Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the sun, moving on up, to a deep...

Let me tell you, I went through a lot of trouble to make them for you. I hate

eggs. Well, in that case, it was worth the effort.

I don't have time. I got an appointment. I'm already late.

What am I supposed to do with all this food?

Use the food to kill a mouse.

I tried that. You wouldn't eat it.

to talk to you about something. Wheezy, I'm in a hurry.

Oh, this is important.

George, do you like being married to me? Wheezy, I thought you said it was

important. It is.

George, you're not getting tired of me, are you?

Wheezy, what are you talking about? Of course not.

What makes you think that?

Well, I was kind of concerned about what happened last night.

Nothing happened last night.

That's why I'm concerned.

That's all.

I know.

And the night before, you had a stomachache.

And the night before that, you just had to watch TV.

Now, wait a minute. That was important. Look.

You know, if you miss one episode of I Love Lucy, you're lost for the rest of

the series.

Well, I just wanted to make sure that you still find me attractive.

Come on. We don't get disgusting. I mean, it's light outside.

I know what you want to know. You want to know if I still think you're sexy and

seductive. Well, look, I'll tell you what.

If there's nothing good on television tonight, you've got to date.

Well, hello there, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

What brings you to the eighth floor this fine morning?

I got an appointment with Miss Sanderson. Oh, an appointment, I see.

Right, sir. Whatever you say, you dog, you.

No offense, Cinnamon.

Look, Ralph, I'm telling you.

Miss Sanderson manages the restaurant. I just want to try and get her cleaning

contract. Of course, sir. Of course. But if I were you, I'd think of a specific

name for that restaurant.

Holds up in court.

Ralph, tell me the truth. This is the bid.

Nice touch.

Well, why don't I just run along, sir? Yeah, why don't you? Yes, sir. Will do.

And, uh...

Don't worry about a thing, sir. Your secret's safe with me, you dog, you.

Who's Sanderson?

Mr.

Jefferson, I'm sorry. I completely forgot about our meeting.

What meeting?

About the cleaning contract.

Oh, yeah, clearly, yeah. I'm connected with that.

Listen,

do you suppose we could postpone our meeting?

Oh, oh, yeah, sure. Okay, look, anyway, I just wanted to bring this bid by.

You know, I'll come back for it after I haven't had a chance to look you over.

I mean, after you've had a chance to look it over, you know.

The bus, I'm talking about.

I mean, the bid, the bid.

Oh, excuse me.

Remember where the elevator is?

Oh.

Who was that?

Nobody, George.

Just somebody I have some business with.

Well, put it on the back burner, baby, because you got more important business

in here.

Doggy.

Miss Jefferson, door!

I'm busy, Florence.

Oh, I tell you, good help is so hard to find.

Oh, hi, Ralph. What's up?

Hello, Florence.

You got some gossip. I can tell because you got them Rona Barrett eyes.

Okay, what have you heard?

First, what have you heard?

Yeah, okay.

Mrs. Glit has got a bun in the oven, child, and don't know who the baker is.

Yesterday's news.

Well, the Wundermans are getting a divorce.

Really? What seems to be the problem?

Well, it seems that... Mrs. Wunderman found out that Mr. Wunderman could be

Gliss Baker.

Tasty morsel.

I can peddle that one.

I can cough up.

Yeah. This is more than a cough, Florence. This is a major bronchial

What? Well, there's a certain dry cleaner who shall remain nameless.

Mr. Jefferson?

That's him.

And there's also a Miss Sanderson on the eighth floor, the one who likes to

entertain.

Yes, sir.

Well, let's just say that Mr. Jefferson is this week's co -star.

Now, that ain't true, Ralph.

Florence, I saw it with my own eyes, I heard it with my own ears, and there it

is in black and white.

I'm sorry, I don't care. Now, the man might be bald, short, loud, and

but I ain't gonna listen to nobody saying nothing bad about him.

Florence, I'm telling you. Look, I'm telling you, he didn't do it. Do what?

Uh, who?

Ralph, what were you telling Florence about Mr. Jefferson?

Why, Mrs. Jefferson, what makes you think we were talking about him?

Well, I heard the words ball, short, loud, and obnoxious. And I know my

Out with it, Ralph.

