Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, we're moving on up to the...

Jenny's old bedroom will make a great nursery.

Then Lionel and Jenny can leave the baby with us as often as they like. Oh, yes,

I can hardly wait. We'll feed it. We'll play with it. Uh, you'll change it.

Oh, that must be our helpers.

Hi,

everybody. Come on in.

Oh, it's about time.

Hey, George, that's some shirt.

Uh, what color was it before you fell on the peacock?

Why? You trying to find a color you ain't married yet?

George, be nice.

How can I be nice when I'm missing the biggest poker game of my life?

Poker? That's all you've been talking about all day.

Well, I told you Charlie Warner's going to be there, and he owns a whole chain

of motels.

You know what that means?

He knows a lot of people named Smith?

No, it means he's got a lot of dirty laundry. That means a lot of business.

Well, George, if you really rather play poker... Oh, no. He promised to paint.

And he's going to keep his promise or else.

Or else what?

Or else you're going to be staying at one of Charlie Warner's motels.

Well, hey, let's get started.

Louise, would you and Florence like to help me paint the walls? Sure. Oh, thank

you. Florence, will you bring that drop cloth with you?

Okay. Well, since I'm the tallest, I'll paint the ceiling.

I guess that means you do the baseboards, huh?

Grab those newspapers.

What color are we painting the room?

Well, Helen wanted her favorite color, and I wanted mine, so we decided to mix

them. Oh, you're painting it gray?

No, Helen liked yellow, and I like blue, so we're painting it green.

Green, that's great.

Three of my favorite things come in green. What's that?

Fives, tens, and twenties.

Hey,

Ralph, what are you doing here?

have a message for you from Leroy, sir. He needs you to do his deliveries

tonight because he has to go to Buffalo.

Buffalo? Why?

Because he ate a cantaloupe for breakfast.

What? Well, sir, Leroy said the cantaloupe reminded him of an old

Melonhead Miller.

Leroy called Melonhead and discovered that he was getting married tomorrow to

female jockey.

A female jockey? Yes.

It should be a small wedding.

Let's get into the delivery list, Ralph.

Let me see.

Donatelli's Restaurant, Montclair Hotel, Atterbury State Hospital.

Atterbury State Hospital.

Ain't that the funny form?

Yes, but I believe they'd rather you call it by another name. Another name?

yeah, I meant the Nuthouse.

Oh,

by the way, I almost forgot. I saw this on sale and knew I had to get it for the

baby's bath.

Isn't it cute, sir?

Oh, yeah. How much is it going to cost me? Nothing, sir.

Just a little gift from me to your first grandchild. Oh, thanks, Ralph.

Yes.

But I did tell you about those deliveries, sir.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Here's the keys. Get my van ready.

Come on,

George. We have to get started.

Sorry, Wheezy. Ralph was just here. I got to make Leroy's deliveries tonight.

I didn't hear Ralph.

You're not trying to sneak off to play poker, are you?

Wheezy, have I ever lied to you?

I mean, recently.

Honest, Wheezy, I'm going to make the delivery and I'll be right back.

You better be telling me the truth.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Break your word and you just might.

See you.

George, aren't you forgetting something?

Oh, yeah.

Now, this is the recreation room, Mr. Davis. You'll be spending a lot of time

here. Yeah.

What about Rover?

Rover? Yeah.

Rover, my dog.

There, boy.

All right.

Yeah, right.

Rover.

Come on, Rover. Don't mind him.

Sit.

Speak.

What do you want me to say?

Oh, hi, buddy.

I'm sorry.

What are you apologizing for?

Oh, did I apologize? I'm sorry.

What time is it?

You want my watch? I don't want your watch. I'm sorry.

What are you, nuts?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Oh, man. What a basket case.

We got to get out of here, Rover.

that you can take with you.

Hey, you ain't leaving me here all alone, are you?

Don't worry, these people wouldn't hurt a fly.

It ain't the flies I'm worried about.

Hey,

neighbor!

Want to buy a pen?

No, no, I got to leave.

Uh, come on, buy a pen.

Uh, I don't want to buy a pen.

Okay, uh, I'll buy one. I'll buy the black one.

Nope, can't have that.

Okay, I'll take the red one.

Nope. Can't have the red one.

Well, give me the blue one.

Nope. Can't have the blue one.

Well, forget it then. I don't want to buy a pen.

Cheapskate.

and up the game.

What are you playing?

Ping -pong.

But you ain't playing with nobody.

All right, I'm playing ping.

I can't get anybody to play with me.

I'm the champ.

Henry Palmer's the name.

Oh. Hey, you're not contagious, are you?

So you're the new inmate?

No, I'm just visiting. Sure.

From what planet?

So how about a game?

