Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on now. We're moving on now.

Besides, the guy that cleans up couldn't make it.

Hey, come on. Are we going to play cards or are we going to play cards?

Hey, okay. Let me see.

I'll call you, Ralph.

I got two pairs. Queens over nine.

Three little deuces, sir.

Again.

Beginner's luck.

Cheer up, George. You know what they say.

Unlucky at cards, lucky at love.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's just silly superstition, ain't it?

Oh, yeah? Hey, how many chips you got?

Five.

Bear with me, gentlemen. I'm still pretty new at all this.

Now,

how

many cards to each man?

Just a minute, fellas.

I've just got to say this.

I mean, this is what life's all about, isn't it? I mean, a night out in the

with the guys.

I mean, drinking, carousing, wagering on the turn of the cards.

Life in the fast lane. I love it!

Okay, I bet a nickel.

Too rich for my blood.

Hey, but by golly, you know, there's a beauty about sitting out a...

I mean, you don't have to play if you don't want to.

I mean, if I were playing poker in Russia... This game in New York will

along a lot faster.

Okay, the bet's a nickel.

Who's in?

All right, what you got, Ed?

Eight's high, boss. That's it.

Good game, Ed. You'll be back.

Okay, well, can you be three of a kind?

All I've got is two pairs, sir.

These red kings and these black kings.

She couldn't catch an elephant in your mouth.

There you go, dear.

Oh, I'm sorry. Let me get that, sir. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You ain't got to

pick that up. You ain't working that.

Gee, my wife would kill me if I left a mess like this.

See, that's the difference between you and me. You fear your wife. I rule mine.

Mine can't do enough for me.

Watch this.

Hey, Weez, watch it. Come on out here.

And she's going to clean this mess up for you? No, she ain't going to do it.

got a maid for that.

But ain't your maid going to be mad?

Look, Ed, ain't there nobody in this world that you're not afraid of?

Sure. My mother -in -law.

Well, why don't you treat the rest of the world like you treat her?

Because the rest of the world ain't dead like her.

See, look, Ed, you got to learn to live a little, man. You got to enjoy life.

Hey, you all uptight over some old spilt popcorn.

Shoot, loosen up. Throw some popcorn. No, I just can't. I just can't.

Yes. Hey, right here.

Hey, there you go. See, ain't nobody yelling at him. Ain't nobody trying to

him. Go ahead, throw some popcorn.

Well, okay. Go ahead.

Hey,

where were you born, in the zoo?

Wait a minute, you ain't got to explain nothing, huh?

Look, if my friends want to come over here and have a good time and blow off a

little steam, what you going to do about it?

Nice meeting you.

Well, since the game's breaking up, I might as well mosey on home.

Oh.

Wow, I think I had one too many.

Allow me, Mr. Willis. Even though your apartment's not in the same direction of

where I'm headed, I'd be only too happy to see you home safely.

Well, thank you, Ralphie.

Here, let me give you a little something for your trouble.

You're in no condition, sir.

I'll just, uh...

Tip myself for you.

Very generous, sir.

Whoa! Air pocket!

Hey, wait a minute, Ralph. Ain't you the bank?

Yes, sir. When do I cash in my chips?

Sir, you're healthy as a horse. You'll live forever.

Good night, Florence.

Wait a minute.

You just can't say goodnight and leave a mess like this. What mess?

a pizza doing up on the ceiling.

That was a bet. Good night.

Is that all you're going to say?

Oh, wow, yeah. Thanks for reminding me. Look, I'm expecting a client early in

the morning, so I'm going to just play it spotless.

Mr. Jefferson, I just finished three hours of choir practice, and I'm tired.

Oh, did you sing a solo?

Yeah. Then the Lord's the one who should be tired.

can go this morning come on you know me how you think it went oh i'm sorry dear

but there'll be other clients now you know better than that i use the same

strategy i use on everybody else the same strategy i use on you oh

I think she might be tired.

Tired? I'm the one that was up all night playing poker.

I'm the one that had that meeting early this morning.

