Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the side, moving on up, to a deep...

You know what we were talking about doing earlier?

Yes. Well, I was thinking maybe we ought to do it now.

Now?

Right here in the living room?

What if Florence catches us?

Don't worry about her. She's out on a date. She won't be back for hours.

Well, what about the neighbors?

You know how much noise we make.

Come on, Weez, we don't do it that often.

Okay, Tiger, you put on the music. All right, I'm excited already. Me too.

They work well together as a team.

And I gave her ten extra points for dancing with a midget.

Florence, what are you doing here? Well, from the looks of it, busting up a sock

hop.

Well, we weren't expecting you back so soon.

I know.

We had an early dinner.

Oh, Fred, I'd like you to meet Miss Jefferson. Hello. Hello, Fred.

And this is, uh... Well, I wouldn't like you to meet him, but I guess you have

to.

George Jefferson, how are you? Hello.

George, why don't we leave Florence and Fred alone?

What, you got something to guess, Fred?

Don't mind, Mr. Jefferson. We tease each other all the time.

Isn't that right, you adorable little warthog?

Come on, George.

No, no, folks, that's okay. I got to be going.

It's been a lovely evening, Florence.

What, do you have to leave so soon? I mean, it's early.

Well, you see, I'm in the roofing business, and if I don't get enough

can't stay on top of my job.

Fred, you're a card.

Ain't he a card?

You're a card.

What, will you call me? Oh, sure, sure.

Uh, when?

Uh, soon.

Okay.

Uh, good night.

Goodbye.

Go ahead, fly.

He must be real serious. He shook your hand and everything.

I don't think Fred had a good time.

What are you talking about? At least he touched you.

George, how could you be so cruel?

Just after Florence just got dumped.

Oh, I didn't mean dumped.

I mean dropped.

No, I mean... That Fred sure is the card, isn't he?

You know, I thought sure Fred and I were going to hit it off. I really liked

him.

Well, what happened?

I don't know.

After dinner, he wanted to go back to his place, just the two of us, and I

wanted to come home.

You don't suppose he was after my body?

It just occurred to me why your

hair keeps falling out. Well... And why is that?

You ain't got nothing up there for it to root in.

Hey, Fawn.

I found a man for you. Listen to this.

Yukon Lumberjack seeks sturdy woman to cook, clean, set bear traps,

and skin elk.

It's perfect.

Must have good personality.

Well, I'll keep looking.

Ain't you gonna come back at me?

Mr. Jefferson, I'll come back at you when you say I can't cook and I can't

clean, because I know you're wrong.

But when you say I can't hold on to a man, I ain't so sure you're wrong.

Lars, get the door.

You mean after the way you've been treating her, you expect her to get the

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

In that case, you get the door.

Suddenly, skinning an elk in the Yukon actually sounds inviting.

Hi, Mr. Jefferson.

Yes? I'm Wallace Kenwood.

Oh, Officer Kenwood! Didn't recognize you out of uniform.

Well, I'm off duty. Is your husband in?

Oh, yeah, hi. I'm George Jefferson.

Look, Officer, it was about that parking ticket. You see, uh, I'm a doctor.

I thought you owned Jefferson Cleaners. Oh, yes, I do. Well, you see, medicine

is just a hobby.

Yes. I was wondering, have you made a donation to the Send a Boy to Camp

yet? Yes, I have. That's good, because I'm collecting for the Send a Girl to

Camp program.

Would you be interested in making a donation?

Well, let me ask you a question. Between all these collections, when do you find

any time to do some real police work? Well, I guess when I go back on duty, I

could go downstairs and ticket one of your vans.

I'll write you a check.

Would you care for a cup of coffee while my husband figures out if this is

deductible or not?

Sure, thanks.

Oh, Officer Kenwood?

This is Florence.

Oh, Florence.

You are as beautiful as that beautiful city in Italy that bears your name.

Florence,

this is Officer Kenwood. But you can call me Wallace.

Wallace?

Wallace.

Oh, I'll get your Wallace coffee. I mean, I'll get your coffee, Wallace.

That is a fine -looking woman.

Huh?

I thought policemen had to pass an eye test.

Excuse me.

George, would you stay here and continue to be charming?

Say, look, Officer Kenwood, will this donation guarantee me that I'll never

arrested? No.

Will it guarantee I'll never get any speeding tickets? Afraid not.

Florence, guess what Officer Kenwood just told George?

Get a hair weave.

No.

He said he thinks you are a fine -looking woman.

Really? No.

Really? No.

Really?

Well, what do you think of him?

Well, I think he's good -looking in a sort of...

I'd cut off my right arm to go out with him kind of way.

