Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up. To the sun. Moving on up. To a deep.

I ever told you you have a nice voice?

No. Now you know why.

It don't matter.

When Mr. and Mrs. Van Morris come, they're going to ask me if I can sing.

I think I like them already.

Well, what's more important is that they like us.

This is our big chance to get into the black social register.

George, I'm not sure about this high society business.

That's why I bought this book.

The complete guide to etiquette and social grace.

George, all etiquette is is common sense.

Common sense?

Okay. You're so smart.

What would I wear if I was going on a fox hunt?

In the middle of Manhattan?

A straight jacket.

I'm doing this for you. For me?

Yeah. Look, if the Van Mars... is like us, then we'll get into the black social

register. And we'll have a lot of rich friends, and a lot of rich friends means

more business, and more business means more money, and more money means I'll be

powerful, I'll be famous.

What does all that have to do with me? You'll have somebody to brag about.

Oh, George.

Look, what I'm trying to say is, then I'll be able to buy you anything you

I already have everything I want.

Don't you ever let anybody hear you say that. It ain't American.

All right, George. I know this means a lot to you, so you can count on me. Oh,

thanks. Now get this junk of yours out of here.

This isn't junk.

This is my speech for the help center luncheon. You ain't finished with that

speech yet?

As a matter of fact, I have.

Good. You've been staying up late at night for a week with that help center

stuff. And here I am laying in bed, wishing you were next to me.

Oh, George, really?

Yeah, that damn typewriter's been keeping me awake.

George, tomorrow's award luncheon means a lot to me. This is the first year I've

been in charge, and I want everything to be perfect. But, Weezy, everything you

do is perfect. You're perfect.

You're more than perfect.

In fact, you're almost another me.

Hey, I gotta talk to Florence. Where is she? Hey, Lazy.

She'll be right back. She went out to pick up an award.

For what, the greasiest pork chop of the year?

No, the volunteer of the year plaque.

I'm presenting it to Marge Burns tomorrow.

Wait, is she supposed to be here to help us get ready for the fair market? She

put it in the oven just before she left.

Uh -huh, sounds just like her, leaving the scene of the crime.

Hello, Mr. J. Hey, Bentley. Here's the art book you wanted to borrow.

All right, thanks, Bentley. Ha, ha, ha. Wait till the Van Marses hear me talk

about these artists.

Hey, Van Gogh, Da Vinci, and Pollock. All right.

Uh, Mr. J., that's Van Gogh, Da Vinci, and Pollock.

Oh, well, whoever they are, they don't know nothing about painting.

Look, this ain't nothing but a lot of dots.

He didn't even connect them.

Well, Mr. J., you see, those dots symbolize man's intellectual evolution.

from his first mastering of the basic tools to his eventual conquest of the

entire interstellar galactic system.

Go ahead, Bentley.

How'd you know that?

I made it up. Oh.

Mr. Jay, you see, modern art means different things to different people.

That's dumb.

No, no. For example, this painting must symbolize something to you. Now think.

What does red dots on a white background mean to you?

A honky with measles.

Well, I'd better be off.

I'm going to wine and dine Jennifer this evening.

Wine and dine? Oh, no.

I forgot to get the wine for the Van Morrises.

Bentley, what kind of wine should I get?

Well, first you have to decide between white wine or red.

What's the difference?

One is darker.

Oh, never mind. It don't matter. I'll ask the guy at the store.

Weasley, I'm going to buy some wine.

Oh, I'll go with you. Perhaps we can pick up a nice little puif we say.

it, Billy. I'm a married man.

Florence, am I glad to see you.

Uh -oh, wrong apartment.

Come on in. There's a lot of work you've got to do right away.

Uh -oh, right apartment.

What do you want me to clean?

Anything that don't move. That way you both be going at the same speed.

Did you get the plaque? Yes, and have I got great news.

Halfway down to your engraver, I remembered Brad Kendrick.

Who's Brad Kendrick? A guy I know who's an engraver. So I took the plaque to

him. Did you get a discount?

Better. I got a date for next weekend.

Well, but is he a good engraver?

Well, if he engraves as good as he looks, child, this plaque will make you

in the knees.

Well, thanks for taking care of it. It was my pleasure. I'm so excited about

tomorrow. Tell me how this sounds.

I'm proud to present this award to Margaret Burns, a woman who's

devoted her time and energy to the help center.

So, ladies and gentlemen, can we please have a big hand for our volunteer

of the year, Margaret Burps.

burns. It is, but this plaque says burp.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, you better get your friend to change it. I can't. He already left on a

fishing trip. What?

Yeah, that's why he's taking me out next weekend instead of this weekend.

Oh, this is terrible. Oh, I hope I can find someone to fix it.

Margaret burps.

Actually, that's kind of funny.

Margaret burps.

I don't think that's funny at all.

Why didn't you take it to our regular engraver? You never listened to me.

