Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the east side, moving on up, to a

deep...

I've ever seen.

I'm throwing this out on my way to choir practice. What? No, you ain't either.

This is my memory box. I got a lot of prized possessions in here.

George, it's got to go.

You're storing so much stuff in the closet, I don't have room for my

Well, that's no problem. Stop shopping.

Dream on, George.

Besides, you don't even look at this stuff anyway.

We really don't have the room. for this anymore.

Okay, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll look through it. I'll take out the stuff

I want over to the office and put it in the safe.

Oh, that's a wonderful solution.

And if you have to take any money out of the safe to make room for it, you can

keep that in my closet.

Dream on, Florence.

Anyways, look.

Remember this?

Our first night out on the town. We went to the opening of The King and I. What

a great show, huh?

He took you to see The King and I?

Well, not exactly.

We couldn't afford tickets, so we stood outside the theater and he took a

picture of the opening.

Well, how did you know it was a great show?

Because I took another picture when the people were coming out. See them all

smiling?

Oh, here's a picture of me and you with our German shepherd. We never had a

German shepherd.

Here's a fishy of you eating a chocolate ice cream cone.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're kissing Mr. Jefferson on the forehead.

Easy mistake.

Well, I'd love to stay here and relive these golden memories of yesterday with

you, but I got to go to choir practice.

Oh, yeah? With your voice, it could turn into Target practice.

You know, you ought to practice for that new part in the Spielberg movie

yourself.

What movie?

Bald the Guy.

Engagement ring.

Oh, yeah. You can tell I didn't have much money.

Oh, but I love this ring just the same.

Uh

-oh.

This should bring memories. This should bring back good times.

What is it, George?

It doesn't concern you.

Can I have a look at that, George? No.

Like you said, I'm going to take this down to the office right now. All of it?

mean, you don't have to take it this minute. But you said it's in the way, so

I'm going to get rid of it.

You know what I like about you, Weas? What, George?

You don't push me like most wives do.

Like most wives want to know every little thing, but not you.

Most wives are suspicious, but not you.

And most husbands would show that picture to their wives.

But not me.

Hey, that's Willis. We're going to the hockey game. I got to get my coat.

George will be right out, Tom.

What's in the box, Louise?

Oh, just some mementos that George has collected over the years.

Oh, and you two were sharing the memories, huh?

Most of them.

But there was a photograph he wouldn't let me see.

He's been very secretive about it.

Oh, well, Helen and I have never had any secrets from each other.

Well, she knows everything about me, and I know everything about her. Right,

dear? Right, Tom.

We have nothing to hide.

For example, if I wanted to, Tom would let me go through his wallet right now.

Wouldn't you, Tom?

Tom? Did you say something, dear?

Well, Tom, I just want to prove a point. Let me have your wallet.

Why, certainly, my darling. If you'll excuse me for one moment, I'll be right

back.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Oh, but I want you to know you can see it any time you want to.

Thanks so much, Tom.

Oh, no problem.

Hey, Wills.

Hi, Helen.

Well, hey, you ready for the big game? Yeah, we better hurry.

Bye, ladies.

Look, I got to stop by the office on the way out.

Okay, well, let's go then. I'm really looking forward to this game. Oh, yeah?

What's your pick for tonight?

Well, I thought I'd go with a corn dog.

Why not? I'm going with an idiot.

Looks like it's just a girl tonight.

What would you like to do?

Oh, I don't know, Helen.

Do you want some candy? Oh, I'd love some.

Is something wrong, Louise?

No, nothing's wrong.

Do you want some more candy?

Thank you. I'm full.

Louise, that picture is still bothering you, isn't it?

Yes. I just can't understand why he's locking it in his office safe.

Oh, come on, Louise. I'm sure it's nothing.

Let's get your mind off it.

Would you like to see a movie?

No. Well, how about some shopping?

Nah. Well, what would you like to do?

Break into George's office.

Sounds like fun.

Then afterwards, maybe we can grab a bite to eat.

I'm serious, Helen.

Now, that picture is nagging at me, and I've got to get into that safe.

Forget it, Louise.

No, I'm sure we can pull it off. Now, I know technically it's breaking and

entering, but if we... Hold it.

