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1
00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:07,459
Well, we're moving on up, moving on up,
too deep down, moving on up, to a
2
00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:08,510
deep...
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00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:25,050
street if it wasn't the law against
littering.
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00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,780
What? Louise, may I borrow your blue
scarf?
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00:01:29,781 --> 00:01:33,159
Louise, if you're a true friend, you
will not lend her that scarf.
6
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Do you know what she wants it for?
7
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What? She intends to wear it.
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You wouldn't.
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Oh, yes.
10
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,090
Helen is going out with an old
boyfriend.
11
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It's just a little lunch.
12
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There's no such thing. Sing us a little
lunch. Not if you order it, Willis.
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00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,920
Get out of here, both of you.
14
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,819
George! Oh, come on, we see high news
coming off. That's my most favorite
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00:01:58,820 --> 00:01:59,870
program of all time.
16
00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:03,840
Tom, there's nothing wrong with a woman
seeing an old friend.
17
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,320
It sounds perfectly innocent to me.
18
00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:07,819
Innocent? Ha!
19
00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:09,199
Let me read you this letter.
20
00:02:10,940 --> 00:02:11,990
Dear Helen.
21
00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,680
Dear. That kills me.
22
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:20,559
I've thought about you often over the
years. Can't wait to see you and renew
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00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:21,610
old friendship.
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00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,120
And here's the worst part.
25
00:02:23,580 --> 00:02:25,740
Love, Darryl Hampton.
26
00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,920
Innocent, huh? This man is after your
bod.
27
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:35,220
Tom, I'm telling you, he's just a
friend.
28
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:36,650
Oh, sure.
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00:02:36,651 --> 00:02:40,339
Oh, come on, Mr. Willis. Don't you think
it's possible for a man and a woman to
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00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:42,200
be friends with no romance involved?
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00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:43,550
No.
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00:02:46,190 --> 00:02:47,250
as possible, Tom.
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Florence is a perfect example.
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00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,510
There's absolutely no romance in any of
her relationships.
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00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:59,030
Come, Helen.
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00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:00,830
I'll get you that scarf.
37
00:03:00,831 --> 00:03:06,029
Florence, would you mind leaving us
alone for a minute? I'd like to have a
38
00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:07,290
-to -man talk with George.
39
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:09,150
Well, okay, but you're one man short.
40
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:12,650
And I do mean short.
41
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,420
George, what do you think I should do?
42
00:03:17,421 --> 00:03:19,979
Well, it's obvious, Willis. You should
fight the guy.
43
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,640
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
44
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,660
Well, go ahead and lose your wife.
45
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,180
You really think I could lose her?
46
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,730
Well, look, let's put it this way. Who
cares?
47
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:33,300
But, George... Shh, it's high noon.
48
00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:03,839
See, see, Clyde, Clyde, that song's kind
of sad. Don't you know anything
49
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,460
happier? Sure.
50
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,920
Great guys have got it.
51
00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:12,080
Clyde, Clyde, hold it, Clyde.
52
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,580
This here's the old west.
53
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,660
That song ain't been written yet.
54
00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,810
Oh, oh.
55
00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:22,480
Oh, my darling.
56
00:04:22,940 --> 00:04:24,560
Oh, my darling.
57
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,560
Oh, my darling.
58
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:33,960
Hey, bring me a beer. I worked up a
powerful thirst to punching cows all
59
00:04:34,660 --> 00:04:37,800
Yeah, well, from the looks of your face,
you lost a few rounds.
60
00:05:04,490 --> 00:05:07,080
Oh, play something pretty. Miss Wheezy's
a -comin'.
61
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:05,250
Well, that happens to a lot of wranglers
after sitting in the saddle too long.
62
00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:06,520
No, no, it's not this.
63
00:06:06,521 --> 00:06:11,069
Now, you know I'm the best darn cowpoke
west of the Pecos. But, you know, lately
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00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:13,230
I just can't seem to relate to my
cattle.
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00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:17,350
Well, here's a pamphlet that might help.
66
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:19,950
You're a heifer in you.
67
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:27,529
And you come by on Thursday night. Some
of the cowpokes like
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00:06:27,530 --> 00:06:29,390
to get together with their livestock.
