Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the top. Moving on up. To the deep.

You seem to be in a cheery mood today.

Oh, yeah, I'm in a good mood.

Oh, it didn't bother you this morning when George wrote, welcome on your toast

and put it outside the door?

No, it was all in good fun.

What you laughing at?

Hey, we... Hi, George.

Hey, what's the most fabulous news I could ever possibly hear?

Ball heads are in style.

You know, one of these days I'm going to nail that thing shut.

The louvers? No, Florence's mouth.

Oh, George, forget Florence and tell me what you're so happy about.

Oh, well, you know how long I've been trying to get Mr. Whittingdale to go

business deal with me, right?

Well, the old Jefferson charm is finally paying off. I ran into him in the

elevator. And guess what he said?

Down, please.

After that, please. After that.

Oh, I give up, George. He said he wants to talk to me. This is it, Weezy, the

big one.

Partners at last.

Shoot.

George, I've seen this happen before. You get yourself all excited, and then

end up being disappointed.

Well, that's all your fault, Weezy. You're the one who got sick on our

night.

Well, experience taught me that I sure didn't miss much.

Thank you, Wee.

Look, Whippendale's going to be here any minute. There's something I want you to

get. What? Lost.

It's just for a little while, Weezy. It's business.

Since when can't a woman get involved in business?

Weezy, it's a well -known fact that women cause the Great Depression.

Come again?

I said it's a well -known fact that women cause the Great Depression. No, I

meant... Oh, why bother?

I'm going up there.

Good, okay. See you.

Look, Florence, I got some important persons coming over.

Did you dust today?

Uh -uh.

Did you vacuum today?

No.

Did you wash the windows today?

No.

Why the hell not?

Hey, I was busy, okay?

That's the door, Florence.

And those are your toes.

If you stand up on them, you can reach the donut.

Mr.

Whittendale, come in, come in.

Jefferson, have you ever met my wife, Lucille?

This lovely creature is your wife?

You're a lucky man, Mr. Whittendale.

It's nice of you to allow us to intrude.

Oh, don't be silly. My home is your home. I know. I own the building.

Good one, good one.

Well, how is everything down here on the 12th floor?

Another good one.

Hey, have a seat. Take a load off. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Lucille would like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind.

Oh, of course, of course, Bo.

Forgive me, but the resemblance to Bo Derek.

It's uncanny.

About those questions.

Well, fire away. Ask me anything, Raquel.

There I go again.

Do you have any pets, Mr. Jefferson?

Uh, yes. Her name is Florence.

Is she a dog?

Well, that's one man's opinion.

No, actually, Florence is my maid. I was just playing a little joke, Farrah. I

mean, Lucille.

You see, Mr. Jefferson, I happen to be a dog lover.

I can tell. You have canine written all over your face.

Jefferson, remember the other day you said if there was ever anything you

do for me? That's right. Anything. Just name it.

Well, my wife's sister is ill. Oh, well, look, I mean, I don't have any medical

training, but I do have faith in myself. Let's go.

No, no, no, no.

I meant we have to visit her for the weekend.

I was wondering if you'd take care of our dog while we're gone.

A dog?

That's it? Yes, I consider it a favor, and I never forget a thing. Oh, yeah,

well, what I meant was, that's it? Just one dog?

Just Poopsie. Oh, I was hoping his name would be Poopsie.

I just couldn't bear the thought of him sleeping in a kennel. Oh, neither can I.

In fact, Poopsie can sleep with me.

Wheezy won't mind a couch.

Now, Mr. Whittendale, let's talk merger.

You two... and discuss business later when we get back and make sure Poopsie

all right.

I hope he won't be any trouble to you. Oh, how much trouble can a little

be?

All right, Ralph, bring him in.

Here, Mr. Jefferson, sir. Take him, please.

Oh, Ralph, Poopsie's ripped your pants. I'm sorry.

That's all right, Mr. Whittendale, sir. They're old pants and skin grows back.

Thank you, sir.

Those are a few of Poopsie's favorite toys.

He just loves to play fetch the ball.

Don't you, dear?

What a coincidence. Me and the little woman play it all the time.

Bye -bye, Poopsie. Be a good boy for Mr.

Jefferson.

Thanks again, Jefferson.

If he gives you any problem, just make him sit in the corner. Oh, he won't be

any problem.

I was talking to Poopsie.

Okay, bye.

Okay, poopsie.

Now, you and me will get along just fine as long as we know who's the master and

who's the dog, right?

Okay, yes, yes, you are a guest in my home.

And anything you want, you just take it, okay?

If you get hungry, help yourself to the maid.

All right, what do you say we, uh, tie you out on the balcony?

Okay, let's visit the kitchen.

George!

Hi, honey.

George, I have great news.

Excuse me.