No, no, I gotta get out of here. Oh, come on!

You look like you'd be pretty good for your size.

What do you mean for my size? I can beat you any time I want, but I ain't got

time. Want my watch?

No, I'm getting out of here.

Give me the pass.

You're going to be playing the King Kong of ping pong.

King Kong, huh?

Then you won't mind if I make a monkey out of you.

Care to make a little wager? Yeah, name the sticks.

Shall we say five?

You're on. Okay, I'll serve, sucker.

Good luck.

Don't worry.

I'm going to beat him so bad, I'm going to drive him nuts.

Oh, excuse me.

Who doesn't?

I don't.

Okay, come on, Palmer. Pay up.

What the hell was that?

That's the shift change.

It means the attendance of changing shifts.

Come on, you owe me five.

What are these?

Tokens. Tokens? I ain't no subway.

Give me my money.

Oh, those are better than money. You can turn them in for candy or cookies.

Or pens.

Come on, Palmer. Give me my money. I gotta get out of here. And just where

you going?

To take the laundry. What laundry?

That laundry.

Hey, what happened to the laundry? In my coat.

Now, just take it easy.

No, but I mean, my keys were in my coat. How am I going to get home? This is

your home, Mr.

Davis. Mr. Davis? Oh, wait a minute. No, you got the wrong guy.

My name is George Jefferson, president of Jefferson Cleaners. Oh, right. And

George Washington, president of the United States.

Oh, no, no. You see? Now, look, Mr. Davis, you're here to get better. Now,

where's your dog?

I don't have a dog.

See, you're getting better already.

Hey, look, will you guys tell him who I am?

He's King Kong.

And a cheapskate.

No, look, look, look.

Look, you gotta believe me. Look, I got some identification here.

Don't tell me.

You're Donald Duck.

Look, I'm telling you, I'm George Jefferson.

You got to believe me. You got the wrong guy. Ask the attendant who brought me

in here. Oh, I will as soon as he comes in tomorrow. Tomorrow? You ain't keeping

me here all night.

Uh -huh.

Okay, look.

I can explain this whole thing. See, I got the duck from Ralph.

Ralph came by to tell me that Leroy couldn't come because his friend the

cantaloupe was marrying this buffalo jockey.

You don't believe me, do you?

Now, just take it easy.

Nobody's going to hurt you, Mr. Davis. I'm not Mr. Davis. I'm not crazy. I'm

crazy. I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. Okay, Mr. Davis.

Will you come down if I give you back your duck? Look, just let me make a

call. You can talk to my wife. She'll tell you who I am. A phone call costs

tokens.

That's right, Mr. Davis. How many tokens do you have? Uh -huh.

I got five.

Well, the only way you're going to earn enough to make a phone call is by

behaving like a mature, responsible adult.

Now, wait a minute, turkey.

Okay. Have it your way.

I'll behave like a mature adult.

Good. Then here's your duck.

Thanks.

Oh, my back hurts.

And I've got this pain in my neck.

Speaking of pains in the neck... Where's Mr. Jefferson?

He has been gone a long time. I wonder what's keeping him. Probably three of a

kind.

Oh, Florence, George wouldn't be playing poker, would he?

Why, that little sneak!

Well... Well, I'm almost done with the ceiling, and I didn't get a drop of

on me.

Phew.

George better get back

here soon.

Oh, don't worry about it, Louise.

Let him play cards with those big shots.

Nothing doing, Helen. When Mr. Big Shot gets here, I'm going to knock him down

to size.

Well, that shouldn't take much knocking.

No!

No!

I gotta get some tokens.

Hey, wanna buy a duck?

Hey, Palmer.

I'll give you a chance to win your tokens back. Double or nothing on the

pong table.

No, I don't feel like playing ping pong.

Let's play cards.

Cards? Hey, yeah, we can play for tokens.

Let's get everybody to play. Hey, come on, Herbie. You too, ballpoint.

All right, what's your game?

We'll play gin.

Gin? Hell, let's play a man's game.

Football?

No, poker.

Oh, my daddy never taught me how to play poker. Good.

I mean, I'll teach you.

Okay. Everybody put one token up for your auntie. Not me. I hate my aunt.

Put a token up.

Okay, we play straight poker.

What are you doing?

I don't like that card.

I don't like that card either.

Look, just wait. Everybody get a chance to draw. Draw?

Want to buy a pen?

How many cards you want, Herb?

I fold.

You fold?

What are you talking about? You got a full house.

Yeah, but I thought someone else would rather win.

I'm sorry.

Look, Herbie, if you want to be a success, you got to stop apologizing.

to be aggressive.

Take me.

I went out there and got what I wanted. Look where I am.

Yeah, and then...

I'll stay with these.