Wait a minute. What do you mean, never?

When ain't I listened to you?

Well, how about yesterday when you were vacuuming?

I said we needed a new bag. You said no. There was enough room left in the old

one. Then what happened? The bag broke.

Dust all over the place.

Well, that wasn't my fault. That was your fault.

Mine? Yeah.

You're my cheap bag.

Lawrence, please don't point your finger.

You're always pointing at people. That really bothers me.

Well, excuse me.

You know, you do things that bother me, too.

Oh, is that so?

Like what?

Like the first thing every morning, you drag yourself out here, and the only

thing you have to say to me is, coffee.

Well, I shouldn't ask you for my coffee anyway. You don't even know how to pour

it. You always hold the pot way up here and end up splashing me.

Yeah? Well, you pick your teeth.

What? You heard me. I said you pick your teeth.

Like this.

What? When do I do that? Every time we have cauliflower.

But we hardly ever have cauliflower.

Of course not. Who wants to watch you pick your teeth?

And another thing. You can't walk by nobody without picking things off their

clothes. Huh?

So I got a couple of fuzz balls on my clothes.

What business is that of yours?

Fuzz balls?

Oh, no, no, not you.

Look, I've got to get a plaque engraved by tomorrow morning.

I know it's short notice, but... Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

All right.

Bye.

Well, Florence, I hope you're satisfied.

The help center has to suffer because you can't even follow simple

Are you saying I'm stupid?

I didn't say it.

Well, I ain't stupid.

And as far as anybody suffering at that help center, that's a laugh.

That center's just a place for rich ladies who ain't got nothing better to

with their time.

Florence! Good luck, everybody.

Bailey just happened to have this bottle of real expensive wine over this place.

So, social register, here you come.

So, just what do you do with your time that's better? I have a job. I work.

You may have a job, but you certainly don't work.

What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

Margaret burps.

Maybe she's got gas.

work, huh?

Well, who do you think keeps this place clean?

Half the time you get me to help you.

Well, you ain't got nothing better to do.

Hey, wait a minute, you two. You stop arguing. We gotta get this place ready

the Bay of Martins. Well, talk to her. She's the maid. I may be the maid, but I

sure don't have to stand here and listen to you insult me.

Oh, well, maybe you'd be happier working someplace else.

Well, maybe I would.

Florence, where you going?

I'm going...

my stuff and go up to the Willis's. They'll let me stay there until I find

another job. Another job? Nobody fired you. Oh, no? Well, then I quit. You

quit. What about the Van Morris's? I need a man with me.

Well, then go and see if you can find one that don't mind working for her.

Weasley, you don't really want Florence to go, do you? You saw her, George.

She's rude, she's thoughtless, she's inconsiderate. Yeah, but you're

a good point.

Name one.

Well, she ain't twin.

Oh, come on, Weasley. I can't think of one thing Florence don't do around here.

I can.

How about the way she never waters the plants?

Well, she's just trying to teach them to be independent.

And every morning you grumble about your age.

Right. But from now on, we're going to put the blame where it belongs, on the

chicken.

Forget it, George. I got to get on the phone and see if I can find somebody to

redo my plaque. Weezy Bunch.

Florence, you really don't want to go, do you? Yep.

Hey, Florence, I need you. Please, I'm begging you, just stay tonight.

Forget it. Look, I'll hire you back.

One night, $100.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson, please. $150.

You think money can buy anything, don't you? Okay. Look, you stay tonight.

Take care of my guests. I'll give you $300.

What time do you want to go?

All the engravers closed at five. Now there's nobody I can call.

What is she still doing here?

She's working. I hired her back.

I don't want her working for me. I ain't working for you. I'm working for Mr.

Jefferson. George, don't you think I should have something to say about this?

seems to me you have something to say about everything.

If somebody around here would have done as she was told, I wouldn't have to say

anything. All right, now, stop it, you two. Now, you've been friends too long

for this. Just think of all the good times you had together. All of the

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Hello. Who?

I'm sorry. Florence is on duty right now.

Who? Brad Kendrick.

Oh, the engraver. Fantastic.

Listen, you misspelled something on that plaque you made today.

You can?

Great. I wish you were here. I'd kiss you.

Lighten up, buddy. It's only a figure of speech.

See you tomorrow.

Well, you two, that was Brad Kendrick. He didn't go fishing after all, and he

said he'll have a new plaque over here in the morning, and he'll see you then.

So, now everybody's happy, right?

No, that's wrong. Happy is like this.

Look, will you two say you're sorry?

I'm sorry.

Sorry I ever took this job.

Not half as sorry as I am. Hey, wait a minute. Oh, look, come on, you two. Now,

look, why don't you just tell each other how you really feel?

You... Point.

Coffee.

Is this where Miss Jefferson's going to sit?

Yeah, why?

Just checking.

read in his etiquette book.

