Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. Moving on up.

Thank you, Mrs. J. You're going to Charlie's Halloween party tonight,

you? Yes, I've got my costume right here.

You're going as a file clerk.

Oh, no. This is just some work from the help center.

When you stop by before the party, you'll get to see my costume.

Oh, splendid.

I just love Halloween.

The goblins, the monsters, the ghouls. It's what America is all about.

Did you call about the jack -o' -lantern?

Why not?

Oh.

Huh?

I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson. I just didn't have time to carve the pumpkin.

Oh, that's a shame.

Halloween is not the same without a jack -o' -lantern.

We could stick a candle in Mr. Jefferson's mouth and watch his eyes

Oh, Florence, I want to show you something.

How do I look?

Like you mugged a muppet.

You see it my way.

Oh, it was a great idea for all of us to dress up as old movie stars. Yeah, I

know it was a great idea. It was my idea.

I'm going to win that costume contest tonight because I got... Like I was

saying, when those judges see me, their eyes are going to pop out. I'm going to

be so sharp.

Stop that!

Tonight's going to be great.

I'm going to go up there to pick up my trophy.

I'm going to feel like...

George, Florence is just having fun. But I hate fish.

It's only rubber.

Oh, yeah, it probably tastes like your pot roast.

You know, Halloween is so much fun.

Yeah, I remember when I was a kid.

You must have a great memory.

We were so poor, we used to buy for apple corn.

Tell me about it. My first party, I couldn't afford a costume.

So I just wrapped myself up in tinfoil and came as leftovers.

When we went trick -or -treating, we usually didn't get no candy.

So we just went around soaping windows.

I never did that.

From the looks of these windows, you still don't.

When it comes to work, I do my share.

Yeah, you share it with everybody else.

Oh, please, don't you two start. I just want a quiet, peaceful evening.

I've been working so hard at the help center, it's got me seeing double.

Lord, that must be rough, seeing two of him.

Oh, I better get dressed.

I invited Tom, Helen, and Mr. Bentley over for a drink.

I wonder who they're going to be.

Probably the three students.

Florence, fix me a drink. I'm off duty.

No, you ain't. It's Halloween. All witches are on duty.

What's that supposed to mean?

Miss Jefferson don't want us talking nasty to each other tonight, so I'll be

honking my phone.

Well, you keep your honking to yourself.

Okay, you like sounding like a goose? Why don't you waddle over and answer the

door?

Oh, that was a good one.

You look just like Harpo Marx.

Thank you, Mr. Bentley. And you look just like... Ducky Dempster.

Yeah.

Who?

Ducky Dempster. He's my favorite British comedian.

Oh, that Ducky Dempster.

Yes.

Yeah, one of his favorite characters is Percy the Barkeep.

He says, Oh, you say you want a fever scotch and two pints of gin in your

by half past eight?

That ought to take the mice out of your art home.

him funny?

Mr. J, you make a wonderful Charlie Chaplin.

I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.

I need to borrow your balcony.

What for?

To set up my telescope. I want to view the dog star.

Lassie?

No, no, Sirius.

I am Sirius.

No, Sirius is the dog star. You see, it's rising tonight and I can't see it

my balcony.

Oh, sure, go ahead. Help yourself. Set it up. Ah, thank you, Mr. J.

You're a pimp.

A pip?

Wait till Gladys Knight hears that.

had nothing to do with it.

How you doing, big boy?

Who you calling boy?

Who you calling big?

Oh, Mae West.

I say, ain't it true you've had dozens of interesting men in your life?

It ain't the men in my life. It's the life in my men.

Thank you, George.

Now, I just want to go in and check on my makeup.

Why don't you come up and see me sometime?

Mr.

Bennett, did you set up your telescope yet?

Oh, yes. As the ducky dumpster would say, full speed ahead and watch out for

horses.

I'll show you, Mr. J. Just a moment.

Just look in the eyepiece.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I can see into the apartment across the way.

Hot damn, that woman ain't got nothing on but a bikini.

A bikini?

Yeah. I don't believe it, Bentley. She's doing jumping jack.

One, two.

Ain't that disgusting?

