Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to the...

Previously on The Jeffersons, Tom was conned out of $15 ,000 by two of

Navy buddies.

But George and Tom had a plan to get the money back.

The same way they got it from us. We're going to have to con them.

We'll just have to track those guys down and pull a con on them that they'll

never forget.

George and Tom enlisted the aid of their friend Jimmy.

The three followed the con men to Los Angeles, where they met Jimmy's cousin,

who had a plan.

Mr. Jefferson, have you ever heard of the term Armageddon?

Yeah. What we do is we convince West and Tinder that it's coming sooner than it

really is.

The only problem was that Louise, Florence, and Helen found out about the

money. So what are we going to do, Louise?

Well, what else can we do? We are flying to Los Angeles.

And now, part three of Mission Incredible.

Oh.

Oh, ten and a half hours.

Hours of the most painful, grueling, back -breaking physical labor I've ever

the misfortune to watch.

All right, Mr. Jefferson, how does she look?

Expensive. Aha.

But as I promised, just the necessities. Just necessities, right.

And I suppose this honeymoon suite is a necessity, right?

Now, wait a minute.

You know how much noise we had to make to put this newsroom together?

Yeah. Nobody came over to complain, did they?

Oh, that explains why I got a standing ovation when I went out for a midnight

snack.

Gentlemen, we are fighting a deadline, so I suggest we get started.

Jimmy, let's go.

Look, you sure this end -of -the -world thing is going to work?

Mr. Jefferson, the only thing I'm sure of is that this is Friday, and we have

about eight hours to get your friend's money out of the bank.

You're looking good.

Now, remember, this newscast has to look professional.

If West and Tindo get the slightest hint that there's a con going down in here,

that's all she wrote. Understood?

Understood. All who wrote.

Let me explain something to you. Shut up.

All right, take your positions.

Yeah, I still don't think it's going to work.

Oh, come on, George.

Whatever happened to that great positive attitude of yours?

Okay, ready with the strip.

Oh, my God, this is a long one. Wait a minute. No, I'm sorry. This is just some

bill I forgot to give you, Mr. Jefferson.

That's what happens to the positive attitude, Willis.

Are we ready?

Man, did you hear the racket those newlyweds were making last night?

I couldn't believe it.

Ah, come on, Roy.

They're young, in love.

They have a whole new world to look forward to.

It's beautiful.

Yeah, I suppose.

Want to rip them off?

Okay.

We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin. We take you live

to Washington, D .C., and our action news correspondent, J .W. Townsend. Jim.

Thank you, and...

just received by Action News, the Pentagon has revealed that the communist

-backed Caribbean island of San Limon has apparently opened fire upon an

American reconnaissance submarine.

The submarine was cruising in international waters some 205 miles off

island's coast.

And while there has been no word of injuries, the president has warned the

military leaders of San Limon that any further aggression against the sub would

be... as a blatant act of war and would result in, and I quote, unspeakably

grave consequences, end quote.

Hey, Lloyd, did you hear this?

Just what these consequences will be remains unclear at the moment, but

News has learned that several American warships, including a destroyer armed

with nuclear warheads, are reportedly headed towards the troubled area at this

moment, and also that San Limón is prepared for possible retaliatory

Hey, Lloyd.

I'm listening. I'm listening.

This concludes our news bulletin. Stay tuned for further developments.

A destroyer with nukes, Lloyd.

Al, will you relax?

This sort of thing happens all the time.

Blowing up the world does not happen all the time, Lloyd. They are not going to

blow up the world. How can they?

Where would they live?

I don't like it at all, Lloyd. I don't like it.

I don't think it's working with Tyndall.

No, but it's working with West, and he's the one we're going after anyway.

So what's the next step? Well, I think if we can convince him that L .A. is the

target for this war, he'll panic and try to leave town with the money. Ah, and

then we jump him, right?

No. You see, physically, we can't take them, because legally, the money's not

yours anymore.

So we have to wait for them to take a cab to the airport with it. And then we

pull the switch on him.

That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard, Lewis.

So what's the plan?

We pull the switch then.

His way makes sense.

Now, gentlemen, you have to realize, when West and Tindo leave their room, we

have to watch their every move and control it. They can't read anything,

hear anything, and can't come in contact with anybody that might tip them that

this whole thing is a scam.

What about the cab? They got to talk to the cab driver.

