Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on now. We're moving on now.

Wait to see the look on George's face tonight.

He's going to be absolutely speechless.

Mr. Jefferson speechless?

We're on a charge admission.

You know, in all the years we've been married, I've never been able to

George on his birthday.

Well, maybe it'll be easier to fool Pop now that he's old.

Lionel, 50 isn't old.

Are you kidding? The man is old enough to be my father.

Jefferson's friends here without him knowing about it. Oh, they're all going

to your parents' place.

But I thought the party was here.

It is.

When George gets home from work, we are going out to dinner. Then when we get

there, I'm going to get sick.

Well, why don't you make him take you to a decent restaurant?

No,

I'm just going to pretend to get sick so George will bring me home. It's that

simple.

You think Pop will swallow that?

Sure he will. With his mouth, he can swallow anything.

Is everything all set for tonight? Yes, I stopped by Bentley's and he's coming.

And I called up everyone on the list and told them to meet at our apartment.

Oh, Lionel, we better get home and start getting dressed for the party. Right.

And I better take these presents upstairs.

Oh, no.

I still have to go out and get Mr. Jefferson's present.

What are you going to get him, Florence?

Well, I'll give you a hint.

It starts with a G and it goes with being 50.

Gold? No, Geritol.

Mr. Jefferson, what are you doing here this time of day?

Well, I figured I'd take a long lunch hour.

Give me scotch and water.

Sir. You can drink the water.

Well, you sure seem on top of the world today.

Oh, yeah, I feel great.

Today's my birthday.

No kidding.

Well, congratulations.

Here you go. Have one in the house. Oh, thanks.

Hey, take a wild guess.

How old do you think I am?

50. I said take a wild guess. How old do I look?

50.

Guess again, Charlie.

49. No, wrong. I'm 50.

Gee, I never would have guessed.

Yeah, I know. Can you imagine me?

50 years young? I can't believe it. What a great age to be. I mean, especially

for a man of your position.

True. I mean, here you got money, prestige, friends. What else could a man

for? More money.

Yes, sir, Mr. Jefferson. You know, I sure do admire you. I mean, you hear all

these stories about guys reaching the big 5 -0. They got money, they got

but no friends. Oh, right.

Let's face it. Friends are what really make a birthday, right? Right.

Yeah, gee.

So? What are the plans? You gonna throw a big bash at the Waldorf or something?

Oh, no, no. Me and we's just gonna go out for a quiet dinner, you know.

Just the two of us.

Oh.

What do you mean, oh?

Ain't nothing wrong with going out for dinner on your birthday.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I just thought, you know, that since it's your 50th, that,

uh... Well, never mind. What do you mean, never mind?

I just thought you'd have a little get -together or something. But, hey, I

a busy man like you doesn't have time to make a whole lot of friends.

What are you talking about? I've got plenty of friends. You can tell that by

just looking at me.

Look, Mr. Jefferson, this is really none of my business. I mean, you could

celebrate your birthday any way you want.

I know. And I just decided I want to celebrate it with some friends. All

Give me the phone. I'll call my wife.

Sir, here you go.

I'm going to show you that you can have money and power and still have friends.

Shoot, I got so many friends, some of them I even like.

The bakery should have the cake ready by the time you get there. And on the way

back, if you want to... Hello?

Hey, Wee.

Look, I want you to call some of my friends and invite them over to

birthday tonight.

But, George, I thought we were going out for a romantic dinner.

Oh, come on, Wee. We can be romantic any old time.

I mean, 50 years old ain't the end of everything.

I mean, tonight I just would like to spend it with some of my friends.

Well, I'm your friend.

Look, you ain't my friend. You're my wife.

Look, just call the Johnson's and the Stewart's and tell them to come on over.

I can't do that.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

If you call them, my other friends will be hurt because they weren't invited.

Oh, well, just call all my friends.

Okay, I'll see you when I come home later. Bye.

But George!