Yeah, but I'm the one who spent half the night cleaning pepperoni out of the air

vents.

You should have heard him last night, Louise, singing, I love the nightlife, I

want a boogie.

You must have had quite a lively evening.

Not really.

After the second verse, Mr.

Nightlife here passed out belly up in the bathtub.

Oh, Tom, is there anything I can get you? Well, you know, Louise, they say in

case like this that the little hair of the dog that bit you...

Any of last night's pizza left?

Try not to check the light fixture.

Hey, Willis, some night last night, huh, old buddy?

I'll say, old buddy, but boy, am I paying for it now.

Oh, I'm sorry you don't feel well, Tom, but I hope you'll have a nice day at

work today. Oh, I've decided I'm not even going in today.

Maybe I'll go in tomorrow if I feel better.

Yeah, me too.

Huh.

What you on about?

Nothing. I was just thinking about how soft y 'all have it. Go to work when you

want to, stay home when you want to.

I sure wish I had an easy job like that.

So you think it's easy being an executive, huh?

A hard -working, top -notch, intelligent decision -maker.

I didn't say I want you to do all that. I said I want you to do what you do.

So you think it's so easy, huh?

Okay, see if you can crack this one.

You order 400 wire coat hangers from the factory, and they send you 300.

What do you do about it?

You order 100 more.

Oh, I must have told you this story before.

Look, before we get lost in the wide world of wire hangers... Tom, why don't

do what I brought you down here to do?

Oh, yes.

Well, as Helen so delicately put it, I did have a slight fainting spell in the

bathtub last night, but only briefly.

Evidently, I was a little too exuberant down here last night and...

Well, I made a big mess, and I walked out and left you to clean it up. So I

badly about that, and I went to Helen to ask her what she thought I should do.

Went to me?

I went to take a shower, and I stepped on it.

Thank you, Angel. We don't need all the details.

Anyway, Florence, I'm very, very sorry. Please forgive me.

Okay.

You're a peach.

Let's go, Helen.

You should have seen him, Louise, all pink and wrinkled.

I'll tell you some more about that. No, later. No, later.

Well, don't you have something you want to say to Florence?

No, I ain't never been pink and wrinkled.

No, I meant don't you also want to apologize to her?

For what?

That's what we pay her for.

Look, anybody with two hands... and a nose for dirt can do a maid's job.

Now, wait a minute.

I used to be a maid. See?

Oh, that's okay, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm too tired to argue.

Your job is impossible, and mine is a breeze, okay?

Now, can I have the afternoon off?

Sure, Florence.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

Now, if you had yourself organized, you could do all your work in three hours

and take every afternoon off.

George, you really don't know what you're talking about.

Of course, that's never stopped you before.

But what Florence has to do is an all -day job.

Weezy, I could do in three hours what it takes an all -day to do.

I sure like to see you try it. Oh, I just might do that.

Okay, I'll tell you what. If I can't do in three hours what it takes you all day

to do, I will give you a week's vacation with pay.

A week? You got it.

Okay,

what do I get out of it?

How about breakfast in bed for a month?

Deal. Deal.

Oh,

we're on the way to the matinee.

Somehow I think it would be much more fun to watch you trying to do my job.

Just be ready to fix me breakfast every morning for a month. And it better be

good, too. Weas, you might have to get up early every morning to do the

I wouldn't get too cocky, George.

I think you're going to find out that Florence's job isn't as easy as you

it is. It couldn't be. They wouldn't call it work.

Anyway, I have all the confidence in the world in you, George. Thank you, Weas.

And now the number for the rescue squad is here on the desk.

Thoughtful, but unnecessary.

Okay, Florence, let's synchronize our watches.

Oh, right.

It is now one o 'clock. Check.

That means you have three hours to do everything on that list from the time I

close this door. Check. Oh, um, when you get ready to scrub the kitchen sink,

the step ladder's in the broom closet.

Check.

I'll give you a check, all right.

Daddy check, daddy elevator shaft.

She thinks I can't do this by myself? Man, wait a minute.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Willis, get out of here right away.

Just come on down.

