Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

should get life insurance from Freedom Mutual. No, George. Plymouth Rock has

the best coverage.

Freedom's only been around five years.

That's because Freedom Mutual is a black -owned company. Every time we go door

to door, one of y 'all has us busted for loitering.

Look, George, I'm talking about experience.

And Plymouth Rock has been around for years.

So has the Klan. I'm not having Lionel sign up with them either.

George!

We found it. The perfect gift for Lionel. and Jenny and right out of the

Babyrama catalog.

Just listen to this.

VIP deluxe baby carriage comes complete with insulated padding, rain guard,

storage area, sunroof, linen, and monogrammed body size.

What, no jacuzzi?

Man, things sure have changed since we were growing up.

Oh, I had something like that when I was a child. You did?

Yeah, only we called it a house.

And I'll bet it costs less than this carriage, too. Look, Lionel and Jenny

got to worry about what nothing costs. Because whatever they want, I'm paying

for it.

You mean we're paying for it. I'm paying for it. Oh, please. Can't you two agree

on anything?

No.

George, we are all going to pay for it. So just call a truce before the man from

the baby store gets here.

Uh, Tom, why don't you help George set up the slide projector?

You two should be able to manage that without fighting.

Yeah, sure. Come on, Willis, help me carry this stuff.

Oh, George, we're going to need a 12 -foot extension cord.

Eight foot. Twelve.

We don't have nothing that long, unless you take off your belt.

Well, we've decided on the carriage.

Now the problem is... Which grandfather gets to use it first?

Oh, Louise, suppose the children don't choose the carriage we pick for them.

Well, Helen, it is up to them to choose what they like.

Right.

I mean, who are we to start making decisions for them?

Sure. They are old enough to do it without our help.

They're adults.

Right.

So what'll it be, the blue one or the red one?

Miss Jefferson, these are the hors d 'oeuvres you asked me to make. Oh, thank

you, Floret.

I sure hope Lionel and Jenny get here soon. Some of these toothpicks are

starting to take root.

Oh, the children should be here any minute.

Okay, but don't blame me if the baby's first words are, how do you spell

Well, Lionel and Jenny are late. I hope they didn't forget.

Oh, no. No, I talked to Jenny today, and they're just as excited about all this

as we are.

Oh, well, come on, Lionel, we're late. Aw, this is a

drag. Well, you stop calling it a drag. It hasn't even started yet. Jenny, we're

going to look at baby furniture.

Now, how many people you know come talking about, man, that was some heavy

furniture blur.

I mean, like, next time I'm going to get there early for the furniture groupie

show.

Are you finished?

What's the big deal? Maybe you could have done this yourself and let me go to

the Jets game.

The Jets game? Now that's a drag. But I had a seat on the 50 -yard line.

So what?

All they do is run around and pat each other on the butt.

You can see that for nothing at Times Square.

Jenny.

Honey.

This is important to our parents.

I'll let you know if it's taking too long.

Yeah, how?

I'll start going into labor.

Jenny, Lionel. Hi, Ma.

George, Tom, Lionel and Jenny are here. Oh, no.

Oh, isn't the salesman here yet?

No, but he's on his way. The traffic is heavy because of some dumb football

game.

Lionel, don't listen to a word he says.

What? When you get life insurance, that's freedom you get.

Get Plymouth Rock, Lionel. Look, I'm his father. I know a black company is best

for him.

Lionel, my company has more branches than his company.

My company's got more roots.

Lionel, you're a bright young man with a growing family. A growing black family.

Well, dark gray, so what?

happen when you're gone?

Gone where?

Gone dead.

You know something I don't know?

We're talking about life insurance. Think about it, Lionel. Oh, dear.

Uh -oh, think fast.

George, maybe Lionel doesn't want to talk about life insurance right now.

Thanks, Mom.

He ought to think about savings bonds first.

What? Or the payroll savings plan.

It's for the baby's education, but the baby's not even born yet.

Ah, you have to plan ahead.

Yeah, it's never too early, Lionel.

Helen is right.

So you ought to get savings bond.

Get life insurance first, freedom mutual.

Get them a crock.

And if none of that suits you, you can get the door.

Well, if you mind your business, my son... Well, no, my son... I know, when

told you...

Hey! Hey!

Wait a minute.

Hi, Nathan Weems, Babarama Industries.

Yeah, any word on the jets? The jets? Yeah.

Well, I think the DC -10s are flying again.

Hi, Mr. Weems. Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

Is everybody here? Yes.

George, could you set up the equipment?

Always. Now, where are the prospective parents?

Right. Here.

Oh, what a lovely couple.

Thank you.

And this is my son, Lionel. Hi.

I'm Helen Willis, and this is my daughter, Jenny.

Hello. Good to meet you. You must be very proud of your daughter. We

are. Yes, I... Oh!

Who are you? Her father. Oh.

Yes.

I can see the, uh...

You know, Jenny, we're very proud of this year's nursery line. And you know

motto. Parents need not suffer trauma when they shop at Baby Roma.

Well, it's better with the music.

I'm sure you're going to be very interested in seeing these slides.

How many did you bring?

