Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to the...

such a long time since I looked through our wedding album.

You know, it sure is romantic of Mr. Jefferson to take you to the Hotel

tonight. Yeah, and I bought something to guarantee our full evening's romance.

You got yourself a new nightie.

No, I got George some no -dos.

Hey, are we ready yet?

Oh, George, we still have some time.

Oh. Florence, what are you doing tonight?

Oh, I'm going to see this new horror movie, The Monster That Ate New York.

It's supposed to have a surprise ending.

The ending ain't no surprise. The monster dies.

How do you know?

Well, if he ate all of New York, he must have had some of your meatloaf.

George, this is our anniversary. Be nice to Florence.

Well, I ain't married to her.

Thank the Lord for that.

Look, Florence, I know you're just jealous.

What would you do if you landed a catch like me?

Throw you back.

Ah, Mr. J. Mr.

J., happy anniversary.

Thank you, Mr. Bentley. I brought you an anniversary present, an old newspaper.

Hey, Bentley, look, that's just what I was telling Weasley this morning. You

know what I want for my anniversary present? An old newspaper.

Well, wonderful.

This one has great sentimental value. Read it.

Air Force C -54 crashes into Mount Foosh?

Well, notice the date.

You see, this newspaper is from exactly 30 years ago today, the day you were

married. Oh, thank you, Mr. Bentley. We'll put this in a very special place.

Right. Do we still have the old birdcage?

Now, tell me, Mrs. J., what's your secret for 30 years of happiness with

J.? Earplugs.

Don't believe a Bentley.

The reason we lasted so long is because we really trust each other. That's

right. We have no secrets.

Ah, but aren't there any surprises in your marriage?

Sure. We're surprised every time we eat flaunters cooking and live.

Well, I'd better finish packing.

Thanks again for the present, Mr. Bentley. It's the least I could do.

You got that right.

George, when we go to the hotel tonight, would you mind leaving something here?

Here what?

Your mouth.

Why don't you see if Mr. Bentley would like a drink?

Oh, thank you, but I can't stay long. Oh, that's too bad. So I'll just have a

short one.

Tell me, Mr. J, what do you remember most about your wedding?

The headache on my wedding night.

Mrs. J gave you that excuse?

No, I had a headache.

From the bachelor party the night before, man, was it wild.

Ah, yes, my cousin Felix had a wild one. We scandalized all of London.

Oh, yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead, tell me what happened. Oh, well, first we went into a pub and

played darts left -handed.

Are you serious?

Oh, it's hard to believe, isn't it?

Then we all hooped over to Hyde Park and my cousin got up on a soapbox and he

yelled, forget the queen, long live Millicent.

Millicent was his fiancée.

You sure know how to live life in the fast lane, Bentley.

I told you it was wild. What a bunch of madcap zanies.

How was your stag party, Mr. J? Well, on a scale of one to ten, it was a twelve.

Here it was, Bentley. The night before my wedding, right?

We were all drinking.

And then he spreads my wheel in this big cake.

I don't have to tell you what's inside the cake. Of course not.

What was inside the cake?

A girl, Bentley.

My old girlfriend before Weezy, Gloria Fox. And was she a glorious fox? Mr.

J.

You know what's funny?

Old Gloria got the holidays mixed up, you know?

It was my wedding.

And she comes dressed in her birthday suit.

I think I've heard enough. No, no, you ain't heard half of it yet.

This Gloria, man, she had two of the biggest... Two

of the biggest brothers...

I've never laid a hand on her.

Hey, wheeze, how you doing?

George, you told me you never saw Gloria Fox after we met.

I did?

Yes, you knew I didn't like her. I couldn't even stand to hear her name.

Well, that's why I never told you.

Well, I'd love to stick around and see you try to worm your way out of this.

But I don't want to be late for my movie.

What are you going to see?

Oh, I'm going to see The Monster That Ate New York.

Seeing scary things really makes me jump.

Oh, good. Why don't we put a monster mask on the vacuum cleaner?

Well, I'd like to see that movie myself.

I'm going alone. Why don't you come with me? I'd love to.

Good.

You two have a nice time tonight.

We will. You enjoy the movie.

Thank you. Ta -ta.

Bye -bye. See you later.

I'm so embarrassed.

Imagine how I must have looked to Mr.

Bentley. What do you mean, Wheezy? That dress looks fine.

I mean about bragging that we had no secrets in our marriage.

Then you spring Gloria Fox on me. Why were you hiding it?

I wasn't hiding.

Besides, you should see her now.

She should have Goodyear blimp written across her side.

How do you know?

Well, she dropped by the store about a year ago.

A year ago? You never told me that.

But, Wheezy, she just dropped by to say hello, and I said goodbye.

Now, could you forget the past, please, and let's enjoy tonight?

Look, you answer the door. I'll get my coat.

Oh, hi.

I'm Stephanie Hamilton, Mr. Jefferson's secretary. You must be Luann.

by today without signing these. He's such a little dynamo, you know, zoom,

zoom all the time.

