Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on now. We're moving on now.

that neither of us had seen.

I'm glad Tom's out of town.

He'd want us to go see Outer Space Orgy with a love -starved cheerleader.

Oh, why don't we see something a little more meaningful?

I'd like to see a movie with a message.

Oh, here's one. The Mysterious Island of Dr.

Whipped Cream.

I'm glad you're home. We were just trying to pick up... I don't care what

got planned. Forget about it.

Florence! Florence! Hurry up! Get out of here!

Hey, Florence!

George,

what's going on? Look, something big. Something really big. Really big.

Must be a documentary on your mouth.

What happened?

I'll tell you what's happening. We're all going to sit down and watch

television. Wait a minute.

You called me out of my shower to sit down and watch TV?

Yeah.

I want my paycheck right now.

How come?

Because I want to be paid before I kill you.

Come on, can we be quiet and just sit down there and try not to drip all over

everybody? Everybody sit down.

This better be good. Look, this is better than good. This is the most

thing that ever happened.

Okay. Ready? Today, President Reagan, in an astounding announcement of great

importance to the entire free world, went before the... And now from our

Polisher file, another story of people helping people in the Big Apple.

Today, a local dry cleaner did his part to help clean up the city. A dry

cleaner?

In a remarkable display of courage and heroism, he interrupted a mugging and

single -handedly apprehended the culprit.

That man's name is George Jefferson. No!

Here's our roving reporter, Bill Sargent, with the story.

Jane, it was the story of David versus Goliath, and once again, little David

by a knockout. Hey, bozo, get out of here.

Mr. Jefferson, you're on.

Oh, hello, America.

You know, New Yorkers have a reputation for not getting involved, but you proved

it. that cliche wrong. You risked your life to help a total stranger.

Why did you do it?

Well, I'm a hero.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm impressed.

I mean, let's face it, you're a very short man.

Yet you took on a mugger who was much larger and stronger than you. Oh, he was

chump. He was a jerk. A pure idiot.

In fact, you'd be an idiot too if you didn't visit one of the Jefferson

because there's seven locations throughout the city.

Why are you here?

Mr. Jefferson.

Grape juice stains, no problem.

Coffee stains, no problem.

Grounded grease?

Thank you, Mr. Jefferson. No problem.

This is Bill Sargent saying... Hey, Wheezy, it's me!

Oh,

Mr.

Jefferson, that was great. Oh, that was wonderful. You really are something,

George. You got that right.

Well, let me tell you.

Well, this won't take long.

Look, I'll just sit there wishing you were me.

Mr.

J. Bentley, I'm busy. I just came to tell you how much I admire you. Oh, come

in and join the crowd, old buddy.

I just saw the report on TV. Mr. J., you're a hero.

True, true.

Oh, George, I'm just dying to hear how it happened.

Well,

okay, if you insist.

Okay.

I was down there checking on one of my delivery trucks, you know.

And so I heard this scream, you know, in the alley.

So first I thought somebody had seen Florence without her makeup on.

Then I realized that this woman was being

mugged. So then I threw all caution to the wind and I leaped into the alley

a hero.

And then I jumped across the trash can, running around behind the wooden cases.

And I was hiding behind the wooden cases like this, you know. Then all of a

sudden, this big shadow was looming over me. And I looked up, and you know what

I saw?

The mugger's kneecaps?

I saw the meanest, most vicious man I have ever seen in my life. Well, weren't

you frightened?

You cannot laugh in the face of death.

And then what happened? Well...

When I saw this old lady who was helpless and at his mercy, I just became

wildcat. So he swung at me. I ducked, you know.

And I jumped back.

And I started hitting him with a flurry of my combinations, you know.

And this big ape, he staggered and fell to his knees, you know, begging, begging

me, please, mercy, mercy. I hit him with another shot.

Just before he passed out, he said, fella, he said, you are ten times the

am. That was it.

Oh, George, you really are a hero.

Yes, you took on a vicious criminal without even carrying a weapon.

Look, I was born with the greatest weapons I need.

Thunder and lightning.

And don't forget heavy drizzle.

Oh, George, I'm so proud of you.

Most people aren't willing to get involved these days.

And criminals count on that.

That's right. I was mugged twice.

And both times, no one lifted a finger to help me.

You know, Mrs. Willis, that reminds me of something that happened to my cousin

Reggie. You know, I'm going back to finish my shower.

And I want to tell you, you really did good, Mr. Jefferson. Thanks, Florence.

And I believe what that reporter said. I agree with him. That I'm a hero?

No, that you're a very short man.

Anyway, my cousin Reggie was... You know, George, I never thought I'd be

But I wish there were more people around like you.

So, all of which brings us to my cousin Reggie. He was living in this... Hey,

hold on to that thought, Bentley.

In fact, why don't you just carry it over to your apartment and drop it off?

Hello, Mr. Jefferson.

