Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

Yeah, these days, dinner is one of the three most important things in Jenny's

life. Oh, yeah? What are the other two?

Breakfast and lunch.

Oh, now, Lionel, you know that isn't true. I only had one meal today.

Really? Yeah.

I'm still having it.

So long, Florence.

Goodbye. You kids have a nice time.

Oh, we will. After dinner, Lionel's taking me to see Love Story.

Love Story?

That's been on TV three times.

I know, but love means never having to say, I've seen it already.

Yeah, I know what you mean, Lionel. When women are pregnant, you gotta pamper

them. That's right, you do.

Wait a minute.

How did you pamper me?

Come on, we used to do it plenty of times. Don't you remember when you were

pregnant and I came home and found you scrubbing the kitchen floor on your

and knees?

That's right.

He went right out and bought me a mop.

I thought you two were having dinner with Peggy and Steve.

We are, as a matter of fact. They're waiting for us right now at Minnelli's.

Minnelli's? Jenny, you ain't gonna like it there. They got the smallest portions

in town.

Oh, yeah, I know. But they also have the biggest booth.

Bye, honey. Okay.

Hey,

what are you two doing tonight?

Nothing. Good. I'd like you to come up to our place.

Sorry, we're busy.

I said we weren't doing anything.

Yeah, I know, but I forgot I got to stay home and help Florence water the

plants.

Two of my friends from high school are coming over. We haven't been together in

25 years.

25 years?

I wonder what my old high school friends are doing.

Well, if they like you, they're probably still in high school.

Well,

that's a lot better than your friends.

What friends? I rest my case.

Well, see you around 8, Louise.

Sure. No way.

Oh, come on, George. It'll be fun.

Wayne and Don will only be in town for a few days.

Oh, are they here on business or pleasure?

Well, a little of both. They're here for the fight at the garden on Sunday.

Wayne's a part owner of K .O. Coolidge.

Your friend owns K .O. Coolidge the fighter? Well... Well, he just owns a

of them. Oh, yeah? Well, look, you better hurry up and get upstairs and get

things ready.

We'll be up there at 7 .30. George!

Helen said 8.

We need time to talk.

Helen ain't seen her friends in 25 years.

But you've never seen them. Right. We got a lot to catch up on. See you later.

Bye. Bye.

All right.

George, what are you up to? Look, Weezy, that fight has been sold out for weeks.

You know how long I tried to get tickets?

George, I don't want you nagging them for fight tickets. I'm not gonna nag

nobody. I'll just say something subtle. Like, you know, man, it's been weeks

since I seen a good busted nose.

George, you are not using your friendship with Helen to get tickets.

Of course I ain't.

Helen and me ain't friends.

Can you believe we used to look like this?

Ooh, yeah.

Hey, isn't that Martha Hart?

Oh, it sure is.

Will you look at her standing next to her father's Cadillac? Look at the size

that hog.

Oh, come on. Martha doesn't look that heavy.

I'm talking about the car.

See, a Cadillac's called a hog because it hogs the road.

Oh.

Hey, how about a toast to the good old days? Good idea, good idea. Hey, I got

one.

I've laid in the ghetto, cold and numb.

I've fought with the rats and the roaches some. Worked 60 -hour weeks and

got no raise. So how come we call them the good old days? Right on.

Amen. I heard that.

Cheers.

Smooth as the devil's tongue.

Smooth as a three -cushion bank shot.

Smooth. Smooth as the hand of a deacon.

Smooth as a... Cheers!

Oh, I'll get it. Oh, no, I will.

You guys go ahead and chat.

Okay. Well!

So, you and Helen went to school together.

Yeah, we had some great time.

Weekends, the three of us used to get together and really cook.

Oh, yes.

Helen's always been a marvelous cook.

You ought to try her lasagna. No, Tom, not cook on the stove. Cook on the dance

floor. Oh, oh, the dance floor. Of course.

I do a mean samba.

Donna and Wayne Tompkins, Louise and George Jefferson. Hey, how you doing,

All right.

Helen's told us a lot about you. I understand that you're both from Harlem.

Oh, yeah, but we fought our way out of there, right?

Hey, everybody, why don't we all sit down? Yes, sure.

So,

you're from Uptown, too?

Yes. Have you ever been to Minton's on 118th? What?

Minton's? Sure.

George and I used to go there all the time.

You remember the night we went to hear Dizzy Gillespie?

Girl, what are you talking about? I can still hear that bebop in my sleep.

Yeah, when I used to go to Minton's, I used to do the dola. You all remember

that? Huh? That was my specialty. And my

specialty was pretending I didn't know him.

Now you're cooking.

Come on down.

You know, mittens reminds me of boxing.

Boxing? Yeah.

I used to always go there before the fights. I love boxing. Really? I'm a

fan myself.

No. Yeah, matter of fact, I'm part owner of K .O. Cooley. She's fighting at the

garden this weekend.

