Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

You're going to love it. I used to make this at the commune in New Mexico.

I call it Desert Delight.

Desert Delight, huh?

What are you doing, Florence?

Checking for lizard.

It's good for you.

It's vegetables mixed with wheat germ, alfalfa, sprouts, cactus milk, and

powdered spleen.

Sounds delicious.

Go ahead. What are you waiting for, Miss Jefferson?

I saw one of my alfalfa sprouts move.

Don't be silly.

Your mouth is going to love it. Yeah, but my stomach might hate it, and I

want the two of them arguing.

Where's your plate, Alan?

Oh, I don't have time to eat right now. I'll grab a burger and fries later.

I'll get it.

I'll get it. You two sit here and enjoy your meal.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh, no. We are just finishing lunch.

Before it finishes us.

Louise, guess what? The Help Center chose its delegates to the National

Convention in Los Angeles.

Who did they pick? Two very deserving individuals.

It must be Evelyn and Joanne.

No.

They're an attractive, charming, well -rounded twosome.

Dolly Parton.

I'll give you a clue.

looking at one and you're looking at the other.

You mean... Uh -huh, you and me.

Hey, congratulations.

We won, we won. Now, calm down, Louise. We're just representing the help center.

We didn't win anything.

Oh, well, that's true.

We won, girl, we won. Yeah, we won.

What is all the shouting about?

Guess where Mom and Mrs. Jefferson are going. They keep acting like that,

they're going to the funny farm.

We're going to funny California.

California. California.

Here I come.

Right back where I started from.

Where flowers, flowers bloom in the spring. Da, da, da, da.

Hey, would you get Billy Dee Williams' autograph for me?

Florence, we're going to be out there talking business.

I'm talking business, too.

I'll give you five bucks for his autograph.

When are you leaving? Two weeks from Saturday for one glorious week of fun

fun. Oh, I can't wait.

Uh -oh.

Two weeks from Saturday?

What's the matter?

That means we'll be gone on the 30th. So?

That's my 28th wedding anniversary.

Oh, that is bad news.

It sure is.

28 years with Mr. Jefferson ain't a marriage.

It's a life sentence.

The date really isn't important, Mrs. Jefferson.

You can express your love for each other any day you want. I know, but...

Louise, it's more than your anniversary that's bothering you, isn't it?

Well, it's for a whole week, and George hates it if I'm not here.

Oh, well, Louise, you've been away from George before.

Haven't you?

Never?

Damn.

Now, that is bad news.

George likes someone here when he gets home.

Why? He only ignores you.

Well, George likes someone here to ignore.

Hey, Florence and I will be here.

Yeah, he can ignore us.

And he likes someone here in case he wants a sandwich.

Shoot, I can take care of that.

And he likes his mail open and sorted before he gets home.

I can take care of that.

And he hates sleeping by himself.

You can take care of that.

Why don't you just explain to him how important this is to you?

He'll understand.

You're right, I'm an idiot.

Well, good luck, girl. I'm going up to tell Tom the news.

Hey, wait up, Mom. I'll walk you out.

Too bad George isn't more like your father, then we wouldn't have this

Yeah, but then think of the problem Mr. Jefferson would have. What's that?

He'd be white.

Come on, Howard.

I wasn't trying to take advantage of you.

I've been doing business with your uncle's restaurant too long for that.

Look, Mr. Jefferson, I... Call me George.

Oh, George.

Oh, you can call me Howie.

All right, Howie. The, um, Restaurant Owners Association meetings are closed

outsiders.

Outsider? I'm no outsider. I've been eating in restaurants for years.

Well,

tell me, George.

Why do you want to get into this meeting, hmm?

Oh, well, uh, well, uh, see, my wife and I are always looking for new places to

eat. Oh, and who knows better than restaurant owners, right? Right. Oh,

George, you can't fool me. You just want to meet those restaurant owners so you

can hustle some new business for your dry cleaning operation.

I knew I couldn't fool you, Howie. You're too sharp.

That's why Uncle Martin made me sales manager of his entire restaurant chain.

told me I had good business sense. You do, you do. He made a damn good choice.