Florence's toast.

It's the gift that keeps giving.

So what's your good news?

What was that? Florence's bacon?

George, is there a dog in here? A dog? You know I'm afraid of dogs. Yeah, I

know. Well, I, uh... Well, it... It sure smells like a dog's been in here.

Oh, I know what that is. That's Florence's new perfume.

It's called Eau de la Benji.

George, is there a dog in the kitchen?

Not anymore. Oh, my God!

Get that thing out of here!

You tell him that.

Where's that thing? Louise, it belongs to the Windendale. I don't care. I'm not

getting off this couch until that thing is out of here.

Fair enough. I'll get your nightgown.

Hi,

George.

Hi, Louise. What are you doing up on the couch?

Hi,

doggie. Oh, I've always wanted a dog.

Of course, fish are nice.

That dog is vicious. He could take off somebody's head.

Really? Oh, fly!

Don't be no fool.

What do you want, Mr. Jefferson? Is that another plate for dinner?

That dog is not staying, and I want it out of here by the time we get back

tonight. Back from where?

That's what I was going to tell you before my heart attacked.

Tom was able to get four tickets for the Ray Charles concert.

Way to go, big guy. Ray Charles is my favorite singer. I can't wait to see

You think Ray Charles will sing over here?

Not while that monster's in here. Look, the dog is afraid of Florence, as is

anyone with sense.

So it's not our problem. While we're at the concert, Florence can stay with him.

Wrong again, tiny bald man.

I ain't spending my evening with no dog.

Can't you lower your standards? The dog's willing to.

George. If the dog stays, you're the one who's staying with it. Right, and I'll

use your ticket.

Look, boss, I don't like to pull rank, but... I'm going to start getting ready.

Oh, Mr.

Willis, be brave. Stay.

Look, boss, I'm the boss of you, the maid, and she's gone, George.

I don't believe this.

Four grown people stranded on the couch.

George.

What is it, Willis?

I've got to go to the bathroom.

Good luck.

Okay, now look, dog.

I've given you dog food. I've given you biscuits.

I even gave you Florence's new dress.

There's nothing else to eat in the house.

Okay. You want to look at television?

Oh, we don't have cable.

Okay, now what do you want to do? You want to do something else?

You tell me what you want to do.

Oh, not this again. Okay, but now this time, you fetch.

Yay!

There it goes.

Hey,

where'd it go? Bring me the ball. It's a good dog, all right.

Hey, yay.

Come here, pup.

Give me the ball one more time. Let me see that.

Easy on the finger.

I'd like to book a flight.

Anywhere.

As long as it's away from the Whittendales.

No, no, this is not a crank call.

No, I'm telling you. Hello?

Hello?

Oh, Ralph, you're back.

So how'd everything go down at Louie's Doggy Heaven?

arranged for Poopsie's funeral to take place Tuesday at 3 p .m. You have to be

out by 4, though, because they're burying Thunder the Wonder Turtle.

What's the matter, Ralph? I'm sorry, sir, but Poopsie and I were so close.

Yeah, well, Poopsie and I were close, too. Oh, please.

I really mean it. I liked it all.

Well, it's not my place to judge you, sir.

Thanks for your support, Ralph.

Yes, sir. Anyway, I appreciate you.

making the burial arrangements, okay? Yes, sir. It wasn't easy. It hurt.

And the advance came out of my pocket, which I'm sure you'll want to settle

immediately.

Poopsy.

So sad.

So sad.

You're short ten bucks, sir.

But life goes on, sir. Have a nice day.

Is it nice where you live?

George?

Oh, hi, Wes.

Is the dog sleeping?

Yeah, I guess you could say that.

George, did you and the dog have a nice, quiet evening?

Great. You know, I've been thinking, dogs aren't so bad.

I mean, you can't pet a goldfish.

So where is Poopsie anyway? Maybe I can teach him to shake hands.

Poopsie!

Hoopsy knows enough tricks already. In fact, I taught him a new one tonight.

Skydiving.

Is he good at it? Not yet.

Mr. Jefferson, is something wrong?

Yes. He's upset because he couldn't come with us to see Ray Charles.

If it'll help, I promise I won't say anything about our evening.

Yeah, me either.

Except Ray Charles was never better.

And you know, one of the Raylets came into the audience and picked me to come

on stage and help them with one of their numbers.

Just think, I had your ticket.

If you'd been sitting in that seat.

Now, I won't say it. It'll only depress you.

Weezy Poopsie's gone.

He's gone. He ran away?

Well, sort of.

What happened? He didn't bite you.

No, but he bit something else.

What?

The dust.

George, where's the dog?

Dead.

Dead? I know.

Uh -oh.

What? What? How? What happened?

Well, look, I was just sitting right here on the couch, right?

