Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the side. Moving on up. To the deep.

155 plus 1 ,298 times

42 minus 35 divided by 7

equals 11

,713.

Just what I thought.

Sure you can't come to the play with us tonight, George. It might help take your

mind off business.

Oh, forget it, Weegee. If these figures get any worse, I'm going to be getting

sympathy notes from my accountant.

Aren't you overreacting?

Well, last week you said profits were up 15%. Yeah, I know. That's because I

raised my prices 15%. But in the meantime, advertising went up 22%,

went up 32%, and the price on labor put my adding machine on tilt.

Look, George, you are not alone.

Inflation is taking a bite out of everyone these days.

Inflation ain't biting me, Weasley. It took me home in a doggy bag.

Oh, hello, Mr. J. I'm returning the oranges I borrowed last week. You better

return them. Oranges are expensive.

The time you learn, they don't grow on trees.

Oh,

Mrs. J., don't you look lovely tonight. Are you planning an evening on the town?

Well, we were going to see a play.

Yeah, Knights of the Longbow.

But George can't go.

He's expecting a business call.

Oh, hard cheese, Mr. J.

Knights of the Longbow is one of my favorite kind of stories, too.

You're a connoisseur of the medieval, eh?

No, I just like stories with knights in them.

When I was a kid, one of our only books was a story about King Arthur.

Every rainy day, I used to read it from cover to cover.

I always wondered what I'd be if I was born back then.

Dead, most likely.

There's some nobility in my family tree. Now, you take my great -uncle Claude.

No, you take your great -uncle Claude home.

George, why do you always do that to Mr. Bentley? Because he's a fool.

No, he isn't. Sure he is. He still comes back, don't he?

See, there he is.

Now, what... Oh, hi.

Oh, hello, George.

Oh, hi, everybody. Come on in.

Hi. Hey.

We have to hurry, Louise.

Ralph is downstairs holding a cab for us.

Yeah, and you know Ralph. After 8 o 'clock, you've got to tip him time and a

half.

And how's my little granddaughter?

Dry, for a change.

George, you better get changed. The curtain goes up in 45 minutes.

I'm not going. I gave my ticket to Florence.

Oh, then who's going to watch Jessica?

I will.

I've got to wait for a call from my banker.

Something wrong, Pop?

Well, inflation is hitting your father kind of hard.

And he's afraid if he doesn't get a loan, he might have to sell his cleaning

stores. Oh, no.

That's right. It's all Lionel's fault. My fault? That's right. Because if you'd

come into business with me instead of being an engineer, I wouldn't be

like this.

What do you mean? We'd be suffering together.

Well, if worse comes to worse, there are other places you can go.

Yeah, get rough.

I mean, I'm sure there are a lot of companies that would hire a man with

business experience.

Oh, take my company, for instance.

Me? Work for you?

That's like Roy Rogers working for Trigger.

Besides, well, I've been my own boss too long to start taking orders from

somebody else.

Oh, look, if inflation's the problem, maybe what you should do is start

back. Hey, you know, that's a good idea.

Wheezy, we've got land around here that we don't really need.

George. Just a thought, we... Hey, we better get going.

You sure you're okay, Pop? Oh, I'm fine. Look, just go enjoy the play. Don't

worry about me.

Then you'll be okay with Jessica?

Of course.

I can do anything Florence could do, only faster.

Jessica's already been fed. Okay.

But if she should wake up, just tell her story and she'll go back to sleep.

Oh, just the sound of my voice will do it? Sure.

It's been putting me to sleep for the past five years.

We will be back as soon as we can, George.

Okay. Bye -bye.

See you. Have a nice time. Enjoy the show.

Okay. See you later.

I'll be fine.

All right.

Sure, desert me in my hour of need.

Yeah, I know how you feel.

What's the matter? You sleepy?

I'll tell you a story, okay?

Okay? Okay.

Once upon a time, there was this king named Arthur.

And he used to hang out with these bunch of dudes called the Knights of the

Round Table.

Now, one day... Oh, you don't want to hear that story. That's a fairy tale.

about a real story?

Okay? Come on over here.

Okay?

Now, once upon a time, there was this rich, powerful king named George.

Now, King George ruled over the Jefferson Empire, which spread far and

seven locations throughout the city. One near you.

Anyway.

King George had everything he wanted, everything a king could ask for.

He was happy, he was satisfied, and most important of all, he was rich.

Okay, now, this really looks fine, but I want a whole new floor put in that

entryway. And tell him this time I want it made out of solid gold.

This silver shows up all the dirty heel marks.

Yes, sir.

Now... There's something else that's not right with this place.

Hey, Weezy!

Don't you think this castle is getting too small for us?

Too small?

Why, yes. Why, just this morning I was touring the West Wing, and I got back

here before dark. The horse was going at full gallop, too.

Well, you've got to admit, we are better off now than when we lived back in the

land of Harlem. Oh, of course.

