Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

Washing the window.

Why? Because it was dirty.

No, I mean, why were you washing the window? That's Florence's job.

I know, but I asked her and she was kind enough to let me do it.

She said she had something she had to do in her bedroom.

Nothing like a nice long nap.

Florence.

I sure wish I had time to take one.

Why was Mr. Bentley cleaning our windows?

Because he hates watching soap operas.

What? Yes, unfortunately, Felicia loves them.

Felicia? Oh, your house guest.

Is she still here?

Oh, I'm afraid so.

Oh, it must be two weeks. And 11 hours and 13 minutes.

You never told us why she's staying with you in the first place.

She just turned up on my doorstep and I said something terrible.

Well, what did you say?

I said, come in.

Now can't you say, get out?

Oh, I wish I could, but Felicia's the only daughter of my mother's best

sister.

Or is she the only sister of my mother's best friend's daughter?

What's that?

Oh, I took the liberty of putting the kettle on for tea.

Poor Mr.

Bentley. That girl must be driving him crazy.

Well, for him, it's a very short drive.

He's over here all the time, and now he's even doing your housework.

Yeah. Ain't that terrible?

Here we are.

Tea and cake.

Oh, good. You got those little butter cookies I like.

Would you get that, Miss Jefferson?

I'm on my way.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to avoid me. But

I know better.

Felicia. Harry, I must tell you. I must tell you about this ridiculous new

character they've introduced on this soap opera. Felicia. She just keeps

on and on and on and won't let anyone else get a word in edgewise. Felicia.

Harry, I'm talking.

I'm sorry.

Would you care for some tea? Not now, Harry.

We'll miss the second half of the soap opera.

Sorry to dash. We simply must have another nice chat.

England's show must be quiet with her out of the country.

Poor Mr.

Bentley.

May I borrow a box of tissues?

Felicia will be needing them to dry her eyes.

Oh, you're going to ask her to leave?

Oh, no. She just takes her soap opera very seriously.

I'll get the tissues. It's all right, Mrs. J. I know right where they are.

George, what are you doing? Just checking.

Goody, ain't he?

Who? Bentley. You called?

There.

You here again?

Oh, it would seem so.

Why don't you just move in?

Oh, I'd love to. Look, I didn't mean that. Oh, but you just said... Forget

I just said and listen to what I'm going to say. Goodbye.

But... George, be a little more considerate. Mr. Bentley has a problem.

Look, Weezy, I got problems of my own, and one of them is Phil Rollins.

Your new client?

Yeah, he wants me to hire his son, Bobby.

I thought his son worked for him.

He does, but Bobby is so dumb, Rollins wants to get him out of his business and

into mine.

So, if Rollins calls, I ain't home. Got that, Florence?

I don't like lying.

Oh, no?

Would you like standing in the unemployment line?

but could I borrow some ice?

Oh, certainly, Mr. Bentley.

If you happen to be out of ice, I'll wait until you make some.

Hello, Jefferson residence.

Yes, he is. Mr. J.

Bentley.

It's for you, Mr.

Rollins. I said I didn't want to talk to that turkey.

Of course I want to speak to my best client.

Turkey? Oh, my wife just asked me what I wanted for dinner.

Bobby, your son?

Oh, sure. How is he?

Great kid.

A job?

Well, I don't have any openings right now.

But look, I'll get back to you, okay?

Okay, right. Bye.

That does it, Bentley.

George! What's going on? Bentley just answered our phone and almost blew in a

cow for me.

Let's face it.

As long as Felicia is visiting Mr. Bentley, he's going to be visiting us.

She's right, you know.

Look, Bentley, if you don't like this Felicia, why don't you just tell her to

get lost?

Oh, I wish I could, but my mother would never forgive me.

What's your mother got to do with it? Oh, Felicia's the daughter of my

best friend.

Look,

Bentley,

whatever she is, all you got to do is start an argument with her, and she'll

mad and leave.

I'm not very good at starting arguments.

It's easy.

Whatever she says, you just say the opposite.

Oh, do you really think that would work?

Mr. Bentley, if there's one thing George knows, it's how to start an argument.

I see. So whatever Felicia says, I just say the opposite, eh?

I think I've got it. Oh,

Harry, you missed the soap opera.

Oh, drat. Well, don't fret. I'll tell you everything that's happened. And then

we can look at my slides of the Welsh countryside.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson, perhaps you and Mrs. Jefferson would like to look at my

slides too. Have you ever seen pictures of whales?

Um, whales?

No, but I did see Jaws.

No, I'm just surprised to see you wearing pants, knowing how Bentley feels

women in pants.

Oh, really?

How do you feel about that, Harry?