Thank you.

But what would Uncle Martin say if he were to come back with a brand new

cleaning contract that saved him 5 %?

5 %?

Did I say 5 %? I meant 10%. Wow, 10%. Yep, that's right. And all you have to

is get me into that meeting.

Well, gee, for 10%, Uncle Martin might make me a vice president.

No telling how far you could go. Why, I might make senior vice president for

20%. Right? Right.

20 %?

20%. You got a deal.

Oh, boy, I can't wait to tell Uncle Martin the good news. He'll be so proud

me. Well, look, just make sure you get me into that meeting.

Okay. You drive a hard bargain, George. I shouldn't have let you take such

advantage of me.

Well, I hope you learned something about business.

Huh? Be careful when you're dealing with an old pro.

I would have given you 25%. I would have settled for 15%.

Yes, sir. Look, put on my calendar I got a meeting with Howard Benson at the

Bedford Arms last Tuesday of this month. Okay.

Oh, you're already booked for that night.

Cancel it. This is more important.

Okay. I'll call your wife and tell her you're unable to make it for your

anniversary. Hold it!

That ain't my anniversary, is it? I'm afraid so.

Damn,

I missed the last two.

Three. Whatever.

If I miss another anniversary, I'll never see another one.

Well, you still want me to call your wife and tell her you can't make it? No.

Put Benson's name on my calendar and order me a dozen roses.

Now, Mr. Jefferson, do you really think you can bribe Mrs. Jefferson with a

dozen roses?

Eh, maybe you're right.

Make it two dozen.

Oh, Florence, how's my dinner coming?

Fine. You did a great job on them ribs.

But you know it ain't gonna make no difference, don't you?

Well, Mr. Jefferson may surprise you. He can be a very understanding husband.

Are you sure we're talking about the same Mr. Jefferson?

I just have to use the right approach.

Well, be careful. You can get arrested for husband beating.

George,

I'm representing the help center at the convention in Los Angeles.

It's important that I go, and you'll just have to live with that.

No, that won't work.

Georgie.

Guess what?

Your little Wheezy Poo has been asked to go to Los Angeles, and I'll be gone all

week. What do you say, Georgie Poo?

Bad chance, Wheezy Poo.

I would just call him from California.

Tell him you're on a cross -town bus and it got hijacked.

He'd never believe that.

Would he?

Oh, I don't know what to do.

How will I ever tell George?

Tell me what?

George,

you're home.

Yeah, I know that.

Tell me what?

Tell you how much I missed you today.

I missed you too, Eve.

Not as much as I missed you.

Look. I missed you more than you missed me.

Here.

What are these?

Flowers.

Roses. For the one person who makes this house worth coming home to.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Jefferson.

Not you.

We... Oh, thank you, George.

But why?

Well, just because you're a great wife.

Hey, Florence, make yourself useful. Put these in some water.

George, they smell wonderful.

They smell fishy to me.

Speaking of smelling, what's that cooking?

Your favorite, ribs. I cooked them myself.

I knew Florence didn't cook them because the house ain't full of smoke.

George, you look tired.

Why don't you relax and I'll make you a drink.

Oh, no.

You sit down. You've been cooking all afternoon. I'll make you a drink.

Oh, George, you.

You were so considerate. Me? No, you're the one who's so thoughtful, cooking me

ribs and all.

Oh, well, my day wasn't nearly as hard as yours.

My day wasn't that hard, just the usual dirty clothes.

Please, you really look beautiful tonight.

Oh, George, you are always so affectionate and open -minded and

that's because you're so understanding, fair, and loving.

I thought y 'all was having ribs, not bull.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Thank you, precious.

You know, George, our anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks.

Yeah, I know. What about it?

Well, the funniest thing happened today.

The help center chose Helen and me as delegates to their convention.

Oh, that's great.

But it's in Los Angeles, and I have to be there the week of our anniversary.

The week of our anniversary? Now, George, I know you don't like to be here

alone. You mean you'll be gone on Tuesday the 30th? Yes, but... Hey,

great!

