Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the sun. Moving on up.

To a deep.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

No, you should be ashamed.

Sneaking up on a body like that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Florence, but I had to sneak.

I didn't want to disturb your reading.

Well, that was very considerate.

To return the favor, why don't I dust your furniture for you?

No, that's very nice.

Florence, would you believe tomorrow will be 33 years George and I have been

married? No.

as a matter of fact I don't believe you went on a second date with the man hey I

had to it was his turn to pay I'm just kidding congratulations really

oh thanks Florence

Oh, I knew I heard some kind of buzz.

Miss Weasley.

She's in the bedroom. Why? Good.

I want you to help me do something.

Uh -oh. Is this going to be that I can do it myself, but I'm just too lazy kind

of help?

Or that Florence Johnston is my last hope kind of help?

Because if it's the hope kind of help, you ain't going to get no help until you

help my hope check.

Okay.

Will $50 help?

I'd say there's hope.

Now, look. Now, you know, as you know, tomorrow is me and Weezy's anniversary,

right? I've already bought Miss Jefferson a sympathy card.

Oh.

That's so nice, Florence. Now, look. See, I want to get another diamond put

Weezy's wedding ring without her knowing about it, but I can't. Why not?

Because she never lets it out of her sight.

I mean, let's face it, Florence. When George Jefferson gives somebody

it's not easy for them to part with it.

That would explain this headache I've had for the last second.

Florence. Okay, okay. What do you want?

Okay, I want you to get it away from her for me.

See, when she asks for breakfast in the morning, I want you to get her some

toast with a lot of butter.

And then you yell, look, a duck. When she turns to look at it, you slip the

off of her finger and just give it to me.

You spent all morning thinking of that.

Well, can you come up with a better plan?

Well, now just ask her for it. Just ask her for it, just like that. She's just

going to give it to you, just like that, huh?

That's what's so cute about you. You're always looking for the easy way out.

You're so innocent, so naive, so dumb.

Life's not that simple, Florence. If you can't, you gotta plan for it. Excuse

me, excuse me.

Uh, Miss Jefferson, I noticed that your wedding ring was dirty. If you take it

off, I'll clean it for you.

Oh, why, thanks, Florence.

Very thoughtful of you.

See, now you're learning.

Now, the next thing I want you to do is take it down to Tishman's Jewels. He

already knows what I want done, okay?

Then I want you to pick it up for me later.

Okay, but it'll cost you another 50 bucks.

Another 50 bucks?

Yeah. The first 50 was to get the ring from your wife.

It'll cost you another 50 to get me to do your legwork for you.

Robbery.

Robbery? See, Mr. Jefferson, that's what's so cute about you.

I mean, you're so innocent, so naive, so dumb.

Yes, speaking.

What? You kidding?

When?

How much was taken?

Okay, okay, okay. Just call the police. I'll be right there.

George, what happened?

Oh, my messenger from a Brooklyn store just got mugged. They got away with my

whole week's proceeds.

Oh, George, was anybody hurt?

Yeah, me. I said they got away with my whole week's proceeds.

George, I meant your messenger. Is he all right?

I'll find out when I get there, but if he gave up that money without a fight...

You can send him flowers.

Oh, sure.

I mean, what's a human life compared to a whole week's proceeds? See that? You

understand. Why couldn't it have been you that got mugged?

Ed, you okay? Yeah.

They got me from behind, Mr. Jefferson. I didn't even see what they looked like.

I'm sorry.

Okay, okay, Ed, don't worry about it. The money's not important. The man

that you're okay.

Same. Hey, look.

When you feel up to it, I want you to fill out this repayment plan.

Mr.

Jefferson. Officer Barrett.

How you doing? Fine. How about you? Hey, look. Never mind that.

What the hell happened here?

Well, I just got here myself only 15 minutes ago, but so far the evidence

to one thing.

What? All your money is gone.

What evidence have you got?

All your money is gone.

Now, according to Ed, he left here cut through the alley on his way to the

He was struck from behind, rendered unconscious, and robbed of your whole

proceeds. Are those the facts, sir? Yeah.

So what does all that mean?

All your money is gone.

Quit saying that. I know all my money is gone. What I want to know is who took

it. We believe some kids are responsible.

Kids?

Ed, you mean to tell me you let some kids take my money? But, Mr. Jefferson,

got knocked out.

With what, a slinky?

Would you do this to me, Ed?

Haven't I been good to you? Don't you remember six years ago that day when

wife had triplets? I let you go home early?

I'm speaking of going home early.

Again?

Well, my head hurts.

Okay.

But look, remember on your way home, you got to pass that nursery school. You

know, those kids get pretty mean when they're teasing.