Oh, there you are. Oh, Stephanie. You forgot to sign the tailor contract.

Oh, Stephanie, thanks for bringing that over.

Thanks. Oh!

After all the jazzy things you've told me about her, I'd know Luann anywhere.

Louise.

Uh, George, you didn't tell me about Stephanie.

I didn't. Well, you know how some men are. They just don't like to bring the

office home with them.

I can see why.

Oh, by the way, Stephanie's a dynamite secretary.

I mean, she takes dictation so fast that her pencil smokes.

Well, George, smoking can be hazardous to your health.

Okay, all done.

Jazzy, you two have a scriptious evening at the Marquis.

Oh, you know about that?

Know about it? Well, I planned the whole Jazzy thing.

George is just too busy to be bothered with all those pesky little details.

Oh.

Is George...

You didn't tell me you had a new secretary.

Stephanie ain't new. She's been there a week.

A week?

Why didn't you tell me?

But, Weezy, look, will you quit acting silly?

Silly?

Suddenly I find out about Gloria Fox 30 years ago, and then your new secretary

today. Who knows what kind of fun you've been having in between.

I ain't been having no fun in between. I've been married to you.

Would you just come on and stop trying to spoil the evening I planned?

You didn't plan it. Miss Zoom, Zoom, Zoom planned it.

You know something? If I didn't know you better, I'd swear you were jealous.

Jealous?

What have I got to be jealous about?

Nothing. Are you crazy?

Look at that girl.

Are you kidding me? You actually think that I would fool around with my

secretary, huh?

Who knows?

Maybe you got the 30 -year itch, and she's willing to scratch.

Look, Weezy, there's nothing happening between me and Stephanie at work, and

there ain't gonna be nothing happening between me and you at the hotel unless

you apologize.

Apologize? You should apologize to me. For what?

For Gloria Fox, Stephanie, and who knows who else.

Look, I ain't apologizing because I ain't got nothing to apologize about.

Okay, George.

I just hope you enjoy sleeping on the couch tonight.

I ain't sleeping on no couch. I happen to have me a room at the Hotel Marquis.

What do you got to say to that?

I say have fun at the hotel. What do you have to say to that?

What do I have to say to that?

I'll tell you what I got to say to that.

I say to that, happy anniversary, damn it.

It's your closet over here. You got plenty of room for your clothes.

That is, if you had any.

Right, which I don't, but thanks anyway.

Sure. You got your bathroom over here. That would be for bathing. The bar area

here is for drinking.

You got your telephone for talking, and that's your bed there.

Let's just say that's for sleeping.

Yeah, well, sleeping's all I'm going to be doing tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Well, uh...

Maybe I could help you out, you know, with my little book here. Look, I'm

married. I don't fool around on my wife.

Oh, I get it. Well, then perhaps you'd be interested in this book, the Bible.

You know, I particularly like the part in here that says it's far more blessed

to give than to receive.

Oh, really? Yeah. Well, my son, consider yourself blessed.

Tell us, a guy named Bill was having a party here.

You, Bill? No.

Then what are you doing in Bill's room?

This ain't Bill's room and it ain't no party here. That's okay, we'll wait.

Yeah. Wait a minute.

Who are you two guys anyway?

Well, we're at our convention.

Thought you'd recognize our hats?

What is it, rat exterminators?

I beg your pardon?

We're chinchilla breeders. Yeah.

We're proud to breed chinchillas.

A job.

from heaven above.

We're making lots of money because chinchillas make lots of love.

Okay, look, look. If you two don't mind, I want to be alone.

A -L -O -N -E. Alone. That means without you, okay? Okay?

Come on. Don't be mad. Show us a happy chinchilla.

Be a happy chinchilla. Give us a salute.

I don't want to be no happy chinchilla.

Happy chinchilla? There ain't gonna be no happy chinchilla.

Look, will you leave me alone?

Please! Okay, okay, okay.

Please!

Okay, now.

If you really want to make me a happy chinchilla, why don't you both leave so

can think, okay? I want to be alone so I can think.

Bye. I hope I'm not too late. I forgot the champagne.

Want to be alone?

You're right, my wife.

Where is she?

She's home.

We had a fight.

Oh, bummer.

Are you wearing that hat to cheer you up?

Huh? Oh, this? No, no, no, nothing to cheer me up.

Oh, I know what you're going through.

I just broke up with my boyfriend.

I gave that guy six of the best weeks of my life.

Yeah, those long -term relationships can be rough.

Listen, you really shouldn't let the champagne go to waste.

Yeah, right. Maybe you can return it and get my money back.

I mean, you could both use some cheering up, right?

Right. Oh, then why don't we drink it?

We? Jazzy, you open the bottle and I'll get the glasses.

Yeah, well... Boy, I'm glad that

movie's over.

That screaming was beginning to get to me.

Yes, that leading lady certainly was vocal, wasn't she?

Not her screaming, yours.

