Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, too deep down, moving on up, to a

deep...

Keep him, George.

The opera starts in an hour, and he hasn't even called.

I hope he gets good seats.

The ones he got us last time were so far back, we were practically in the

refreshment stand.

Oh, darn. I meant to thank George for that.

Anyway, not to worry. Even if we do have to sit far back tonight, I'm bringing

something along that will make the evening very enjoyable for all of us.

What, no doughs?

Good thought. But no, I bought each one of us a pair of opera glasses.

Oh, Tom, you're so thoughtful.

Oh, Tom's always been thoughtful. I remember once when we were first

admired a beautiful fox furred sax.

Of course, we couldn't afford it then.

But a year later, after his first promotion, Tom had it delivered.

Oh, it's a little like George.

One day I saw a leather coat I liked, and the next day he gave me a hunting

knife and a tanning kit.

Hey, what's up?

What's everybody all dressed up for?

Oh, very funny, George.

Where are the tickets? What tickets?

What's going on?

I'll give you a hint. You want to know why everybody's dressed up? Yeah. If you

ain't got no tickets, it's to go to your funeral.

George, where are the tickets for the opera that you were supposed to pick up?

I'll call the box office and see if we can still get some tickets.

Don't be looking at me, Weezy. You want to mess up.

It's your fault.

My fault? I must have reminded you 50 times to pick up those tickets. Well,

that's what I'm talking about. Instead of nagging me every five minutes, you

should have lumped all of that time together and went and got the tickets

yourself.

Well, I just asked the box office about our chances of getting in tonight.

What did they say?

They're sold out.

Oh, thank God for that. Now I'm off the hook.

Wait a minute, everybody.

Now that we're all dressed up, why don't we go out and have a nice dinner?

And it'll be my treat.

See, that weed's getting a free dinner out of this. Ain't you glad you messed

now?

Okay, so I forgot. I blew it, okay?

Now, can I say something on my behalf?

aren't you more thoughtful?

Why aren't you more like Tom Whizzy? My skin can only stretch so far.

You know, Mr. Jefferson, you're always making fun of Mr. Willis, and he don't

never say nothing bad about you.

Though I bet he's tempted to.

Well, that's right.

For instance, Florence,

what are some of the things I'd be tempted to say?

Well, you could... Excuse me.

No wonder you don't like opera.

It goes over your head.

But then again, what doesn't?

Oh, was I ever tempted to say that?

But I didn't.

And when you forgot the tickets, he could have said, why didn't you find a

scalper? Oops, I see you did.

Oh, I was dying to say that.

But I didn't.

Or he could have talked about your big mouth.

Go, go, I love it.

He could have said, when you yawn, I'm surprised cars don't pull up and order a

jumbo jack.

But I didn't.

And I appreciate it, child, because that's what I live for.

Excuse me.

at gracious.

You know what I'd do if you were my husband? Yeah, you'd be able to roll

your bed.

But I'd have no reason to want to.

George, don't you see you have ruined our whole evening?

Why is it you constantly do thoughtless things?

Like Wednesday.

It was Florence's day off. I asked you to pick up some dinner. You forgot.

No, I didn't.

Well, I didn't get any. You were hungry, too?

We should have asked Tom to get our ticket.

Oh, I would have been glad to, but I was busy picking up Louise's cleaning.

Okay, I'm the bad guy for a change, and he's Mr. Wonderful.

But, George, you have to admit that Tom is thoughtful.

You could learn a few things from him.

Well, I'd be glad to teach you, George.

It'd be the thoughtful thing to do.

You actually think that you're more thoughtful than me?

Well, only in every aspect of our lives.

That's on a bad day.

So he never messes up, huh? Well, when he does, it's never anything serious.

Okay. How about the time we were down at Charlie's bar till 2 a .m. and you were

supposed to be home at 11?

He calls me every 10 minutes.

It was the thoughtful thing to do.

Oh, yeah?

