Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, too deep down, moving on up, to a

deep...

to go out tonight.

You did. You were out when I sent you to get the pizza.

Oh, by the way, when you carry pizza, would you carry it steady and straight?

Because all the cheese ran over to one corner.

Sorry. That must have happened when I dodged the cab.

Okay.

George, is this all we're going to do tonight? Just eat a pizza?

Pizza wasn't the only thing I had planned.

you inhale the rest of this pizza.

Let us go out someplace.

I mean, we never go out anymore.

What are you talking about? We went to that dumb party that Willis gave last

night. What do you call that?

That was last night. This is tonight.

Two nights in a row?

Wheezy. You're not getting any younger. Remember that.

Oh, George, we enjoy ourselves when we go out. You have to admit, you had a

time at the party last night.

Well, if you call Watson, we'll swan dive into a bowl of Swedish meatballs

having fun.

Well, at least we had a chance to meet some new people and hear some different

conversation for a change.

We think it's always the same conversation.

Hey, Margo, did I tell you about the adorable Halstons I got at

Why, no, Buffy.

I love your new hair color.

I've always admired Reese's Monkey Red.

Well, it was a lot more interesting than that bash you took me to at the bowling

alley. I mean, who could forget that brilliant banter?

Hey, Jefferson, can you get out a mustard stain?

No problem.

Can you get out a grass stain?

No problem.

Can you get out your wallet and pay this check? No, that's a problem.

That was sickening, George.

Yeah, the way you tell it.

Oh, and your distinguished colleague, Bill Ripken, who tells the

same old ridiculous joke over and over.

So what is Irish and stares out all night?

Patio furniture.

Now that's what it is.

Even you can't mess that one up.

George, Bill Ripken is a snooze. A snooze wheezy. The man opens beer cans

his nose.

And an idiot.

I prefer to meet people like Joe Blake, Tom's guest of honor the other night.

He's a writer, a sensitive and intelligent man.

What good is sensitive if you're on a desert island with a can of beer and no

opener?

I can't believe you would compare your foamy -nosed friend with an about -to

-published novelist. That guy's a dunk.

You know, I heard him say the dumbest thing to Florence.

What? Will you go out with me?

And he was looking right at her.

George, he's going to be here any minute.

Now, you be nice to him for my sake.

For Florence's sake and for the sake of every bone in your body.

Okay, all I want to know is why do you waste your money on this guy's book?

I didn't pay for it. It's an advanced copy.

The public won't be able to buy it until next month.

Now I feel privileged, see, because I can throw mine away before anybody else

can even buy one.

You'd feel differently if you'd just read it.

It's warm, sensitive, emotional, and inspiring.

Okay, put it by the jar and I'll read it in installment.

Lawrence, are you about ready? I'm dying to see what you look like.

Here I come.

Thanks for the warning.

Well,

how do I look?

Florence, you look beautiful.

You are really just to kill.

Yeah, especially with your face uncovered.

Excuse me.

Mr. Jefferson, there is no way I'm going to stand here and trade insults with

you today.

Especially not with a man whose head should have Brunswick stamped on it.

Or a man who needs a ladder to climb up on the sidewalk.

Get the message. You don't want to stand here and exchange insults. Just as long

as that's understood.

Oh, Mr. Jackson.

I'm so excited.

No, I can't believe I'm going out with a real live author.

I'll get it, Florence.

If he sees you first, it'll spoil his appetite.

Hey, Joe, come on in.

Hi there.

Hey, you remember me from last night, right? Oh, yes. How could I forget?

Patio furniture.

Feel free to use that in your new book.

Now, Mr.

Blake, I know I told you this last night, but I really do admire your work.

started reading your novel, and I loved it. I just loved it. Now, let's see, how

can I put this?

Please, Florence, we are talking here.

Now, your opening passage was written beautifully, especially...

Oh, I'm sorry, Florence.

Well, you weren't saying anything, so I thought I'd just take up the slack.

Joe, I guess you'd like to say hello to your date.

Florence, you... you look wonderful.

Why, thank you. So do you. Oh, we should give him the antacid bucket.

Well, our reservation is for seven.

We're going to eat at a Chinese restaurant not too far from here. Oh,

That's perfect for Florence.

This is the year of the dragon.

Don't mind him, Joe. He's just cranky because he has a sore neck.

I think serious, I hope. No, he got it, trying to look normal -sized people in

the eye.

Well, good night.

Good night. Good night.

Oh!

Hey, Joe, don't do nothing I wouldn't do.

Oops, too late. You touched her.

George, why do you behave like that?

I guess it's just charisma weaves.

Oh, he's bringing her back already.

