Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. Too deep down. Moving on up. To a deep.

I hate going anywhere with the Willises.

Forget it, George.

You are not squirming out of this.

I'm not squirming.

Hi, everybody.

Hi.

I didn't wait to see this show. You know, it's been sold out for months.

Oh, no, it's really good.

Hey!

Could you keep it down in here? I mean, I can't hear myself think.

That's because you're new at it.

possible for me to write with y 'all yelling at the top of your lungs.

Oh, Florence, what are you writing? I'm trying to write a soap opera.

A soap opera?

Well, where'd you get the idea to do that?

Well, I read about this housewife who wrote a new soap opera, sold it, and

a fortune. So I figured if she can do it, so can I.

You a writer?

Now,

George, you shouldn't laugh at Florence.

You writers need encouragement.

Now, what's your soap opera about?

I don't know yet. I think I got writer's block.

Well, maybe I can help. I've been in publishing for years, and there's a bit

advice I like to give new writers like you.

Sell your typewriter.

Look, Florence, just write about people you know.

Then make them bigger and broader.

Yeah, make them all like Willis.

But, Mr. Willis, I don't know where to begin.

Well, Florence, you watch soap operas on TV, don't you? Yeah.

Well, you can get some idea from them.

Sure. Just outline your characters and let your story go from there.

That's right, Florence. Just use your imagination.

Hey, we'd better get going or we'll be late.

Good luck, Florence.

Thanks. Y 'all have a good time. Oh, thanks. Bye. Oh,

I can hardly wait to see this.

Oh, kidding aside, Florence.

I'll be the last one to tell you that you're wasting your time trying to write

soap opera.

Thanks, Mr. Jefferson.

Florence, you're wasting your time.

wasting my time, huh?

I'll show him.

Let's see.

Outline my character.

Write about people I know.

Use my imagination.

I got it.

George R.

Jenkins.

Better known to his friends what few he has.

As G .R.

A cold -hearted, rotten, and incredibly

cheap millionaire drag queen.

GR's wife.

Warm, loving, faithful, suffering.

Helene Wallace.

The Jenkins neighbor and Winnie's oldest and dearest friend.

A woman with a deep secret.

A secret so terrible that she'll do anything to hide it from her husband,

Publisher with one fatal flaw.

Kim and Helene's daughter, Joni.

She's beautiful, desirable, and very, very pregnant.

Joni is devoted to Lance Jenkins.

Jiara's only son.

A man trying desperately not to be like his father.

Mr. Bosley.

Their classy English neighbor.

Friend to the queen.

Translator at the U .N.

And, uh, soon to take a long journey.

Ooh, Alex Haley, watch out! Here come the good stuff.

Our story begins...

in the immaculately clean and well -kept high -rise apartment of G .R. Jenkins.

He entered after a long day of being mean to people and called out to his

wife. Winnie!

Winnie, get out of here.

Hello, G .R. How was your day?

Wonderful.

I bought an orphanage and turned it into a dry cleaning plant.

But what about the little children?

Oh, they'll be okay.

I'll let them live outside in the alley.

But that's so cruel, G .R.

I know.

Oh, G .R.

Get that, will you?

Mr. Bosley, come in.

Thank you, Mrs. J.

Mr. J., I was wondering if I could borrow... Bosley, what is the matter

you? You always come over there borrowing something.

Borrowing this, borrowing that. What do you want to borrow this time?

A suitcase. I'm leaving for good.

Oh, I'll get it for you.

You're leaving?

Why? I don't know.

One minute I was at the U .N., translating away, and the next minute I

to pack up and leave.

There you go, Bosley. Have a good time in Guam. Thank Guam?

How did you know that's where I was being sent?

G .R., that was very rude.

I know.

Oh, G .R.

Get that, will you?

Look, T .R., it's Helene Wallace, my oldest and dearest friend.

And Tim, her honky husband.

We came down to share the most wonderful news with you.

Yes, my company has just published a bestseller. This will make me millions.

I'll be rich and famous.

Oh, my heart is full.

I'm going to get my camera and record this happy occasion.

Congratulations, Wallace.

Let's have a drink to celebrate your good news.

Now, G .R., you know that since I've licked my drinking problem, I never

the stuff.

Hey, but this is a great day for you. Just take a snort. It won't hurt you.

Well, maybe just a touch.

The big glasses are in the kitchen.

G .R., why are you trying to destroy my husband?

Is it greed? Is it jealousy?

No, I just hate fat white people.

And now, Helene.

Oh, gee, oh, I'm your wife's oldest and dearest friend.

You're horrible and terrible and irresistible.

Helene, you're a tramp.

Now, just hand over those papers. Give me complete control of your husband's

business. You know, of course, that this will ruin my marriage.

Sure.

I hope Winnie doesn't find out about us. Oh, don't worry about her.

Her doctor told me she has a brain tumor.

She only has six months to live.

When did the doctor tell you that?

Five and a half months ago.

Winnie's certainly taking it well.

She doesn't know.

She... Oh, why didn't you tell her?

Look, okay, I haven't had time, okay?

I don't have a lot of free time. I was trying to wreck your marriage, ruin your

husband. I was trying to bribe the head of the U .N. to send Bosley off to Guam.

So, you're responsible for this.

I should have suspected that when you mentioned Guam before.

Why, I could kill you for this.

And don't expect to get your suitcase back, either.

Oh, I love it when you're bad.

Take your hands off my wife.

I'll put my hands anywhere I want.

On your wife, on your business.

My business.

That's right. Because Helene has given me controlling interest in your

Dearest, how could you do that to me?

I'm a tramp, dear.

Oh, I need a drink.