He thinks only men should wear pants, right, Bentley?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Yes, that's exactly what I think. Yes, I feel that

strongly. Oh? Why shouldn't women wear pants?

Well, because... Why shouldn't women wear pants? Oh, come on, Bentley. You're

both English. Did you ever see the Queen without a dress on?

Well, Mr. J., I've never even been in the palace.

That's what I mean.

You don't see the queen running around acting like she's the king.

Oh, no, she'd never do that.

Oh, I agree.

You're not supposed to agree.

I disagree.

Why? I don't know.

Oh, my goodness.

Is that roast beef I smell, Mrs. Jefferson?

Why, yes. We're having it for dinner. I simply must have a sample. Do you mind?

Well, as the matter... Thank you. Roast beef is definitely one of my favorite

dishes. My uncle, Andrew, who owns a pub in the North Country... She

talks so much, I'm surprised she has time

to breathe.

I don't understand you, Bentley.

All you did was agree with her.

That's your problem. You're too agreeable. I agree.

See, you did it again.

I'm sorry, Mr. J. I just don't seem to have it in me to be intentionally mean.

Bentley. The nicest people have a mean streak in them.

Even me.

Just tell her to get out of your apartment.

I couldn't do that.

Well, I sure could.

You could? Oh, thank you, Mr. Jackson.

Finally, I'll be able to get off the couch and back into my own bed.

Wait a minute. And with Felicia gone, I won't be spending as much time over

here.

Oh, okay.

Sure, Bentley, you wait right here. I'll handle it for you.

But, Mr. J., please.

Be gentle with her.

And my Aunt Elaine used to make the most wonderful kidney pie.

She would use... Felicia! Mr. Jefferson, I'm talking.

Oh! That's all right. I can hear about your aunt's kidneys later.

Felicia!

Now, Bentley is a real nice guy.

He certainly is.

And, uh...

Sometimes he finds it hard to say what's really on his mind. Dig?

Dig? Uh, you understand.

Now, you've been staying in his place for two weeks.

Now, that's a long time for two people to be staying together unless they're

married like Wheezy and me. Oh, and you two seem so happy.

That's because we love each other.

And when two people love each other, it's easy for them to live together.

But when one has to sleep on his sofa, that ain't no good. Dig?

Doug.

So anyway, what Bentley has been trying to tell you is that he thinks it's time

that you had a permanent home.

A permanent home?

Yeah, you know.

Oh, Harry!

Why didn't you just tell me how you felt? Please don't cry.

Oh, I can't help it. I always cry when I'm happy.

I know.

Happy?

Felicia. I thought I told her to pack her bags and get out.

But she thinks she's getting married.

I know. That's the trouble with the English. They don't understand English.

So I should have been firm with her from the very start.

Right, Bentley. I should have told her I didn't want her staying with me. Right,

Bentley. And I should go over there right now and tell her we are not

married. Right, Bentley. Go do it. I can't.

Felicia thinks Mr.

Bentley wants to marry her.

Where does she ever get a dumb idea like that?

Oh, direct from the factory.

Look, Blanche, we don't need your two cents.

You need all the cents you can get.

I can't marry Felicia, and I can't break her heart.

Well, I hope you think of something. See you later.

Hold on, Buster.

You got Mr.

Bentley into this mess, and now it's up to you to get him out. Oh, no, Mrs. J.

You shouldn't ask Mr.

J to do that for me. He's right. I should. Oh, Mr. J, please.

I'll be your friend forever.

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

You go over there and tell Felicia that Mr. Bentley does not want to marry her.

Okay, Weasley. Come on, Bentley.

Oh, no, no. I can't be there when you break the news. I hate it when a grown

cries. Oh, she'll be all right. Not her, me.

Excuse me. Oh, Harry, I'm so happy.

Mother was beside herself when I told her why it's just too wonderful to be

true. Isn't it, Harry, darling?

Who would have imagined it two weeks ago when I popped open your door?

Oh, I feel like I'm dreaming.

So do I.

for what you've done. Why, if it hadn't been for you putting into words what

Harry felt inside, why, our love may never have blossomed.

Oh, that's quite a husband you've got there, Mrs. Jefferson.

I know.

And I think there's something else he wants to tell you.

Isn't there, George?

Oh, yeah.

Felicia. Mr. James, not here, please.

Oh, why not?

What did you have to tell me?

Uh, just that I'm happy for you.

Lovely. And of course, you can be Harry's best man, and Mrs. Jefferson,

be my best man. In fact, I'm so happy for you, I want to take you down to

Charlie's Bar to celebrate.

Oh, but... It's a tradition.

The best man always takes the bride to be out for a drink. Oh, but Harry, can't

you come along? No, no, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride in a bar

before the wedding. Oh, but I didn't know there was such a thing. Well, when

America, do as the Americans do.