There you go. You like him, and he likes you. So get out there.

Yeah. We could chat a bit.

He'd probably ask me out.

Take me to a fine restaurant.

Buy me an expensive dinner.

Get to know me.

Lose interest.

Bring me home early.

Break my heart.

Let's face it, Miss Jefferson, that's the story of my life.

Oh, come on. Sometimes in romance you have to take chances.

I did with George.

I know.

I'm sorry.

But it turned out fine.

And the same could happen to you.

Now, are you willing to give it a try?

Well, yeah.

So what do I do now?

Well, I know this might sound a little radical.

But you could try talking to him.

That's a good idea.

You know, you're still kind of with it for somebody your age.

Jaywalking? Nope.

Literally.

Okay,

then, what is this check good for?

A pair of shoelaces.

Well, Flourish.

Isn't there something you'd like to ask Officer Kenwood?

Uh, would you like some cream in your coffee, sugar? I mean...

Would you like cream and sugar in your coffee?

Really, I've got to run. But, uh, Florence, would you be interested in

with me tonight?

Tonight? Mm -hmm. Wait a minute.

You're just waltzing here out of the clear blue sky.

I mean, I don't know you from Adam.

And you expect me to go out with you tonight on such short notice?

Well? Give me five minutes.

No, actually, I meant later on tonight. I'll give you a call after I finish with

my collections, and we'll go out to dinner.

Okay, that sounds fine.

Listen, Florence, George and I were planning to go out tonight.

We were? Yes.

So why don't you just stay here and prepare a nice dinner for you and

Kenwood? What?

For God's sake, don't cook. The man's got a gun.

You're luckiest against the law to shoot bald eagles.

All right, well, I've got to be going.

But I'm really looking forward to tonight.

Me too, Wallace.

I'll walk out with you.

I have to go down to the health center.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the donation, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh, no thanks needed.

Tell me about it.

Congratulations, Florence.

Against all odds, you got yourself a date.

Uh -huh. This could be the most exciting 10 or 15 minutes you ever had in your

life.

No, it won't, because when he calls, I'm canceling. Are you crazy? You got a

live one here.

You gonna throw him back?

Yeah, because I'm through kidding myself.

This date will probably turn out just like all the others have lately.

Oh, come on, Floss. You just had a streak of bad luck, that's all. Yeah,

the story of my life.

I can see it on my tombstone now.

Here lies Florence Johnston.

Alone.

Oh, come on, Floss. Stop being ridiculous.

Go ahead out there and have yourself a good time. Everything is fine.

No, no, you were right.

I guess there's something wrong with me.

Look, France, I was only kidding. I'm on your side.

Look, anything you need, you just name it, and I'll get it for you.

Really? Yeah.

Well, I guess I could use a man's point of view. Okay.

You know where I can find one?

Okay, forget it, forget it. Oh, I'm sorry. This time I was teasing.

It's just that, well, it's kind of tough to talk about, that's all.

Okay.

How come, lately, men haven't been asking me for a second date?

Well, let me see.

How can I say this without hurting your feelings?

It's because on the first date, they had such a rotten time.

See, Florence, men have drives.

See, I'm old -fashioned, and I don't want to hear about none of them drives.

That's not what I'm talking about. I mean, this is the 1980s, Florence.

And let's face it, you're a lot closer to 80 than you are to 19.

Look, I ain't no loose woman, and I ain't gonna be. For nobody.

I'm not telling you to be a loose woman.

All I'm doing is saying limber up a little bit.

Well, I don't know what kind of things you're talking about doing.

Okay. One of your biggest problems is you're always on the defense.

You gotta learn to be on the offense sometimes.

Like me.

I'm the most offensive person in the world.

I heard that.

Okay. Maybe it will help if we rehearse how you should act today, okay?

Now, you be you and I'll be Officer Kenwood, okay?

Now, we just finished having dinner.

Somehow, I managed to survive, okay?

Now. It's just you and me, okay?

Now, how do you act?

I don't know.

How do you act?

Okay. You're Officer Kenwood, right? Right.

Well, where's the rest of you?

I don't have to sit here and be insulted, you know. I can go anywhere

I'm sorry. It's just that it's hard for me to picture you as a young, handsome,

sexy man.

Yeah, you're right. I ain't young no more. Okay.

Okay, we'll do it this way.

You be Officer Kenwood and I'll be you, okay?

Now you sit back and watch. Now I'm going to show you what a real sexy woman

looks like in action.

What is so funny?

I'm sorry. I guess it's your mustache that's throwing me.

It ain't no worse than yours.

I don't have to take that. I know. Look, I'm sorry. Look, I'm just trying to

argue. Let's sit down.

