Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the top, moving on up, to the

deep.

What's that? You got it over there, Weez?

No, George.

This is the society page.

It's interesting to see how the other half lives.

The other half, Weez? We are the other half.

When we were poor, we were the lower half. Then I started making money, we

became the upper half.

Now that we're loaded, which makes us the other half.

We're all three halves.

I'm impressed, George. You didn't have to use your calculator.

Where's Ralph with the Chinese food? I'm starving.

Oh, he'll be here any minute. I placed the order an hour ago.

By the way, how do you feel about Mugu Gai Pan?

What can I say? That whole Middle East situation is crazy.

Oh, look.

The Whittendales threw a big party last night right here in the building.

Where's the artist? I don't see it.

It's in Kingsley's column.

Kingsley?

Morgan Kingsley, the social columnist.

He only goes to the top social events in the city.

Wrong. The Jefferson Cleaners had his bowling banquet last week.

He didn't show his face there.

Oh, here it is.

Man, look at all the big wigs that were up there. I could have made a deal of a

lifetime.

Oh, George.

Damn, why didn't they all invite me?

I've known him for years.

We're living right in this building.

I've done business with him.

George, he hates your gut.

No, no, there's something else working here.

All right, Weasley, what did you do to him?

I hope that's the food, George. I hope it's anything that will plug up your

mouth.

Is the Chinese food here yet?

Hello, Tom.

Oh, hello.

Well, where is it?

It's not here yet, but Ralph's on his way.

I hope he's bringing chopsticks.

Yeah, knowing your husband, he should be bringing chopped shovels.

Tell me, Louise, is George joining us at the adult table tonight?

Helen, this was a great idea. I love Chinese food.

So do I, but it's true what they say. You really are hungry an hour after you

eat it.

Honey, that's the beauty of it.

Oh, boy, this is great.

I'd go crazy for egg rolls.

I'll say. You ate a carload of them at the Whittingdale's party last night.

You were at the Whittingdale's party last night? Oh, yeah. It was a great

You two couldn't make it, huh?

Well, no. We started to go, but at the last minute, Weezy had a baby.

Congratulations. Uh,

Helen, we weren't at the Whittendales because we weren't invited.

Oh, yeah, that too.

Queen, did you see today's paper? The party was written up in Kingsley's

Yes, I was just reading about it. Gee, I wish we had been invited.

Hey, I just can't figure it out. Look, Willis, if you were any kind of a

you'd have walked up to Whittendales and said, gee, this party stinks.

You should have invited my good friend, George Jefferson. He would have livened

things up around here.

If you must know, George, Tom did ask why you weren't invited.

And what did Whittendale say? He said he hates your guts.

I'll get it.

George, why don't you just forget about the party?

Yeah, you're right. It was probably just an overthink. I mean, after all,

Whittendale couldn't invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry.

Hello there, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Missed you at the Whittendales party last night.

Ralph?

He invited Ralph.

Oh, I know, I know.

Whizzy, he's just a doorman. I know, I know.

Ralph, how come Whittendale invited you?

Sir, anybody who is anybody was there.

But you ain't nobody.

Not according to the guest list, sir.

What about me? I'm somebody.

Not according to the guest list, sir.

Wait a minute, wait, Ralph, listen.

Look, here's $5.

Now, you were there, right?

You must have heard something.

Tell me, why wasn't I invited?

Oh, no, sir, really, it's not my place.

Look, here's another $5.

Let me have it.

I couldn't, sir. It wouldn't be right.

Okay, here's $10.

Now, what did Mr. Wendell say about me? He said he hates your guts. Have a nice

day, sir.

Well, that's settled. Let's eat.

Florence, the food's here.

I don't understand it.

I really just don't understand. I mean, how could anybody have a party and not

want George Jefferson there?

I don't know. Maybe they couldn't find a cupcake for you to jump out of.

George, what's the big deal?

We are different people from the Whittendales.

They go to art museums, concerts, the opera, the theater. Wait a second,

Look, I took you to the theater last week.

But, George, that was a movie theater.

But it wasn't an ordinary movie.

I mean, we had front row seats, but God help me, I'm a mushroom.

We saw that on a double bill with There's a Fungus Among Us.

George, the point is...

The Whittendales do more cultural things than we do.

Classier things.

Yeah, but I'm a classy guy.

Admit it, Helen.

I can be just as classy and cultured as I want to be. Can I?

Can I?

No.

Who asked you?

As horrible as it sounds, you are my best friend, right? Now, as friend to

friend, do I or do I not have class?

Well, um...

Will you allow me to finish my dinner regardless of what my answer is?

George,

you're frequently loud and obnoxious.

Get out.

George, you're acting like a child.

You're being ridiculous.

You're overreacting.

You're bald.

Well, it was my turn.

All right, everybody listen up. Look, I just made a decision.

Saturday night, I'm going to throw a party and invite that society writer,

Morgan Kingsley, over here, and I'm going to show him and you, once and for

that I, George Jefferson, have class and charm.