Yeah.

I'm Officer Barrett.

From the mugging today?

Oh, yeah!

The mugging cop. Hey, come on in. All right.

Hey, this is my wife, Louise. How do you do?

And those are... Oh, they ain't important.

Officer Barrett, my husband was just telling us all about the mugging. Yeah,

they made me tell him. You know, I'm a modest kind of hero.

You've got a lot to be proud of, Jefferson.

That guy you tangled with is a real psychopath.

Oh, yeah? We call him Larry the Loon.

Larry the Loon?

Let's put it this way. His plumber address is Bellevue.

Oh, he's from out of town?

George, I can't believe that you took on a crazy man all by yourself.

Thunder and lightning, Helen. Thunder and lightning.

You know, Larry threatened you all the way to the station, Mr. Jefferson. Oh,

I'm scared.

Well, I'm glad that doesn't bother you, because the reason I stopped by was to

tell you that Larry the Loon has escaped.

Oh, now, really?

We've got a patrol car that'll circle the building every now and then. Every

and then, sir!

Oh, that won't be necessary, officer. Mr. J can handle himself.

Listen, if Larry does break in here and tries to kill you, you just dial our

emergency number.

It'll probably be busy, so just wait a few minutes and try again.

You know, Mr. J, I hope that Larry the Loon does try to kill you.

I mean, I'd love to see his face when you whip out old thunder and lightning.

Oh, Billy, shut up.

What's wrong, George?

I'm tired, I'm tired. Look, it's been an exciting day.

So, get out, okay?

Well, again, good show, Mr. J.

Yes, George, you're a brave man.

Oh, George, what's the matter? Larry the loon got away.

Well, it's like Mr. Bentley said.

Larry doesn't stand a chance up against old Thunder and Lightning.

George, you look like you're really worried. I mean, you handled him once,

didn't you?

Well, sort of, but not quite like I told you before.

You didn't use old thunder? No.

You didn't use old light?

No.

Then what did you use?

Oh, an old banana peel.

Huh? Look, Weezy, look.

Most of what I told you before was true. I did run into the alley, and I did

jump across the trash can seat, but I landed on this banana peel, and I

And I slid and rolled into Larry, knocked him down. He fell over me,

head up against the wall, and knocked himself out.

But everything else I told you before that is true.

Oh, George.

He's going to kill me.

Did you see this guy? I mean, he's got hate written all over his face.

And tattooed on both arms.

Look, the police are after him. I'm sure the only thing on his mind is getting

out of town.

I mean, to come after you, Larry the Loon will have to be crazy.

I mean, um...

Okay. So he is crazy, but he still doesn't know where

you live.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Right.

That's true.

Hello? Yeah, this is George Jefferson.

Who's this?

Larry... It's him, Lee.

It's Larry the Loon.

Oh,

hello, Mr. Loon.

I hope you're not the kind of person to hold a grudge, are you, old big fella?

Huh? But I need both of my knees.

I guess you all know what this interview is about.

One of you three will be chosen to be my personal bodyguard.

Now, the glory of guarding me should be enough.

But I'm willing to pay you $500 a week.

Plus all you can eat.

All right.

Okay,

so let's get the show on the road.

Now, what's your name?

Ed Lewis.

Ed Lewis, okay. I would like to know a little about you, Ed.

What are your hobbies?

Playing the harp and bird watching. So long, Ed.

Next. Now, what's your name?

Steel. Jack Steel.

Hey, great name.

What's your hobby?

Target shooting and weight lifting.

I can bench press a Buick.

Okay.

Do you like dogs and kids?

Sure. Who doesn't?

The guy that I want to hire for this job.

Hit the road, Jack.

You look kind of runny.

Who am I to judge?

Okay, uh, do you have a name?

Is that one of them trick questions?

It's Hugo.

Hugo Majalewski.

Common spelling.

Oh, okay, Hugo.

Uh,

what are your hobbies?

I eat glass.

Great man.

Okay. How about dolls and little kids?

Nah, I don't eat them.

Okay.

Now I'm gonna ask you a real important question.

If it really got down to it, would you kill a man?

Well, I guess if he made fun of my name or something.

Hi, Hugo. Thanks. When do we... Okay, soon, Hugo. Soon.

Soon. George, are you going to stay home from work again today?

We... A horse!

That's my wife, Hugo.

You sure?

Take my word for it.

Look, Weezy, this is Hugo, my new bodyguard.

He's going to be staying with us for a couple of weeks.

Oh, really?

Ah!

Oh, will you excuse us a minute, Hugo?

George, why did you hire a bodyguard? Look, I've got to protect myself from

Larry the Loon.

Look, Weasley, don't worry about it. You'll get used to him.

But one thing, don't make fun of his name. He hates it.

Hey, Hugo.

Uh, look.

If you got any spare time from guarding me, feel free to guard her body, too.