I don't know. I haven't looked yet.

stuck again. I'm coming, Miss Jefferson.

Here, Florence, let me help.

Bravo.

Bravo, Florence. Are you all right, Mrs. J? I'm fine, but we've got to get that

door fixed.

Well, I'll be off.

I'll be back later for the pre -party party.

Until then, as Dr. Dempster would say, Don't let your doggy take a shower.

let your doggy take a shower.

The man needs help.

24.

Oh, what is George doing?

Oh, he's watching some girl through Mr. Bentley's telescope do her exercises.

Boy, Bentley, look at her go.

Man, if I was only a few years younger.

If you don't get away from that telescope, you won't get any older.

You know, it's kind of cold out here. Let's get inside.

What were you looking at? Nothing.

Okay,

I was looking into the church.

Then what were you counting?

My blessings.

Well, let me look for myself.

Hey, what's that?

What's what?

Oh, forget it.

Go ahead, look in the telescope.

Well, what do you see?

Well, I don't see a church.

I see... My God!

Lord, there must be a strong telescope.

What's wrong, Mr. Jefferson?

Are you okay?

Well, say something.

Anything.

Horrible. Horrible? What's horrible?

What are you talking about?

I saw a man kill someone.

I don't see nothing.

You must have moved the telescope.

It happened out there in one of those buildings.

Which building?

I don't know.

Well, that narrows it down to Manhattan.

I've got to call the police. The police?

Yes. Somebody may be getting killed over there.

But I thought you said he already was killed.

He was killed, but I don't know if he's dead yet.

Well,

what I mean is... No, I don't know what I mean.

Okay, okay. Look, I'll call the police. She's too excited.

Florence, fix Weasley a drink. I know she can use one.

Hello.

Get me the police. I want to report a murder.

Of course it's an emergency.

Hello. Look, my wife said she just thought somebody killed somebody.

What did he look like?

He was about five foot ten.

About 5 '10". And he had a mustache.

A mustache.

Horn -rimmed glasses.

Horn -rimmed glasses.

A furry ears and a cottontail. Furry ears and a cottontail.

The killer was a rabbit.

Lord have mercy.

Hello.

My wife said that the killer was a rabbit.

A white rabbit.

A white rabbit.

And tell him just before he shot the guy, he hit him with a big carrot.

Hello? Right.

My name? Tom Willis.

You don't believe me, do you?

Of course I do, Weezy, but look, the police don't know you as well as I do. I

mean, they'll never believe you.

Well, I'm telling you, I saw a man just like a rabbit kill somebody.

Miss Jefferson, I believe you thought you saw something, but you said yourself

you were so tired you were seeing doubles.

But I only saw one rabbit.

Yeah, with a black jack carrot.

Yeah, look, Weezy, you probably just saw two dudes fooling around. I mean, you

know it is Halloween.

Well, maybe you're right.

I guess it is kind of silly.

Who ever heard of a killer rabbit?

Jimmy Carter.

Yeah, it was just an optical illusion.

You know, like Florence's house cleaning.

Well, I gotta try to cheer her up, don't I?

afraid I didn't get that.

Why not? She's talking, honky.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Willis. Come on in.

After you, Stan Mayer.

No, Ollie.

After you.

Oh, but I insist.

No, I insist.

Well,

here's another fine mess you've gotten me into.

Thank you.

Oh, what's this?

Just thought I'd give you a hand.

Hi,

George. Chaplain!

Oh, hi, Louise.

Your costume is wonderful.

Hello, Helen.

What's the matter?

Oh, nothing.

Well, I hope we get a better reception at the contest.

We went to a lot of trouble finding these costumes.

Oh, that's too bad.

Why don't the two of you just hold hands and come as a zebra?

I'm sorry, Helen. Your costumes were great.

I'm just a little tired.

Well, I know how we can liven things up around here.

Are you leaving?

Come on, Helen. Let's do that bit we worked out for the contest tonight.

Great idea, Tom. Louise, wait until you see this.

All right?

Yes.

Stanley, do you have the time?

Yes, I do.

Well, would you mind telling me?

See how simple that was?