George, let's assume that, against all odds, you do get Kingsley over here.

bound to be disappointed.

He's used to sophisticates, intellectuals, and long hair.

Mr. Jefferson's got long hair.

If you lay all five of them in the end.

George, you don't know the first thing about charm.

Wrong, Weas. I know the most important thing about charm. I know where to buy

it.

Well,

Weas, I finally did it.

I got Morgan Kingston coming over for cocktails and hors d 'oeuvres Saturday

night.

What? How did you manage to do that?

Well, a little bit of fast talking and a lot of creative thinking.

Just how much creative thinking?

I told him that you had an affair with Winston Churchill.

What?

Me and Winston Churchill? How could you do that?

Well, I panicked. He wasn't going to come. I had to tell him something.

And don't worry about it. Kingsley probably won't even mention it.

I can't believe this.

Look, Florence, I want you on your best behavior Saturday night.

Oh, don't worry. I will be.

Saturday's my night off.

Oh, no.

I need you here. This has got to be a first -class party. I need a classy and

sophisticated maid, and you're the closest thing I got.

Now, if you want a classy and sophisticated maid, you're going to have

up.

Okay, I'll give you 50 bucks for the night.

I said cough. You ain't even clearing your throat.

Okay, honey.

Do I hear some congestion?

$200.

Now you're coughing, child.

Okay, George, now that you've put money in Florence's pocket and Winston

Churchill in my past, what's your contribution for the evening?

Louis Alfred Grayson III.

Who? Only the greatest charm teacher in the history of charmology.

He's coming over here in a few minutes to make me classy.

But you've only got a week. It's impossible.

Impossible? That's what they told Christopher Columbus, but he showed them

he washed up on the shores of Ohio.

Oh, that's him. Come on, come on.

Look, Florence, I want you to be on your P's and Q's with this man. He's an

artist, and he deserves all of our respect.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm Louis Alfred Grayson III.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Lesson number one.

Invite me in. Good evening, ladies.

I stand in awe of your beauty.

Lesson number two.

Say hello.

Oh, hello.

I'm Louise Jefferson.

And you know my husband, George. And you are? Florence Johnston. How do you do?

Observe. The proper quote at the proper time is always appreciated.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Oh, how lovely.

Who said that?

He said it, Weasley. Ain't you paying attention?

No, Mr. Jefferson. It's John Keith.

He was a great poet.

Oh, yeah, John Keith. Did he write the one about the hermit named Dave?

I see I have my work cut out for me.

Well, we'll let you two get started.

It sounds like it's going to be a long night.

Good night, Florence.

Tonight, ere my head hits the pillow, my dreams will be of you.

Child, did you hear that?

He said, ere his head hits the pillow. Not before, but ere.

Child, that's so romantic.

What a beautiful woman.

Florence, beautiful?

You don't get out much, do you?

Watch it, Mr. Jefferson.

Shall we sit?

Oh, yeah, sure. You know, I really appreciate you coming over here at the

minute. I must admit, you were lucky to get me. I just returned from England.

The Queen needed a brush -up. Great!

You do hair, too?

Mr. Jefferson.

From our phone conversation, I gather that you're having a person here that

you'd like to impress with your charm and sophistication. They're right.

Well, I like a challenge.

Let's start with something that gave the queen trouble.

Walking.

Now, please walk for me.

Okay.

How's that?

Well, that walk will get you where you're going.

But then again, so will a 56 -year -old.

Why don't we try something else? Yeah, why mess with perfection?

Now, you want to impress this Mr... Kingsley. Kingsley.

What's the best way to do this?

Show him my bank book.

No.

Let you do his hair. No, no, no.

Dazzle him with your sparkling conversation, i .e., your wit.

I -E.

Latin.

It -est.

It means, in other words... I -E.

How do you spell it?

I -E.

Oh, just the way it sounds.

Oh, this is great.

I -E.

Terrific.

Queen was a cakewalk compared to this.

Now, I will pretend to be Mr. Kingsley. Come over and engage me in conversation.

I .e., talk to you. Yes, and stop that.

I .e., no more. I said stop it. Okay.

Now, I'm Mr. Kingsley, and you shall ease yourself into the conversation.

Right.

Well?

Well, you look like you were having such a good time I didn't want to know.

Besides, you told me you were Mr. King. You didn't tell me who I was.

Is that liquor?

Yeah. You gonna show me how to pour a drink? No.

I'm going to show you how to guzzle.

I .E.

Get smashed.

Right here on the floor.

George Charming?

I won't believe it until I see it. Well, it's true. I've got to give him credit.

Once George decides to do something, he never rests until it's done. And believe

me, he's a changed man.

Well, well, well.

Good evening, Helen. So glad you could make it.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

John Keats.

And Thomas, aren't you looking dapper?

That tuxedo makes you look thinner.

I .e., less fat.