I guess the light was on in the elevator.

Oh, hi, George. Look, I hope you didn't come down here to invite us to another

stupid party because you did. The answer is no, absolutely not. I'd rather die.

In that case, what about tonight?

Come on in, Helen Tom.

Thank you, Louise.

Oh, Louise, I just wanted to return the necklace you let me borrow. Thank you so

much. Oh, you're more than welcome. It went beautifully with your dress. You

looked lovely.

Oh, thank you, and so did you.

Oh, and did you see that adorable horse that Joanne picked up at Bloomingdale's?

Yes.

But can you believe the color she dyed her hair?

Women, do you believe them?

No, George.

No way was that a halstom.

But more importantly, how did you like the hors d 'oeuvres last night?

Well, I don't know. See, you were eating them. And it's hard to give an opinion

on something that disappears at the speed of light.

Helen, I had a great time last night. I enjoyed meeting Joe Blake.

I thought he was very charming. Yeah, especially for an ex -convict.

An ex -convict? Yes, we didn't want to tell a lot of people. Joe's trying to

make a fresh start and forget the past.

Oh, well, aren't you afraid of having an ex -convict in your house?

I mean, you're afraid when the toast pops up too early.

George, there was no reason to worry.

Joe is completely rehabilitated now.

But... But what?

But... Well, actually, I hate to say this. I mean, my mind tells me that Joe

deserves a second chance. He's paid his debt to society.

But... But what?

But I felt awfully strange when I walked into the kitchen.

Wow, has your bed moved out?

No, not that.

It was that when I went in there, I found Joe alone with Helen.

It made me feel kind of uncomfortable.

Well, to tell the truth, I felt kind of uncomfortable, too.

Why? Did you think he was going to steal something?

Oh, of course not. Joe isn't a thief.

He's a murderer.

them right now.

Oh, come on. We are probably

overreacting to this, aren't we?

Florence couldn't be in any danger, could she?

Well, I mean, after all, who did he murder?

His girlfriend.

I can't believe it.

Florence is out with a convicted murderer.

Well, what are we going to do?

Will you stop worrying? Florence can handle herself.

She's a tough woman. She eats her own cooking, right?

Now, wait a minute. Let's not panic. Remember, Joe has paid his dues, served

time, and rehabilitated himself.

Tom's right.

The two of them are probably having a pleasant meal together, that's all.

You're... She's probably sweeping Joe off his feet right now with some of her

cute little stories about herself.

She did.

Oh, I wish we could warn her. But how? We don't even know where they are.

Wait.

Remember, he did say they were going to a Chinese restaurant somewhere in the

neighborhood. Right, Weez, but there are only 25 of those around here. Yes, but

George, 16 of those serve Cantonese food.

Four Mandarin and two Hunan.

That means that... Only three out of the 25 are Sichuan restaurants.

So? So, last night at the party, I observed Joe at the hors d 'oeuvre

He didn't seem to get enough of the spicy ramaki.

Well, I mean, I was going to ask him for some for myself, but I was afraid he'd

kill me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Helen.

It was a poor choice of words.

But anyway, that means that with his taste for spicy food, it's a cinch that

Florence and Joe are at one of those three Szechuan restaurants right now.

I'll get the yellow pages.

Uh -uh. No need, Louise. I have their tiny little takeout menus in this

Tom, I'm almost proud of you.

See, for me... Thank God we got a glutton on our side.

Joe, I just love Chinese food.

I bet it would taste good if I could just get it in my mouth.

Look, you're going to get the hang of these chopsticks.

I hope so.

Oh, look at that beautiful vase.

That's a fine piece of work.

Reproduction from the Ming Dynasty.

Tell me, how do you know so much about everything?

Let's just say for the last couple of years I've spent a lot of time alone.

You know, reading.

Me, I could never find the time.

How do you do it?

Well, of course, there comes a time in a man's life when he's got to sit down

and say, I'm going to set aside five to seven years.

Look on myself.

You're quite a guy.

And you're quite a woman.

Say, you are beginning to get the hang of those chopsticks.

Oh, well, practice, practice, practice.

Oh, Joe, look at that beautiful chair.

Yes, it's very fine workmanship. You know, they've got a lot of nice things

here.

It's a good thing I start.

Florence, you know, I'd like to tell you something about myself.

Phone call for Florence Johnston.

Me? I mean, again?

Just get him so I can't go no play.

Do I just pick it up and talk?

Well, you could leave it down and talk.

But the other party probably wouldn't hear you.

Excuse me, Joe. I'll only be a moment.

Hello. Hello, Florence.

This is me. Look, I'm coming right down.

Don't move. Don't run. The guy you're with is a maniac.