How about the time your wife asked you to buy her a watch for her birthday and

you forgot?

He bought me a mink instead.

Well, yes, Helen already had a watch, and I felt that with fall approaching,

would be the thoughtful... The thoughtful thing to do, okay.

Okay, he's perfect. He's America's most thoughtful husband.

He calls his wife. He picks up the laundry. He buys his wife a mink coat.

buys his cousin life insurance.

He buys us dinner.

What? What, Cousin Tom?

Well, uh... Oh, it's not the thoughtful thing to do to forget your cousin's

name. It was Meg, wasn't it?

Meg?

Your cousin Meg?

The one who hates me and has cursed our marriage every day of her life?

That's the one, dear.

I got a hunch you did something wrong, Weaves.

After all she's said and done to me, you bought her a life insurance policy?

I did not buy her a life insurance policy. I bought one for myself and sort

made her the beneficiary.

Which means she sort of gets the money.

Sort of.

Now I'm sure he did something wrong.

But, sweetheart, you've got to understand that she's lonely, she's

she's very unhappy.

She is bitter, she's vicious, and worst of all, she's a racist.

My instincts were right.

Right here's where he blew it.

Helen, you have to take into account that Meg and I were brought up together.

mean, we were very close at one time. I understand all that, Tom, but you know

how I feel about her. Yet you took our money to buy her a policy without even

telling me.

Well, sweetheart, I didn't want you to be upset.

So I thought the thoughtful thing to do was... Oh, can the thoughtful trash Tom.

George,

don't you think we should leave Tom and Helen alone? Weezy, if they're going to

fight. The thoughtful thing is to watch.

Well, now that it's out in the open, I guess there's no harm in telling you

the insurance policy is worth $100 ,000. I bought it a long time ago. Now let's

eat. What do you say, everybody?

French or Italian?

Okay, since you buy it. Just wait one minute. The only thing that's keeping me

from strangling you, Tom Willis, is that your cousin would get the $100 ,000.

Helen. Don't you think you might be overreacting to this? Stay out of it,

Louise.

I guess you don't.

Tom, your cousin Meg refused to come to our wedding.

And she never so much as sent our children our birthday card. Oh, yes,

that wonderful present she sent me last Christmas.

An I .D. bracelet engraved gold digger.

Hold it.

Maybe I can help out. George, please. Trust me, Louise.

Now, look.

There are two ways to look at this. The negative way is to say that the gold

digger ID bracelet was mean and vicious.

Now, the positive way is to say, hey, now here's a racist with a sense of

Thank you.

By the way, how did he find out about this and I didn't? Well, maybe because

doesn't make me pay for the information the way you do now.

Oh, really?

Now, now, let's calm down.

and look at this problem rationally.

Helen, why don't we go upstairs and discuss this privately? There's

I'd like to say to you there.

No, I'll go upstairs, and you can say it here.

You seem to be so much more comfortable doing things behind my back.

Oh, don't you think you're driving this into the ground? Look, I did it. I'm not

going to change it. Let's forget about it. It's in the past.

So is my trust in you.

Oh, well, then maybe I shouldn't come home tonight.

Maybe you shouldn't come home ever.

Thank God I forgot those tickets. You two would have been fighting all night.

Hey, we... Sorry I'm late.

One of Cunningham's cleaning stores burned.

Why did that make you late?

Well, I had to stop by our church and give thanks.

You know what Tom Willis slept on last night.

No, but I'm sure whatever it is, it's unrecognizable by now.

He slept on a hotel bed.

George, our best friend's marriage is on the rocks.

Oh, come on, Weasley, it ain't that bad.

They've had fights before.

Then Willis gives Helen flowers.

She gives him a tub of Rocky Road and everything's cool.

Look, Weasley, as disgusting as it sounds, they're the perfect couple.

Not today.

Tom called Helen this morning, and he told her he was staying at the Mayflower

Hotel. Well, at least they're talking.

He called so she'd know where to forward his mail.

You mean it's that bad?