Yeah, I think I heard something about that. Yeah. You know, since you're a

fan and everything, I was thinking maybe you... Nah.

No, go on, go on. Hey.

Okay, would you like to... Nah, I don't... I don't think you'd want... I

I would ask.

Okay, you want to bet on a fight? Yeah.

What?

I was just trying to drum up a little business.

Oh, Wayne, you always were a hustler.

You think he's bad now?

You should have seen this boy when I met him. In his chalk -skinned suit and

velvet sky.

Sky?

That means hat, Tom.

Oh, of course it does.

Would anyone like another drink?

You think I was flashy, you should have seen Donna. She start Tuesday getting

dressed for Saturday night.

And the way she look all five of them days came back proud.

Well, I tried.

But I didn't look like nothing compared to you.

Walking around with all that pomade in your hair.

Yeah, I remember.

That stuff gave my hair so many waves it made me see through.

Man, what we suffered through. Yeah, I used to have a cowlick.

I remember I used to paste it down and it would pop up. I'd paste it down

it would pop up again. I must have gone through 20 cans of Wild Root.

first met George, he had a process.

But it didn't work.

So I came back to Brill Cream.

A little dabble, do you?

Oh, George, I never knew you conked your hair.

But even that didn't work.

Yeah, George wanted to look like Duke Ellington, but he ended up looking like

Mom's maple leaf.

All my friends called me Alfalfa.

Duke Ellington.

Helen, remember the night we went to Birdland Hill?

Do I ever. We snuck in.

Yeah, we used to sneak in a lot of places, too. Especially the fight.

When I didn't have no tickets.

Man, we got away with murder, didn't we?

I used to do some sneaky things when I was young, too.

A friend of mine worked at the country club. And sometimes we'd sneak onto the

tennis courts and play for free.

One day we played three sets without getting caught.

Oh, were we crazy.

Speaking of Birdland, do you still have that great old Charlie Parker record

that was made there?

Oh, I think so.

Would you like to hear it? Sure.

Then come on in the living room and I'll play it for you.

What's it called?

Oh, Scrapper from the Apple. Girl, it is my all -time favorite.

Wait a minute, Helen.

Your favorite? I didn't know that.

Well, Tom, I haven't played it in years.

Oh. Come on, Will.

Oh, no. No, thanks, George.

You go ahead.

Listen, how about you? You look like you're in another world.

From another world is more like it.

Well, whatever world you're from, you look like you just swallowed it.

Oh,

it's you, Willis. Oh, hi, George. What's happening?

I'll tell you what ain't happening in this conversation.

Oh, wait a minute, George.

I've got a problem.

Well, stop eating so much.

I'm serious, George.

It's about Helen and her friends.

You see, being with the three of them last night made me feel so... so, uh...

Oh, I don't know.

So white.

Want to go out and buy a sun lamp?

Now, let me explain, George.

All of a sudden, I feel that Helen is missing something. Some happiness

of me.

So I need your help.

What do you want me to do, teach you how to be black?

Oh, could you?

You're driving.

You're not driving.

Okay, well, great. If you want me to make you black, I'll make you black. Oh,

great. Where do we start?

Well, first you gotta go out and buy five cans of spray paint.

Oh, George, don't be ridiculous.

Oh, yeah, you're right. Make it ten cans.

Oh, George.

Oh, Willis, what the hell do you expect me to do? This is the stupidest thing I

ever heard in my life.

Please, George, I'd do anything if you'll help me.

Anything? Yeah.

Okay, if you get Helen's friends down here tonight so I can ask Wayne for a

ticket for the fight, I'll help you be black.

Is it a deal?

It's a deal.

Brother!

Hold it.

You might be heavy, but you ain't my brother.

I've already done some research.

See? The dictionary of black language. Forget it, Willis. A soul ain't

they can put in a book.

Sure it is, George. It's page 58, I think.

Oh, here it is. Soul, a spirit undetectable by thought or mental

You really think that's going to help you?

If I'm lying, then grits aren't groceries.

Say what?

I mean, uh...

Grits ain't groceries.

Forget the book, Willis.

Come on, let's start over here.

I'm going to teach you some things that you can't learn in the book.

Okay, first, take a look at yourself in the mirror.

Yeah. Everything you see is wrong.

Even my sweater, it's brand new.

Never mind that. Let me see you walk.

Oh, sure. Where to? Just back and forth right here. I want to check out your

style. All right.

Style none. Okay, hold it, Willis.

I've seen enough. Look, the main thing, if you want to be black, is you've got

to be cool.

Everything you do, do it cool.

Now stand back.

I see you have to shake it about a bit.

Nice, nice.

Now don't stand there like a fool.

Follow me and be cool.

Willis, that's part of your lesson. Look, to be black, you've got to have a

sense of humor.

Oh, yeah, I think I can understand that. I mean, we should all look for the

brighter side of life, because without some kind of optimistic viewpoint, our

minds would tend to stagnate. That's another thing.

