Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the top. Moving on up.

To a deep.

It's pretty big, too.

Look at all those tiny little people trying to keep from getting stepped on.

They must feel like you coming home at rush hour.

George, can we please change the channel now? Nope, not till my commercial comes

on.

Oh, look!

The radioactive end is going to swallow Tokyo.

There ain't seen nothing on TV that scared me yet.

And now, a word from our sponsor.

Hi, I'm George Jefferson.

Have you ever been running late to work in the morning, and you accidentally

spill some jam on...

and you accidentally spilled some gravy on your skirt.

Here I go again.

Well, don't despair.

Just take off that blouse. Oh, my.

And take off that skirt.

And bring them to Jefferson Cleaners. Seven locations, one

near you.

How convenient.

Don't add a little.

Or maybe you're at the beach and you accidentally spilled some... Ketchup on

yourself.

I must be awesome.

Well, just bring that bathing suit to Jefferson Cleaners.

We clean everything.

Mr. Jefferson, you're the best.

You got that right.

Well,

don't just sit there. Tell me how great it was.

Well, I...

is disgusting to advertise your cleaning stores by using a sexy body.

I can't help the way I look.

Mr. Jefferson, you don't have to use sex to sell no product. Why not? Everybody

else does it.

How about those designer jean ads?

What sells them is what's in them.

Well, I think your commercial is absolutely offensive.

Look, Florence, that is not fair.

You didn't hear me use the word offensive when you showed me your baby

Mr. Jefferson, I think I'll go lay down for a while.

You know, Mr. Jefferson, I liked your baby pictures.

I just couldn't figure out why the diaper was around your face.

You know, George, if you had asked my opinion, I never would have let you make

that commercial.

Really?

That's right. Oh, I'm glad I didn't ask you.

In case you've forgotten, I happen to be 50 % of Jefferson Cleaners.

So why didn't you consult me? Because I didn't want you to wear your pretty

little head, snooker.

George, you are incredibly sexist.

Thank you, Wee. You ain't too bad yourself.

Don't you realize that your commercial exploits women?

Oh, hi, Louise.

Hi, George.

Uh, Louise, did we come at a bad time?

We heard some arguing from outside.

Well, yes, George and I were having a little discussion.

Yeah, a little woman thinks I'm a sexist.

Oh, no.

What's the matter?

Well, it's just that Helen and I were having an argument. We came down here to

take our minds off of it, and here you are arguing about the same thing.

You were arguing about my commercial?

No, we were arguing about a book Tom's about to publish. It was written by E

Raymond. M .D., Ph .D., and F .L .O .B.

Yeah, I saw him on Donahue.

He thinks that women are intellectually and physically inferior to men. That's

the one.

So?

Well, he believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen.

Oh, but, Louise, that's not the point.

This is business. This book will make me a lot of money.

And I might add, Helen, a lot of money that'll buy you a lot of pots and pans.

Pots and pans, I might add, that you'll soon be wearing.

Goodbye, Louise.

Maybe that was a poor choice of words.

I'd better go out and buy a box of candy.

Oh, and while I'm out, I'll get some flowers for Helen.

Poor Willis. He sure don't know how to handle women.

Oh, and you do?

Certain moi.

And if you'll follow me to the bedroom, I will give you some lessons.

No thanks, George.

The way you teach makes me doze off in class.

Hey, Weez, would you bring me some coffee, please?

Oh, well, I don't know, George. My place is in the kitchen.

Oh, Weez, are you still on that?

Well, of course, dear.

After all, I am... I am the little woman.

I'm here to please my men.

And my job is to stay barefoot and pregnant.

Just bring me some coffee, okay?

Your wish is my command.

If you want anything, I'm here to serve.

Wheezy. Oh, yes, my king.

I seem to sense a little sarcasm here.

Oh? Then you have no other choice but to beat me.

I'll be waiting in the bedroom with the paddle.

see you like that.

Oh,

George,

I'm having trouble with Helen, and I need your advice.

Okay, well, I've got two pieces of advice.

What? Who cares and get out?

George, please, I really need your help.

Okay, okay, sit down and pour your heart out.

Well, you see...

George, was that Louise?

Oh, no, no, no. That was a parakeet. We took it in.

It was a victim of bird abuse.

It's a tragic story. Go on, go on.

