Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

So I'm going to ask you a very important question. Will you give me a truly

honest answer? Of course.

You promise not to lie?

I promise.

Okay. Do I look old to you?

No. You promise not to lie, will you?

George, what's all this old stuff about?

What's it about? I'll show you what it's about.

I'm fat, see?

Those pants fit you just fine last month.

That was in my younger days.

I really think you're exaggerating. You're only 52.

51.

Okay, 51.

But you look great.

Are you kidding?

This morning when I got out of the shower, I thought you left a scouring

the tub.

Turned out to be a handful of my hair.

So your hair is receding a bit. A bit?

It looks like the front of my head is dying to see what the back of my head

looks like.

George, what the hell is all this mess you made?

They're coupons.

French cut flyers.

That says, fresh cut flyers.

Terrific. Now my eyes are going, too.

I better get to work before I completely fall apart.

Would you like me to call an ambulance?

You don't know what it's like to be a fat, old, balding man with bad eyes.

And with any luck, I never will.

Why, George, Louise, beautiful morning, isn't it? Yeah, if you can see it.

Why is George in such a good mood?

Oh, he thinks he's getting old and fat and bald and not so attractive anymore.

Well, who am I to argue?

I mean, that's ridiculous.

I hear Louise compliments you on your looks all the time.

That's right.

You're a very, very attractive man.

Look, Louise, you're my wife. You're required by law to say that.

I would like to hear from somebody young and good -looking for a change.

Well, I guess you'll have to do.

So how do I look?

Well, except for a spare tie and a receding hairline.

You don't look bad for a man who's on his left leg.

Oh, I bothered to ask you.

You didn't marry no winner, you know.

He didn't take that well.

Helen, you really shouldn't tease George.

This age thing's gotten to him.

He's just not himself lately.

Well, enjoy it while you can.

I'm serious.

It's been affecting our love life.

He's not so...

Frisky lately.

Well, enjoy it while you can.

Helen. Oh, I'm sorry, Louise. You know what George needs?

Um, flowers.

Flowers? Helen, he may be old, but he's not dead.

Now, listen, Louise.

All men go through middle -age crisis.

Tom did last year.

He was convinced that he was old and fat.

What did you do?

I kept telling him, Tom, you are definitely not old.

But nothing worked until I sent him a big bouquet of flowers with a seductive,

sexy note.

Flowers? For a man?

Sure, they need stroking.

I know it's hard to believe, Louise, but men are people, too.

Well, maybe I could send George flowers.

I could sign it from a woman who finds you very, very attractive.

Oh, that should do it.

Are you sure the flowers got Tom cooking again?

Cooking. Girl, when he got home, he was a four -alarm fire.

Well, I'm calling the florist now. I'm telling them to send George flowers at

the office.

Oh, maybe I'll send Tom some, too.

After all, it has been a year.

Mr.

Jefferson, your secretary said to just come on in. Phil Hazeltine, hangers are

us. You okay there?

Of course.

I was just back flushing the old lungs.

Oh! You know, for a minute I thought you were trying to suck in the old gut.

What do you want to see me about? Well, Mr. Jefferson, my company and I want you

to see the latest breakthrough in clothes -hanging apparatus.

It's the wave of the future.

The A -4250.

Isn't she a beauty?

This is like the same beauty you sold me last year.

You mean the A -4249?

I wouldn't hang my dog's blanket on that.

Look, Hazeltine, this is a beautiful piece of work. I mean, but I'm up to my

nose in hangers. Hey, come on. The A -4250 is versatile.

Fits all fleas.

I'm telling you, this little baby's gonna put the fun back into hanging up

clothes.

No kidding.

That's gospel.

But now looky here.

The best feature of this hanger is it will make even a cheap coat look good.

I'll show you. Give me your coat.

Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson.

Could you check these figures before I make out the order forms? Oh, sure,

Carol. Well, hello.

Hello.

You are a beautiful woman.

Best thing these tired eyes have seen all day.

Thank you.

Listen, Carol.

I know this great little Italian restaurant.

Sorry. No, thanks.

Here's a fine, Carol.

Thank you.

Well, uh, if you should ever change your mind... I won't.

You had it eaten right out of your hand, huh?

I don't know, Jefferson.

I used to just snap my fingers and a pretty girl like her would be all over

But I don't know. It's gone. I've lost it. I'm...

I'm an old man.

Finished. Kaput.

How old are you anyway?

34.

How old are you?

51.