Well, I didn't know exactly what you were looking for, so I brought our

line. Oh, great.

And just wait until you see our new wallpaper selection.

We've already gotten rave reviews about it. Oh, wow, I can hardly wait.

Oh, isn't this exciting?

We... We prefer to look upon infants as empty sponges, just

yearning to...

Soak up all the knowledge of the world around them. For instance, take our new

Daily Gazette wallpaper.

It's done up in a little newspaper motif. It's covered with little

comic strips and stock reports, classifieds.

Even a little weather report for babies.

Dry today, damp tomorrow.

And then there's our new disco motif. We call our boogie baby line.

Hey, these hors d 'oeuvres ain't bad, Lana. You want to try one?

Ah, no thanks. I lost my appetite.

And for the really with it couple, we have our Marvin versus Marvin wallpaper.

What's that?

We use a special paste. It only sticks together for six years.

That's a little baby -rama humor there.

No charge.

Okay, we're all set.

Wonderful.

Oh, before we see the slides, I want you to look through this so that you can

see all the different colors.

Lionel, Lionel, the show's about to start.

Oh,

I don't feel so good. Why don't you just go on without me?

Oh, but you might see something you like.

I said I... I don't feel like looking at the slides.

Dude brought the whole store over here. Oh, that doesn't mean we have to see

everything. We can. By the time he's finished, the kid will be in high

Lionel? Jenny, just leave me alone, okay?

What's the matter with you?

I'm tired.

I mean, you see the way everybody's acting?

I miss my football game for life insurance, savings, bonds, and wallpaper

Well, what do you want, a baby or a touchdown?

I want to call time out.

Lionel, Our parents went out of their way to give us the slideshow, and the

least you can do is watch.

Jenny. Oh, now, look, I don't want to talk about it anymore. You might as well

get ready, because you are going over there, and you are going to watch those

slides. Oh, well, you're only half right, because I'm just going.

Lionel, don't you dare walk out of here.

Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going? Out.

Jenny.

goes. He won't get a better deal than Baby Rama.

You mean to tell me all this happened just because Lionel couldn't go to a

football game? No, no, it's more than that. It's... I don't know what it is.

You could find out. We carry a whole line of reference books. Only $89 .90.

Five.

You know, maybe Lionel, heck, he didn't eat none of my hors d 'oeuvres.

Good, and there's still some hope.

Everybody wait here until I come back.

Including you, Ween. Oh, maybe I better come back another time.

Will 20 bucks make you change your mind?

Well, where were we?

I'm going to find Lionel. I'll go with you. You stay here, Willis. This is a

family affair.

But I'm family.

Don't rub it in.

Hey, Charlie, how about another Timberwolf?

Another Timberwolf?

What, are you at war with your liver?

Family troubles, man. Family troubles.

I could have been on the 50 -yard line watching the Jets, but no, I got to hang

around to watch baby furniture.

Oh, traded box seats for potty seats, huh?

You call that justice?

Hey, don't worry, Lionel. I mean, that game was nothing to write home about.

Oh, that's good.

I mean, so what if the game went into overtime?

Overtime? Oh, come on. It was an insult to the sport.

I mean, even with that last second touchdown.

Last second touchdown?

Look, the pass bounced off four players' hands before the tight end grabbed it,

flipped it to the halfback, who fell into the end zone with six guys on his

at the final gun.

Talk about sloppy.

Make that a double.

Hey, Lion.

Pop, how'd you know I was here? Ralph told me. But I gave him ten bucks to

his mouth shut. I know, and I gave him twenty to point.

Charlie, I'll have what Lion was drinking. Yeah, coming up. Oh, that old

that's what you... I'll tell you what it is. It's a waste of time.

You got a mother upstairs worried sick and a wife crying her eyes out.

Hey, man, I'm sorry, but I had to get out.

That's why Jenny's always crying.

This morning, she cried during Popeye.

She used to cry all the time when she was pregnant.

Yeah? How about after I was born?

No. The doctor bill came and I cried.

Thanks,

Charlie.

Your funeral.

Come on, Lionel. What's the problem?

I don't know, Pop. I mean, it's funny, you know.

Yeah,

man. What the hell is in this stuff?

It's called a timber wolf.

Tastes more like a forest fire.

Like I was saying, see, when Jenny first got pregnant, I was all for having a

baby, but now I just feel so boxed in.

I've got to act a certain way and be somebody. I'm not even sure I am.

I just don't feel really happy about it.

Am I making any sense, Bob?

Look,

look, now you've got a good job. You've got a good wife, and you're going to be

a father.

Take away your in -laws, and everything's going great.

Venture fee pops, savings bonds, nursery slides, life insurance. Freedom mutual,

right? Who cares? Maybe I'm just not ready to be a father.

Now, that's stupid, Lionel. I mean, being a father can be a lot of fun.

I remember when you was a baby, every time you used to make a noise, you'd

like this.

I did?

Yeah.

But it was only gas.

But it was good gas.

I'm telling you, it's fun.

You know, like, I used to hold you in my arms and walk on the floor at 3 o

'clock in the morning, making bottles, changing diapers, wiping up drool.

I need another drink.