It's nine o 'clock.

Rolling in the aisles. Yeah, I just hope you don't roll on them.

Hey.

Good evening, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

Hey, Ralph. Who are the kids?

Well, sir.

Stick them up, Sidewinder. Yeah, we want some candy.

Oh, that partner. Now, you wouldn't shoot a helpless little tramp, would

Please don't tempt them, sir.

We want some candy.

Yeah, we want candy.

Hey.

Give us some candy.

How'd you like a candy cane?

It's Mr.

Whittendale, sir.

Mr. Whittendale? Yes, sir. Your landlord, Mr.

Whittendale. The man who was gracious enough to entrust me with the welfare of

these two darling little boys.

Sir, meet Willie and Wally Whittendale. Oh, yeah. What great looking kids. Yes,

yes. We want some candy.

Well, go help yourselves.

Okay.

See you later, Ralph. Wait, sir. You forgot someone.

Oh, hey, I didn't even see you.

This is my nephew, Dinky.

Trick or treat.

Look, Biggie, I'm sorry. The Whittendale's wiped out all the candy.

Oh, hold on.

Here's a quarter. Go get your own.

No problem, Mr. Jefferson.

Well, actually, sir, there is a bit of a problem.

This time of night, most of the candy stores are closed, and you know how high

the prices are on those all -night joints.

sir. You know, with today's inflation, the cost of candy is way out of the

average kid's price range.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I mean, it's a downright shame when a candy bar gets to the point of... Hey,

hey, hey, take it off.

Thanks, Mr. Jefferson.

You're right, Uncle Ralph.

He is a soft touch.

Isn't my nephew cute, sir? Oh, yeah, cute kid. I can see the family

Oh, really?

Your palms look exactly alike.

Louise, you're out of ice.

Louise?

What, Tom? You're out of ice.

Well, I'll go down to Charlie's and get some.

Oh, I'll get it, Louise.

No, thanks, Helen. I need to get some air.

What's the matter with Louise?

I don't know, but something's wrong.

She said she needed some air.

Yeah, and it's all your fault, Willis.

My fault?

Yeah. If you stopped breathing, she'd have enough.

Can you fill this up for me, please?

Gladly. What's your pleasure, typo, or be positive?

Ice cubes will do.

Oh, very well.

I'll see what I can dig up.

Oh,

my

God. The killer.

saw you before in my life.

It's me.

Oh, Mr. Bentley.

The killer rabbit.

Ah, no. Ducky Dempster.

No, he's here in the bar.

Ducky Dempster? Oh, I must get his autograph.

No, the rabbit. I was looking through your telescope and I saw a man dressed

like a rabbit kill someone.

What? And he's in here right now.

The man who was killed? No.

The killer.

He's right over there. Over there.

Well, we have to do something. Right. What do we have to do?

Uh, uh, call the police.

Good thinking.

Have you got a dime?

Oh, it's too late. He's leaving.

Mr. Bentley, we've got to stop him. Right.

How?

I don't know.

Mrs. J, I'm not exactly the physical type.

I get nosebleeds watching tennis.

He's leaving.

All right, I'll stop him, but I'll have to do it subtly.

Good.

that's not him.

I beg your pardon? That's not him.

Oh.

Trick or treat.

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir. We mistook you for another rabbit. Another rabbit.

I'm so humiliated. Oh, look, here you go, Mrs. Jefferson.

Look, no hard feelings, right?

Well... Oh, come on, have one on the house.

Sit down. Allow me to prepare my specialty, Bloody Mary.

Mr. J., I think we should go.

I can't understand it. I was sure I saw him in here just a moment ago.

Well, perhaps you're just imagining things.

That's what George and Florence said.

Well, maybe they were right.

But I could have sworn I saw a rabbit with horn -rimmed glasses and a

somebody.

Here are some scenes from next week's concluding episode.

What are you doing here?

You know why I'm here.

Oh, right.

You want some candy.

I'm going to throw you off the balcony.

Off the balcony? Perfect.

Crazed housewife takes suicide plunge.

I got a bullet in here for each one of you. If you run short, somebody else can

have mine.

Hmm.