Oh. Well, you see, Helen's been yelling at me about that book ever since we left

here. She just doesn't seem to understand that it's business.

Of course she doesn't understand business. She's a woman.

I do respect her opinion. Look, Willis, your company hired you, not her, right?

Well, yes.

Okay, and your job is to bring home the bacon. Her job is to cook it.

Hold it. That all sounds pretty chauvinistic to me.

Well, I'm not a chauvinist. I'm a realist. And in reality, a woman is

to stay out of a man's business, right?

Now, take me for instance.

Weezy didn't like my commercial.

You know what my reaction to her was?

What? Too bad.

You mean she didn't get upset?

Of course not. I laid down the law.

And now she can't do enough for me. Look, she brought me coffee and

Helen pelted me with bacon bits.

My advice to you is very simple. You just go upstairs and simply tell Helen

you are the captain of your ship.

And a ship can't have two captains because the steering wheel is too small

four hands.

I can't believe it, but I think what you just said actually makes sense.

Of course it does. I was in the Navy.

Okay. If you can make Louise stay out of your business with a commercial, I can

make Helen stay out of mine with a book.

Way to go, Willis. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So get

Willis. Right.

Oh, George.

I really appreciate your advice.

And if there's ever anything I can do for you... Right.

I'm going to make it up to you for butting into your business.

I was naughty.

I forgot my plate.

Huh.

Well, I don't know if you really mean it, but it sure sounds good to hear.

Where you going?

I'm going to stand out in front of your store and tell everyone who passes by

that I was naughty. I forgot my place.

You wouldn't dare.

Just try me, Buster.

Oh, come on, Weezy, look. Okay, I'm sorry about the commercial. Now look,

and me will sit down and we'll make a new commercial, just the two of us,

Oh, George.

Are you done angel sweetness?

Finish your galops.

Do you people know that you're making me sick?

we just had a fight and we're making up.

Isn't that right, Fluffy Wuffy?

That's right, honey me.

It's enough to make you weak.

Look, dearest, here's a woman that says she wants to run for president.

Oh, I hope she wins.

Oh, me too. I live for the day a woman gets to run this country.

I'll get that beautiful.

Thanks, Fluffy Wuffy.

Willis, what are you doing here?

George, I'm in shock.

Refrigerator on the blank?

No. Helen's thrown me out.

with me about that book.

I told her to stay out of my business. I told her that I am the captain of the

ship. Yeah? And what did she say?

Bon voyage.

Well, Louise, what am I going to do?

You better find a place to stay. If I were you, I'd hustle over to Central

You know, those benches get used up quick.

Tom, why did you tell Helen those things? That doesn't sound like you.

Well, I thought Helen would take it the way you did.

The way I did?

Did you hear the one about the monkey that tried to hitch a ride with the

elephant?

Not now, Georgie Gensler.

But, Tom, why didn't you just handle the situation the way George did?

He realized his mistake and agreed that I had every right to be involved in his

business.

Isn't that right, baby Tom?

Oh,

Florence, would you excuse us? It may get a little nasty in here.

Uh -oh. You mean you might actually hit Mr. Jefferson?

Oh, yes, it could come to that.

Oh, I have waited so long.

George told Tom to say that?

So you got thrown out of your house. Look on the bright side. I'm happy.

Something the matter there, cream puff cheeks?

You worm.

I love you too.

George,

how dare you tell Tom what to say to me?

What are you talking about? He came to me. He poured his heart out, and he's my

best friend.

And if you had enough sense, you'd know there would be some rough spots in your

marriage before you married the bozo.

Why did you tell Tom not to give in to Helen and then you gave in to me?

I had to. You were barefoot and pregnant.

Oh, well, that's a long story.

Then you didn't really mean it when you said you'd change your commercial.

No!

Helen, I understand there's been a recent vacancy in your apartment.

That's right.

And I'd love to have you as my guest.

Hey, wait a minute. Where am I going to stay?

Here, with the captain in his dinghy.

I'll send for my things.

Let's go, Helen.

Hey, you ain't leaving me here on the Titanic.

Okay, go ahead.

See if I care.

And Wheezy, remember that thing I wrote you about the woman that wanted to run

for president?

Well, the day she wins is the day I move to England, baby.

See, Willis, you thought I wouldn't stick by you, didn't you?

George, I've got no home.

Don't worry about it. You still got me.