I'm going to be driving the cab.

Wait a minute. Won't they recognize you from the newscast? Not with this hot...

and these dark glasses and me accent, man. I say, sir, you want a cab, sir? I

take you to the airport, sir. Very, very cheap, sir.

It's beautiful, baby. It's beautiful.

Thank you.

I have already taken the liberty of renting a cab.

What? You rented a whole cab?

Of course. I didn't think they'd go for a moped.

All right, let's give them another shot. Come on.

Don't you know if there was anything to worry about, I'd be the first one to say

so? Now, would I be so calm? Would I be so relaxed?

Would Juan Valdez still be picking coffee beans?

We interrupt this program to bring you another news bulletin. Good morning,

ladies and gentlemen.

As of 9 .45 a .m., the United States Congress, in special session, issued a

formal declaration of war against the island nation of San Limon.

Oh, I knew it! I knew it!

The CIA has released a list of cities targeted for probable attack.

These include Washington, New York, Miami, Chicago, and Houston.

Los Angeles. You see?

Hey, they didn't say Los Angeles.

The city listed for certain attack is Los Angeles.

to me, if it ever came to a war between us and the U .S., well, I'll be damned

if we don't take out L .A.

The president has issued a heartfelt directive to the citizens of Los

another exclusive for this reporter, and I'm quoting the president now, be calm,

do not panic, our hearts are with you, close quote.

In an unrelated story, the president and first lady have left the country for an

extended vacation in Australia.

But back to Los Angeles.

Evacuation proceedings are underway.

Every available train, plane, bus and plane is being pressed into service.

Best estimates indicate...

not necessarily reflect the views of this station.

Helen, darling, what are you doing here?

Well, now, just a minute. Listen, I can explain everything.

What do you mean, explain everything?

George Jefferson, I demand an explanation.

See, that was, you went and ruined a great surprise.

What surprise?

I was going to fly to Los Angeles and back home again without you knowing

it.

Please, you're going to ruin everything. Now, just let us finish blowing up the

world, and I promise I'll be right home.

Blowing up the world?

Well, not exactly.

Hold it, hold it. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Before y 'all blow up anything, does anybody know where Billy Dee Williams

lives?

Listen to all that commotion going on next door.

All hell's going to break loose all over the place.

All right, Al. All right, we'll leave.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to leave... $15 ,000 in the bank just to

around and glow in the dark.

Well, I... No, wait a minute. My darling, if you'll just calm down...

York! Quiet!

I just heard them say they're going to pick up the money.

Our money?

Uh... Well, yes.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Is this your cousin? Yeah. Honey, do you know where Biddy

Williams lives?

Seaweeds, look.

They gotta call a cab. When they call a cab, the phone is gonna ring over here.

I'm telling you, we'll have Willis' money back in no time, I promise.

What do you mean? We aren't even going to pack?

I'm telling you, we've got no time.

We'll get out of here. We'll stop at the bank. We'll get new clothes in Canada

or something. They're going to blow up L .A. Ow, ow, ow.

Where are you going dressed like that?

I'm going to get a cab.

Hey, a cab, that's exactly what we wanted, right?

Don't bother.

You see, instead of putting the money in my bank account, I stashed it away in a

safe deposit.

You did?

Right. In a bank just down the street.

Not more than a ten -minute walk.

Walk? Walk.

Walk. Walk. Oh, no. There go my tip.

Listen, will somebody please tell me what's going on? I'll tell you what's

on.

Fifteen thousand dollars of my money. money is on its way to Canada, and it's

all your husband's fault. It is not my fault. It's my fault that the money came

to California.

It's Wes and Tindall's fault that it's going to Canada.

Jimmy, look, you've got to realize that once they step out on the street, it's

over, man.

Yeah, yeah.

Mr. Jefferson, look, man, I'm sorry, man. We tried, man. Honest, man.

Yeah, Jimmy, I know. Thanks anyway.

Mr. Jefferson, you know that $500 you were supposed to pay me? Yeah, I know.

Well, may I have it now?

Tom, does all this mean no beach house on Cape Cod?

Well, before I answer that question, sweetheart, perhaps now is the perfect

for us to renew those wonderful wedding vows we took so many years ago.

You blew it, didn't you?

Do you remember that part that went, for richer or for poorer?

You're gonna pay for this.

Oh, and especially, till death do us part. You got that right.