I could kill you for this, dear.

picture. My husband congratulating my oldest and dearest friend in this joyous

occasion.

I'll have some prints made.

Oh! What's wrong?

Oh, I've had this spitting headache for the last five and a half months.

I wish it would go away.

Well, give it a couple of weeks.

Get that, will you?

Hi, Mama.

Oh, woe is us.

Lance just got fired from his job as an electrical engineer.

But I don't understand. Why were you fired? A mysterious caller, using a

muffled by a handkerchief, told his boss that he was stealing...

Electrical equipment.

But they have no proof.

I'm afraid they do.

Someone planted an extension cord on me.

G .R., you have influence. Call his boss.

I don't have the number.

But I gave it to you this afternoon, right after you borrowed my

I think you're mistaken, Winnie.

No, I'm not.

Don't you remember? It was right after he left the apartment with that

cord.

Daddy, it was you? You got me fired.

Lance, my son, I did it for your own good. Wouldn't you be much happier

for me?

Never!

Lance, don't listen to him. Come work for my father.

He'll still be working for me.

With the help of your mother, the tramp, I have full control of your father's

business.

Oh, Mama.

Oh, I could not help myself, Joanie. I'm under G .R.'s spell.

We're running away together.

Oh, my head.

Oh, forget it, Hellie.

I have Tim's business. I don't need you.

You mean you're coming back to me? It's not worth it. You've only two weeks to

live.

Oh, my head.

Right. It's a brain tumor.

I can tell that.

To the G .I.

The doctor said he's been in a coma ever since he was shot last night.

Our doorman, Raul, is bringing him home from the

hospital.

Thank God you're home.

I've missed you so much.

Just put him anywhere.

He'd want me to have this.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, I don't feel so good.

Why can't I remember anything?

Fifteen hours missing from my memory.

I remember leaving G .R.'s apartment last night.

And then, everything's a blank.

Until I woke up an hour ago at the train station.

Oh, if only I could remember what I did before I got there.

What if I did something terrible?

Hello, Mr. Wallister.

Oh,

you startled me, Raoul. Have you heard the news? The whole city's abuzz. Well,

tell me what happened.

Tell me the news.

G .R. Jenkins has been shot.

He's in his apartment in a coma.

Do you know who did it?

Well, um... Nope,

it's a big mystery.

dry cleaner.

And I did have a few drinks.

Ooh, a few.

The way I feel, I must have sucked down half the liquor in town.

I must have shot G .R.

I confess!

I can't remember where I've been, so it must have been me who shot G .R.

Don't be silly, Daddy. You don't own a gun.

Well, that's right.

I'm a liberal. I... couldn't have shot him.

Then, which one of us did it?

Yes. Who shot G .R.?

I did.

It was Billy Dee Williams.

He cried when I left.

But, Lassie, when G .R. fired you two years ago, you left in humiliation and

vowed to return and seek your revenge only after you had made your fortune.

Well, this ain't glass, you know.

Then you really shot him?

Yes, I did.

She shot me, but it didn't hurt.

I was wearing a bulletproof vest.

And then I faked the coma so I could find out who the culprit was.

But the doctor told me... I bribed him.

You're going to Acapulco with him next week for the weekend.

Okay.

Oh, G .R.

And now I'm going to call the police.

And you're going to jail.

Go ahead, if you want to wind up in the Poe house.

Remember that soap opera I wrote that you said wouldn't sell?

Why, yes.

Well, I just sold the movie rights for $10 million, the paperback rights for $5

million, and the Flossie doll goes on sale next week.

$8 .95 at a store near you.

I bought you Algiara. You work for me now.

Work for you?

Yes, and you can start by combing my coat.

I might work for you, but I still live here, and I want you out.

Wrong.

Did I forget to tell you I bought this building, too?

Now you get out.

I'll get back at you, Flossie.

I'll get back at all of you.

But I know something you don't.

What?

Child,

this is money in the bank.

out for people.

They couldn't have sent my script back in this little envelope, so that means

they bought it. Or burned it.

Oh, I'm too excited to read it.

Here, you read.

Dear Ms.

Johnston, thank you for submitting your script.

We are always anxious to read new and original material. Hey! Hey, John! Give

the boring stuff and get to the money.

However, there is very little that is new or original in your script.

In short, we've seen this before.

Your script will be returned to you under separate cover.

That means they didn't like it.

Are you crying?

No, it's the onions.

You ain't been cutting no onions?

Well, I was thinking about it.

You mean to tell me that you really thought that they would buy that script?

Oh, Lord.

Okay, they didn't buy it. What do they know?

They know I'll always be a maid.

What's wrong with that? Ain't you happy here?

Yeah, but I want something more than vacuum cleaners and dust mops.

Okay, we'll buy you a trash compactor.

understand, Mr. Jefferson.

I mean, what I'm doing just ain't enough for me.

I feel like I was meant to do something else.

Something satisfying.

What could be more satisfying than working for me?

Okay, Florence.

So the writing thing didn't work out.

But that's no reason for you to give up.

I didn't succeed at the first thing I tried doing either.

But I kept trying because I knew I had what it takes to get ahead.

What's that?

I had it.

It. That's right.

And you want to know something, Florence? You've got it, too.

I do?

Of course you do.

But you said I was just wasting my time.

Look, I might say a lot of things that I don't really mean.

And that I just sit around and don't do nothing.

Well, maybe I didn't mean that either.

And that I'm a rotten cook.

Don't push it, Flora.

You really think I got it?

Of course. I know you got it. But the big thing is that you think that you got

it, too. You do, don't you?

Yeah.

Thanks, Mr. Jefferson. I got it.

Great. Now take it out in the kitchen to get me some coffee.