What did he want?

Florence, I'm in trouble.

George wants me to call all the friends I've invited to his party and invite

them to his party.

Would you run that by me again?

George wants to have a party tonight. What are we going to do?

I know.

Tell him it's leap year and his birthday ain't till tomorrow.

Do you think George will believe all his friends are busy tonight?

Why not? Can't two people be busy at the same time?

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday, you sly 50 -year -old devil with a smile like Sidney Boyd.

Happy birthday to me.

Hi,

George.

Hey, Wee.

Hey, Frost, I'm having a party here tonight. How come this place don't look

nice? Probably because you're standing in the middle of it.

Uh, George, about your party. Yeah, I can't wait.

Uh, you might have to.

Say what?

Uh, I called all your friends, and they all have other plans for tonight.

All of them?

Well, didn't you tell them it was my 50th birthday?

Yes. What'd they say?

They said you don't look a day over 49.

Are you sure you called all of them? What about Frank Wilson?

Uh, yes, and he can't make it either.

Why not?

Because, uh, because he has to practice his trumpet.

There ain't no trumpet player.

Well, that's why he has to practice.

Well, what about Bill and Flora Matthews? Oh, they left for Hawaii

Well, did he go to Hawaii before he hates the sun?

Um... I read where this is the start of their rainy season.

I ain't never heard so many crazy excuses in my life.

It's almost as if my friends don't even want to come to my birthday party. Oh,

don't worry, George.

Now you and I will enjoy a beautiful dinner tonight.

Right?

Right.

Shoot. I was hoping I could spend my birthday surrounded by all my friends.

Maybe you should have held your party in a phone booth.

So you think I don't have no friends, huh? Well, you're wrong.

I know one person in this world I can call and won't get no stupid answer.

Or a stupid excuse.

Hello,

Lionel? Huh?

Oh, the birthday boy's doing fine.

But watch who you call a boy.

Hey, look.

How'd you like to make your 50 -year -old daddy real happy?

Great. Well, look, see, I'm throwing a little party over here for myself

tonight, and I'd like for you and Jenny to be guests of honor.

Oh, you do?

Oh, okay. Oh, I understand.

Okay, bye.

What did he say?

Him and Jenny have to practice their Mexican hat dance tonight.

This is the only chance they get to do it because the guy downstairs is out.

So much for your party.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Where are you going?

Out. Tell Wheeze I'll be back later.

Well, don't forget to be back by 6 .30. You don't want to be late for your

dinner reservation.

Right. Whoopee.

Hey, Ralph, you almost ran over me. I'm sorry, Mr. Departure, sir. I was just in

a hurry to deliver this liquor you asked me to get for your party tonight.

Ralph.

That sure is quite a large order, sir.

Here's a dollar. Thank you, Ralph.

A large, large order, sir.

I had to go all over town to find your special scotch. Oh, I appreciate that,

Ralph. Yes, sir. And I also got that low -calorie beer you ordered.

Oh.

Whoever decided to call the beer light never had to carry it up 12 floors.

Perhaps there's something else I can do for you, sir? Yeah, you can take all

that stuff back to the store. Yes, sir.

Pardon? You heard me. Take it back.

What about your party?

Ain't gonna be no party. No party?

Won't your friends be disappointed?

Friends? None of them could make it.

Really? I'd think people would stand in line to go to the birthday party of an

important rich man like you, sir.

Look, Ralph, there's something you should learn before you get a little

Money can't buy friends.

Well, certainly not at these rates.

Come on, Mr. Jefferson.

Cheer up. There'll be other birthdays.

Yeah, but there ain't gonna be nothing like this. This is the big 5 -0.

You never hear people talking about the big 5 -3.

Yeah, I guess you got a point.

Boy, nerve all those people turning you down.

They call themselves your friends.

Yeah.

And, Charlie, you think maybe I'm one of those kind of people who has worked so

hard all this life that, uh...

You never really learn how to make friends?

