Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the sun. Moving on up. To a deep.

doesn't matter a bad accident, you know?

You stop, you look, you want to keep going, but something makes you look

I'm going to just ignore that.

I'm just going to sit here, drink my coffee, and finish reading my paper.

Then I'm going to get up and pluck out them five hairs you got left on the top

of your head.

Hey, we finally got a postcard from Mr. Biff.

This is the first we heard from him since he was transferred, and I can't

to read it.

Dear Mr.

and Mrs. J.

and Florence, you know, when I found out that my lady friend Francine was an

ambassador's wife, I was afraid that her husband would have me transferred to

someplace terrible.

I was wrong.

Here I am, nestled in the mountains of the Soviet Union.

I'll write you a letter when my hand heals. You see, Francine broke my heart,

but her husband broke my thumbs.

Oh, excuse me. Sammy!

George! What are you doing here?

Well, I'm moving in next door.

You're moving into Bentley's apartment?

No, it's my apartment.

Come on in.

Hey, I want you to meet everybody.

Hey, this is my wife, Louise.

Hello. Hi.

And this is my ulcer, Florence.

This is Sammy Gelson. He's a great songwriter. Wheezy, he wrote that song

Valentine's Day.

Oh, really?

It's a beautiful song.

Oh, thanks.

But it really gave me a few anxious moments.

You know, I had a heck of a time trying to find a word that rhymed with Wheezy.

Believe me, it wasn't easy.

So what are you doing here, Sammy?

Well, I just dropped in to ask my new neighbors a favor.

Could I...

Leave a little something here while my furniture's being arranged?

Of course, Sammy, no problem.

Oh, good. I really appreciate this.

Bring it in, boys.

Careful, that's right there. Put it right over there by the table there.

that a beauty?

Oh, yes.

And... Look how well it goes with my brand new furniture.

Yes, that is lucky.

By the way, you know that that baby's been with me for years. Almost as long

my beautiful wife, Agnes.

Oh, yeah, Agnes. You told me about her. We gotta meet Agnes, Weezy. She ain't

got no teeth.

How charming.

Would you like to see her picture?

Um, yeah.

Look at my wife.

Louise, don't be upset.

No matter what they think, I like your furniture.

So, Sammy, your love song business must be booming, huh?

Well, not exactly.

I'm ashamed to say it, but I've sold out.

I'm making a fortune writing jingles.

Jingles? You make commercials?

No kidding. Which ones?

Well, I wrote the jingle for Boot Hill Bug Spray. Boot Hill Bug Spray? Well, I

love that tune. I hum it all the time. Really?

I guess it is one of my jumpier numbers.

That's the one that really got me started.

Boot Hill Bug Spray, here's the plan. If the spray don't kill them, crush them

with a can.

crazy about that song but if we're talking commercials greatest hits now

my all -time favorite so you say you're in pain because you got a bad stain on

that shirt mama gave you for christmas and you say you got dirt on your

skirt and you're thinking of slitting your wrist miss well hold on because you

can take your dirty clothes to cunningham he's your man

Oh, easy. Come on. You know Cunningham is my biggest competitor.

Oh, I'm sorry, George.

Now, if you two will excuse me, I've got some things to do. Oh, wait for me,

because I've got some laundry to finish.

Or maybe we ought to take it to Cunningham.

He's your man.

Cunningham. Take your dirty clothes to Cunningham.

He's your man.

Cunningham. Take your dirty clothes to Cunningham. And they'll come back.

Cutting clean.

Traders!

Sammy, now you wrote a great jingle for Cunningham. I want you to write a better

one for me.

George, I'm afraid I'm just not in the mood to write today.

What are you talking about? All you need is a little inspiration.

Here, I'll help you along.

Give me a note.

What key?

I don't know. One of the black ones.

He's a balling, confident jerk.

He cleans and cleans and cleans all day.

But he never, ever works.

Well, what do you think?

That stinks.

Well, that's why I need you. You're the pro. Hit it, Sammy.

Okay, here goes.

Hey,

I like that. We beg for business.

You're a genius.

It's Agnes, George.

My Agnes.

She left me, George. She ran away and left me.

Oh, my God, Sammy, I'm sorry.

Now, about my jingle.

I can't write.

I can't do anything without Agnes.

Sure, you look at my face and you say, now there's a happy guy.