Well, I really must be going. Hold it, Ralph.

Oh, uh, Florence, would you put some water in this, please?

Okay, but don't pay no attention to Ralph.

He got them.

I'm waiting, Ralph.

Well, actually, I really ought to sit.

If there's something you know about my husband, I believe I have the right to

hear it.

Mrs. Jefferson, ma 'am, you're like family to me.

I would never say anything to hurt you.

I'd rather have my tongue ripped from my mouth and cause you a moment's pain.

Here's a dollar. Your husband's cheating on you.

Cheating on me?

That's a horrible thing to say. I know, I know. That's why it grieves me so much

to tell you he's cheating with Miss Sanderson in 8B.

Who's Miss Sanderson?

She's a young, beautiful, voluptuous woman who can't hold a candle to you, ma

'am.

George? With another woman?

I can't believe that.

Why would he cheat on me?

We've been married 33 years.

Well, far be it from me to say that's probably it right there.

I must be going. Have a nice day, ma 'am. Oh, Ralph.

Until I get to the bottom of this, I don't want you spreading this rumor

the building.

You can count on me, ma 'am.

And if it's any consolation to you, just because I spread this trash doesn't

mean that I believe it.

So anyway, this new guy in the office, Ed, he's a real card.

He told me this joke yesterday.

He said this husband and wife went into the psychiatrist's office, and the wife

says, Doctor, my husband thinks he's a dog.

The doctor said, Well, get right up on the couch. And the wife says, I don't

allow him on the couch.

That was supposed to be a joke.

Oh.

Louise, do you have something else on your mind?

No, no. I just have my mind on something else.

Helen, I think we ought to go.

No, no.

It's me.

I'm in the way.

I'll just go back to my place.

This is your place.

Oh, Louise, look, if you've got a problem, maybe we can help.

Oh, no, it's kind of private, and I really don't want to talk about it.

Maybe we should leave her alone.

George is having an affair.

Louise, that can't be.

Of course not.

George wouldn't... think of looking at another woman.

Yeah, he loves me.

You're right.

I'll just put it right out of my mind. Oh, good, Louise. Let's go, Tom.

Ralph caught him with another woman.

Oh, this is serious.

Oh, Louise, who is it?

Miss Sanderson in 8B.

Wow, she's a looker. Tom!

I mean, if you go for the young, gorgeous, busty type.

Which I don't.

I mean, Helen, your shape is much better in the long run.

I mean, so George is cheating on you, huh?

Maybe you're just jumping to conclusions.

I mean, if George were really fooling around, you'd notice signs.

Like what?

Well, um, well, he'd be, probably be less attentive, make up excuses at

have a headache, a stomachache, want to watch TV.

And none of that has happened, has it?

I would never do anything to hurt you. Tom's right.

I know, but I can't stop thinking about it. Well, then get it out in the open.

Just ask George.

How? What would I say to him?

George, pass the salt.

And by the way, have you been fooling around on the side?

Look, you're going to have to find out one way or another.

So if you can't confront George, there's only one person you can confront.

Miss Sanderson?

Hey, good thought.

You'd probably be even better.

But if I'm wrong, I'll be embarrassed.

I'm sure you'll be wrong. But it's a small price to pay to put your mind at

ease.

All right, then.

I'll go talk to her. Oh, good.

And I'm sure you'll find that there's nothing going on.

Oh, thank you, Helen. Oh, she's right. After all, George has you.

Why would he possibly want a runner -up in the Miss America pageant?

Hello.

Are you... Miss Sanderson. Yes?

Well, uh, actually, I'm not sure how to bring this up.

I guess the best way is to just come right on out with it.

Uh, you're not having an affair with my husband, George, are you?

Who told you?

Oh.

I just feel so silly.

Thank you for... Say what?

found out about this but i'm glad it's finally out in the open you admit it

look the truth is he doesn't love you he loves me but hey i

can understand why you'd be upset at losing him he's so attentive to my every

need i mean the man can't keep his hands off me let's

face it since you can't handle that hot Ball of fire.

I've got to... In other words, if the cat's not fed at home,

it'll go roaming out in the garbage.

Now, really, there's no reason to act uncivilized.

Now, you listen to me, you... runner -up!

the hands off my husband.