When the guests arrive, the host should introduce himself with a warm verbal

greeting.

Sample greeting.

Welcome to our home.

I'm Heidi Green.

How are you?

That's fascinating, Heidi.

Now let's see. I'll bet the guests will say, fine, thanks. How are you?

Hey, that's right.

Did you study this stuff in school?

Hey, Mr. Van Marsden, get everything ready, quick.

The book is here, you're here, you're here, and I'm here. Okay, we're all

right? Okay, let's go answer the door. Now remember, one.

Yeah, okay.

Hello.

Welcome to our home.

I'm Heidi Green.

I mean, I'm George Jefferson.

This is my wife, Louise.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

See, we sit here with the same book.

How do you do? Won't you come in?

Why, Mrs. Jefferson, what a lovely little place.

It reminds me of where I grew up.

Me too.

Oh, where did you grow up?

Well, we were both born in Hartford.

Great little town, Hartford.

I see, Connecticut.

A lot of old money up there.

Not mine.

I just came from the bank. I got a lot of brand -new money, see?

Joe, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Yes, would you like some wine?

I have a very old bottle of Pauley -Boissois.

Do you mean Poulivus, eh?

Oh, yeah, I got some of that, too.

Well, I don't like Foulifoussé.

Me neither. That's why the bottle's so old.

I do love your dress. Is it an original?

Well... Yes.

Oh, Halston?

No, Dacron.

Was that a joke, dear? I think so.

Oh.

Tell me, Mrs. Jefferson.

Are derps anybody?

There we were, talking.

Just set the tray down, Florence.

Florence, would you set the tray down, please?

Yes, sir, Mr. Jefferson.

Florence, you forgot the toothpick.

Oh, I thought you had your own special toothpick.

Oh, thank you for getting rid of that fuzzball.

like some tea or some coffee?

No, but we'd love some champagne.

Yes, Florence.

Why don't you get some for him and him and her and me?

Good help is so hard to find.

Mr. Van Morris, what do you do for a living?

Well, among other things, I own a copper smelting plant.

Copper smelting?

If there's one thing I'm interested in, it's copper smelting.

You know about copper smelting? Me, of course.

First, you take a bunch of copper, you put it together, and then you smelt it.

And then you smelt it again.

And then you smelt it to make sure you smelt it right. Right.

Well, it is a bit more complex than that. Oh, of course.

So I hear you're in the dry cleaning business, Mr. Jefferson.

That is correct.

Seven stores all over the city. Well, I suppose someone has to do that sort of

thing.

Yes. Well, it's certainly not as exciting as copper smelting.

Oh, here's some champagne.

Maybe someone else should pour it.

Oh, no. I'm sure I can pour it properly.

She likes her champagne with the head on it.

Florence, if you can point yourself in Mrs. Van Morris' direction.

I'm sure she would like some champagne.

Thank you, but you know you should pour from the left,

dear.

Really?

Yes, dear.

Well, I'll remember that, sweetheart.

Maybe Mr. Van Morris would like some champagne.

Yes, as long as it is not a domestic.

Yes, we loathe domestics.

Well, speaking as a domestic, I'm not real fond of you either.

What? Where is your copper -smelting plant? You are forgivable. Mrs.

I insist that you reprimand her at once.

Take it easy, Mrs.

Van Morris. Take it easy? That woman should be put in her place.

Not by you, sweetheart.

Would you like some more champagne, Mr. Smelt? I mean, uh... Well, Mrs.

Jefferson, would you tell this woman to whom she is speaking?

Oh, why, certainly, Mrs. Van Morris.

Florence, you are speaking to a jackass.

That woman just called my wife a jackass.

I don't believe it.

Me neither.

You should have dropped the jack.

Florence,

I'd like some champagne.

Did you hear what they said to me?

There, there, dear. What can you expect?

Mrs. Jefferson's obviously a bull.

What the hell did you say?

Are you losing your hearing?

No, but you're going to be losing your teeth. I break your heart. It's too late

to beg, Chuck.

Jefferson, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

You're asking us to leave.

No, of course not. I'm throwing you out.

I know, Jefferson, but you know you can kiss the social register goodbye.

Oh, yeah? Well, I won't tell you what you can kiss.

Florence. Oh, Mr. General.

Oh,

I couldn't control myself.

That's all right. I love it when you take fuzz balls off my clothes.

Well, I love the way you pour coffee.

And I love the way you say coffee.

And I didn't mean what I said about the help center.

And I didn't mean anything I said.

Oh, Miss Jefferson. Oh, Florence.

Oh, look, you two, don't get carried away.

Oh, George, and you were wonderful.

The way you stood up to the Van Morrises and didn't even care about the social

register.

Oh, that ain't the last we'll be seeing of them, Weezy.

Someday that guy's gonna be calling me, begging me for something.

You really think so? I'm sure of it.

I kept his hat.

Shall we break open the poly -what's -what?