That's fantastic.

You don't mind if I go? Of course I don't mind. How could you pass up an

opportunity like that?

Oh, I can't help it. I got to try me on them ribs, Jim.

Sure you don't mind? Of course not. We usually have a good time.

I heard it, but I still don't believe it.

Why not?

Deep down inside, George is really a warm, sincere, open -minded husband.

And who am I kidding?

What is that turkey trying to pull?

that joker up to?

I don't know, but he sure was acting strange.

I mean, like he had something on his mind.

Or somebody.

Why, that sneaky little... Oh, Mr. Jefferson wouldn't cheat on you.

You're right, but he's still little and sneaky.

And he's up to something, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it.

Well, with him, you ain't got to go too far.

George, what do you think you're doing?

I was just eating the ribs. They were delicious, Weeds. What's your secret?

Secret? That's my recipe.

Well, how come your ribs always taste like dog food?

You always seem to wolf them down, Fido.

George, did you hear me when I said the convention is being held in Los Angeles?

That's California, way out west.

Sure, I heard you.

Between Tijuana and Las Vegas?

Blanche, I know where it is. It's that way. And the kitchen is that way, where

you should be.

No. He sounds more like himself.

George, you'll be here without me on our anniversary.

Damn, I know, Weez. But look, this convention is a one -shot deal. I mean,

going to have a lot more anniversaries.

Well, that's true, but... Anyway, the help center's depending on you.

Well, that's true, but... I mean, you can't let them down.

You've got to be there. In fact, I insist that you go.

You insist I go.

Okay, Buster, out with it.

Out with what?

Why aren't you mad about me going to California?

You want me to be mad?

If you loved me, you would be mad.

Okay, I'm mad.

You are not mad.

Yes, I am mad.

No, you're not.

I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm mad, I'm mad.

Okay?

Now go to California and have a good time.

There has to be another reason you want me to go.

Oh, yeah, there is another reason. A big reason.

Okay, let's have it.

Well, I want you to go because...

because I'm proud of you.

You are proud of me? Yeah, I'm proud that you got chosen to go to the

convention.

It's a real honor.

Yes, I guess it is an honor. Sure it is. It's a big honor.

Oh, George, I feel terrible.

You were just being considerate and I didn't trust you.

I'm sorry.

It's okay, Weasley. We all make mistakes.

Oh, hi, Ellen.

Uh, Louise, about our trip to Los Angeles, we're both in the same boat.

Boat? I thought you were going by plane.

Oh, what's the problem, Ellen?

Tom doesn't want me to go to Los Angeles.

What? That doesn't sound like Tom.

Yes, it does.

Sound just like a honky.

Once the master gets you on the plantation, you got to stay there for

Did you pick any cotton this morning?

I wish I had so I

could stuff it in your mouth.

made plans for us to go skiing the same week as the convention.

Oh, Helen, what are you going to do?

Me? Don't you mean we?

No, she means you.

We's is going to Los Angeles.

Did I hear right? You mean he doesn't mind if you go?

That's right. Of course I don't mind. And if you don't mind, we's has got a

of packing to do. George, I haven't finished talking with Helen. That's all

right. Call her from California.

Collect. I'm not sure I want to go without Helen. What?

Oh, Louise, I couldn't let you do that.

That's right. Don't let her do that.

It wouldn't be any fun without you.

Weasley, are you crazy?

Hell, it ain't no fun.

I better call this and then tell them to pick two alternates.

Recommend Janice Bradley.

She's a lawyer.

Good idea. A lawyer would be perfect.

Hey, hold it, Weasley. Look, I ain't gonna let you blow this trip because of

Willis. But George... Just leave everything to me.

Oh, that Tom.

Sometimes he's as stubborn as a mule. Where are you going, George?

Up to talk to her jackass.

Feet are about the same size as Helen's.

Could you step into her boots?

What? Willis, you crazy? Oh, come on. I have to adjust the bindings.

Look, I came up here to talk about Helen going to California with Weasley. Oh,

yes. Do you believe those two wanting to fly off to Los Angeles for an entire

week? Uh -huh. Now I get it.