You see what I mean? I don't know, Pop. I just feel so trapped all of a sudden.

That just means you're growing up.

Maybe I don't want to grow up.

Well, in that case, drink this. It'll stunt anybody's growth.

Hey, thank you.

I mean, I don't want to grow up so fast.

It seems like I just went to sleep, woke up, and I'm going to be a father.

That's because of what you did before you went to sleep.

Now I got responsibilities.

I can't even do what I want to anymore.

Well, what do you want to do?

I don't know.

Well, you know you ain't already doing it.

Uh, you know what I mean, Pop. I mean, like, I can't hitchhike across the

country. I can't sneak into the movies.

I can't even paint my name on a bridge.

That's your problem? You want to paint your name on a bridge?

I ain't saying that. I'm just saying if I wanted to, I can't, and I can't if I

wanted to.

Because I can't.

Oh.

Well, if you could, what bridge would you want to paint your name on?

Well, you know the 145th Street Bridge?

Yeah, ain't that the one on 145th Street?

Yeah, right, right in Harlem.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to paint my name on that bridge.

Now I can't.

Why can't you? The bridge is still there, ain't it?

Yeah, but... And you're still here, ain't you?

Sure, but... Well, what are we waiting for?

picture on the sun visor? Yeah.

Well, then, if you look like that, wouldn't you want your face covered up?

Where do you want to put your name?

On the outside of that pillar where everybody can see it. I'll just climb up

there. Hey, now, look, be careful. We're 200 feet up. That's water down there.

No, that's the Harlem River. You don't start hitting water until 40 miles

upstream.

Okay, now, when I get up there, you hold my legs. Okay, but look, I ain't

exactly sober now.

Oh, big deal. Neither am I.

Oh, right.

What do you suppose you're for?

Well, then you catch me.

But you're going to be way down there.

Then I'll catch you.

All right.

Okay.

Ain't nothing to this.

Am I there yet?

No.

Why not?

Well, the pillow ain't moved.

Okay, now hold my hand.

All right, you holding? I'm holding. I'm holding.

You sure you're holding?

I said I'm holding.

Okay. Okay, where's the spray paint?

Right over here.

Whoa.

Okay, I got you. It's okay. I got you. Oh, Lord.

Now what's wrong? I know I failed.

No, you didn't.

You look like Sam did.

enough room down here, I'm gonna have to climb up higher.

Be careful, Lytle.

All right.

All right, now.

Okay, hand me the spray paint.

Hey,

this is great up here, ain't it, Lytle?

Yeah. Yeah, me and my running buddies used to come up here all the time.

Chauncey Way, Fat Tommy Roberts, you remember them?

Sure.

Yeah, yeah. I wonder whatever happened to them cats.

Oh, man, they probably all married and working.

Yeah.

Too bad they can't see you now, huh?

Yeah, too bad.

See that? And you said you didn't know how to act like a kid no more.

Yeah.

Oh, boy, this is great, ain't it, Lionel?

Yeah.

Paint that, sucker!

What are you doing?

Getting down.

But you ain't even put your name up there. I know.

changed my mind, Papa. I don't want to paint my name on a bridge.

Oh, Lord.

Now what do you want to do?

Rip off a Goodyear blimp?

No, see, this whole thing is silly. I'm a grown man now.

That's right. You're a grown man.

You ain't no kid no more.

Yeah.

Except sometimes I still act like a kid, huh? Well, I'm lucky to have a father

like you to help me out.

Yeah, well, see, that's what being a father's all about.

I mean, after your baby's born, then you'll be able to help him out.

Well, I just hope I can do as good a job raising my kid as you did with me.

Oh, thanks, Lyle.

No problem.

Hey, thank you, man.

You better get going. I want to apologize to Jenny. Yeah, it's a good

Hey, imagine two grown men going to spray paint a bridge.

Ain't that ridiculous?

It's crazy.

Dumb. It's stupid.

Me first. You got it.

Mr. Ween.

I'm sorry George and Lionel aren't back yet.

Me too. Mr. Jefferson promised me 20 bucks.

I should have let Lionel go to that football game.

This is all my fault.

Sonny, Sonny, Sonny Fat Tommy says, man, babies can't live in somebody's

stomach.

Realize what time it is.

I can't see my watch.

You are not wearing one.

Oh, for a minute I thought I was going blind.

Oh, Lionel, Lionel, are you all right?

Yeah, Jenny, I'm fine.

Are you sure?

Hey, don't worry about me. I'm a grown man.

Well, then, where have you been?

Well, that's not important.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm holding what's important.

You know, we just took care of everything.

Yeah, and it smelled like it was all 90 proof.

George, where did you go?

Uh, Mrs. Jefferson, speaking of going, I've already been through my entire

presentation twice.

And confidentially, I'm beginning to bore myself.

Oh, Weems, I'm sorry.

Here, a little something for your trouble. Oh.

And what about our trouble?

You're mad. It's your trouble.

Uh, Mr.

Weems, I know it's late and everything, but, uh, you suppose you could show us

those slides now?

Well, I guess so.

But, um...

What about the, uh, couch?

Huh. I'll tell you what.

You make me an offer, you can take it as is.

Yeah.