He's a killer. He's killed before and he'll kill again. See ya.

From Jacques Cousteau?

Florence, is there something the matter?

No.

Florence, now that we're done eating, I'd like to go someplace and be alone

you. Who's done? You're done. I ain't.

I'd like to order column B and make it very well done.

Florence, I think we've got to talk.

Talk? Talk? I mean, um...

Well, I'd love to, but oh, look who's here.

Uncle Ling Chao.

Hi, Uncle Ling. How are you?

You won't be in the way at all. Come join us.

Now, Joe,

I'd like you to meet Uncle Ling Chao Johnston.

He's one of the Eastern Johnstons.

Aunt Vernetta? Oh, she's fine.

Little gallbladder trouble, but she's fit as a fiddle.

All

these

prices tell me about it.

Did you see an ugly woman come in here with a killer?

No, sir.

We ended that promotion last week. Bring in ugly woman, killer, eat free.

What are you, a wise guy?

Oh, no, sir. Old Chinese proverb.

Wise made a deed never insults a paying customer.

You here to eat? Are you crazy?

Then beat it.

Your head is blinding my customers.

Just for that, I may never eat in this joint. Oh, no.

First we lose the Little League World Series.

And now this.

Oh,

Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson. Oh, my God. Look what he did to her.

George, that's the way she always looks.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

nice seeing you, too, Uncle Lee. And listen, tell Cousin Wong

I said hello.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson, am I glad to see you.

Oh, what am I saying?

Oh, Mr. Jefferson.

Okay,

Buffy, the game's up. If anybody's going to kill my maid Florence, it's going to

be me.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Jefferson.

Yeah, we know all about you.

You like to kill women. So you couldn't find a woman tonight, so you figured

you'd pick on poor Florence.

Now, look, I've been trying to tell Florence something all night. Because I

don't even want to hear it.

Well, you're going to hear it.

Okay.

How's the food?

Mrs. Jefferson, you seem to be the intelligent one here. I wonder if I

Oh, please don't kill me.

What's the use?

I'm just trying to explain.

You know, people hear you've been in prison, but they don't want to hear why.

Oh, Mr. Blake, wait.

I want to hear what you wanted to say.

What are you doing?

Leave it. Look, if we wind up dead, I'm blaming you.

Mr. Blake, I want to hear your story.

So tell it.

Why did you rub out... I mean... What caused the disagreement?

Are you sure you want to know what happened?

Yeah, but don't feel that you need to demonstrate.

The woman I killed I was very much in love with.

She was a beautiful lady.

And...

In many ways, she reminds me of Florence.

Oh. I mean, oh.

She was my fiancée, and while we were engaged, I took on two jobs so that I

could make a down payment on the house.

She wanted a house very much, and on the day that I'd saved enough, I quit my

nighttime job at the gas station, brought a bottle of champagne home to

celebrate. It's not just a Bible to me.

Let's go eat.

Anyway, I walk into the living room.

Nobody there.

Walk into the bedroom, and they're hiding in the closet.

My woman and another man.

I flipped out.

I never thought she'd do a thing like that to me.

So I grabbed her and slapped her. I know I shouldn't have, but I did.

She fell to the floor, hit her head against the bedpost, and that did it.

Couldn't believe it. Still can't.

But that's what happened.

And I... I just went crazy.

Well, we all have our bad days.

Once when George came home late from work, I broke a plate. So I kind of know

where you're coming from.

Yeah. Well, thanks.

Florence, I know I should have told all of this to you much earlier, and I tried

to, but it's so hard to talk about.

I kind of wanted you to judge me for what I am, not for something I did once

have regretted ever since.

Well, I can appreciate that, Joe, but... Well, how's the person supposed to know

that you won't... won't... Go crazy again.

The important thing is I know that I won't.

And, Florence, if you have any questions, then you shouldn't see me

Well, thank you.

Thanks for a terrific evening.

And if I scared you, I'm sorry.

So long.

Joe, wait.

Look, I'm sorry we judged you without knowing all the facts.

We?

Uh -uh. Look, my mind is wide open.

There was never nothing in it.

Well,

at least you've made your peace with it.

Thank you for understanding.

Listen, Joe.

There are times when a person deserves a second chance.

So if you'll give me one, I'd love to sit down and have dessert with you.

That's honest.

Thank you.

I'd be honored.

George, shouldn't we go?

Hey, look, Joe, just to show you there ain't no hard feelings, I want to pick

your check.

Thank you.

Check, please.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir.

Your check, sir.

Thank you.

Hey, wait a minute. Two checks?

Tiny gentleman that was just sitting there? Yeah.

You just agreed to pay his check.