Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

I love jigsaw puzzles.

Damn, damn.

What's the matter, George?

Those damn Russians.

Huh? They're having problems over at the U .N. with the Russians. So now Andrew

Young ain't gonna make our dinner tomorrow night.

Oh, that's a shame.

You see, George is in charge of getting a speaker for the Harlem Boys Club

fundraising dinner.

Bentley promised me that I would definitely have Andrew Young. Now I

nobody. Not even a lousy politician.

But, George, there must be some other celebrity in New York you could get.

There is somebody, but I don't know how to get him.

Who? Billy Dee Williams.

Three pictures of Billy Dee Williams in your room?

No, child, just one great big one.

Billy Dee from head to toe.

Florence, aren't you getting a little carried away?

I wish I was, Miss Jefferson, because that man could carry me away anything.

What made you think of Billy Dee Williams, George?

He'd be perfect for the tender, Wheezy.

He's a big star.

He was raised in Harlem, and he's in town making a movie.

You gonna ask him to speak?

Well, I figure it's worth a try, but first I gotta get his telephone number.

Oh, forget it, Mr. Jefferson.

Ain't no way a super somebody like Billy Dee Williams is gonna talk to a nobody

like you.

How would you know? The closest you ever got to the man is them dumb fan

magazines.

Now, those magazines exaggerate about all the stars.

Right. Billy Dee ain't no different from no other man. He puts his pants on one

leg at a time.

Where did you read that? It must be a new issue.

the best thing for you would be to meet him sometime.

I'm going to meet him right now.

In your bedroom?

Yeah, in my dreams.

I'm going to get my fan magazine, take my nap, and float high and free with

Billy Dee.

You know, she's getting weirder every day, Weezy. Make sure you keep her away

from the carbonite.

Come on, Helen. How about some pine coffee?

Sounds great.

Hey, Weezy, how can you eat when I got problems?

George, if I stopped eating every time you had a problem, I would have starved

to death years ago.

Hey, Ralph, did you get it? Yes, sir, I have it right here. Hey!

It wasn't an easy job.

Oh.

This caper wasn't a one -man operation, sir. I had to talk with three doormen

before I even got the name of Willie D. Williams Hotel.

Oh. And two maids to get his room number, plus a bellboy to get his, uh...

Private phone number. Oh.

Well, thanks, Ralph. I'll call you right now.

Hey, wait a minute.

Florence is right. I suppose you don't want to talk to me.

Yeah.

Have you thought of a double, sir?

I just had a drink.

No, sir. I mean a look -alike.

A look -alike? Yes, sir. They have a talent agency right here in town that

handles look -alikes of famous people.

They hire them out for all sorts of occasions.

Hey! You think they may have somebody look like Billy Dee Williams?

It's possible.

If you're interested, I can look into it further.

Okay, well, look. You go down there and see if they got a Billy Dee Williams

double. And if they ain't, you see if they got a double for me, because I'm

going to need one tomorrow night.

What?

Oh, Mr. J., I'm so sorry about Andrew Young, but the salt talks with the

Russians are important.

Salt talks? Damn.

First we give them wheat, now they want salt.

Now, Mr. J., salt means the strategic arms limitations talk.

Uh -huh, and it also means if I don't get a speaker for tomorrow night's

I'm going to be the laughingstock of the whole black businessmen's organization.

Oh, but isn't there somebody else you can get?

Yeah, somebody I'd like to get, Billy Dee Williams.

Oh, do you know him?

No, that's the problem. He won't talk to me.

Oh, yes, I went through that same problem myself once.

Oh, you trying to talk to Billy Dee Williams?

Oh, no, I don't even know him.

No, when I was a student at Oxford, our cricket club needed a famous speaker for

a fundraising dinner.

Oh, what happened?

Oh, it was very nice. We had roast leg of mutton and mint sauce.

I mean, the famous guy.

Oh, well, he wouldn't take any of my phone calls either. I just wasn't

enough. But I finally did get him, or rather, my uncle did.

Oh, your uncle how?

You see, my uncle's a famous author.

He's a very important person himself, so I had him call for me.

Oh, I get it. It takes a VIP to get to a VIP.

Exactly. Hey, Bentley, you're a genius.