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00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:30,900
And just rap.
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00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,300
Thank you, Miss Weasley. I'm much
obliged.
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00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:35,720
Thank you, Miss Weasley. I'm much
obliged.
72
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:38,720
Hey, Charlie.
73
00:06:39,130 --> 00:06:41,630
Here. You know, that's some woman there.
74
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:44,730
I wouldn't mind putting my brand on her
myself.
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00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:48,100
Yeah, well, I wouldn't do that if I were
you, partner.
76
00:06:48,350 --> 00:06:53,230
Why, she belongs to the roughest,
toughest, meanest, and shortest hombre.
77
00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:55,650
No, to the real brand.
78
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:24,490
Little slow, sir. Oh, really?
79
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:28,670
That one's on you.
80
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,290
You're too kind, sir.
81
00:07:34,010 --> 00:07:37,410
Well, you know, that goes to being the
fastest gun in the West.
82
00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:43,310
Make that the second fastest, Baldy.
83
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:47,160
All right.
84
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:49,770
Slap leather, Florence.
85
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,490
the weather flaunts.
86
00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:58,620
I'm sure I'll touch him.
87
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,250
Howdy, George.
88
00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:05,630
Hi, Weez.
89
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:08,800
I want to talk to you about last night.
90
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,150
Yeah, what about it?
91
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:16,359
Well, there are times it's a little
frustrating when you're married to the
92
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,980
fastest gun in the West.
93
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,509
What'll it be?
94
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:36,630
Give me the usual. Banana daffodil in a
dirty glass.
95
00:08:38,690 --> 00:08:41,130
Yes, sir. The usual dirty banana?
96
00:08:41,370 --> 00:08:42,420
You got it. Yes, sir.
97
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,300
George,
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00:08:45,790 --> 00:08:50,729
you've been so busy killing off the
townspeople that I hardly get to see you
99
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:55,510
anymore. I wish we had a normal life
like those lovebirds.
100
00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:57,190
So will it be?
101
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,940
Now, just one minute, Helen. You're
going too far.
102
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,020
Otis, the telegraph operator.
103
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:07,540
Oh, Tom, he's just a friend.
104
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,760
And Sven, the blacksmith.
105
00:09:59,630 --> 00:10:02,110
Poor Helen would never go out with
another man.
106
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,030
Bye, Helen!
107
00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:06,400
Bye!
108
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:08,930
Who's Myra?
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He's just a friend.
110
00:10:16,030 --> 00:10:17,150
Oh, Father!
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00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:21,390
Why, it's Miss Jenny, the prettiest
little filly this side of...
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00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,170
see that, my child.
113
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:35,020
Dear Helen.
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00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,260
Dear, that kills me.
115
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:42,099
I've thought about you often over the
years. Can't wait to see you and renew
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00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,150
old friendship.
117
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,960
And here's the worst part.
118
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Love. Pecos Daryl.
119
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,520
P .S. I'm gonna kill your husband.
120
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:54,460
What does this mean?
121
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,460
I guess there's only one thing I can do.
122
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,210
Set him up, Charlie.
123
00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:20,330
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mr. Willis, I think
you've had enough, sir.
124
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:22,580
I'll be the judge of that.
125
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:23,579
Okay, sir.
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00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:24,630
You're the boss.
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take your wife away from you?
128
00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:45,010
What do you intend to do about it?
129
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:51,229
Well, I've got half a mind to write a
letter to my congressman. You write
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00:11:51,230 --> 00:11:53,070
one thing. You do have half a mind.
131
00:11:55,190 --> 00:11:56,630
Well, what should I do?
132
00:11:56,910 --> 00:11:58,050
You should call him out.
133
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,130
You should have a showdown, you and him.
134
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:01,990
We're in the Old West, remember?
135
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:03,400
Look at our clothes.
136
00:12:05,070 --> 00:12:06,120
Oh, yeah.
137
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:10,010
Look, trust me. You should fight for
your wife.
138
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:11,400
You're right.
139
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:18,999
So you're really going to fight this
killer, eh, Mr. Willis?
140
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,880
Uh, you bet I am. Well, don't you worry
about a thing, sir.
