Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up to the...

Florence, would you get the door?

Yeah, if it wasn't my day off.

Florence.

Miss Jefferson, if it was your day off and I asked you to get the door, would

you do it?

Of course.

Okay, then would you get the door?

Oh, hello, Helen, Tom.

Hi, Louise.

You ready for the funeral?

Oh, my. Almost. Come on in.

Did you talk George into going?

Yeah. He's in putting on his funeral clothes.

Okay,

how's this?

George, you can't go just like that.

I can't? Well, have fun at the funeral.

George, don't you have something that's not so loud?

No, that's the only mouth he's got.

Oh, look, this whole thing is ridiculous.

Who ever heard of having a funeral for some dumb bird?

Mr. Bentley just wants his parakeet to have a proper burial.

Then he should flush it down the toilet.

Then he can call it a burial at sea.

Hello?

Oh, Mr.

Bentley. Oh, are you all ready to leave?

No.

Well, good, because I'm not either.

Mr. Day, would you happen to have a black tie I could borrow?

Why does your tie have to be black?

Because that's the color you're supposed to wear to a funeral, George.

See, that weasel got you believing it, too.

They? Who's they?

The honkies that run this country, that's who.

How come everything sad or bad is black?

What? Yeah, that's right.

Blackmail, blacklist, blackball.

Nothing black is ever worth anything.

Black Jack was worth $30 when I beat you last night.

George, just because things are called black doesn't mean they're really black.

Oh, hi, everyone.

Oh, yeah, I see what you mean.

Hi,

honey. I stopped upstairs. I'm glad I found you here.

Hi.

Did you want something special, dear? Oh, well, um, no. I just want to see

mom.

Well, I guess I'd better go and finish dressing.

Oh, is there something wrong, Mr. Bentley?

You look like you just lost your best friend.

No, just my best budgie.

Uh, Mr. Bentley's bird died.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, how did it happen?

Oh, you see, I was minding my girlfriend's cat, so I put my birdcage

balcony when I went to sleep because I know that she doesn't like birds. Not my

girlfriend, her cat.

Although my girlfriend doesn't particularly like birds either.

Although she and Chester were getting along just fine.

Anyway, when I awoke, I found an empty birdcage and some of Chester's tail

feathers in the cat's mouth.

You mean you're not even burying a whole bird?

Oh, no. To do that, I'd have to kill the cat.

Well, I'm gonna kill somebody if we don't hurry up and get this dumb funeral

thing over with.

Well, we can go to the pet cemetery as soon as I put my white tie on. A white

tie? Don't you usually wear black to a funeral?

Oh, no. That would be racist.

I've never been to a pet cemetery before.

Oh, no?

Then you ought to go with us. Maybe you can locate some of your relatives.

Sure, there's got to be some zebra's bird out there.

Maybe you could locate some of your relatives, George.

I'm sure there are some jackasses out there.

Can you believe a wife talking to her husband like that?

If I was your wife, I wouldn't talk to you at all.

Good, then pretend you're my wife.

I ain't got that much imagination.

Mom, Daddy, would you like to join me in the kitchen for a glass of water?

Oh, no thanks, honey. I'm not thirsty.

Yes, you are.

Well, maybe a small glass.

Jenny, what are you up to?

Get in there.

Mom, Daddy, sit down.

You know...

Lionel and I, we've been married for two years now.

And George said it wouldn't last.

We managed to save some money. And, well, we made a big decision.

Jenny, you bought a house. No.

Guess again.

You bought a blouse?

No.

I went to the doctor's today.

Your doctor bought a blouse?

No, I'm pregnant.

You're not.

I am.

You're not.

I am.

Oh, Jenny, you...

Oh, I don't want to hurt the baby. I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm sorry.

Oh, Daddy, it's only a baby.

Oh, can you believe it? A baby!

Oh, baby!

Oh, Louise is going to be so surprised.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Molly. We can't tell her yet.

Why not?

Because she'd never be able to keep it from Mr. Jefferson.

So?

Well... Lionel feels that once Mr. Jefferson finds out about it, he'll

making jokes, you know, about the baby being a zebra.

That's not true. George wouldn't be joking.

I know.

That's why Lionel wants to wait a while before we tell his parents.

Okay. We won't tell us all about the baby.

Baby?

Lauren. What baby?

Oh, it must be time to leave for the funeral. Let's go, Helen.

What baby?

Baby?

Lauren. Well...

I don't know what you're talking about.

Neither do I, but I aim to find out.

Well, all right, Florence.

Lionel and I, we're going to have a baby.

You mean a real live baby?

Your own baby?

The kind with wrinkled skin and no hair?

Yeah, in seven months. Have mercy.

Congratulations,

Jenny. Oh, thank you, Florence.

Oh, but now listen. You can't tell anyone.

Not even Mr. or Mrs. Jefferson, you promise?

Well, okay, but... Hey, come on, we gotta go to this dumb funeral.

Oh, yes, right.

What were you all talking about?