Look, how'd you find out we were here anyway?

Well, Florence told us.

Florence! Now, wait a minute. I didn't tell him everything.

I just told him where you were going, what you were going for, and how to get

here. Now, the rest they figured out all by themselves.

Look, we can't just stand here and let those guys get away, Weezy. We've come

too far to stop now. Now, you're the genius that set this whole thing up.

you do something? Right. Yes, couldn't you follow them or make them tell you?

And maybe you could even... Now, just one minute.

Who is this man?

Uh... Can we follow them, Cos?

Not without risking being recognized.

By this time, they've seen all four of us. That's right. And even if they

hadn't, it still wouldn't solve the problem of their walking to the bank.

I think she's right. I'm so glad that somebody else in this room has a head on

their shoulders.

Oh, that's nothing. You should hear me when I know what I'm talking about.

Oh, if there were only some way we could keep them in that room. If only they

hadn't seen all of us. If only who hadn't seen all of us. Uh, West and

You never met them. They live next door.

Wait a second.

You have never seen West and Tyndall? No.

I ain't never seen them either.

Well,

we may not be dead yet.

But first we gotta stall them.

And then be sure that they take Jimmy's cab so nobody on the street can tip him

off.

Can any of you ladies sell?

Well, yeah.

Good. Mr. Willis, give me your jacket. Oh, yes.

Now, you other two ladies do everything I tell you to do and listen to me

carefully here.

Right. Look, I just want to know one thing.

What? Who is that man?

Well, I'll tell you one thing. He ain't Billy Dee Williams.

Let's go.

I hope we can even make it to the bank. Even the TV's not working. This whole

town is on the verge of panic. Yeah.

Is it true? Is it true? Is what true, lady? Look at these robbing bombs on L

any minute. Yeah, it's true. Have a nice day.

Well, what about me?

What about you?

Well, you can't leave me here. I've got a husband and kids and a pocketbook full

of money. I've got to get out of town. How much money, lady?

Wait a minute. Let me see.

Hold it.

All right. My compact.

My little thing.

My eyebrow pencil.

Oh, this is my cousin Casey's little boy, Justin.

Maybe something else.

Yeah. He's got a mouth just like yours. Lady, would you please?

Okay, okay.

Um, his brush and a comb and my toenail clippers.

Here it is, here it is.

Do you know I've been looking for these earrings for weeks?

Wouldn't you know I'd find them the day the world ended?

That's it, lady.

Give her back her stuff, Al. But... No buts about it. Me and my partner, we've

got to leave town, and we're leaving right now. Just one moment.

Oh, I'm sorry, young lady, but I need a word with these men.

Fine with me, honey. I'm through with them.

Now, let's see here.

Alan Rudolph West?

Yes, sir. And Lloyd Armstrong Tyndall, is that correct?

Uh, yeah.

That's right. What can we do for you? My name is Commander Theodore W.

Weatherford, and I am the recruiting officer of this district in charge of

Navy's new Operation Overseer. Operation what?

Overseer, Seaman West.

It's highly secretive.

You've undoubtedly heard of the incident in San Limon.

Incident? Oh, yeah. We might have heard something about it. What about it? Yeah,

and what about it? Is that any way you address a commander?

No, sir. Yes, sir. I don't know, sir.

Cut it out, Al. We're civilians.

We don't have to salute him.

Not anymore, girls.

As of 0900 hours, you were both officially reactivated and fully

your previous ranks in the United States Navy.

What? They can't do that.

Don't tell me my job, sailor. I can do any damn thing I want to. Now, you give

me 50.

I said 50 or a week in the brig.

Oh, yes, sir.

Begging the commander's pardon, sir, but...

old now, aren't we, sir?

Ah, Wes, you're never too old to fight for your country.

You see, Wes, the men that we have now, they're too soft. They're green.

Oh, stand at ease.

I'm at ease, sir.

So, we decided to recall some of our better men to whip these boys into the

of shape we were in.

Two!

Some of us, anyway.

I still...

Don't understand.

You've got to give them discipline, West. You've got to make them respect

because the Lord knows they're going to look to you on the day that you storm

the beach.

I'm really flattered, sir.

Storm the beach?

Oh, just think of it, West.

Through the smoke and the gunfire, through the shrapnel and the screams,

men you're leading will trust you, West, because by God, they'll know that

you've done it before.

