

on the bathroom mirror.

Would anybody like some fresh -baked cookies? Oh, Florence, I'd love to.

I'm watching my waist, but, oh, what could one little cookie hurt? Your

for Social Security.

Well,

uh...

Very interesting.

Thank you. What do you think, Miss Willis?

Louise,

don't you want to try some? No, thanks.

We're trying to cut down on roughage.

You do like them, don't you? Oh, well, they're round, and that's a plus.

They're terrible, aren't they?

Yes. But round.

I guess I'll have to try another road. Why don't you try the road to Morocco?

Well, come on, Tom. Get the chairs and let's go.

Yes, my angel.

I still don't believe y 'all gonna go through with this marriage counselor

stuff.

Well, Louise, I guess what you told me this morning is absolutely true.

George could never be trusted to lead this seminar.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What do you mean I can't be trusted?

Thanks a lot, Helen.

George, I didn't think you'd be interested, so I volunteered Tom and

Oh, so you picked Tom and Helen over me, huh? Oh, I see.

Well, you're not upset.

No.

What makes you think that?

Your temples are throbbing.

Well, they can throb if they want to. It's a free country, ain't it?

Tom, I think maybe we should excuse ourselves. I think maybe George and

could use some privacy.

But, sweetheart, that's never stopped us before.

Tom?

Yes, my happiness.

George, I'm sorry. I didn't talk to you about the seminar.

Louise, I don't care about that.

Obviously, I ain't nobody.

Well, in case you did care, I want to apologize.

To who?

There's nobody in the room.

Are you sure you're not angry? No, I am not angry.

Because if you really wanted to lead the seminar... I don't want to lead it!

Well, where are you going? To work.

Well, I'm somebody.

Well, as long as you're not angry.

Oh, how was work today, George? What?

Oh, great. Great.

People talking to me, listening to me, treating me as if I was somebody.

What was that?

What was what? The buzzer.

I don't know. It sounded like the timer.

Oh, what timer?

The oven timer.

You know, the one Florence uses when she's baking.

Oh, no.

I'll get it. No, no, no, I'll get it. No, I'll get it. I'll get it. No, it may

be somebody who wants me to go someplace.

Well, don't leave me here by myself.

Oh, Louise, I'm so glad you're home.

As soon as we left here this afternoon, Tom suddenly became ill.

Oh, I better tell Florence to get a lawyer.

No, George, I think he just came down with what you had.

Oh, as a matter of fact, I was just wondering if, um, maybe you two could

over the marriage seminar for us.

What? Oh, you hear that wheeze?

Oh, today I wasn't good enough to lead a discussion.

Today I didn't understand.

Today I was Mr. Not In Touch With His Feelings.

Jack, I wouldn't ask if there was any other way.

Believe me, I wouldn't ask.

You hear this, please?

You came all the way down here at the last minute knowing how sick that I've

been. And just because you run some guilt trip on me, I'm supposed to do you

favor?

Well, I guess when you put it like that, it does sound dumb.

I'd love to.

George,

are you sure you want to go through with this?

The newlyweds will be here soon, and we are not prepared.

Really? Just leave it up to me, the expert.

George Jefferson, professor of love.

Uh -oh.

Now, come on, get this place ready.

Miss Jefferson, have we got any string?

Florence, if those cookies won't hold together by themselves, you've probably

done something wrong.

No, Miss Jefferson, it's just that I couldn't figure out what to do with my

leftover cookies, so I decided to send them to my family.

Oh, dear, I just remembered.

We have nothing to serve those people tonight.

You're expecting company tonight?

Yes, and they'll be here any second.

Well, hey, why don't you take these? I'm sure my family won't mind.

Why should they? Would a condemned man mind a pardon from the governor?

Mr. Jefferson, if there was something really wrong with these cookies, I

wouldn't give them to a human being.

I'd give them to you.

Come on, Wheezy, we're not going to give those newlyweds those nasty cookies,

are we?

No. Florence is.

So legally, we're in the clear.

You know, George, maybe I'm worrying over nothing.

Maybe we will be able to help somebody.

Of course, Wheezy.