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

And I think you owe him an apology for letting this secret slip out in the

place. No, it's his fault. He should have never let it slip out to somebody

me. He should have known better.

Well, I... I still think you owe him an apology.

So go see him, and maybe he'll come home and settle things with Helen.

Yeah. Don't say nothing about it, but I have been worried about him.

I mean, the only way he's going to get out of this mess is if somebody caring,

diplomatic, and understanding steps in.

You're right. I'd better go. No, no, no.

I'm the one that accidentally caused the whole thing.

It's my fault that he's standing in the hotel room.

It's my fault that his wife will never ever speak to him again.

But you gotta admit one thing, Weave. What's that?

Me going down there is damn thoughtful.

and a newspaper down in the lobby.

And here.

49 cents off on a Phillips screwdriver.

It's a coupon.

Do you think that after all the damage you've done, you can walk in here with a

coupon and try to win me over?

Well, it's good through July.

Well, still mad at me, big buddy?

Well, you've all but ruined my marriage.

But, Willis, I'm telling you, I didn't know. I figured Helen already knew about

the insurance policy.

Oh, that's okay, George.

It's just that I guess what made me so mad at you at the time was that, well,

when I first told you about that insurance policy, I remember I said,

don't tell Helen about this, because if she finds out, it will be the end of our

marriage. But when I look back on that moment, perhaps I was a little vague.

So now why don't you just go home and forget this?

Well, why should I? I've done nothing wrong.

Besides, you're assuming that I miss Helen.

Willis, I stayed in this hotel before.

These pictures weren't in my room.

Oh, hey, by some strange coincidence, they put me in the Helen Willis suite,

okay?

You really miss her, don't you?

I certainly do not.

Well, look, I brought myself plenty of work to keep me busy.

Oh, I'm having a high old time over here all by myself.

Oh, I don't miss Helen at all.

Oh, God, let that be her.

Darling! Hi, sweetheart.

Home service.

me i'm looking for the willis party he's it sign here please sure yeah

oh thank you uh let me get this great uh

all of this and this and that is your dinner

uh -huh do me a favor would you stand right here

put your hand right on there that's hot i'm sorry okay just stay room Remaki.

Great.

See, this is for the guys in the kitchen.

People like you give them a real sense of purpose.

Really?

Oh, well, look, George, thanks for coming over, but I'm getting along fine.

Just fine. I don't miss Helen a bit. Ha! Not a bit.

Oh, boy.

You know, I ordered all this food, and now I'm not even hungry.

Say that again?

not hungry. You're not hungry? Now I know something's wrong.

Look, Willis, why don't you go back home and bring everything back to normal?

Listen, George, I just can't apologize.

I mean, all I did was try to take care of a member of my family. And if Helen

can't accept that, well, well, then she can't accept me. But you got a great

marriage. What are you trying to ruin it? Oh, I'm not trying to ruin anything.

It's just that in our relationship, well, I'm always the one who ends up

apologizing. Well, this time it's her turn.

I mean, I love Helen, but she has to understand something about me.

I mean, if I respond to my cousin's hatred with more hatred, then I'm every

as wrong as she is.

Hey, you're right.

What am I doing talking to you? She's the one I should be talking to.

Hang in there, old buddy. Wait a minute, George. Why are you so interested in

all of this? Never mind.

No, no, I'd really like to know. Why do you want to see Helen and me get back

together again?

Well, because you're mine.

Well, okay.

Because you're mine.

Can you believe it, Louise?

Tom hasn't even called. He hasn't made the slightest move to apologize.

Oh, come on, Helen.

Someday you two will look back...

it's not your fault. I'm better off knowing that my husband keeps secrets

me. He misses you, you know.

Oh, really?

Then why hasn't he called?

Well, because it's my fault. I forgot to give him your number.

I'm sorry.

I know that you two are doing your best to get us back together again, but that

can't happen until Tom comes to me and apologizes.