Well, it is possible. I mean, sometimes you are kind of a grouch.

A grouch?

Me? What are you talking about?

I must be thinking of somebody else.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're right, you're right.

I guess I do have kind of a strong personality.

Yes. You think that might turn people off?

Well, sir, let me put it this way.

Absolutely.

What should I do about it?

Well, see, I can't talk for everybody, but, see, I got this surefire method for

getting people to like me. Oh, yeah, sure.

Drinks on the house.

See, it's a question of attitude, caring.

I mean, you got to start out by liking everybody.

Liking everybody?

Uh -huh. Even the people I don't like?

Sean, now, you know most people are jerks.

Sure they are, but see, a lot of times, your average jerk, why, he'll make a

great friend.

You think so?

Sure, the point is, in order to make friends, you gotta overlook the other

person's negatives.

You turn the negatives into positives.

Huh.

How do you do that?

Simple. You take the negative, and you play it up. Like you meet a guy who's

real fat, you don't say, Hey, boy, are you fat?

Huh? You say, uh, hey.

We ever get into a fight, I hope you're on my side.

Yeah, but that sounds kind of phony to me. I mean, telling somebody something

you don't believe.

Hey, what do you want, friends or a clear conscience?

Hey, I'm going to go out and make some friends.

There you go.

Tom, I'm wrapping George's present.

Could you please bring me some ribbons? Oh, sure.

Who is it?

It's me, George.

Oh.

Uh, hello, George.

Hey, Willis.

I just wanted to tell you that if I ever get in a fight, I hope that you're on

my side.

What?

Well, ain't you gonna ask me in? Uh, well, uh, Helen and I are kind of busy.

Oh, yeah, I know, I know. I don't blame you.

It's because of the way I've been treating you in the past, right?

What? But come on, Willis. I mean, the past is over. It's forgot.

I just came to tell you that I realize, and I'm happy to say that my son has a

father -in -law that's white.

Oh?

Sure. It's better than having two in -laws that are white.

Well, if you'll excuse me, George, I really must go.

About little Jessica.

I'm glad that you and Helen are her grandparents.

You are?

Why, sure. I mean, see how much quicker she'll learn her colors?

Sorry, George. We can talk about this later. One more thing.

Did I ever tell you that the zebra is my favorite animal?

You have the... Oh, George.

What are you doing here?

Oh, well, I wanted to spend some time with my most favorite couple in the

Oh. And you decided to stop here on the way, huh?

No. I mean you.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you to say.

Yes, it is very thoughtful. How come?

What do you mean, how come?

I just wanted to tell you that I think mixed marriages are great.

I don't believe I've ever heard you say that before.

Of course I have. Just this morning I was telling Louise, I said, Louise,

if you had been smart and married a white guy, you and I would be in a mixed

marriage today.

That's really fascinating, George.

Yes, we must definitely get together and talk about it sometime. Good idea!

How about tonight?

You can both come over to my place and celebrate my birthday.

Oh, uh, tonight?

Oh, I'm sorry, George, but tonight, uh, uh, tonight, Helen's teaching me the

Latin hustle.

Latin hustle? You want to dance?

No, not yet. Let's wait till I've had a couple of lessons first.

Hey, Willis, I hate demons.

Take away the black stripes, you ain't got nothing but a white jackass.

Actually, to tell the truth, I'm in a bit of a rush.

Oh, big night tonight, huh?

Actually, yes, I've got a date. A date? Hey, that's perfect.

I'd love to meet her. How about my place tonight about 7?

Tonight, I can't. That is, I shouldn't.

I don't think so, Mr. J. No, no.

Oh, but Bentley, I want you to entertain some people with your interesting

stories.

You like my stories?

Especially the one where your mother meets the queen.

Oh, yes.

That's one of my favorites, too.

Although, to tell it properly, I always have to go back to long before she

actually had her audience.

It all began in 1947.

Oh, wait.