I can see it now. Those newlyweds coming to me for guidance.

Well, George, it's not just you. I'm sure they'd want to hear both of our

viewpoints. Well, don't worry. I know both of them.

I'd like to think that we both have strong points in this relationship.

Well, you keep on thinking that way while I answer the questions, okay?

George, let's not argue.

Now, we have people coming here soon, and we are going to show them that we

a happy marriage, even if it kills us.

Now, How are we going to run this seminar?

Simple.

I'll answer the questions. You agree.

Then I'll give them a few pointers on love and romance.

Then during my closing remarks, you serve some coffee. Then we send

home.

Uh, am I missing something?

All you want me to do is smile and pour coffee?

They'll think I'm a waitress.

Well, okay. Somewhere during my opening remarks, I'll say something like, no

tipping.

Your closing remarks. You might want to say something about the high cost of

alimony.

All I'm saying is it's better if I led the seminar.

I mean, a man is the driving force in a marriage.

And what about the woman? Well, you've got to have one of those.

Otherwise, the whole marriage thing would be a stupid idea.

Okay, now I'm going to be lecturing. I need something to stand in front of.

How about a moving truck?

Look, I thought you wanted the seminar.

I do.

But not if you're going to monopolize the entire conversation.

But I'm not going to do that, Will.

Well, that's better.

I got to let the newlyweds say something.

Oh, I meant that. There they are. There they are. Open the door. Try not to say

nothing stupid.

Oh, don't worry, George.

I wouldn't dream of doing a man's job. Come on.

Hello. Hello there. Come right on in. Nice to meet you.

Hello. Hi.

Hi, how are you? How are you?

Tell him to sit down.

Please sit down.

Thank you.

Did I do okay, George?

Is everybody here?

Wasn't there another couple who came up with us in the elevator?

Oh, I'll get them. Maybe they're shy around strangers.

They must want children.

Excuse me.

Would you care to join us?

Oh, we're sorry.

We thought we were still on the elevator.

I guess we're a little excited.

So we waited till after we were married.

Oh. Well, do you think you can wait until you get home?

Okay, okay.

Now that we're all here, shall we introduce ourselves?

My name is George Jefferson.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah. There's no reason to tip this lady. She's my wife.

George, give them my name.

Okay. Her name is Louise.

Oh, hi, everybody. Welcome to our... Well,

I'm David Markowitz.

And I'm Heather Goldfarb Markowitz.

I was afraid to lose my identity, so I hyphenated.

Well, don't worry. You can always adopt.

Next.

We're Leon and Alice Jackson.

I'm sorry. This is for newlyweds only.

We are newlyweds.

We married three weeks ago last Tuesday.

Right, bunny face?

Right, snuggles?

Oh, three weeks. How wonderful.

You two are very special people.

Oh, no, not really.

You see, we had to get married.

You've what?

Tax purposes.

Ned! Hey, Frank Tertiano, this here's my old lady Donna.

Uh, yo.

Very inspiring, Donna.

And finally, we have... Oh,

uh, excuse me.

We're Minter and Mythos Stephen and Judy Wilkin. Our, uh...

Wedding was just ten days ago.

Yeah,

I was pretty active back then myself.

Way, way back then.

Okay, now that we all know each other, let me tell you a little bit about us.

My wife, Louise, is married to a great guy.

You, you're handicapped because I'm not married to any of you.

marriage won't work. It just means you have to work a little harder.

What George is trying to say. They're not stupid, Weez. Just inexperienced.

Anyway, now, if you really want your marriage to work, never let your spouse

feel neglected, unwanted, or left out.

Spouses have feelings, too.

Well, I feel. But the most important thing in a marriage is a sense of humor.

I can't count the number of times during our married years where my sense of

humor saved our marriage. Right, Louise?

Chuckle, chuckle.

See?

So, now that you have the basics of the George Jefferson philosophy on marriage,

you are ahead of 95 % of the people walking the streets today.

So, are there any questions?

Yes, yes, yes.

That lady from the help center said that there was going to be food here, so...

Like, where is it?

Luis! Of course.