Before you go on, something you just said bothered me.

What? Breaking and entering?

No. We.

Now, Helen.

Remember when we were at that charity luncheon last week and that cream

didn't agree with you?

Who gave you the quarter for the ladies' room?

You did.

Right.

And when you were all dressed up for that big party and discovered you had a

in your last pair of stockings, who gave you a pair of a semi -shears with a

reinforced toe?

You did.

Well, considering all the things I've done for you, I'm just a little hurt

you won't break and enter with me.

But, Louise, breaking and entering?

Oh, come on, Helen.

It's not as if I'm asking you to commit a crime.

It doesn't do it, Louise.

It's dishonest. I wouldn't feel right.

I feel guilty when I buy one and get one free.

Helen, it's not like we're stealing anything.

Besides, it's my husband's office.

It's too risky.

Besides, doesn't George have a burglar alarm?

Oh, no problem. I know how to turn it off.

Oh, but he has a guard dog, doesn't he?

Killer.

Don't worry. He adores me.

How do you expect to get into the safe?

A piece of cake.

I know the combination.

I don't know, Louise.

Helen. Trust me.

What could possibly go wrong?

Trust me.

What could possibly go wrong?

It's a piece of cake, she says.

Don't do this to yourself, Helen.

You've been all over this in the paddy wagon.

Please, don't go over it again.

No problem, she says.

I know the number to turn off the alarm.

So I missed one number.

It could happen to anybody.

And then the guard dog?

Oh, now, wait a second. I was right about Killer. He loves me.

Well, he didn't love me.

I'm sorry about your dress, Helen.

But we almost got away with it.

At least I remembered the combination.

Oh, and thank goodness you did.

If you hadn't, the police never would have caught us with our hands in the

Well, that was unfortunate.

No, Louise.

I'll tell you what was unfortunate.

Leaving your house without any... identification so you couldn't prove who

were. That was unfortunate.

Come on, Helen. Be reasonable.

How could you expect me to bring an identification?

After all, we were breaking and entering.

Say it louder, Louise.

Maybe they'll give us a chair.

That's what you want, isn't it? To see me fry?

You know, Helen, You really shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee.

Helen,

you really are a criminal.

I guess I'm just a little bit edgy.

I think being behind bars has something to do with it.

That's okay, Helen.

I'm sure you'll get used to it.

Louise, I'm going to ask you something very nicely.

Just like you asked me to commit a felony.

Call George and get us out of here.

Oh, no, I can't. Then he'll know I don't trust him. I'd rather die.

Okay, Louise.

I wouldn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position.

Oh, thank you, Helen.

So I'm sure you'll understand.

When I say that I intend to let you sit here and rot.

While I call my husband to get me out of here.

God! God! Oh, Helen, please don't do that. Then he'll tell George.

Remember that quarter I loaned you?

I'll write you a check.

God!

Now, what is it?

I'd like to make my one phone call now, please.

Oh, I guess it'll be all right.

Don't tell Tom you're with me. Make up something.

Oh, sure, Louise.

I'll just tell him that I got tired of hanging around, so I blew up the Lincoln

Tunnel.

Oh, that was a joke.

She did it.

Nobody knows the trouble I

see. Hey, shut up, Mac.

honeymoon suite.

Looks good, Sal.

You painted it since the last time we were here.

Fast work.

Glad you like it, Crystal.

Hello there. I'm Louise

Jefferson and you are...

Shut up.

All right.

Well, I guess you're in for prostitution, huh?

No.

With three of the abscam senators.

I tell you what, I'll stand over there and you feel free to make fun of me all

you want.

Oh, look.

You invited the girls over for a slumber party.

And here I am, miles away from my fuzzy slippers.

Did you get a hold of Tom?

No. Madison Square Garden put me on hold and never came back.

You know, if I find out that Tom didn't want to lose his place at the hot dog

stand, I'm going to kill him.

Oh, come on, Helen. Lighten up. I mean...

There is a funny side on all this.

Oh, really?

Of course. I mean, like, that woman over there is wearing the same

dress you are.

Thanks, Louise.

I must admit I was feeling low until you brought up that cheery news.

You know, Helen, It's as if I'm seeing you for the first time.

Helen?

Helen?