Ah, well, you've been over the hill long enough to have made your peace with it.

Just give me a call if you want to order some hangers.

Don't count on it.

Oh, uh, I'm taking my driver's test next week, and I was just practicing

rearview mirror.

I see.

Here. Oh, okay.

Mr.

Jefferson, you aren't by any chance worried about your looks, are you?

Oh, what makes you say that?

Look, I understand you're a little worried about getting older. You put on

pounds and hair is thinning a little bit.

Oh, come on, Carol. You're so far off, baby.

You really notice the thinness?

Maybe a little, but a receding hairline gives a man an intelligent forehead.

Oh, unfortunately, mine's getting more intelligent every day.

Honestly, Mr. Jefferson, when are you men going to realize that many women

mature men very attractive?

I do.

Don't you think I'm getting a little thick around the midsection there?

Oh, I just look at that as a sign of success.

Oh, yeah.

I carry my success pretty well, huh?

My last boyfriend was about your age. And do you know what I used to find

sexy about him? The way he wore his reading glasses.

Oh, yeah?

I'm far -sighted, too. Want to see me squint?

Well, not right now.

But listen, Mr. Jefferson, stop worrying about yourself.

I think that you are a very, very attractive man.

You do?

Yes. And I'm sure there are thousands... of women out there find you just as

attractive as I do. Oh, come on, Carol, not thousands.

Hundreds, maybe.

Hi, George.

Hi, Willis.

Remember what I said.

I will.

Well, what do you want?

I just stopped by to see if you'd like to have lunch with me today.

There's a new Danish smorgasbord up the street.

Five bucks, all you can eat.

I figured between the two of us, we could break the bank.

Look, Willis, I know this is going to be asking a lot of you, but could you

forget about lunch for a minute?

Did you see that beautiful woman just went out of here?

Oh, you mean the one with the soft brown eyes, cascading hair, voluptuous

figure, and a small brown mole on her left earlobe?

Vaguely.

I think she's got the hots for me.

Oh, George, why would a woman like that see in a man like you?

Hey, I got an intelligent forehead, a successful midriff, and I'm farsighted.

What more could a woman want?

Well, gee, George, you got me there.

Did anybody ever tell you that you're ugly when you're jealous?

Look what we have here.

Beautiful flowers for a beautiful man.

I better get a vase for me.

See, I told you.

Somebody finds you very, very attractive.

It is mine.

What does it say? What does it say?

My passion overwhelms me. Meet me later. I'm yours tonight.

From a woman who finds you very, very attractive.

Who could it be from?

It's got to be Carol.

Well, that girl wants to be bad.

She must be crazy.

Carol really is after you.

Oh, boy, George, you've got a big problem on your hands.

What about Louise?

Who?

Oh, well, yeah, she worships me, too.

If she finds out about this, she'll squash you like a bug.

Finds out what? I ain't gonna do nothing with Carol.

It doesn't matter.

You see, George, women are a different sex than men.

Oh, yes.

They get jealous at the drop of a hat.

Look, Willis, believe me, I know how to handle my wife.

Mr. Jefferson, your wife is here to see you.

Send her in.

I dropped by to see... Oh, hi, Tom.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't look at me.

George, I came by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me.

Oh, well, you see, we're the Willits here at First Dibs.

But I'll tell you what.

We'll have lunch tonight.

At dinner.

Before I go, I was wondering, did anything interesting happen

around here today?

Interesting? No.

No surprises?

Oh, yeah.

The hangar salesman came by.

He wants you to take us someplace and play with us.

Oh, thanks, George.

I just get mobbed by people asking me where I got it.

Here you are, sir. Thanks, Charlie. You're welcome.

So, uh, Miss Carroll's a real looker, huh? Oh, don't ask.

Go ahead, Charlie, ask.

She's gorgeous.

And I'm all she can think about.

Some guys have always brains. Some guys have always good looks.

I'm cursed with both.

Yeah, well, I know what you mean.

I was, too.

Yeah, me, too.

Are you guys kidding?

Look, I'm telling you, I'm successful, smart, and rich. I mean...

I've got it all.

Hey, I agree with you, Mr. Jefferson. That's why it's an honor, a privilege,

a special thrill to serve a guy like you.

Thank you, George.

By the way, this is a pretty big tab you've run up. You want to pay up now?

Now then, Mr. Jefferson, come on. I'm only kidding.

What the heck?

You know, George, I hate to admit it, but I am a little jealous.