Remember how poor we were?

Oh, yes. We were so poor, even our roaches were starving to death.

But that's all behind us now.

Let's feast to celebrate.

Good idea.

and waiting.

George, why do you call Florence the maid in waiting?

Because I've been waiting for her to act like a maid ever since she's been here.

Well, Florence, what delicious masterpiece have you prepared for us

Well, for you, my queen, I have garden fresh vegetables, pheasants,

And your very favorite imported wine. Oh, hey, well, all right.

Uh -uh.

I said for my queen.

You got pantyhose on under that robe?

What about my meal?

Oh, yeah.

Would you prefer a regular oatmeal or instant?

Guard!

She was only kidding.

Wheezy mouthing off is a capital offense, and I demand punishment.

Okay, you get no denim.

Until, alas, one terrible day.

Announcing the royal scribe, bearer of news, and loose change, Sir

Ralph the Greedy.

So tell me, Sir Ralph, what good news... do you bring today?

A message of the gravest concern, O Rich. I mean, O Royal Majesty, sire.

Well, read it to me, then. Yes, sire.

You know, I don't usually like to carry such important messages, sire, but the

minute I heard it was for you, I rushed it right over here. Oh, thank you, Sir

Ralph. One sack of gold to you, then.

I thank you, sire.

And it wasn't easy carrying it either, sire. I mean, what with all the

cutthroats and highwaymen about.

I could have been killed on my way over here. All right, two sacks then.

Not to mention the fire -breathing dragons, the evil trolls under bridges,

cold moats I had to wade through. Three sacks and that's it. Yes, sire. Here.

Now, who's this message from?

I'm afraid it's from a new enemy, sire. He calls himself Inflation.

Inflation. I've heard of him. Yes, sire. And woe is the man who would challenge

him, for he has been wreaking havoc throughout the entire countryside,

the dollar, giving rise to the cost of living, and what's worse, have you seen

the size of the Three Musketeers bar lately?

What does a dude like this want to think me about?

Feed me the mess. Yes, sire. Shh.

To King George, former ruler of the Jefferson Empire.

Former?

that what is now yours shall soon be mine. I am inflation, and you have been

warned, King George.

So do not ask for whom the coin shrinks if it shrinks for thee.

Therefore, you will willingly surrender your empire or watch helplessly as it

comes crumbling down around you.

As it comes crumbling down around me.

And so the evil inflation was coming to take away the empire King George had

worked so hard to build. But the king was brave and wasn't going to give up

without a fight.

Thrust.

Slash. Head fake.

Thrust. Thrust.

Slash. What are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Fighting off senility?

No.

I'm fighting off inflation.

Let's face it, Wheezy, I could never beat that guy.

Oh, I'm sure you will, George.

I've got Lionel and Jenny out there now watching his every move.

Yeah, but Wheezy, that guy could wipe out a whole city just like that.

I'm lucky if I beat Florence's blackjack.

But why don't you ask the Royal Bank for the money to raise an army?

I tried that.

They won't get back to me.

Oh, I'm sure they will, George.

But... In the meantime, I've arranged for some entertainment.

Oh, no, not the royal fool!

I

just

flew in from Camelot, and boy, am I...

that when she sits around the castle, she sits around the castle.

Hello, King Jay, Queen Jay. What can I do for you?

Well, the king is a little worried about inflation.

So I hope you know some good jokes to cheer him up.

Well, King Jay, as a matter of fact, I do know one rather good one that was

first told to me by my great -uncle Griswold. So you see, it's been around

some time.

Not Uncle Griswold, the joke, that is. Although, Uncle Griswold was with us for

quite some time before he died.

So, of course, he's no longer with us. But the joke is... Anyway... Tell the

joke! Right.

Um, what do you call inflation when he battles the king?

I don't know. What? The winner.

The winner. George!

What is the matter, George?

He's supposed to ease my mind of inflation, not stare at it, telling

it. Oh, King Jay, you mustn't let inflation worry you so.

I mustn't? No, no, let me give you three good pieces of advice, you see. Number

one, never fear the unknown.

Yeah? Number two, behind every cloud, there's a silver lining.

Yeah.

And what's the third one?

Never take advice from a fool.

Princess Jane, heirs apparent to the Jefferson Empire.

Or at least, what's going to be left of the Jefferson Empire.

There's one thing I hate of small anecdropers.

Well, well, well, if it isn't my faithful son and daughter -in -law, back

their scouting trip.

What did you learn about inflation?

Oh, Your Majesty, it's terrible.

Half the shopkeepers are going out of business. Prices are going up. The women

are haggling at the checkstands. Yes, I fear this inflation has us all by the

gauntlets.

But, Lionel, you'll help me battle inflation, won't you?

Aw, come on, Pop. I don't know nothing about that.

You know, I'm only a jobless designer.

Yeah, what am I supposed to do?

Well, you could fight him yourself.

Say what?