The next step, okay?

Now, okay.

Now, we're having a drink, okay?

Ew,

this drink is strong.

to get me tipsy so you can take advantage of me?

I caught you. Look at you, naughty boy.

I'm only doing this to help you.

Would you please be serious?

I don't know, Mr. Jefferson. It just ain't in me to act like that. I ain't

throw myself at no man.

Okay. Then watch this. This is what you call the Coupe de Ville. The what?

Just watch.

I think I have something in my eye.

Can you come up close and take a look, please?

Ain't nothing in your eye.

Of course there's nothing in my eye.

The thing is, while he's digging around in your eye, you grab him with a lip

lock.

A woman like you has to play tricks on a man else. You ain't gonna never get no

man to kiss you.

Well, I'm sorry, but it just ain't no way I'm gonna act like that. Forget it.

Okay. It's up to you. You can live here forever with me and Weezy and just get

old.

You want to show me that move again?

I thought you'd never ask.

Well, as they say in France, shall we adjourn to the sofa?

Well, as they also say in France, okie dokie.

I'll just get you a little brandy to go with that. Oh, thank you. You know what

they say, candy's dandy, but liquor's quicker.

caught you looking, you naughty boy.

I beg your pardon?

I was right. You are a scamp.

Yeah, well, whatever you say.

Here's to you, Florence.

No, to I.

Oh, my.

You're not trying to get me tipsy, are you?

Florence, you don't happen to have something in your eye, do you? Yes, I

I thought so.

No, no, no, I mean I really do.

Yeah, baby, I mean I know exactly what you mean.

No, no, no, you just wait.

Hold on, I think you got the wrong impression.

I am not that kind of woman.

Okay, I can respect that, huh?

But I'm that kind of man.

heathen attacked me.

She teased me.

She led me on.

Now, wait a minute. I know Florence, and she would never behave like that. What

was all this?

The only reason I did that was because I really... You ain't got to explain

nothing to this man.

It's obvious that you two hate each other. That's the bottom line.

So you, out. All right, I'm going.

And I'm glad to be going.

Well, where are you going with my coat?

Mrs. Jefferson, the next time you want to fix her up, do me a favor. Call

somebody else.

What? Hey, hey, hey, now. No need to go into all that.

Obviously, you two hate each other.

That's the bottom line.

And by the way, Florence, the roast beef was dry.

Oh, it's been a long evening.

I guess I'll turn in. Freeze.

Mr. Jefferson, how could you?

You actually arranged for me to go out with that octopus?

Well, Florence, I've known him for years from the help center.

And he's always been a gentleman.

I had no idea he was a octopus.

Wheezy, wheezy.

What were you thinking?

Butting in where you don't belong?

What kind of a person would stick their nose into somebody else's love life like

that?

And you?

It's been a long evening. I think I'll turn in.

You're the one that butted in.

If it hadn't been for your dumb advice, I wouldn't have been out here acting

like a newborn fool.

George.

George, George, what were you thinking?

Butting in where you don't belong.

The nerve.

Well, I wouldn't have butted in if you hadn't butted in first.

But your butt was worse than mine.

Just hold both your butts.

I mean, how dare you? Messing around in my private life.

You didn't think I could handle a simple dinner date on my own.

You had no confidence in me.

Do you know how that makes me feel?

Do you?

Florence, you're right.

We got carried away.

But it's only because we care for you. We want you to be happy.

But we shouldn't have meddled.

I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to us again.

Yeah, I wouldn't blame you either.

In fact, I'd probably give you a raise.

Or it just makes me feel terrible that you two think I can't get a man on my

own.

And you know something?

I can't.

I mean, if you hadn't arranged a date with that turkey, I wouldn't even have

one to mess up.

And you, you knew that the real me wouldn't work.

And I guess I proved being somebody else don't work either.

So the real bottom line is, when it comes to me and men, nothing works.

I'll get it.

At least I can do that.

Hello. George, I'd say we really blew this one. Yeah, especially you.

Me? Yeah, I always wanted a butler.

So now what are we going to do? I've never seen Florence so down. Oh, wait,

now. Guess who that was? That was Fred, my date from yesterday.

He said he misses me, and he wants me to go out with him again tomorrow night.

Oh, Morris, that's wonderful.

And you know what he said, Mr. Jefferson? He said, I'm worth waiting

And you know something? I am.

You bet you are.

Oh, and just forget what I said. I know y 'all were trying to help me. Yeah,

right. Oh, and I didn't tell you, Mr. Jefferson, but you made a pretty good

meet. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, so how about cleaning off them dinner dishes? I got to go rest up for

tomorrow, child.