Mr. Jefferson, what'll it be?

Hey, Charlie, got any champagne?

Oh, sure, sure. I always keep a couple of bottles around for special occasions.

What's your special occasion?

I got a call off a marriage.

What? Oh, Mr. Jefferson, I'm sorry. I mean, that's rough.

Ain't it?

Yeah, I mean, I always thought that you and Mrs. Jefferson seemed so happy. We

are happy. And I'll be even happier when you get me the champagne.

is over there, and then there are drapes, and there are tables outside.

You and Bentley getting married?

Yes, isn't it wonderful?

Frankly, I was a bit surprised by the proposal.

Yeah, you're not the only one.

Pardon? I mean, Bentley was surprised you accepted.

Oh, but Harry's so cute. How could I refuse him?

Well, you haven't known him that long.

I mean, marriage is a big step.

Oh, and it's a step I'm ready to take.

I wouldn't be so sure about that.

There's a lot of things about Bentley you don't know. Oh?

Like what?

Well, uh, like he's got a bad back. It's always going out on him.

You probably have to walk on it for him. Oh, how romantic.

And he ain't got no kind of sense of humor.

He don't even laugh at my jokes.

Really?

Like the other day I said to him, I said, how can you tell when an

been in your refrigerator?

How can you tell?

You can see his footprints in the butter. Ha!

Get in a refrigerator.

Well, you see, um... Well, never mind.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm sure Harry and I will get along swimmingly.

Yeah, but what if he loses his job?

Then you'll have to support him. Oh, I never worry about things like that. The

three of us will manage somehow.

Yeah, I know, but... The three of them?

Well, yes.

Harry and myself and...

sure it won't be a big surprise.

What?

You didn't tell me nothing about that.

Wait till I get my hands on him.

What?

What happened with Mr. Jefferson?

Well, I haven't the foggiest.

I simply mentioned that I was having my cat sent here from England.

Oh, your cat? Oh, yes.

This is Baby, my pet Siamese. Oh, very cute. Oh, I miss her so much. She

goes everywhere with me.

a cycling holiday and she traveled every single mile with me. I remember one

time right outside of Brighton, she was traveling in a little basket on the

handlebar and she started raining terribly.

You got all wet, didn't you, my darling baby?

Then you remember what Mommy did?

what you did, and what you did you shouldn't have done because you told me

didn't do it.

George,

what are you talking about?

Bentley lied to me.

Lied? Oh, Mr. J.

Don't Mr.

J me. You told me that you were sleeping on the couch and Felicia was sleeping

in the bedroom.

That's right.

Oh, yeah? Well, either you lying or one of y 'all sleepwalking.

George, what are you saying?

I'm saying Felicia is going to have a baby.

Look, Bentley, you might be dumb, but you ain't that dumb.

Shoot. Mr.

Bentley, are you telling us everything? Of course, Mrs. J. Felicia and I have

never even held hands.

Look, what she's got, she don't get from holding hands.

Oh, Mr. Jefferson, here you are. Why, you certainly left in a hurry.

Oh, yeah, well, I just came home to talk to Bentley about something.

Oh, really?

Mr. Jefferson was just telling me about your baby.

Oh, and I wanted to tell you that myself, Harry.

Who's the father?

Who knows?

But what does it matter?

It matters plenty if it ain't Bentley's. But after we're married, it'll be both

of ours.

It will?

She can?

Well,

how do you know it's a she?

Oh, there are lots of ways to tell.

There are.

Felicia, when are you expecting your baby?

Any day now.

Any day?

But how are you hiding it?

in cats.

Cats? You mean your baby is a cat?

Yes, that's baby.

My pet's Siamese.

Then you're not having a real baby?

start making those wedding arrangements.

Mr. K, do something.

Hey, Felicia, there's something that Bentley hasn't told you. Well, it can

No, it can't.

Bentley's allergic to cats. Right, Bentley?

Oh, yes, that's right. I sneeze uncontrollably whenever a cat is near.

His eyes get all puffy?

Yes, sometimes I run a fever.

That's right, Bentley can't stand cats.

Cat and cat?

What kind of a man are you?

Dog man?

Well, Felicia, you got a big decision to make.

What's it going to be? Your cat or Bentley?

Of course, I'm housebroken.

I don't shed on the sofa.

I mean, I do shed on the sofa.

I'm afraid that any man who can't be around cats can't be around me.

Now, I hate to break your heart like this, but I'm sure you'll get over it.

Well, I'm packing my bags and going home to baby.

Ta -ta!

Born free.

Mr. J, at last I'm free to go home to my own apartment.

Yes, isn't it wonderful?

It's wonderful.

absolutely right.

Good night.

The Jeffersons was videotaped in front of a studio audience.