Have you been smoking some of that stuff with the merry men again?

I say we should wait for the royal bank. They are bound to get in touch with us

sooner or later.

Oh, your majesty, suppose they don't. The empire will be totally defenseless.

She's right, Louise.

Well, truly, George, you weren't thinking of facing him alone.

Well... Facing who?

Inflation.

Inflation?

You're going to fight inflation?

What's so funny? I mean, he's only one man.

Then he's got you outnumbered already.

Look, you just go get my suit of armor.

You ain't got no suit of armor.

Then make me one!

And make sure you make it big enough to cover me from head to toe.

Oh, all right. There's got to be an empty soup can around here somewhere.

Keep an eye on her. If she tries anything funny...

Give her the rack.

What rack?

The rack of lamb she cooked last week. It's enough to kill anyone.

George, I just can't believe you'd risk your life in a battle with inflation.

I have to, Weas. I'm the king.

Well, we could always abdicate.

Oh, come on, Weas. I just got dressed.

Announcing the noble Baron Von Day and his wife, the Honorable Lady Von Knight,

rulers of the land of the zebras.

Hello, King.

Greetings, my queen.

Oh, please rise.

Do what?

Well, George, we heard about your problem and thought we'd try to help you

inflation. Why?

Ain't you inflated enough already?

George,

they said they want to help.

Oh, very well, then. Tell your warriors to meet me at the courtyard in 15

minutes. Oh, but we don't have any warriors.

What? What kind of help do you got?

I was thinking, George, that if inflation does take over your empire,

always move to our kingdom.

Yes. We're always looking for good ex -kings with your kind of experience.

Me? Move in with you?

Never! Well, George, it sounds like a wonderful idea.

It's a terrible idea.

We've got a little tiny castle. The four of us could never fit in there.

George, there's plenty of room.

As long as you don't bring your mouth.

Look, Weezy, they come over here, they offer to help us, right? They have no

warriors, no bloodthirsty soldiers, no swords, no weapons of torture and pain.

What kind of friends are you?

What we're trying to say is that it would be just stupid of you to risk your

life defending your empire when you could move in with us.

And I'm sure you'll just love our little place, Louise. We have mountains,

trees, shuffleboard.

So what about it, George? Isn't it a deal? No deal!

This is my empire.

And no matter what happens, Weasley and I will stay here and defend it to the

last breaths of our lives. Right, Weas?

Did you say shuffleboard?

Oh, I'm sorry.

George is right.

As rulers of the empire, it is our duty to stay and protect it.

Well, okay, George.

Good luck.

But if you need me, you know how to reach me.

Sure. I just run a pack of donuts up the flagpole.

May the royal laundry put starch in your tights.

Your Majesty, sire, great news.

What is it? I have found you an inflation fighter.

Who? Who is he? His name is Sir James, and he has come all the way across the

country to teach you how to fight inflation.

Well, don't just stand there. Show him in. Yes, sire.

Show in Sir James.

Announcing Sir James.

You actually pay them for that?

Affirmative action.

Just call me Jimmy.

We are about to fight inflation. You know what happens if they beat us? You

what we get?

Peanuts?

Get out!

Out with you!

But, Sire. Out with you, too!

Right. Out! Of course, there will be a small handling. Guard!

I know somebody who's not afraid of inflation.

Bring in the fool!

George, what are you going to do?

Well, Weas, I'm going to face inflation man to man.

And then what?

Then I'll just do what any other king would do in this situation.

I'll try to bribe him.

That was no lady. That was my gargoyle.

That's King Jay.

Ready me two of my fastest horses.

I want you to be my scout.

Oh, we're going camping.

No!

Inflated? Yes. Come on, Pop. I'll help you barricade the door. Okay, everybody

get to safety.

Full. Yes, sir.

You lead the women. Lead the women. Right.

Row, row, row.

You just

received a

message from the Royal Bank.

I did. What did they say?

Word for word. Yes!

sitteth on thy scepter.

There'll be no charge for that sight.

It's him.

My sword. Where's my sword?

Okay, come on, inflation.

Show me what you've got.

That much, huh?

Thy kingdom is mine, George Jefferson.

Be gone.

strip the very clothes from thy back.

But this is my empire.

This was your empire.

Now it's mine. No.

Mine. No.

Mine, mine, mine.

No. No.

Oh, don't go away.

Hello, Jefferson Empire.

I mean, Jefferson Resident.

What?

You're kidding. I got your credit?

Well, all right.

Okay, thank you. Thank you.

I got it. I got the credit.

I got it. You hear that? I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

Not that I was worried, you understand.

Anyway, well, I guess you know the rest of the story. King George got mad, beat

up inflation, and threw him out with his bare hands.

He never bothered the empire again. And you want to know why?

Because King George was strong.

mighty and he wasn't scared of nothing so how's that okay

okay i'll tell you a regular story once upon a time there were three bears

mama bear papa bear and a big fat

polar bear