And me and Poopsie were playing go fetch.

So I accidentally threw the ball and went over the balcony.

Poochie jumped over the balcony after the ball.

But his last catch was a great one.

The dog jumped off our balcony?

It was an accident.

What am I going to do?

The Whittendales will kill me.

Now, George, calm down.

Now, you've got a couple of days before the Whittendales come back.

You've got time to think of something.

Oh, yeah, of course. I've got plenty of time. I've got all the time in the

world.

Time's up.

Awfully sorry to bother you again.

Yeah, me too. I just couldn't bear to be away from my poopsie.

When Charles and I stopped for gas, I phoned my sister.

She seemed to be doing better, so we turned right around and came back.

Yes, Lucille figured that her sister could get a transfusion from someone

I missed my dog.

Of course you did.

Uh, I'd like for you to meet Louise.

She's my next of kin.

Nice to meet you.

Thank you.

Uh, hello, Miss... Where is my poopsie? I feel in the mood for a little game of

fetch. Oh, I think he's had enough of that for one day.

Sit down. Have a drink. Have twelve.

No, no, no, thank you, Jefferson. We don't drink.

Not yet.

Now, Mr. Jefferson, I didn't come here to chat. I want my dog.

Mama, sweetheart.

He ain't gonna come.

Why? What did you say to him?

Bitch.

Carl, what is this person babbling about?

Tell them, George.

All right, all right. I'll tell them the truth.

Well, see, right after you two left, Coopsy got real depressed.

The dog got depressed?

Yeah.

I've never seen anything like it before. I mean, he was sniffing. His eyes were

all red.

He wouldn't eat.

He let his appearance go.

Stopped answering the phone.

And you know what else?

Then I caught him going through the medicine cabinet.

Finally, we used to hear about him with his head in the oven, right?

Don't talk.

I'm a little choked up myself.

Where? Where is my poopsie?

Charles, something awful has happened. Now, be strong, Lucille.

Look, Mrs. Whittendale, you couldn't have known what he'd do after you left.

I won't let you blame yourself.

Blame myself?

See, you're starting already.

Perhaps the words of the immortal song would apply.

What song?

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.

Just trying to help.

Tell me the truth.

Is he... Is he?

There's a door now.

There, there, Lucille.

Well, he took a leap of love.

Another tragic case of doggy suicide.

Mrs. Whittendale, I know he'd want you to have this.

Charles. Yes, dear? I want you to hurt this man.

Jefferson, let's talk.

Uh, I never had a dog, just a son.

Is he dead?

Why, no.

Then shut up!

Okay, now, Mr. Wendell, look.

We're both businessmen. We're used to setbacks.

We're tough men.

Now, look, Jefferson. Please don't ruin me.

Control yourself, Jefferson.

Oh, God, why aren't dogs born with wings?

It's so unfair. Birds are.

Get hold of yourself, man.

Please don't take my money away.

I'm not going to take your money away.

In fact, I can't thank you enough for what you've done.

You've done me a huge favor.

That's right.

Believe me, Jefferson, I like dogs.

Me too, me too.

Poopsie was just plain mean.

He never met a man he didn't bite. He was a vicious animal, Jefferson.

I would have gotten rid of him, but my wife loved him.

When she gets upset, she's even more dangerous.

You've made me a happy man.

Oh.

Happy enough to make a business deal together?

I do have an opportunity coming up that might be mutually profitable.

Well, after what I've done for you today, you do owe me one.

Charles, I want to go home now.

Mrs. Whittendale, I know it's hard to think of these things at a time like

but while you were gone, I took the liberty of making burial arrangements. I

lose doggy hair, but I know.

But look on the bright side.

You still have your health.

Mr. Jefferson, you are a horrible, horrible man.

I can live with that.

Charles, I forbid you to have any dealings with that fungus.

Mrs. Whittendale, have you ever actually met a fungus?

Why, no.

Then shut up.

Well, your wife's a little upset now, but we're not going to let that

with our mutually beneficial business deal, are we, Chuck?

Oh, yes, we are.

Say what?

Jefferson, you might want to know why I married Mrs. Whittendale.

Her angelic face?

Be serious.

She's loaded. Bingo.

She controls 51 % of Whittendale Enterprises.

She could fire me.

In fact, her name's Whittendale. I changed mine when I got married.

Well, you see, Jefferson, 49 % of me likes you.

But 51 % of me hates you.

As far as I am concerned, you're a thunderous. Have a good day.

George, I hate to say this, but you got exactly what you deserved.

What are you talking about?

You are already a rich man, but are you ever satisfied?

No.

You are always trying to squeeze an extra dollar out of anything or anyone

comes along.

I hope you learned something this time.

I sure did, Weas.

It's Mrs.

Whittendale I should have been after. She's the one with the buck.

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