My secretary has never given me a second look. Of course, she's almost 70.

But still, it would be nice.

You know something, Willis?

You're damn lucky women don't find you attractive.

Look,

I know what you really want.

I got problems of my own. Get a man your own age.

Man, it never stops.

Why do they keep hounding me?

George, don't you think you're getting carried away just a bit?

What do you mean carried away?

We're both sitting here. Why, how come she asked me for the light?

Because you're the one holding the book of matches.

Oh, and I suppose your being fat has nothing to do with it, huh?

Mr. Jefferson, just one word of advice, if I may, sir.

Look, don't go making the same mistakes I see a lot of my customers making. You

know those guys that keep coming in here crying in their beer because they got

involved with some sweet, young thing?

Hey, true, they do have some great times. You know, a couple of years of

fantastic sex. But then, it's all over.

Yeah, I know. Then what do you got?

Nothing, except two years of wild, fantastic sex.

Two years.

Three tops.

No.

No, no, no.

Couldn't do that, Charlie. I've never cheated on Weezy. I never will.

I just have to have a talk with Carol.

Just let the poor girl down easy.

Hey, good idea, sir.

What are you going to say?

I'll be gentle.

I'll just tell her that she can, although she can never possess me, she

Always have the understanding that she can worship me from afar.

God!

Mr.

Jefferson, you want to see me? Oh, yes, Carol, come in.

Have a seat.

Relax!

This won't take long.

Just wanted to explain something to you.

Carol, how old are you?

I'm 26.

26.

So young.

So young.

Am I dying?

Inside, maybe.

Well, let me get to the point. Look, Carol.

You see, I had a life before you came here to work.

I know. You told me. You started out the son of a chair cropper. No, no, no.

No. No, that's a great story, but that's not what I meant.

You see, I've been happily married to the same woman for a very long time.

I met your wife. She's very lovely.

You are gracious, I'll give you that.

Mr. Jefferson, what is this all about?

Okay, here goes.

Carol, you've got a lot of years ahead of you.

You'll find a man.

But I already have.

No, no, no!

You only think you have.

I mean, what you're feeling, it's not love. It's infatuation.

I really don't understand.

Of course you don't, but you will in time. You're still young.

You got plenty of time.

Some guy will come along.

I mean, he may not do better, but he probably won't.

But some guy will come along.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm getting terribly confused.

Of course you are. You're going through hell.

But don't let the pressure get to you, Carol.

Don't do anything drastic.

For God's sakes, don't take your own life.

Okay.

It takes a while to mend a broken heart.

So, um, I've decided that starting tomorrow, I'm giving you two weeks off.

With pay.

Mr. Jefferson, I could kiss you.

Make that three weeks.

Three weeks? You are a beautiful, beautiful man.

It's my curse.

Thanks a lot.

Oh, Carol.

Here's looking at you, kid.

What's with that getup?

All your real clothes dirty or what?

These are my bedclothes.

I was hoping they'd put you in the mood.

Oh, no, we're dying sleepy.

Look, George, I was wondering, did anything interesting happen

at the office today after I left?

And remember, you already told me about the hangar salesman.

Oh, no, nothing interesting happened.

Wait a minute, Wheezy.

Something very, very interesting happened.

Wheezy? Yes, George?

We always said that we'd be open with each other, right?

No secrets?

Yes, but I don't... Wait, hold it, Wheezy. Let me get this out.

It's about Carol, my bookkeeper.

She wants me, Wheezy.

wants me real bad.

She does?

For what?

What do you mean, for what? You know what.

Anyway, I just told her to score that I belong to another.

The poor girl's in love with me, Wheeze.

In love?

How do you know? Did she tell you that?

Not in words. She sent me... Get this. She sent me a bouquet of flowers.

Flowers? Right.

With a card inside.

Oh, and what a card.

It says, I'm yours tonight.

And she signed it from a woman who finds you very, very attractive.

But, George, I think there's something I ought to tell you about. I got to

admit, I mean, all this made me feel pretty good.

Because if you remember this morning, I was worried about getting old and

getting bald and getting fat.

I was just making up problems for myself.

I'm just as gorgeous as ever.

You're a lucky woman.

I know.

Oh, what are you going to tell me about?

Oh, well, I was going to say, well, that I can see why Carol

feels that way about you. She has good taste.

That's so true.

I still got it, don't I, Weas? You sure do.

Then you'll never lose it.

Come on, Wizzy.

Mmm.