White people talk too much.

That ain't cool.

Oh, well, what do black people do?

Well, we've got to kind of shorthand. See, because we're so much smarter than

you are, we don't need as many words to say the same thing.

I didn't realize that.

Sure. Okay, two white dudes meeting on the street who haven't seen each other

for a while.

Say, hey there, how are you?

Fine, thank you. And yourself?

Sensational. How's business?

Oh, I can't complain.

Well, things are going smoothly with me, too.

Glad to hear that. Well, see you later.

Bye.

Let's have lunch sometime.

Now, two black dudes saying the same thing.

Fascinating. See, Willis, all these years you've been talking like a chump.

Yeah, George, I guess I have. No, no, see, hold it right there. Now, you just

let me call you a chump.

That ain't cool.

If you were black, you wouldn't let me get away with that.

Well, I'm not sure I understand.

Look, Willis, we don't let nobody get the best of us. If somebody sounds on

you sound back on them one better.

We think on our feet.

Here, look, I'll show you what I mean.

Your cooking tastes like dog food.

That's because I'm cooking for a chihuahua.

See, Willis, that's all there is to it, chump.

I think I understand.

Turkey.

Sure, George. Have you got change for a 20?

Oh, this is really a nice surprise.

I'm so glad you all dropped by.

Look, it just goes to prove what I always said, Weezy. You cannot keep

fans apart.

Right, Wayne?

I wonder what's keeping Tom.

Yeah, and he seems so anxious for us all to get together again. He should be

here any minute. He said he had to pick something up at the store.

What?

He told me he was going to the store. He could have picked up a copy of my

boxing magazine.

I want to see if they printed my letter to the editor about adding more seats to

the garden, you know?

While I was out, I picked up a new sky.

You're really looking bad tonight, Tom.

Bad? Oh, bad!

Right!

Thanks, bro.

Hey, Sublime Wolf. Great blood.

Hey, by the way, Louise.

Thanks for having us over to your crib.

How much Helen and I enjoy shaking it up with you and my main man.

Tom, why don't you get me another glass of wine?

Well, right on, baby.

But first, give me a little taste of that brown sugar.

Tom, what in the hell do you think you're doing?

I believe the term is strutting your stuff.

No, Tom, the term is making an ass of yourself.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you cook like a chihuahua.

into the other room and take that off.

Hey, easy with the scars.

Okay,

Tom, you are up to something. Now, what is it? No, Helen, not what is it. What

it is, what it is.

Tom.

Oh, Helen, I was just trying to fit in.

Where, Bellevue?

No, with you and your friends.

Oh, oh, oh, I see.

entertain the colored folks with an honest -to -goodness down -home

minstrel show.

Oh, Helen, you don't understand.

I understand perfectly. You were patronizing my friends.

Patronizing them? I was just talking their language.

What do you mean, their language?

Well, they're black.

Well, so am I, but you never acted like that around me.

I know, and I'm sorry.

Tom, what are you talking about?

Oh, Oh, I saw what a good time you were having last night, and, well, I want you

to be able to have fun like that with me.

Are you saying that we don't have fun together?

No, but last night made me realize what I've done to you.

Done to me?

Yes, Helen.

I've kept you from being black.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Oh, I don't mean from looking black. I've kept you from being black.

Look, Tom, you haven't kept me from anything.

I... am black and I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, I know that, Helen,

but... Listen, Tom.

Look, there are a lot of people in this world who see you and me as being

different. But I never thought that you were one of them.

Look, remember when you asked me to marry you.

You told me love is colorblind.

And you were right.

I loved you then, Tom, and I love you now just the way you are.

Oh, Helen, I love you too.

I'm main squeeze.

Right on.

Excuse me, everybody.

Helen and I were just talking.

I'm sorry I acted so silly tonight.

I was just trying to fit in, but I made a big mistake.

No, Tom, we made the mistake. We acted even worse.

Last night we made you feel like an outsider in your own home.

Yeah, Tom, Wayne's right.

We're really sorry.

Tell you what, Tom, I got one extra ticket to the fight tomorrow night. How

about you joining us and we'll get better acquainted?

Well, uh... Come on, Willis.

Well, actually, Wayne, I think my friend George would probably enjoy the fight

more. Well, whatever you say. George, I'd love to have you.

Oh, thanks a lot, Wayne.

Hey, what do you think of my man Willis here? He's not such a bad guy.

Well, honky.

A honky, George?

Well, you ain't no brother.

A brother wouldn't have been caught dead doing that white red waddle he was

doing here tonight.

Well, George, I may be a honky, but I'm no fool.

Wayne, I think I'd like to go to that fight after all.

Hey, Willis, what are you talking about? You heard me.

Hey, Willis, but you're my bro. You're my main man.

How about it, for old time's sake? What do you say?

You're begging, George, and that ain't cool.