141
00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:31,440
This Pecos Daryl may be fast, but you're
an extra large, I think.
142
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:37,080
Listen, Clyde, you still got the box
that piano came in?
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00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:43,200
Whoops, I just remembered. I don't own a
gun.
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00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:47,490
Hey, home.
145
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,760
There you got one.
146
00:12:58,020 --> 00:13:02,280
Gee, thanks, George, but wait a minute.
There's one other problem.
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00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,940
I don't know how to use it.
148
00:13:03,941 --> 00:13:06,279
Don't worry about it. That's my
specialty.
149
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,330
All right.
150
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:12,179
I want three of you men from that table
to stand over there and put a glass on
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00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,230
your head.
152
00:13:19,050 --> 00:13:20,100
watch it carefully.
153
00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,030
First thing you got to do is relax.
154
00:13:45,101 --> 00:13:48,969
It doesn't seem to be working right,
huh?
155
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:52,389
Don't worry about it. We got two hours.
By that time, I'll teach you to be the
156
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,530
fastest gunfighter in the West.
157
00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:29,949
about your heart.
158
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:34,230
I don't think you should have gotten
involved.
159
00:14:34,970 --> 00:14:36,770
Oh, no, ma 'am, Miss Weasley.
160
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:39,850
This is terrific. My business is going
through the roof.
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00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:43,670
But on the other hand, what a friend's
fault.
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00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:47,560
Oh, Mr.
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00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:48,800
Jefferson.
164
00:14:49,390 --> 00:14:51,870
Now, how could you have done this to my
father?
165
00:14:52,330 --> 00:14:57,370
Why, he's always been a gentle man, a
kind man, a compassionate man.
166
00:14:58,570 --> 00:15:00,290
And now he's gonna die.
167
00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,840
to gun down a yellow -bellied polecat
named Willis at noon.
168
00:15:51,841 --> 00:15:55,279
Oh, yeah, well, let me tell you
something. You are dealing with the
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00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,740
yellow -bellied polecat I have ever
seen.
170
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:02,240
Hey, everybody, Tom Willis is a -coming,
and he looks like his feathers are...
171
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,680
Sir, pink eye, but thanks for asking.
172
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,800
Tell Wide Ride over there I'm going to
chew him up and spit him out.
173
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,020
Yeah, Wide Ride.
174
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:41,780
He goes down here and says he's going to
chew you up and spit you out.
175
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,210
Oh, yeah?
176
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:49,459
Well, tell Bigfoot over there he better
start making tracks while there's still
177
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,510
time.
178
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,870
He said you better start making tracks
while there's still time.
179
00:16:55,871 --> 00:16:56,899
Oh, yeah?
180
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,540
Well, you tell him I'm gonna fill him
full of holes.
181
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,300
He told me to tell you he's gonna fill
you full of holes.
182
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,310
Oh, yeah?
183
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:17,800
Well, you tell him that if he kills me,
you're gonna gun him down like a...
184
00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:31,010
He said, good luck.
185
00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:40,870
Well, let's get to it.
186
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:10,220
Well,
187
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:13,340
of course, it would be better if we
faced each other.
188
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,850
No, no, no, I'll move over there.
189
00:18:24,550 --> 00:18:25,770
Go for your gun.
190
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,500
That's wide right to you.
191
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,200
I'm calling you out. Now draw.
192
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:49,970
Tom!
193
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,700
What's going on here?
194
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:56,340
Well, sweetheart, I'm trying to defend
your honor.
195
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:57,900
What's left of it.
196
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,560
But Uber Cheeks, why are you wearing
that Indian headdress?
197
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:03,850
Oh, Tom.
198
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,170
Matches are just good friends.
199
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:19,710
Darryl. Long time no see.
200
00:19:20,350 --> 00:19:23,170
How about lunch?
201
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,170
Stay in about five minutes.
202
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,190
Hey, lunch, that sounds terrific.
203
00:19:28,330 --> 00:19:30,550
Draw. Oh, right, sorry.
204
00:19:30,910 --> 00:19:32,650
Oh, Tom, don't do this.
205
00:19:32,870 --> 00:19:33,920
Stand back, Ellen.