I got an idea.

Since this is such a great story, why don't you hold it until tonight when

can hear it, too?

No, I told you, I can't make it tonight, Mr. J.

Oh, but Bentley, what about Weezy? She'll be crushed.

Oh, I wouldn't want that.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll record the entire story on tape, and then you and Mrs. J can listen to it

over and over and over again.

I'll get started on it right now.

Hey!

That was a cruel thing to

do, Bentley.

Work? You ain't worked a day in your life.

I mean, you haven't worked a day that I haven't been happy with the terrific job

you've done.

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Feeling all right? I've never felt better in my life.

And I owe it all to you because by watching you, I've learned how to relax.

I've learned how to take life nice and easy.

I think you've been sniffing too much of that cleaning fluid.

That's a good one.

Hey, look, how would you like to join me and Weezy for dinner tonight?

Tonight? I'm sorry, I've got other plans.

Choir practice.

Choir practice? Well, skip it.

I can't skip choir practice. I'm singing for the Lord.

So? Sing in a restaurant. God is everywhere.

I can't do it, Mr. Jefferson. Not tonight.

Florence, well, listen. I'm sorry, I've got to run. But where?

What's in the bag?

Uh, nothing.

Just a new duck pan.

Oh, what's wrong with the old one? It's thawed to death?

Where are you going?

To be with the only real friend I got in life. Me.

I can't believe it, Charlie.

In 50 years, I never made one real friend.

Ah, don't give up, Mr. Jefferson.

I mean, making friends takes time. It's a gradual thing.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Why didn't I start yesterday?

Oh, to hell with it. I'm just going to take Wheezy out and have a good time.

Wheezy, I'm late.

Charlie, give me a phone. I've got to call her.

I'll just tell her to meet me down here.

Oh, thanks for the advice, Charlie.

But I don't think I could have been nice to those jerks for a whole year anyhow.

Oh, well, look, maybe nice just isn't in your nature, which wouldn't be the

worst thing in the world.

I mean, you know what they say.

Nice guys finish last.

Yeah, they do finish last, don't they? Sure.

They have bigger parties, but they still finish last.

Where could George be?

This is terrible. I have 30 people upstairs waiting for a party.

Florence, think hard.

Did George give you any clue about where he was going?

He got on the elevator.

The door's closed.

I got it.

He went down.

Well, that rules out, huh?

Hello?

George, where are you?

But you shouldn't be spending your birthday getting drunk in a bar. You

be getting drunk at home where you belong.

No, George, I can't come down.

I'm not dressed.

Why don't you come up and stay here ten minutes?

No, George, I can't.

George!

He won't come up.

He insists that I meet him in the bar.

I don't know what to say.

Except none of this would be happening if he were my husband.

Why not?

I would have divorced him by now.

gonna do, Mr. Jefferson?

I've got an idea.

Man, I can't imagine what's keeping Weezy.

Well, you know, women, my wife's late all the time, too. But don't it bother

you? Only when she finally shows up.

Hi, George.

Weezy, it's about time. Let's get going.

Oh, wait.

You can't go out looking like that.

What do you mean?

Uh, your tie's crooked.

No, it ain't.

Yes, it is.

You know, we ain't never doing a lot of thinking.

You and I are gonna go out and we're gonna have ourselves a good time. I

who needs friends? I don't. I got you. Oh, yeah.

You've had some litter on your coat.

Honestly, George, I can't take you anywhere.

Some friends we got, they never round when you need them.

Bunch of creeps.

Well, George, maybe creeps is a little strong.

No, it ain't.

To hell with them. They ain't nothing but a bunch of creeps.

You're the only one who cares.

None of these people do.

Not even the Wilson.

Oh, there you are.

So you want to learn how to dance?

Dance my foot.

You ain't no better, Bentley.

And you're supposed to be my son, aren't I?

Some son you are. The way do you get 50?

All I want to say is... The hell with all of you.