Okay, now, what death -defying feature did I try to conquer first?

Vacuum rug. Wow, what a challenge.

I just finished cleaning our apartment. Why didn't you call me? I would have

helped you.

That's what friends are for.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea you wanted to help.

Oh, I'll tell you what. You can make it up to me. Help me clean up down there.

cleaning. For instance, do you have any rye bread?

Yeah, why? Well, I'm starving. I want to make a sandwich.

Forget your stomach.

Well, all right. Now, let's get ourselves organized. What exactly do you

accomplish here? I want to clean the apartment.

All right. Now, let's write that down. Do you have a clipboard?

Well, I guess we can remember that.

Okay, now, what do we do next?

Well, I'd say try to find something dirty.

Look, next time I call you, don't answer.

is split up, because it's obvious you don't know a thing about nothing.

So why don't you finish up in here? You take care of the bedroom, the bathroom,

maybe the windows, the closet, the floor.

I'll tackle the dishes.

Right in.

Hey, how do you start this dishwasher machine?

Just push the button marked start.

George,

are you sure you know what you're doing?

No, that's why I called you.

Well, all right, since you're finished in the kitchen, why don't you help me

here? Because I still have to do the grocery shopping.

Oh, right. Well, I'll be working while you're gone.

Hi, George Jefferson. Yeah, how are you?

Yeah, I'd like to order some groceries.

Just give me three or four bags of stuff and maybe some vegetables.

Why don't you let me finish up in here and you take care of the kitchen.

swim, too.

Okay. Hey, Moose, what are the damages?

Let's see.

Fifteen men, fifteen mops. Oh, my God.

Plus hazard pay for Fred.

Anyway, Moose, look, thanks for doing such a great job on such short notice.

check will be in the mail.

Well, Mr. Jefferson, on behalf of the families of the 15 men you just

thanks for the trip to Europe.

The place is spotless.

I've never seen it this clean.

Not even when Florence... I mean,

it's okay.

Well, it does look good. I gotta hand it to you.

Well, I hate to use that old expression, I told you so, but what the hell? You

only live once. I told you so.

George, the place looks absolutely spotless.

How in the world did you do it?

Well, let me see. It took me 50 % ingenuity, 50 % elbow grease,

and 50 % genius.

Well, I got to tell you, you're a better man than I thought you were.

Not bigger, but better.

I can live with that.

I still can't believe you did it.

Look, while you're standing out here...

Is Mr. Jefferson in?

Yes, he is, but he's a little tired.

Yeah, I'll bet he is after the mess he made in here today.

Mess?

What mess?

Ma 'am, I don't ask how they slop it up. I just come in and mop it up.

Listen, I forgot to give Mr. Jefferson his coupon for $5 off on his next house

cleaning job.

Make sure that he gets this all right.

You know, he spent over $500 on this job, so here's an extra coupon.

Oh, what the heck. You know, for $500, you can also give him some advice. Tell

Mr. Jefferson to hire a maid.

until I get my hands on that weasel.

Ain't this a blip?

Miss Jefferson, when you get through with him, whatever's still moving

to me.

Oh, George, guess who was at the door? Not now, Weasel. I gotta talk to

first. Oh?

More cleaning tips?

Oh. No, I was just laying in bed waiting for breakfast, and I realized two

things. One...

morning doesn't come until tomorrow, and two, I owe you an apology.

What you talking about?

Well, see, I didn't really clean this place by myself. I hired a cleaning

Otherwise, I'd have been here till next Tuesday.

And another thing, the work you do is hard work, and you do a good job.

Oh, why, thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

You know that's all I ever wanted to hear you say.

So now I guess you'll get that week off.

Oh, shoot, I don't even want it. I mean, what you just said to me is worth much

more than a week's vacation.

You made me feel so good that you know what?

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to give you breakfast in bed anyway.

Hey!

Oh, George, I'm so glad you said that to Florence.

Yeah, me too, Wiz.

And it's a good thing you did, because the person at that door was a man from

the cleaning crew.

Oh, I know. I heard him.

Hmm.