And inside beat the heart filled with pain.

That rhymes with stain.

All right. So why did Agnes leave you? Why?

Why, why, why, why, why?

I've asked myself that question a thousand times.

I don't know why.

I don't even think Agnes knows why.

And I'm sure that 20 -year -old cabana boy that she shacked up with in Vegas

doesn't know.

Who knows if it goes to a woman's mind?

Somehow, I must have failed her.

What am I going to do?

She was my life, my inspiration, my reason for being.

Now all I have left of Agnes is a beautiful memory.

And her teeth.

I'll never forget.

With gums glistening and wet.

She said, so long.

Listen,

Sammy, I know you're hurting. I mean, I saw Agnes' picture.

I mean, I mean.

I can imagine how tough it is to lose a woman like that. But see, I need a

jingle.

George, I'm afraid that I'll never write again.

But Sammy... All I want to do now is go home, unpack Agnes' teeth, and remember

the good times.

Hey, Sam, wait. Oh, look.

Hey, why don't you bring her teeth over here?

George, where's Sammy? He's over his apartment crying because his old ugly

left him.

Very sensitively put, George.

Poor Sammy.

He must be miserable.

It's terrible to be alone.

To be without someone to share things with. Without someone to listen to you

talk.

Wouldn't that be terrible, George?

George.

Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Look.

I decided that I'm not going to rest until I help Sammy over his tough

He's calling for help.

And George Jefferson is picking up the phone.

And doing what with it?

I gotta go tell Sammy to get ready.

For what?

Look, Weezy, the best way to get over an old woman is get yourself a new one,

right?

I don't think so.

What?

What do you know about women?

Look, I'm taking Sammy to a singles bar.

I'm not sure that's a very good idea either.

Well, I think it's a great idea. Look, that place is crawling with lonely,

desperate women.

And any man will do.

Don't wait up for me.

I won't have to.

I'm going with you.

Somehow I knew you would.

Florence, guess what?

I'm going to a singles bar tonight.

Oh, finally going to get yourself another man, huh?

Well, just remember one thing. What?

Now, you already had dark. This time, look for tall and handsome.

Hey, look, Sammy, there's a lot of action here, huh? Yeah.

Let's go home.

Hey, give the place a chance.

Oh, George, look around.

Use your eyes.

There's nobody here can measure up to my Agnes.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. And behold, that's a double bidet.

Now, if I wasn't married, I'd be you to what, George?

I'd wish I was.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Well, Jamie, check it out.

Go talk to him.

What did I say?

You'll think of something.

Want to see

a picture of my wife?

I'll be right here if you want to chat.

George, she wasn't for me. There's no magic there.

Sammy, this is a singles bar. These women don't want to see no picture of

wife.

Well, if that's their attitude, I'm going home. Wait a minute, look.

You're not even trying.

Why don't you just walk up and ask somebody to dance?

George, I'm rusty.

I don't know what to say. It's easy. All you got to do is say, hey, you want to

dance?

Sure, sugar.

Come on.

Well, it's easy for you, George, but I have trouble meeting new people.

Oh, yeah?

Look over there.

That girl's staring at you.

Why? She likes you.

Why? I don't know.

Can't you see that look in her eyes?

Can't you see what her eyes are saying?

No.

They're saying, take me, you stallion.

What else are they saying?

They are saying, look, the stallion is talking to a jackass.

Are they saying anything else?

Go get us in.

George, why don't you let Sammy get over Agnes in his own way, in his own time?

Why are you pushing him so hard?

Because I already reserved the airtime for the jingle that Sam's going to write

for me.

Oh, so that's it.

You are using Sammy.

You're just trying to squeeze a jingle out of him.

You don't care about his feelings at all.

Sure, Weezy. Put it like that, I sound like a bad guy.

Don't you realize getting a jingle isn't that important?

After all, it's only money.

Only money.

Don't you know that that's something that poor people tell each other so they

can sleep at night?

George, I'm going to the ladies' room. Good, here.

Take this pen with you. Write Sammy's name and number on the bathroom wall.

Hey, Sammy, how'd you make out with that girl?

She thinks I'm cute.

She invited me to her place.

Not bad.

It's going to cost me a hundred bucks.

Not bad.

George, there's nobody for me except Agnes.

Look, wait a minute. I got a better idea.

Hey, Barton.