Mr. Jefferson, I think your problem is you're getting hung up on the word kids.

What are you talking about?

Well, I don't think we're dealing with a glee club here.

I have a hunch your messenger was attacked by a very tough street gang.

A street gang?

Are you sure?

Nope.

But it sounds good.

Listen, I'm through in here. I'm going out into the alley and investigate the

scene of the crime.

Well, you think you might find anything?

Nope.

But it can't hurt to go through the motions.

What the hell? I'm a professional.

I'll go with you. You think there's any chance you might recover some of my

money? Nope.

Well, maybe.

You've got all the serial numbers.

Serial numbers.

Quick, Ed, give me the serial numbers. Huh?

I think one bill had a six on it.

Good work, Ed.

One bill had a six on it.

Well, ain't you going to write it down? Oh, forgive me.

One bill had a six.

Ed, look, would you lock up, please?

And see if you can do it without getting knocked out, okay?

Hey, find any clues yet? Not yet. Look, don't you think you might be in this

over your head?

Why don't you turn it over to the FBI?

Well, you ain't detecting a damn thing.

Sometimes it helps to lay out the crime step by step.

Now, here's the offer.

And here's the treat your store is on. Right. Now, I figure the gang must have

waited for your messenger here.

Yeah. And my messenger entered here.

Now, the gang spotted him and cut him off, met him here.

Then he tried to escape here.

But that was the dead end.

So they headed him off here.

Uh -huh.

Then they tried to run him down here.

Only to be cut off here.

Yeah, so what does all that mean?

Simple.

You lose.

Try for two out of three.

Look, Barry, why don't we just stick to trying to solve the crime, okay?

One thing I know for sure, there's no such thing as a perfect crime.

Every criminal makes a mistake.

They got all your money, didn't they? Yeah. Then I don't think they made a

mistake.

Hey, what all on this candy wrapper's been here?

Jefferson, why don't you just let me do the police work?

What are you talking about? This could be a clue.

Say, maybe you're right.

Try this on for size.

Your messenger was bashed over the head with a tootsie roll.

Then the fiends covered their tracks by eating the weapon.

Oh!

So in other words, the crime was committed by a tootsie roll lover.

That's exactly what they want us to think.

But in reality, the crime was perpetrated by kids who like some other

You sure?

Nope.

Let's look around for something that means something, okay?

Hey.

It's a $5 bill.

It's probably mine. And no... No sticks on it.

I'm the keeper.

Well, I've done all I can do here.

Think I'll mess around in some other case till it's time to knock off.

You're a real comfort, Barrett.

Serve and protect.

You know something? It's a good thing I've got a good accountant. Or my taxes

will be paying your salary.

Here.

Hey.

I wonder who this watch belongs to.

Me.

But I have a... feeling I'm going to like yours much, much better.

Louise, aren't you even curious?

No. I don't know how you do it, Louise. I mean, if it were me, and I knew that

my anniversary present was probably in the apartment, I'd be tearing the place

upside down trying to find it.

Well, George...

me and he wants it to be a surprise, so you check the closet and I'll check the

cupboards. Right. Right.

Hey, look at this.

Do you believe that people actually used to wear these silly hats?

Tom,

that's my hat.

I left it here yesterday.

Oh, uh, Louise, don't you agree that this is a pretty silly -looking hat?

I got it for, as a gift.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that, uh, when it comes to hats, um,

that certainly is one.

Yeah. And when it comes to Big Mouth, that certainly is one.

What are you laughing at, lady?

What happened to you? I got robbed.

Yes, Louise told us about the store.

I'm talking about me just now, right beside the store.

You're kidding.

Do I look like a man in search of a laugh?

Maybe not, but you're certainly going to get one.

Oh, come on, George. If I was standing there in my underwear, you'd laugh. No,

wouldn't. I'd take out avalanche insurance.

George, why didn't you borrow some clothes from your store?

Because it was locked. They stole my keys.

George, are you hurt?

Yeah, my pride.

They took my clothes, my wallet, my watch.

They even took my special money clip.

Oh, not the one shaped like the Statue of Liberty where you push the money in

our cleavage.

Yeah, that's the one.

Crime in this city has gotten out of hand. Somebody's got to do something

it.

No, dear.

But what's more important is that you were all right. Did you get a good look

who did it, George?

Yep. Did you tell the police?

Yep. But they said I'm not the only one that's having trouble with street gangs.

A street gang?

They're a big problem in the city now.

How old were they?

Oh, 13, 14.

Oh, what did they do?

Threaten you with a slinky?

You know something, Willis? It takes a chunk to laugh at a man that's been

attacked. God knows I'd never do that.

Besides, you weren't even there.

And these were some tough girls.

Girls?