It ain't the skiing trip you worried about. It's Helen being gone for a week.

Well, uh... I'm surprised at you, Willis. Don't you know how much this

means to me? I mean, Helen.

Shoot. Why are you so concerned about Helen? Because I like Helen.

I want to have a good marriage.

She ain't going to have no good marriage if you don't trust her to go away for

one week.

Look, George, our marriage is based entirely on fidelity.

What's a record player got to do with it?

I'm talking about an honest relationship, one that's built on trust.

Yeah, you trust us to do whatever you tell us to do.

Don't be ridiculous.

Helen's her own person.

She's always been free to do what she wants. Good. Then I'll tell her she can

to California.

Oh, now, wait a minute. That's different.

Uh -huh. I don't want to argue with you, Willis. Good.

I just hope you get used to living here all alone.

What do you mean by that?

Well, Helen was pretty upset.

You know, it always starts with the little things.

What always starts with the little things?

Divorce. Divorce?

Oh, come on.

Was she that upset?

Well, I... I know. I heard her talking to Weezy about calling in a good lawyer.

A lawyer?

Well, maybe I was a bit selfish. I mean, what's a little trip to L .A. anyway?

Come on, George.

Okay. Hey, wait.

I

still

can't believe George wants you to go.

Yes, it took me back a little, too.

Darn you, knock me over.

Hello? Who?

Howard Benson.

No, George isn't home right now.

Sure. Right.

The restaurant owner's meeting's been postponed from Tuesday the 30th

to Monday the 5th.

And you can still get George in?

Yes. I'll make sure he gets it.

Boy, is he going to get it.

Girl, what's wrong?

George wanted me out of town because he made a business appointment on our

anniversary.

Well, give your wife the good news, Willis. Tell her she can go to Los

That's right, Helen.

We can go skiing another time. George convinced me how selfish I was being.

Oh, he did, did he?

Well, it's the least I could do.

You know, George, sometimes I forget that I have such a loving and honest

husband. Oh, come on, Wheezy. Tom and Helen know what a great guy I am. So do

But sometimes we all forget what kind of guy you really are.

I don't.

So, while you were upstairs, I decided that I should call the center and cancel

my trip to California so we could celebrate our anniversary.

Hey, Wheezy, I can't let you do that.

We can celebrate the anniversary anytime.

Well, that's true.

Sure. So, look, we go to California, and when you come back, we can celebrate

the anniversary.

I'll be back on Monday the 5th. Can we do it then?

Monday the 5th. That's great. Perfect.

Well, I guess I could go. But I want us both to agree on that day. I agree. You

agree. And you promise that we'll spend the entire day together. I promise. I

promise. If I was you, I'd get that in right.

Oh, no, I trust him, Florence, but it's such a shame.

Now he won't be able to make that restaurant meeting.

Sure I will. That's on the 30th.

Hey, how'd you know about that?

Mr. Benson called while you were upstairs. The meeting's been postponed

Monday the 5th. What?

But you won't be there, will you?

Because we'll be celebrating our anniversary.

George, how could you, telling Tom he was selfish when all along you were

him and Louise?

Oh, what a tangled web we weave.

Look, why don't you two weave your way out of here?

Gladly. Let's go, Tom.

Gladly. Let's go, Tom.

Can't you find nothing better to do?

I ain't leaving. This is better than a hockey game.

Okay, good.

Pretend you the pup, the kitchen is the goal, and I'm about to make a slap shot.

Okay, shorty, but you skating on thin ice.

How could you say all those things, telling me how proud you were?

Wheezy, I was telling you the truth. I am proud of you.

Good. I'll remember that when I'm at the convention.

Oh, but Wheezy, I can't stay all by myself. I ain't gonna have nothing to

Oh, yes, you will, George.

You'll have a whole week to plan our anniversary.

Hey, you ever been to a restaurant meeting?

No, George.

Swell bunch of guys.

No, George.

Oh, weasel in the food, you wouldn't believe.

No, George.

The Jeffersons was videotaped in front of a studio audience.