Well, I went over to his hotel and tried to get him to come back.

Oh, George, you didn't have to do that, but I appreciate your effort.

I must say, you're being pretty considerate.

Well, you know I'm not the kind of guy that goes around bragging about himself.

But if the truth be known, I am the nicest guy I ever met.

George Jefferson, you are such a... a George Jefferson.

Blow, blow, Louise.

No, Louise, you can't fault George in this.

He really tried.

Look, Helen, I want to think something.

Uh, George.

When you said something before, Tom wound up sleeping across town.

We'd kind of like to keep him in the state.

This is important.

Why don't you go make some coffee? I want to talk to Helen man to man.

Helen.

Okay, but no matter what he says... I hope we can still be friends.

Now, listen, George.

If you're going to tell me that Tom is right and I'm wrong, forget it. Because

disagree completely.

It doesn't matter who's right or who's wrong.

Oh, really?

Right. Look, you're sitting here.

Your husband is sitting over in some hotel room. That's what's wrong.

Look, George. Now, look. We have both met people like his cousin, Meg.

She hates me.

And I don't have to tell you what it's like to be hated.

Anyhow, I hate supporting a woman who Tom knows hates me. But you ain't

to that woman. You married to Tom.

See, that's what happened. The whole thing started because I was jealous of

You were?

Yeah. Because everybody was talking about how great he was, what a

husband he was. So I got mad.

But why?

Because of the truth.

Now listen, George. No, no, no. You listen. Look, the man is over in the

right now.

He's lonely.

He's depressed. He's sad.

He's got the place plastered with every picture of you ever taken.

Every one?

Every one.

Oh, not the one in that ugly red dress.

Oh, you mean the one where you had your arm around Tom's neck and you would lean

up against the wall in front of Starlight Casino? That's the one.

He had every one up at that one. Oh.

You know, I know that you're trying to make Tom seem like a nice guy, but...

not trying to make him seem like a nice guy. He is a nice guy.

Okay, take, for instance, the opera glasses.

I never would have thought of that.

If Wheezy had told me, she couldn't see. I would have told her to stand up.

But see, that's the way he is. He thinks about everybody. That's his problem. He

cares more about everybody else than he does for himself.

Well, you know, I'm surprised to hear you say that.

The way you're always sort of slamming him and making snide remarks about

his girth.

Yeah, well, I know I do that. But see, that's another point. I mean...

He has to be one heck of a friend to take all of that stuff from me.

And let's face it, it ain't easy being my friend.

You can say that again.

It ain't so easy being your husband, either. Oh, now, wait a minute. Now,

up. Okay.

Remember way back when, when y 'all first got married, it wasn't too cool

white man to be married to a black woman?

I know. No, but do you think it was easy for me to marry Tom?

Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. But you stuck together, both of

you. Don't you know you have a very special marriage? In fact, extra

But, George, look, he is using our money to help Meg, a woman who'd like nothing

more than to see our marriage break up. And if your marriage does break up,

ain't nobody gonna be happy but Meg.

Oh, wait a minute. You know something, George? Yeah, I know. You're gonna say

I'm right.

You all right, George?

Thank you. I thank you.

There you go.

Well,

I'm glad that's over. It was getting pretty painful crouching at the door.

But I have to tell you, what you just said was beautiful.

Yeah, I know. He's almost made myself cry.

Well, if you two will excuse me, I'm going to run over to Tom's hotel.

Great. He's in room 422.

Give him this.

32 cents off on a bald peen hat?

Just tell him it's good through July and you got a friend for life.

I'll say it again.

You were wonderful.

Thank you, Wee.

And I also want to say I was wrong when I called you thoughtless.

You are the most thoughtful, considerate, the most wonderful husband

whole world. Hold that thought, Wee. Hello, Cunningham.

Hey, George Jefferson here.

I got a little riddle for you. Okay? You ready?

What's black, smells like smoke, and is great for my business?

You give up?

Your Bronx store. Ha, ha, ha.