George, my stomach hurts.

Oh, come on, Willis, don't worry about it. They'll be back in an hour. Trust

Are you sure?

Trust me.

It's been a week, George.

They'll be back in an hour.

Trust me.

Trust me.

You know, I'd like to kill you.

But I'm late for work. Why didn't you wake me up this morning?

Because I forgot.

Besides, I had to iron your shirt, remember?

Well, I'm sorry I said I wanted to kill you.

Oh, I'm in a bad mood.

I don't know why.

There's Helen. I'm going to beg her to take me back. Be cool.

Oh,

John.

Of what you've done with the apartment.

Yes, it looks like a page out of Better Homes and Alley.

It's comfortable, okay?

Tom, shouldn't you be at work?

Yes, dear, I should, but you see, George didn't wake me up. Wait a minute, wait

a minute!

What my roomie means is we took off from work today deliberately to do nothing

so we could see what the world was like from a woman's point of view.

Now, let's not waste our time talking to Tom and the missing link.

Help me pick out which purse to take to the concert tonight.

Concert? George, they're having fun.

Oh, we?

We had a load of fun last night.

Me and Willis toasted marshmallows last night.

Yeah, over a roaring blender.

That spot's still tethered. That's why you stuck me with a TV antenna.

Well, you should have let me watch that show about wood carving. Oh, you didn't

want to watch that show. You just didn't want to let me see Julia Child.

You saw it day before yesterday.

How many times could you watch somebody gut a duck?

I love this guy.

He's a laugh a minute.

How do you girls get along?

Oh, just fine.

George, what's in that pan?

Eggs.

Are they supposed to be great?

George, that's my sock. I've been looking everywhere for that.

Well, it's your own fault. Well, if you know anything in the refrigerator, it's

fair game.

Hello, Louise.

We've seen the living room.

Are you sure you have the courage to go into the bedroom?

No, don't look in there.

Why?

It was a little dirty.

So, uh, Helen, uh, have you, uh, been eating well?

Oh, great, great.

Why, just last night, Florence cooked us a delicious dinner.

What was it? Tell me.

Well, uh... Shut up, George!

Tell me.

Where should I begin? Everything was so good.

Well, the shrimp cocktail was just the...

And the prime rib just melted in my mouth. And dessert?

The chocolate mousse pie was beyond belief.

Control yourself, Willis. Remember, tonight we're having ravioli -o.

Helen, please take me back. I'm begging you.

Look, I'm wasting away.

Helen, Helen, I can't take living with George anymore.

You ought to see what he looks like in the morning.

Willis, you disgust me, you know that? How could you desert me like this? I'd

never do that to you. What are you talking about? If you hadn't deserted me

the first place, I wouldn't be down here eating my own clothing.

Stop messing up the place.

I've missed you so much. I'm going crazy without you. Oh, Tom, I've missed you,

too. Oh, I'm sorry, Helen. I ignored your feelings about the book.

I'll never do it again.

Oh, Tom, that's all I ever ask.

Oh, come on, let's go home, snookums.

You know, George, the biggest mistake I made this past week was being stupid

enough to listen to you.

Just think, I spent five hours ironing that guy's shirt.

Well, George, do you have anything to say to me?

Yeah, Weez, what do you use to get shaving cream out of a toaster?

Goodbye, George.

Weez.

What, George?

I'd kind of like for you to stay.

I'd like to stay too, George, but I think you know why I can't.

Yeah, I guess.

Well, uh, can we sit down and talk?

On that couch?

There you go, sweetheart.

Whatever you do, don't slide your hand under the newspaper.

Okay, Weas.

Over this past week, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

And I realized something.

Thank goodness.

Yeah, I know I talk a lot of stuff like when I call you the little woman and say

I'm a captain of the ship.

Well, I just want to apologize for that.

You do?

Yeah. I can understand how women will take that wrong.

Goodbye, George. No, wait, wait, wait, no, I'm sorry.

Okay, now, what do you want me to do?

I want you to say our marriage is a partnership.

Okay. Our marriage is a partnership.

I want you to mean it.

I do mean it.

And we... I shouldn't have...

Done that commercial without talking to you first.

Well, George, I just wish you'd remember that I'm 50 % of Jefferson Cleaners.

You're more than that, Weas.

You're 100 % to me in my life.

Oh, George.