Oh, hi, Florence. Mr. Bentley.

Hello.

Well, what are you doing here? Where's Mr. Jefferson?

At the hotel.

We had a fight.

About what?

George said for the past 30 years he's never even looked at another woman, but

found out he lied to me.

Oh. Did he go like this when he said it?

Why would he do that? Because he always fiddles with his ear when he ain't

telling the truth.

He does?

Every time.

Oh, Florence, that's silly.

Well, it's not as silly as you and Mr. J fighting over nothing.

Nothing? He's been lying to me about other women.

Oh, Mrs. J, do you know that when Mr. J told me last week about your

anniversary, he said that nothing in his life would mean anything without you.

George said that?

Mm -hmm.

Well, he probably didn't mean it.

The way he's always playing around, not providing for you, never paying no

attention to you. Florence, you know that's not true.

George has been a wonderful husband to me.

Oh? Then why are you still sitting here?

Because sometimes I forget how wonderful he really is.

I can see how that could happen.

I'm going down to the hotel right now and apologize.

Good idea.

Have a nice time.

I don't know how I could possibly thought George would lie to me.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, Florence, what is it that George does when he's lying?

You've hardly finished your first glass.

You hardly finished your first bottle.

I'm attractive.

Yeah, my wife doesn't think I'm honest.

What do you think?

I know I'm honest.

No.

You think I'm attractive.

Yeah, I think you're attractive.

Oh, yes.

What are you doing, Stephanie?

But you said I was attractive.

I know, so was the Cadillac, but I don't want to kiss one.

Let me tell you one thing right now. You got me all wrong. Come on. I want you

out of here. You got to go.

Bye. No, uh -uh. Come on.

Who is it?

It's me, George.

Oh, my God.

It's Weezy. Shh, shh, shh.

I got to get you out of here. Quick.

Oh, the window. The window.

Are you kidding me?

18 stories up? Well, try to land on something tall.

Come on, Weezy. Come on. In the closet.

As soon as the Weezy goes, I'll get you out. What?

Well, you hear the door slam, okay?

Oh, highways.

What took you so long?

Well, I was trying to finish this chapter in the Bible.

You were reading the Bible?

Yeah, I was reading the begets.

You know who's been getting who?

Which reminds me, we should be getting out of here.

You got your bathroom over there. You got your bar area. Here's your

Over here, you got a very spacious closet.

Plenty of room for... Weezy, look at that view out there.

Well, I... I see that there have been a couple of new features added to

the room. Perhaps I could show them to the lady. No, no, no. She's seen enough.

Well, thank you, sir, but I'm sure she'd be very interested.

Very, very interested.

Thank you, sir, you're too kind. Anything else I can get? Yeah, lost,

Oh,

George, I'm sorry

I doubted you. I should know you'd never hide anything from me.

Florence and Mr.

Bentley helped me see that. Oh, they did?

Well, that's great. Let's go home and psych him right now. Come on. Oh,

don't be silly. I just got here.

Besides, I've got to hang up my things. No, you can't do that!

Well, why not?

Because there are moths in the closet.

Why don't you hang in the bathroom?

Okay.

What's going on? You just told me there were morphs in there. I know why. You

were in the bathroom. They all flew out.

Well, while I'm hanging my things up, make us a drink.

Okay, good idea, Weasley.

What?

Huh?

George!

What did you do that for?

Some of the morphs came back in. I don't want them to fly back in the glass.

drinking? Yeah, yeah, I had a little champagne.

A little?

It's almost done.

Well, look, Weezy, I missed you a lot. I wanted to get drunk.

Well, why are there two glasses?

Because I wanted to get drunk twice as fast.

What do you guys want? I forgot my hat.

What?

women. He's drunk, Wheezy. Thins double. Come on, get out of here.

That's not the same woman that was here before.

What?

Was there another woman up here?

Wheezy, what kind of question is that?

A question you better answer quick.

Look, there ain't no other woman up here.

Okay,

where

is she?

Let me have you two chilling. Get out of here, please. Okay, bye, bye, bye.

Shoot.

What the hell is she

doing here?

She was supposed to surprise you, Weezy. Okay, where's the pearl necklace?

You mean to tell me you were in there with our Weezy's anniversary present?

No wonder you were hiding. Some secretary of yours was hiding.

but I'll get your necklace in the morning. Forget the necklace. I'm

of here. Hey, Weezy, please don't leave.

Don't leave?

What would you do if you caught me up here with another woman?

Look, Weezy, there's nothing between me and Stephanie. You got to believe me.

Say that again. There's nothing between me and Stephanie.

Again.

There's nothing happening between me and Stephanie.

You gotta believe me.

Oh, George, you're telling the truth.

You mean to believe me? Of course. You didn't do this.

What's that?

Oh, never mind.

Oh, George, I love you.

Now, let's celebrate the way we planned. Just you and me. All alone.

Wait. Who is it? Oh, Sarah.

What? Oh, how romantic.

Anybody in there?