Oh, Helen, did you hear that? George got mugged by girls.

It's not a laughing matter, Tom. Some of these girl gangs are more vicious than

the boys. Thank you, Helen. Ooh, they're vicious, all right. They expose

George's legs to public view.

Oh, this is a nice hat, though, really.

Oh, George, thank God you gave them what they wanted.

I'd rather lose all the money in the world than lose you.

Speak for yourself, Weave.

I'm going to handle those girls. Oh, of course, of course.

I was pretty vicious in my day.

Oh, sure, but little girls probably weren't that tough then.

Yeah, well, I'm going to make sure this never happens again.

Oh, you mean you're going to show them who wears the pants around here.

Pants, get it? He's not wearing any pants.

Mr.

Jefferson, your sandwiches are ready.

Yeah,

I still got it.

Well, being gay... get rid of it.

Listen, I got the stamina of a horse.

Speaking of horses, how you doing, Florence?

Well, I feel good.

Here you go, Hercules. Why don't you use some of them muscles to open this jar

of pickles?

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

after I loosened it up.

You know, this reminds me of my gang war days.

I used to be in a gang, you know.

The whole neighborhood knew it.

Well, I guess so. Everybody heard of the Seven Dwarfs.

Oh, uh, by the way, here's Miss Jefferson's wedding ring.

Oh. Ain't that beautiful?

You know, I sure hope I get one like this someday.

Don't worry about it, Floss. You'll get married sooner or later.

You really think so?

Sure. As soon as the guy divorces his wife.

Frankenstein. How come you had me make all these sandwiches anyway?

Because that's my master plan for getting back at those girls that ripped

off.

Remember a few months ago I hired that bodyguard named Hugo?

You mean the walking coke machine?

That's him. Well, anyway, he'll be over here in a few minutes. And me and him

are going to pay those girls a little social call.

Believe me, one look at Hugo and those girls will go back to making brownies

like they used to.

Bigger the devil.

And you should, because someday he'll be your landlord.

Hugo! Food!

Hiya,

Florence.

Remember me?

Uh, I'm not sure.

You have one of those faces that blend in the crowd.

Good one.

So, what are we doing tonight, Mr. Jefferson?

We're going to go out and scare some girls.

You got me a date?

No, Hugo, it's not a date. See, I just got ripped off, right?

It was a girl gang called The Strays. So what we're going to do is we're going

to go down there. I don't want to rough them up or nothing. I just want to teach

them a lesson.

I don't know much about teaching.

A more kind of the physical type.

Gee, I always admired you for your mind.

Hey, thanks, Florence.

I like you, too.

Say, are you married?

Uh, yes, I am.

Married, very married.

I mean, married.

Too bad.

She makes a good sandwich.

Wait a minute.

What? See, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.

You? Thinking? Well,

better late than never.

Thanks. Anyway, last Thursday, I was choking this guy down by the doctor.

And it occurred to me that I could be doing something more with my life.

I want to go to medical school and be a doctor or something.

You? Doctor?

Sure, if Julius Irving can be one, why can't I?

I mean, look, couldn't these be the hands of a surgeon?

Hugo, these hands weren't meant for storing people together. They were meant

ripping people apart.

Well, I do have a flair for it.

You were put on this planet to horrify people.

That's your gift.

Take a look.

See, now wouldn't you be scared if you saw you coming down the dark night?

I guess so, if I didn't know me so well.

Now, here's my plan. I found out that these girls hang out in this park near

Brooklyn store, right?

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to get them to chase me over into the alley

across the street.

And that's where you'll be hiding.

You follow me?

I thought they were the ones following you.

They are!

Will you just listen?

Okay. After they chase me into the alley, you just jump out and scare them.

How?

What should I do?

Pretend they stole your lunch.

There,

come on.

Uh -huh.

We got you this time.

So you figure you had another easy hit, huh?

Well, this time you bit off more than you could chew. Because my man here, his

mother was a human being and his father was an angry rhinoceros.

Now maybe, just maybe, I could call him off.

That's if you promise me that you won't show your faces around here again.

Is it a deal?

Oh, the little girl's got a knife. That's supposed to scare me? My man here

knives for breakfast.

Right, Hugo?

Hugo!

Hey,

Hugo.

Hey,

what do you say we all go get ice cream Sunday?

kind of wise guy, right?

Turn around. Hey, what are you doing?

Shut up.

You got another watch, man? No, I don't.

Yeah, let's take all his clothes off again.

What's in that pocket? Nothing.

Nice.

Thanks. Hey, wait a minute. That don't belong to me.

I know. Now it belong to me.

But I'm telling you, that's for my wife. It's for our anniversary.

I'm your wife.

Hey, wait a minute. You can't take...

Hmm.