Florence, can you bring out those refreshments?

When my maid brings out the snacks, I'll make sure the first cookie goes to you.

Okay, any other questions? Come on, ask, ask. Don't be bashful.

It's too personal.

Do you think the Napoleonic complex applies to your marriage?

Probably. What is it?

Well, that's when a man becomes power hungry because his lack of height makes

him feel inadequate.

Next.

Well, I just want to say that marrying Bunnyface was the smartest thing

that I ever did.

That's my snug bug.

question about sex.

Next!

I have something.

You see, Steve here has been so wonderful through the whole thing.

Considerate, attentive, and so romantic.

My question is, will it stay that way?

Dream on, sweetheart.

Donna, we haven't heard from you yet.

Isn't there something you'd like to ask?

Um... Oh, well, yeah.

Um, see, me and Frankie got married a week ago, but does this mean I gotta

seeing other guys?

Where you from?

Jersey. Nah, it doesn't matter.

Good freshmen.

Just help yourself. They're homemade.

so many?

I'm going to play frisbee with the dog I hate.

What did he do? Eat out of your bowl?

Well, if there are no more questions, I am now available for autographs.

I have one more.

You see, my wife and I have been disagreeing about something.

Oh, David, don't bring that up.

It sounds so trivial.

Oh, that would be perfect. So is the professor.

Well, you see, I like to go to the hockey games. But Heather here likes the

opera, and we end up fighting all the time.

Oh, well, see, in our family, we follow the age -old tradition.

The man is the driving force in the marriage.

The man earns the money.

The man makes the decisions.

Well, what if the woman earns the money?

What?

Heather makes more than I do. Oh, but not that much more, right?

Oh. Quite a bit.

I'm the vice president of a bank, and David is a teller.

In training.

Well, Professor?

Well, um, there are times in a marriage when you should, uh,

compromise. Okay.

One time you go to the hockey game, next night you go to the opera.

George Jefferson, how can you be so hypocritical? Dizzy, dig yourself in

of these people.

I don't care. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you tell these people

one thing and you do another.

Now, since you are so compromising, how come you never go with me to the ballet?

Because I hate to watch a bunch of silly girls running around a stage in toe

shoes.

Well, I'm not thrilled watching those toothless men run around on ice skates.

Now, that's not fair, Dizzy.

You bash a ballet dancer in the mouth with a puck, and she'll be toothless,

George, why don't you be honest with these people?

You never compromise.

We always go to the hockey games.

That's why I'm the only woman I know who can name every goalie in the NHL.

Oh, yeah?

Red Wings.

Oh, there's no talking to you, George. Fine, then stop talking. You got it.

Yeah, well, I'll take it.

Well, you asking for it, I'm telling you, you've got it. Well, if you've

it, I'm taking it, and thank you. And I'm not going to say you're welcome.

Yeah, that was really great. What was?

That demonstration.

Now, that was really enlightening. It was like a real fight, wasn't it?

Yeah, until it got silly.

How long did you rehearse?

Rehearse? I can't tell you how many stuffy lectures we've been to where all

do is preach and hand out pamphlets. Yeah, yeah. But you prove that it's okay

for a loving marriage to have anger and frustration and immaturity.

Mrs. Jefferson, you're very good at immaturity.

Thanks.

Come on, Frankie. Let's get home.

I got a date.

That's my brother, ain't it? Hey, you heard the man. He's all right. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I don't care what the man said.

Thank you. Oh.

It was a thrill meeting you both. Oh, thank you for coming. Come on, woman,

we're going to the hockey game tonight.

I'm just kidding, dear.

I'm trying to be the driving force.

Can I ask you something

personal?

If you stop the elevator between floors, will the lights go out?

Goodbye, dear.

You know, George, after all that, they still think we have the perfect

Yeah, and you know something? So do I.

Look, we... I'm sorry for acting so crazy.

Oh, I guess I acted a little crazy, too. Yeah, I know, but see, it looks good on

you.

Everything looks good on you.

Oh, well, what do you know?

You are romantic after all. Of course I am. Haven't you been reading those notes

on the bathroom mirror?