I don't know. I guess I'll have to check.

Okay, Herbie. Watch me play this hand and you'll learn something about being

aggressive. Okay?

I bet three tokens.

I'll raise you five.

Okay. I'm all in.

Got a straight.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Flush. Ace, king. I caught the cowboy on the last card.

I thought you said your daddy didn't teach you how to play poker.

He didn't.

My mommy did.

Damn, now I lost all my tokens. I'll never get out of here. They think I'm

crazy. I don't. I mean, uh... I mean, uh... What do you mean, Herb? Well, I

mean, uh... I saw you bring in the laundry bag.

You mean he doesn't really belong in here?

That's right.

Fooled me.

Well, uh, they think you're crazy, and they may get mad at me if I tell them

truth. Sorry.

Not as sorry as I am. Sorry.

Okay, look, Herb. Since you don't want to tell the truth, would you do

for me? You want my watch? No!

I'm going to make a run for the door. I want you to scream to get their

attention. But, uh... Just do it! Yes.

Okay?

Now I'm going to go to the door, and when I count to three, scream your lungs

out. You got it?

I'm afraid that's gonna cost you one token. Put it on my bill.

Hey, Harvey, what happened? Why are you screaming? Somebody might have heard me.

Come on, let's play cards. Forget it. I gotta get money to make a phone call.

Tell you what.

I'll loan you the tokens to make the call if you play cards with me. You

Oh, thanks, Palmer.

That's all right.

We don't get many pigeons in here.

we just took a break.

That was a big break. Now it's time for a little break.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh, just a minute.

Louise, it's George.

George? The little weasel? He's been gone almost three hours.

Now that's what I call a break.

Yes, George?

Hey, Weasley, I'm in trouble.

What's the matter, George? You run out of chips?

I... playing cards. I'm stuck up here in Atterbury State Hospital.

You know, the funny farm.

Funny farm?

Sure.

And I'm old McDonald.

You've got to believe me, Wheezy. I'm in the nut house.

Listen. Hey, you guys, say something crazy.

Let's play cards.

Not playing

cards, huh?

Louise, look, I'm telling you the truth. You've got to come down and get me.

They think I'm somebody else. When you get home, you're going to wish you were

somebody else.

Louise, wait.

Oh, man.

She didn't believe me.

Maybe a note would be more sincere.

Want to buy a pen?

Strange. Wait, no, no. Hey, Herbie, say something.

Tell them who I am, Herb.

Heath, uh, Heath.

Never saw him before.

Herbie!

Herbie, please, don't be afraid for once in your life. Say something!

Bye, Mr. Davis.

George in a mental institution.

Can you believe that?

Yep.

Ralph, what can I do for you? Well, actually, sir, I'm just here to see Mr.

Jefferson. Well, Ralphie isn't here. He's at a poker game. Really?

I guess he finished those deliveries then, huh?

Deliveries? Yes, ma 'am.

That's why I'm here.

Leroy just called from Buffalo to thank Mr. Jefferson for making his deliveries.

Uh, Ralph, was one of those deliveries to the Atterbury State Hospital? Yes, ma

'am.

Well, George is out there!

We've got to go get him. We better hurry. I know exactly where it is. Oh,

Let's go.

He'll take that off you.

Okay, okay.

Look, Herbie.

This is your last chance. You've got to do something.

He's right. I have to do something.

You want my watch? No!

Right in here.

Wish I had my camera.

Well, what did they do to you? Why are you in that thing?

Looks like he's waiting to turn into a butterfly.

Who are you?

I'm Louise Jefferson.

And this is my husband, George Jefferson.

See? Look, he's no crazier than I am. We're about to have a grandchild

See, George isn't supposed to be here.

Leroy is.

Who is Leroy?

His delivery man.

Oh, you mean the guy who's marrying the cantaloupe? No, the cantaloupe is

marrying the jockey, remember?

Well, I don't know who's marrying who.

But this man is my husband. You've got to believe me. Now, look, we can't clear

up all this until in the morning. So until then, Mr. Davis is staying here.

Hey!

I did?

Well, and this man is George Jefferson, and I saw him bring the laundry in.

Atta boy, Herb. You did it.

I did.

Then who is Lester Davis?

He is.

I'm on the street for only three hours. Three hours. I was flashed, mugged.

Right, Rover?

I'm awfully sorry about the mix -up, Mr. Jefferson.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

I'm sorry, too.

About what?

Everything. Herbie. Sorry.

Well, Jefferson, it was kind of nice meeting you. Same here, Paula.

Here, have a pint.

Oh, you're welcome, George.

Hey, look here, when you get out, Herbie, I want you to come and see me.

a job at the Jefferson Cleaners.

$500 a month.

Wow!

$750. Take it or leave it.