Oh, it's something you wouldn't understand.

Why, were you talking zebras?

Mr.

Bentley, we're ready to begin now.

But the organist won't be able to make it.

Oh, no. And Chester was so fond of music.

Sometimes I play the organ at my church.

Oh, Lord.

Florence, could you?

Sure. Is there anything special you want me to play for you?

Oh, whatever would make a fitting farewell to Chester.

All right.

Let's see.

Something to say goodbye to a bird.

Friends of the beloved, we are gathered here.

Excuse me, Mr. Winters.

We've got to set up services for Samson the Super Snake.

The people from the circus are going to be here. Put the snake in Chapel C,

Hugo. Yes, sir, Mr. Winters.

Excuse me.

We are gathered here to mourn Chester Bentley.

And now, to present the eulogy is Chester's lifelong master and companion.

Mr. Harry Bentley.

Hey, Ben.

Excuse me.

See why they call Samson the Super Snake.

He's so long he had two zip codes.

My friends, we are gathered here to bid our final farewell to Chester's earthly

remains. Earthly remains? Ain't nothing in there but his two tail feathers.

Looks like I'm at a funeral for a feather duster.

As we ponder this solemn occasion, we should not think of Chester as dead, but

merely asleep.

I got ten bucks that he's dead.

George, you are ruining the whole ceremony.

I know. I gotta get some water.

Morn, Chester's passing. Let us now bow our heads and take a moment of silence

to reflect upon his birth, as birth is a joyous event.

Birth is a joyous event.

Oh, Tom, won't it be nice having a baby around?

Oh, yes.

Wouldn't Thomas be a nice name?

Only if it's a boy.

Lawrence, guess what?

I think Tom and Helen are having a baby.

No, they ain't. Niall and Ginny are.

Finally, Jenny having a baby.

Well, Jenny came over today and she told me and the Willifers. But I ain't

supposed to tell you.

Why not?

Search me.

As we say our farewell to Chester, let us never forget the impact he had on all

of us.

How merrily he would chirp, bringing music into all our lives.

How he would always say, thank you, whenever he was fed.

Oh, yes, and even though Chester will no longer be with us, the memory of this

dear little creature will live with us forever.

Chester, are you crying because you're glad, sad, or mad?

Goodness, I'm glad it was a closed casket.

Wheezy, I don't know why you're so upset.

You'd want to always have said you wanted a grandchild.

I know, but somehow I thought I'd get the news in a different way.

Not from my maid in the middle of a pet funeral.

Lionel and Jenny having a baby. Boy, I wonder how that happened.

Want me to paint you a picture?

No, but I want you to get that Jenny on the phone and tell her to come over

here. I want to see what she's trying to pull.

Ralph, what do you want? Your credit card, Mr. Jefferson.

Credit card? You don't take cash no more? No, sir.

I mean, yes, sir.

I mean, no, sir. I have your credit card.

Where'd you get this?

The cabbie brought it back. You must have dropped it when you paid him.

Oh. Oh, thanks, Ralph. No problem, sir.

Well, actually, it was a bit of a problem.

I mean, I had to convince the cabbie that you were really Mr.

Jefferson. Uh -huh. And, of course, I had to leave my post downstairs to bring

the card up. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Ralph.

Thank you, sir. You know, it's a good thing I got your card back.

If it had fallen in the wrong hands, no telling how much it would have cost you,

sir. I got a feeling losing the car would have been cheaper.

Well, there's no answer at Lionel and Jenny's. I guess they're not home.

Excuse me, Mrs. Jefferson, ma 'am, but Lionel and Jenny are here.

Here? In the building? Well, sir, not in the building. They're up on the roof.

On the roof? What are they doing up there?

Well, they used to go up there all the time before they got married.

Those were the good old days.

Yes, sir.

The roof was very special to them.

Oh, yeah? Well, I got something very special for you. Go tell those two I

to see them right away. Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

You know, I'm really ashamed of Lionel.

I don't believe he let that dumb wife of his keep him from telling his own

parents. Yeah.

Lionel knows how long I've been waiting for a grandchild.

By all my next birthday, I'll be... George, wait a minute.

That's it.

What's it?

They are waiting to tell me on my birthday.

Weasley, the baby could be born by then.

My birthday is next week.

Oh, right.

I just wanted to see if you remembered.

Oh, what a wonderful birthday surprise!

Oh, Louise, I feel terrible.

Me too.

Florence told us that you found out about Lionel and Jenny's baby.

Oh, don't you worry about it, Helen. I know why they were trying to keep it

me. You do?

Yeah. They wanted to make it my birthday present.

Birthday present?

Oh, come on, you two.

I know that Lionel and Jenny are waiting until next week to tell me on my

birthday. They are?

That's right.

You two should never try to put an unknowable on us.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Is everything okay?

Okay? Next week is going to be the best birthday of my life.

Why? Is Mr. Jefferson going out of town?

No, Florence. Lionel and Jenny didn't tell Louise about the baby because they

wanted to wait until Louise's birthday.