Yeah, what can I do for you guys? Look, my friend here is having trouble meeting

women.

No kidding.

You're here every night, right? So I figured you'd develop a net.

for fighting desperate women.

Well, I don't like to brag, but I can always spot a hungry woman.

Good, then take a look around.

Can you see one that's really starving?

Yeah, her.

What? Sure, she may be wearing a wedding ring, but she's got highest sailor

written all over her.

That woman happens to be my wife.

I'd call him like I see him. Oh, George.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Look, you're not allowed to leave the house anymore.

And stay away from the docks.

George, is it okay to leave now? Sammy, Sammy, something will come along.

Hi.

Got a light?

Sorry, I don't smoke.

Neither do I.

I just wanted to set my hair on fire.

I know what you mean. I'm not having much fun here either.

Well, that's too bad.

My wife, my beautiful Agnes, she ran away with another man.

Oh, what am I doing here?

I'll never be able to replace Agnes.

This was a terrible idea.

Nice meeting you.

Everybody here is so weird.

Oh, please, George, let me go home.

You know, Agnes was the best. And once you've had the best, nothing else will

do. Look, Sammy, come on, sit down. Would you just listen to me, please?

Look, it's about time you started learning something. It's not natural for

to spend his whole life with one woman.

Look at you, sweetheart.

I know, Agnes.

wasn't perfect.

But after 30 years, I mean, you'll get accustomed to a woman's faults.

Don't I know it? I mean, how would I know it?

Sammy,

excuse me, but I'm going to get ready for bed.

And George, I'll be waiting up for you. What for?

Nothing as usual.

George, I don't want to burden you with my troubles. Hey, that's what friends

are for.

And we are friends, right? So let me burden you.

Give me a jingle.

Think music.

Yeah. Now, think Jefferson Cleaners.

Jefferson Cleaners.

Terrific. Now what comes to mind?

I remember honeymooning with Agnes.

In a cabin by the woods.

Any dry cleaners in those woods?

Sipping wine by a crackling fire.

Listening to the wind rustling through the trees.

Agnes looked in my eyes and said, Uncle Miltie's on.

And I looked at her and said,

Let's watch him.

Oh, God, what a night.

Tell me, George, what did I do to drive Agnes away?

That's it. I've heard enough. Now, look. Now, Agnes ran out on you, and you're

sitting there taking the blame.

It couldn't have been Agnes' fault. It was her fault. She's the one walking

around in Vegas with that cabana boy.

And it wasn't you that said, so long, Agnes.

It was her that said, faux long fanny.

You gave her your love for 30 years, right? And what does she do? She stomps

your leash with nothing.

Oh, that hussy. Right.

And instead of being mad at her, you're sitting here blaming yourself.

Well, Donna, it's more.

After all, I've got my pride.

Get out of the way, Sammy. I should have realized that when Agnes walked out on

me, it was her loss. Right.

Oh, so long, Agnes, so long.

You were wrong, Agnes, so wrong.

You played me for a fool.

How could you be so cruel?

So long, Agnes, so long.

So long, Agnes, so long.

Now I'm strong, Agnes, so strong.

I want to get across that, baby, it's your loss. So long, Agnes, so long. One

more time.

So long, Agnes, so long.

Danny, you can write again.

You're right.

I can.

I can feel the power surging through me.

There's nothing I can't do.

Great! Write me a jingle.

There's one thing I can't do. Why?

Well, I didn't... I'm sorry.

My attorney told me that there's a clause in my contract with Cunningham. I

can't write jingles for any of his competitors.

I'm sorry.

Sorry?

You came to me a broken wreck.

I put the gleam back in your eye.

I put the wiggles back in your walk. I put the song... back in your heart. And

I'll never forget it. You saved my life.

You're aces with me, fella.

You know, I feel like a new man.

From now on, it's going to be the fast lane for me.

Look out, world.

Here comes Sammy Gelson.

Wait, Sammy.

Sure, I still miss Agnes. But by golly, there's a whole lot of fish in the sea,

and I'm going to charter me a tuna boat.

There's something I want to say. What, Sammy?

I'm proud to be your neighbor.

Thank you, Sammy. Something I want to say, too.

What?

Oh, what's the matter, Mr. Jefferson? Are you sad?

Yeah.

Well, maybe this will cheer you up.

Take your dirty clothes, too.

Hmm.