Hey, George means a lot to me. We're in love and I'm not giving him up.

I'll snatch you bullheaded.

On the other hand, there are other fish in the sea.

Now, let me make this clear.

If I ever see you with my husband again, I'll show you just how far silicone

bounces.

the face of a moose. So what else is there?

I'll tell you one thing. If I was your wife, you'd be in the hospital right

And if you was my wife, I'd tell them to pull the plug.

Where's Weasley?

She ain't home, and I'm glad because it gives me a chance to tell you what I

think of you.

You disgust me.

Get out of the long -sided cage.

You know, Mr. Jefferson, you ain't a handsome man.

And even if you was, it wouldn't be worth the effort to bend all the way

there to look at you.

Well, I thought at least you was a good husband.

I am a good husband.

Ask anybody.

Here's somebody now.

Of course I ain't a good husband. What do you think?

You disgust me.

Florence, will you please leave us alone? I'd like to have a chat with my

husband.

What do you mean late? I'm home early.

You sure you don't want me to hold him, Miss Jefferson, while you kick him?

Maybe later.

I'll be in the kitchen if you need me.

And remember, he fits in the blender.

What's wrong, you two?

As if you didn't know.

I don't know, and I don't even care.

The thing is, look, I come home in a romantic mood.

God knows it wasn't easy.

You disgust me.

Let me explain.

I'm all worn out, but I'm still willing to go that extra mile for you.

So that's what I mean to you, George.

The extra mile.

Oh, Weezy, come on. Get up off it. Look, I'm home.

I'm ready for love. So let's get to it, okay?

Weezy, kissing is supposed to be a team effort.

George, if you weren't happy with me, you could have been honest enough to

me. You didn't have to go sneaking around behind my back. What are you

about? I'm talking about Miss Sanderson.

Oh, wow. This is the five things.

Okay,

Florence, you can forget about your Christmas bonus.

How could you?

She kicked me.

30 years I've done everything I could to make you happy. And how do you thank

me? By stabbing me in the back.

What? I know you are having an affair with Miss Sanderson.

between me and Miss Sanderson? You pay her?

Of course not.

She pays me.

You disgust me.

Miss Sanderson manages a restaurant. I'm just trying to get a cleaning contract.

Stop lying to me. I confronted that floozy and she admitted she was having

affair with you. What?

I swear, I don't know why she would say that. Oh, I'm waiting.

Easy, look. You must remember, I am every woman's fantasy.

Miss Sanderson probably wants me so bad that she just made herself believe that

she already had me.

Poor thing.

What can I do about it?

Don't go away.

Hello, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, Mrs. Anderson.

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to accept your cleaning bid. I'm leaving town.

Mr. Nyland and I are running away together.

You see, his wife is a killer.

Oh.

You hussy!

Look who's calling who a hussy.

You're cheating on your husband with Mr. Jefferson.

I'm not cheating on anybody.

This is my husband, George.

I thought this was your husband, George.

My husband is George Jefferson.

Well, this is George Nyland.

Oh, there you go, sir. All right.

I'm confused.

I'm not.

George, this means your wife doesn't know about me.

Right.

So, uh, what are we doing down here?

Mr. Jefferson, since we won't be leaving town, you can have my cleaning

contract. Oh, thanks.

Oh, nice to meet you, Jefferson.

You're a lucky man.

Oh, yeah, thanks. Hey, you lucky, too.

I mean, really lucky.

Goober cheeks.

George, goober cheeks won't work this time. Oh, come on. Look, it's not my

fault. Don't get mad at me. I didn't start this mess.

Yeah, you're right.

I guess I did kind of make a fool of myself, didn't I? You sure did.

Are you mad at me?

Well, I could be except for one thing.

What? You were so cute.

Cute. You were jealous of me and everything.

Well, I know it must be terrifying to think that you could be losing the very

best.

The very best?

Well, look, Weez, I know it's been a lot of pressure for me at work, and I

haven't been spending enough time with you.

Well, I guess I was a little worried.

Do that after all these years that you are getting tired of me. Oh, Weezy, come

on. We could be married for 130 years. I'd never get tired of you.

Oh, thank you, George.

Let's see if there's anything good on television.

Hmm.

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