Oh, come on, Helen. You were having fun over there, and I feel sort of lonely.

Say, how about letting bygones be bygones? What do you say, huh?

Can I take that as a no?

The first bad thing I've ever done, and I end up in stir.

Oh, I can't take it.

I gotta get out of here!

Jefferson Cleaners. Seven locations, one near you.

My God, that's my husband. There isn't a secret tunnel around here, is there?

Oh, yeah, that's no way, Bob.

Hi,

George. How's the game?

Oh, Helen Angel, are you all right?

Helen, look over there. That woman's wearing the same dress as you are.

Tom, this is no time for jokes. Get me out of here.

Helen, I... She's been very snippy tonight for some reason.

Hey, we should come down here so we can chat for a minute.

What about?

About this.

Oh, George, I'm so ashamed. I don't know what came over me. Tom, Tom.

While she's blubbering, maybe you can find some time to bail me out.

Oh, of course, my sweetheart.

Hey, why you had to bail Weasley out for me?

Hey, now, wait a minute. That could take a lot of money.

Well, that makes us even. I paid for your corn dogs.

Right.

Well, Weasley, looks like you're a big trouble this time, huh?

I know, George.

You know something? It's a good thing you married to me, because if you

to somebody else, I'd press charge.

Why did you want this picture so bad?

Because you didn't want to share it with me.

I guess I got jealous when I realized that after all these years, you had

memories that don't include me.

Okay, means if you want it so bad, here it is.

No, George, I trust you. I don't want to see it.

Oh, you don't, huh?

Sure. You had me set up the river, and now you don't want to see it.

Well, that's too bad because it's Boise only. Why don't you go over there with

your friend and compare dresses?

You little dry cleaner.

No, George, I really don't want to look at it. Take it back.

Well, since you insist.

George, this isn't you and a girl.

you and your teddy bear.

Wait a minute.

How old were you here?

Eighteen.

Eighteen?

Yeah, Weez, that's why I was hiding in the safe. I was too embarrassed.

Eighteen? Boy, what a weirdo.

Shut up!

That was weird, George.

teddy bear okay see our next door neighbor had a fire and the little

got burned up so i gave her pookie so she wouldn't feel so bad pookie

yeah i had it for 18 years that's the only thing i got to remember him by

oh that's sweet george i'm sorry i didn't trust

you but i guess i just want all your memories to be of me well all the best

always Oh, George.

Well,

ladies, you're free to go.

Goodbye, girl. It's been real.

Oh, hey, Helen.

Give me a call.

We'll have lunch.

you don't still hate me for all this. Oh, hate you, Louise?

Don't be silly.

You're my best friend.

Oh, good.

It was quite an adventure, wasn't it?

Don't push it, Louise.

Excuse me, look.

Some of our business cards have seven locations.

You must have leaned against one of them.

a Boston cream pie.

Oh, I forgot it's a 2 a .m. feeding time.

Very funny, George.

But you know, actually, there's something aesthetically pleasing about a

cream pie by Moonlight.

The ripple of the light on the cream filling.

And then little by little, you reach that glorious moment when the full moon

reflects off the empty pie tin.

In other words, you stuck down a whole pie.

Well, yes.

cheapener.

Now, what's all this about?

Look, I was talking to the sergeant down at the jail, right? And he gave me

Weezy and Helen's mugshot. Take a look.

What's wrong?

If I've told Helen once, I've told her a thousand times.

Smile when somebody takes your picture.

Listen, I think your brain goes down with the sun.

I was just thinking that we should play a little practical joke on our wives.

Well, that's not a bad idea.

Well, I haven't played a practical joke on Helen since... Well, since... Since

you said I do.

Anyway, this is the plan. We're going to go down to the help center tonight, and

we're going to put these pictures on a bulletin board. And then tomorrow

morning, when the other people come in, they'll know that Helen and Wheezy were

in jail.

That's a great idea.

Now, let's go down to the help center.

But wait a minute, George. It's late. How will we get in?

Yeah, but what about the burglar alarm?

I'm not going to turn it off.

But isn't there a guard?

Look, I've been knowing the guy for years.

Well, I don't know. It seems kind of risky to me. Trust me, Willis. What

possibly go wrong?