Why, thanks, George.

Hey, Helen, he is charming.

I .e., less George.

Lawrence, not since Botticelli's Venus emerged from the Velvet Sea have I seen

such grace in motion.

jammed from your inexhaustible mind of wit.

Okay, what did you do with Mr. Jefferson?

Strange as it might seem, Florence, that's George all right.

It may be Mr. Jefferson, but his show ain't all right.

I hope this affair ain't gonna last too long, because I want to give myself a

facial tonight.

Whatever for?

The Lord gave you a perfect face. It needs no enhancement.

I'm beginning to like him.

Me too.

Frightening, isn't it?

Ah, the doorbell. I'll get it. Oh, no, no. Allow me.

Did I say that?

The whole world's gone crazy.

Hello, I'm Morgan Kingsley.

Morgan Kingsley, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm George Jefferson, Mr. Kingsley. I've admired your column for years.

Well, we have that in common.

Yes,

I have an eye for genius.

Oh, and beauty. Allow me to introduce you to my wife, Louise.

Pleased to meet you. My pleasure.

And you must tell me everything about you and Sir Winston.

You at the Whittingdale's party last week, you must remember Helen Willis and

her better half, or should I say her better three quarters.

Nice to see you again.

Good thing you two are here.

Why don't we all sit? My legs are a little shaky.

I'm sorry your wife couldn't make it. Is she feeling better?

Yes, a little.

She seemed to improve the moment she spoke to her doctor.

I think there's even a quotation about a situation like that. Oh, you must be

thinking about that quote that says, some patients, though conscious that

condition is perilous, recover their health with the contentment of the

of the physician.

That's it.

Who said that? Why, the original physician himself.

Hypocrites.

Oh, you say tomato, I say tomato.

Champagne?

Thank you, yes.

Oh, Florence.

Florence has been with our employee for the past eight years.

She's become quite indispensable.

I like to think of her as my right hand.

Well, working for a man like Mr. Jefferson has been one of the great...

joys of my life.

I haven't seen this much bull since they cancelled rawhide.

Will there be anything else, Mr. Jefferson?

No, thank you, my dear.

Trundle along, child.

Thank you, sir.

Easiest 200 bucks I ever made.

there's nothing like good French champagne.

Oh, yes. I said there's nothing quite as special as a grape that's been picked

from a French bush.

Really? Indeed, there's something special about a French wine.

It gives its influence.

It's je ne sais quoi.

It's unmistakable au jus.

But I'm monopolizing the whole conversation.

Louise.

Why don't you favor Mr. Kingsley with one of your ever -amusing anecdotes?

Okay, George.

Why don't I tell him about my two -week fling with Joseph Stalin?

You're kidding, aren't you?

Mr. Jefferson, why don't we put an end to this charade?

You mean charade.

You say charade, I say charade. Let's call the whole thing off.

Mr. Jefferson, you are obviously a man who has made some money.

Some money.

And is now trying to pass himself off as a man of breeding.

After probably taking charm lessons for a day.

It was a whole week.

And you think that by appearing in my column, you will gain social

respectability? Well, as the French used to say, oui.

Good evening.

Hey, don't leave now.

Mr. Jefferson, I never should have come here tonight.

Mr. Whittendale warned me about you.

What did he say about me?

He said he hates your guts.

Hey,

wait a minute. I didn't finish all my quotes.

Melancholy is the nurse of frenzy.

How sharper than a serpent's tooth.

Dead men wear no tails.

Thank you for a lovely evening, Louise.

Yeah, thanks so much. We really must be going.

Oh, and George, for whatever it's worth, I think you're very charming.

Beat it, fatso.

What happened, Louise? What went wrong?

I don't know, George, but I can tell you one thing.

My beloved Winston would never have behaved the way you did tonight.

Oh, come on. George,

why is it so important for you to be sophisticated and classy?

Because of you.

Me? Yeah, well, I tried to give you everything you want. I mean, you deserve

best. Good home, good clothes, a good life. You have given me those things.

I know, but last week you wanted something I couldn't give it to you.

Oh.

George, that happens to every man once in a while. You were just tired.

You're not making it any easier, Weed.

I'm talking about how you wanted to go to Whittendale's party and we didn't get

invited because I'm not classy enough.

Oh, George.

No, really, Weed. I mean, you shouldn't have to read those papers about...

Fancy people and fancy parties. You should be one of those people at those

parties. Instead, you're stuck with a no -class guy like me.

George, I am not stuck with you.

I love you just as you are.

You mean it? I mean it.

Wow. I'm really glad you said that with me.

Okay, gorgeous.

What do you say we turn in early tonight?

Well, how are you feeling?

I ain't tired tonight.

Okay, let's go, Tiger.

You know, you were doing great for a while there.

I was?

Yeah, you know how I like that kind of talk.

Do some more.

Oh. Paul, eh, vous pensez? Yes!

Je vais voir.

Oh, George!