But in the cab, you told me that Jenny didn't want Miss Jefferson to know

because she might tell Mr. Jefferson.

I just remembered something I got to do in my bedroom.

What's that?

Stay there.

See that, Weasley?

I told you it wasn't your birthday.

Jenny just didn't want us to know.

Oh, good. You're all here.

I'd like to introduce you to my new parakeet, Hector.

Um... Nice to meet you.

Of course, it'll be a while before Hector can talk as well as Chester, but

already teaching him to say hello.

Oh, he wants to teach himself to say goodbye.

Goodbye?

Oh, hello, everyone.

Well, look at this.

This is better than a talking bird, a talking zebra.

Oh, Ralph, did you want to see us? You damn right I want to see us.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Standing here.

Liar! I know my son shouldn't marry no zebra. It was just a matter of time

before he showed your true colors. Hey, Pop.

No, you stay out of this. I'll get to you later. Oh, you can get to him right

now. Line up and go back up on the roof.

Damn, Pop.

Hold it. I want an explanation. I want it now.

An explanation for what?

How come you... Let me have it, sweetie. How come you didn't tell me and your

mother that you was pregnant?

George, I believe Jenny's the one who's pregnant.

How'd you find out about it? It don't matter how I found out. What matters is

you didn't tell me. Well, I wasn't gonna tell you. I was just waiting till the

right time.

Oh, yeah? And when is the right time when Jenny gives you permission?

George!

Look, Pop, it wasn't Jenny's idea not to tell you. It was mine.

Yours? That's right.

And the reason why I didn't want you to know is because of where you're acting

right now.

Oh, what?

I knew my son shouldn't have married a zebra.

He was only a matter of time before you showed those two cops.

No, no, you look, Pop. See, with Jenny pregnant, the last thing I want is you

upsetting her with a lot of comments about a mixed -up zebra -striped baby.

Did the doctor say the baby was going to have stripes?

Pop, Pop, you're impossible.

Did I say something wrong?

Every time you open your mouth, you say something wrong.

They actually think that I would make remarks about a cute little baby. Can

believe that?

Can you believe it?

Well, I don't believe it.

Pop really makes me mad sometimes.

You're lucky.

Oh, he makes me mad all the time.

as peaceful as can be.

Up here, the world below, don't bother me.

Pop, what are you doing up here?

Well, son, when I come home feeling tired and beat, I just go up where the

is fresh and sweet.

Pop, Pop, we're not in the mood.

Lionel, look, is it okay if I talk to Jenny?

But promise you won't say anything to upset her.

Why would I do that?

You know, I've been asking myself that for years.

Hey.

Oh, nice night, huh?

Yeah.

It's a little cold, though.

Jenny, I want to say something to you.

Yes?

Nice night, huh?

Now, listen, Mr. Jones. No, no, no, you listen. Now, look, I'm going to tell you

I like you whether you like it or not.

You like me?

Sure I do.

Well, you know, of all the girls that Lionel ever brought home, you were my

favorite.

I was?

Sure. Of course, you're the only girl Lionel ever brought home.

No.

No,

what I'm trying to say is I'm very happy that Lionel married you.

But you would be happier if I were 100 % black.

Well, sure.

I mean, no.

Look,

it doesn't matter to me that you part white.

Nobody can tell.

What about your grandchild?

What if it turns out to be white? Watch your mouth.

No, I mean, that's okay.

And besides, there's no chance in that.

Is there?

Well, we'll find out in seven months.

Right.

But all I want to say is, until that time, I want you to take real good care

yourself and, you know, if there's anything you and I don't need, I want

come to me. Understand?

Thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

Oh! That's another thing. It's about time you stopped calling me Mr.

You want me to call you Dad?

Dad? No.

I was going to tell you to call me George.

Okay, George.

Listen, there's something I want to say to you, too. I know we don't always

agree, but,

you know, deep down, I really do admire you.

You do?

Well, some of the things I like most about Lionel are things I'm sure he gets

from you.

Things like drive, determination.

Brain.

Well, there are some things that he gets from Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Lionel is a pretty good cook.

What I want to say is that you're a pretty good father -in -law.

And I think that you're going to make a wonderful grandfather.

You think so?

Yeah.

Thanks, Jenny.

Oh, I'm so glad we had this talk.

Yeah, so am I. Oh, look.

We got to keep it to ourselves.

If your folks find out I like you, they might think I like them, too.

Are you two talking yet, Pop?

Yeah, I think so.

Why? Because there's some other people out here who want to talk to Jenny.

Oh, Jenny.

I can't tell you how happy I am. Easy, Weasley. You're crushing my grandson.

Anton, how do you know it isn't a girl? Well, whatever it is, let it breathe.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jenny.

It's just that I'm so excited. We all are.

Ain't nothing to be excited about. Babies are born every day.

George, what are you doing? I got an announcement to make.

Hey, New York.

George Jefferson's gonna be a grandpa.