206
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:38,770
A man's got to do what a man's got to
do.
207
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,300
for the use of the hall.
208
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,580
And I'd like to thank all the little
people.
209
00:20:32,860 --> 00:20:34,160
You already thanked Mr.
210
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:35,430
Jefferson.
211
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:39,800
And, of course, my lovely wife.
212
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:42,160
You turned my stomach.
213
00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:45,780
By telling her, honey, you seem unhappy.
214
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:47,640
I'm disgusted.
215
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:53,860
The man I married was a gentle man, a
loving man, not some old...
216
00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:55,320
Macho meathead.
217
00:20:55,610 --> 00:20:58,390
He solves his problems with a gun.
218
00:20:58,930 --> 00:21:03,670
But, honey lips, I was afraid he would
take you away from me.
219
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:09,189
What? Don't you give me any credit? I
mean, after all we've been through, I'd
220
00:21:09,190 --> 00:21:10,750
never let Daryl do that.
221
00:21:45,051 --> 00:21:52,359
That Gary Cooper was really a man's man.
I bet you if he was alive, he'd have
222
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:53,410
been a dry cleaner.
223
00:21:53,411 --> 00:21:57,259
Come on, well, stand up. I'm going to
show you how to defend yourself.
224
00:21:57,260 --> 00:21:58,310
What? Oh,
225
00:21:58,580 --> 00:21:59,660
just a minute, George.
226
00:22:01,380 --> 00:22:02,480
Helen, get out of here.
227
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:03,790
What are you doing?
228
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,500
I'm going to handle this my way.
229
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:07,350
What is it, Tom?
230
00:22:07,351 --> 00:22:10,519
Helen, I've thought this thing through,
and I've reached my decision.
231
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,819
You're going out with that Daryl,
whatever his name is, and you're going
232
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:17,950
a good time with him this afternoon,
whether you like it or not.
233
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,470
Well, I... don't like it. And how dare
you order me around?
234
00:22:22,110 --> 00:22:23,160
What did you say?
235
00:22:23,430 --> 00:22:28,609
Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I acted that way.
I trust you. I mean, I have no right to
236
00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:31,270
tell you whom you can see and whom you
can't.
237
00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:33,290
I have faith in our relationship.
238
00:22:33,670 --> 00:22:35,230
And I have faith in you.
239
00:22:36,110 --> 00:22:37,170
Oh, Tom.
240
00:22:39,110 --> 00:22:40,590
We should get to Tom's.
241
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:44,790
George, get lost.
242
00:22:49,260 --> 00:22:50,800
I've learned my lesson.
243
00:22:51,060 --> 00:22:56,339
And I promise that no matter how big,
strong, and handsome this guy Daryl is,
244
00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:57,600
will not be jealous of him.
245
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,060
Daryl! Oh,
246
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,140
you haven't changed a bit.
247
00:23:11,660 --> 00:23:15,160
Neither have you.
248
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:20,510
Oh, Daryl. Hampton, I want you to meet
my friends, George and Louise Jefferson.
249
00:23:21,130 --> 00:23:27,609
Hello. And this is my husband, Tom
250
00:23:27,610 --> 00:23:29,850
Willis. Hello, Daryl.
251
00:23:31,070 --> 00:23:34,690
Oh, I kept you so long. I mean, why be
such a stranger?
252
00:23:34,990 --> 00:23:36,910
Helen has been looking forward to this.
253
00:23:37,690 --> 00:23:38,740
Pleased to meet you.
254
00:23:39,910 --> 00:23:43,830
Oh, look, me casasucas, okay, fella?
255
00:23:45,129 --> 00:23:47,810
Tom, will you be joining Helen and me
for lunch?
256
00:23:48,130 --> 00:23:49,750
Oh, no, no, no.
257
00:23:49,950 --> 00:23:52,390
You two have a lot to talk about by
yourselves.
258
00:23:53,670 --> 00:23:57,249
No, you just run along and have a
terrific lunch. I mean terrific. Make it
259
00:23:57,250 --> 00:23:58,300
lunch of the century.
260
00:23:58,510 --> 00:23:59,570
Have a great time.
261
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:00,899
Bye -bye.
262
00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:05,450
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