But, sir, last time I only cooked eggs.

Well, then I think it's about time you scrambled a few Sandemonians, wouldn't

you say, West?

Yes, sir.

Good, good.

Now, I've set up shop right here at the corner, and I expect you and Tyndall to

be there tomorrow morning at 0500 hours.

There'll be a bus waiting to take you to the airport. Well, wait a second.

Permission to speak freely, sir?

Granted. Oh, God, please don't send me to Sandemon, Commander.

Can't we just give them L .A.? It's not like we need it.

Damn it, Al! Stand up. Act like a man.

Send him. Send Tindall. Me?

You can pull strings.

You can do anything.

But please, don't send me a sign in the morning.

We've got lots of money.

How much money?

A couple of hundred bucks.

I'll see you on the beach. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Maybe it's a little

more. But see, my mother's been sick.

Your story is breaking my heart. Forget his mother.

We can give you $15 ,000, but it's in the bank.

Well, what a coincidence.

You know, $15 ,000 happens to be the going rate.

Now, listen, you two. I want you to pay very close attention to what I'm going

to say.

I want you two to take a cab from this hotel to the bank. And when you get to

the bank, you withdraw all of that $15 ,000.

Now, here comes the tricky part.

Why is everyone acting so calm?

I don't know. Panic, I suppose. The cabbie said he hadn't seen it this bad

the earthquake in 71.

Did you see our contact yet?

No, but the commander said we had to go to them.

You remember the code?

Yeah. Let's go.

All right.

Excuse me.

How far is the nearest trout stream?

Pardon me.

Can you tell me how far the nearest trout stream is from here?

Maybe we're too early.

Oh, can't be. Are you sure we're saying it right? Yeah, just like the commander

said. Excuse me, but how far is the nearest trout stream?

Only as far as the nearest trout.

The commander send you? Yeah, yeah. Oh, thank God.

The commander said you had some papers for us.

Maybe. The commander also said that you had some papers for him.

Yeah, that's right. Sure, Al.

It's all there.

Fifteen grand.

You can even count it if you want to.

I trust you.

Now you are free to go.

But my advice would be don't talk to anyone and don't let anyone talk to you.

Just get out of town and do it fast.

Yeah, we understand.

Good. Here are your papers.

Come on.

Let's get out of here.

I'd wait a few minutes.

Shore Patrol's picking up some deserters out front.

Thank you.

Let's wait over by the escrow counter.

Good thinking.

Did you get the money?

Yep, it's all here. Oh, terrific.

Thanks a lot, Jimmy. No problem. We ought to do it again sometime.

All right.

Airport, right?

Right. Oh, by the way, I didn't catch your name.

I know.

I never threw it.

Man, I'd love to see the look on their faces when they see what's inside that

envelope.

It's newspaper.

Nothing but cut -up newspaper.

Well, Willis, you owe me one. I owe you. See there, you admitted. I still don't

know what's going on. Hey, is Billy Dee's house on the way to the airport?

Let's see. One videotape camera rental, $175.

Breakfast time, Willis, $15 .80.

One day costume rental, $65.

Brunch time, Willis, $11.

One audio tape recorder, $77.

Mid -morning snack. Who else?

Good morning,

George. Morning, Weas. What are you doing?

Nothing. I was double -checking these figures.

Cost a lot, huh?

Well, it's hard to say, Weas.

When I get to Willis' food bill, the machine stops counting. It just starts

going, ooh -wee, ooh -wee.

Well, George, I can't say you didn't deserve it. Maybe now you'll mind your

business. Look, I was only trying to help. I mean, people should just jump on

every stupid deal that comes along. That's like throwing your money away.

Well, I still say you should have given Tom the money instead of running all

over the country trying to get it back yourself.

I'm sure it would have been cheaper.

Oh, yeah?

Here's the total.

Now what do you think?

$14 ,902.

Big deal.

So you saved $98.

Damn right, it's a big deal. $98 is $98.

Oh, I'm impressed.

Now try this one.

Tell me how much is $52.

Oh, good morning, everybody.

Good morning.

I brought up the mail, Miss Jefferson. Oh, thanks, Florence.

Oh, by the way, Miss Jefferson, Ralph said that while we were in Los Angeles,

they towed away one of your vans. What? Oh, it's no big deal, though. He said it

only cost $100.

If you ask me, child, you got off cheap.

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