That woman over there, she's on her own.

Here's your sandwich, Mr. J... Lord, have mercy.

Lord, could you bring my sandwich over here, please? I'm starving.

Hold it. Wait a minute.

It could be poison.

Go ahead, it's okay.

Okay.

Um, if you want to wash that down, there's a fire hose out there in the

Mr. Jefferson, what is that?

That is Hugo, my bodyguard. He likes you to make fun of his name.

Hey, Florence, get the door.

No, you go.

Okay, I'll go.

No, you go. I'll go.

I mean, I'll get it.

Hello, Mrs. J. Oh, hello.

How do you do?

Hold on, hold on. Easy, easy, easy.

Hey, uh, Bentley. No, no, he's a friend, friend, friend.

Uh, Bentley, this is my new bodyguard, Hugo Monteluz.

Monteluz. Uh -huh. Common spelling.

Yeah.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Yeah, likewise.

Hey, uh...

boss. I say, by the way, what kind of work do you do? I'm a dryer cleaner.

Oh.

I ironed a guy once.

Sure, George will be there.

Oh, and thank you, officer.

Goodbye.

Lauren, guess what?

Hugo ate Mr. Jefferson.

No, that was Officer Barrett.

Larry the Loon is back in jail. They caught him in the park.

He was having an argument with a statue.

Who won?

I wonder.

Well, George won't be needing you go anymore.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was just getting used to the way he says.

Duh.

George, can I talk to you over here?

Yes, shall we?

Alone. Oh, you go stay.

Larry, the moon is back in jail.

Oh, you're kidding.

Hey, that's great.

George, that means you won't need any more.

Yeah, that's right.

So fire him, we think.

Oh, no, you don't. You hired him, you fire him.

I'll tell you what.

Look, we'll throw a meatloaf out in the hallway.

And when he goes out after it, we lock the door behind him, okay?

Hey, Hugo.

Yes, sir?

You know the guy that I hired you to protect me from? Well, the cops caught

He's back in jail. So I don't need you no more. Isn't that great? Now you can

back home.

Ah, before dinner?

Yeah, but I'm going to pay you for a job well done.

Let's see.

Say I pay you $500 a week, you work five hours, I owe you...

$500.

Yeah, that's what I figured, $500.

I'll send you a check.

No, take that with you if I get hungry on the way home.

Thank you.

No, thank you for five of the safest hours of my life.

Say, can I use you on my resume?

Sure. You know how to spell George?

I'll make up a name.

George.

Oh, at last. Am I glad this mess is over with. Me too. I can't wait till

Thursday. Yeah, me neither.

What's Thursday?

Well, that's when you have to go to court to testify against Larry the

testify against Larry the Louvre.

Look, I already got involved in that mug, and that's enough. No. It isn't

enough. You have to follow through, and that means testifying.

Uh -uh, not a chance.

George, if you could just get one crazy man off the street, you'd really be

accomplishing something.

Okay, we'll lock up Bentley and call it a day.

But, George, I don't... Wheezy, look. From now on, my name is George. Mind

own business, Jefferson.

Hello, Mr. Jefferson. Hello, Mrs. Watson. Come in.

Well, this is Mrs. Watson, the lady that got mugged. This is my wife, Louise.

How do you do?

I'm really sorry about what happened.

How's your arm? Oh, I'll be fine.

I just won't be throwing a fastball for a month or so. That's all.

Mr. Jefferson, they took me to the hospital before I could thank you

You know, very few people would have been brave enough to do what you did.

Oh, I'm not brave, Mrs. Watson. Oh, you are brave.

I know all about it. This is the fourth time I've been attacked.

I'm a pro.

Fourth time? I used to be able to outrun them.

But I've slowed up in the last couple of years.

You know, not once did anyone lift a hand to help me. Oh, believe me, Mr.

Jefferson. You're a hero.

A real hero.

You know, Mr. Jefferson, I used to be afraid to leave my apartment.

I lost faith in people.

I really did.

Oh, but you proved that there are decent people left in the world.

People who care.

I want to thank you for keeping me from shutting myself off from the world just

because I was afraid.

Yeah, I know. Nobody should have to live like that.

Well, I've taken enough of your time. I'd better go.

Oh, thanks a lot for stopping by, Mrs. Watson.

Oh, I guess I'll be seeing you in court Thursday, right? Court?

You bet. We're going to lock that creep away, aren't we?

Well, that's right.

I'll see you in court Thursday. Bye -bye.

Bye.

You did the right thing. I know you're scared.

What? I ain't scared.

Didn't you hear what the lady said? I'm a hero.

Shoot, I ain't scared of nobody.

Oh, that's my joy.

Shoot.

Hey,

Ralph, look. There's this great big humongous dude headed down there with a

crushed calculator in his hand. Is he there now?

Good. Well, look.

Tell him he's invited here Thursday for breakfast.

Hmm.