Oh, no, I do have rather a high IQ, but I've always thought of a true genius as

someone quite eccentric.

Eccentric? Yes, you know, strange, weird, a bit daft.

Like I said, Billy, you're a real genius.

Famous author.

Famous author. Famous author.

I got it.

Hello.

I'd like to speak to Billy Dee Williams, please.

It is?

Hey, go ahead.

Billy Dee Williams? Right. This is Alex Haley.

I'm in town for a worthy cause. The Harlem Boys Club?

Yes. I'm speaking at a fundraising dinner for them tomorrow night, and I

just wondering if you'd be able to speak, too.

Right. Oh, you can?

Oh, that would be great.

Yeah, look, we all meet at George Jefferson's place.

You know George Jefferson, the famous dry cleaner, an all -around great guy.

Yeah. He reads all my books, and he's seen all your movies.

Yeah, so he'll send a limousine over to pick you up at your place tomorrow about

6.

Okay, fine, great.

Right, bye.

Did what? Swallow a frog?

What is all the noise? Didn't I tell you I was going to take a nap?

Listen up, everybody.

Guess who's coming here tomorrow.

How many guesses do we get?

One. I'll even give you a clue.

Billy Dee Williams.

Billy Dee Williams? Billy Dee Williams is coming here? Billy Dee Williams?

He's coming here before me and him go to the boys' club dinner.

George, how did you arrange that?

Well, it was easy.

I just told him I was a very important man.

Billy Dee Williams coming down here on Earth to mingle with us for a whole

morning.

Florence, he's only a man.

Only a man, Miss Willis? You're talking about my dream friend. A dude who's one

of a kind.

He's sugar and spice and everything, and I do mean everything now.

Now, Florence, when you meet Billy Dee Williams in person, I'm sure you'll find

that he's just an ordinary, normal guy. Well, we'll see how normal he acts once

he gets a load of me in my blue dress.

Why your blue dress?

Because blue is Billy Dee's favorite color.

Oh, Florence, there's no need to do anything special just because Billy Dee

Williams is coming.

Excuse me, Louise.

run upstairs and see if I can get an appointment with my hairdresser.

Billy T. Williams in this very room.

Well, Lord, you may not come when we call you, but you ain't never late.

George, do you think we have time to redecorate the whole apartment?

What?

Floss, will you answer the door?

Oh, Florence, is Mr. Jefferson around?

He's in the bedroom with Miss Jefferson.

I have some information for him. I'll see that he gets it.

Oh, well, I guess he's paid me for this already. Would you tell Mr. Jefferson

that there is indeed a double for Billy Dee Williams?

A double? Yes. If Mr. Jefferson wants to hire someone who looks exactly like

Billy Dee Williams, have him call the famous doubles agency.

This is their phone number.

Hire somebody.

I think he already did that.

Pardon? Billy Dee Williams' phony double is coming over here tomorrow.

Oh, well, then I guess everything's all right.

Yeah, everything's fine.

Everything's just fine.

You can fool some of the people some of the time.

But you can't fool Florence Johnston with no two -bit copy of Billy Dee

Williams. None of the time.

Where's Florence? I want her to make some hors d 'oeuvres.

She's in her room. I'm sure she doesn't want to meet Billy Dee Williams until

she looks absolutely beautiful.

Oh, well, in that case, we ain't got nothing to worry about. She'll be in

for a year.

George, I still don't understand how you managed to get Billy Dee Williams to

come over here.

Well, Wheezy, that's what I've been wanting to tell you.

See, I... George!

It's him! Hey, Wheezy, wait a minute!

just going out to buy some groceries.

You got all dressed up to go shopping?

Well, you never know who you might run into in a supermarket.

Do you want to go with me, Louise?

Oh, I'd like to, Helen, but Billy Dee Williams will be here soon.

Oh, that's right!

Well, I may as well just stay here and wait.

We can go after he leaves.

Oh, what a lovely blue outfit, Helen.

Oh, thank you, Louise. I love blue.

Me too.

Man, if you two all dressed up, I can imagine what Florence is going to look

like.

Somebody call me.

Florence, why are you dressed like that?

my work, so I decided to relax for the rest of the evening.

Well, go someplace else and relax. I don't want you scaring Billy Dee to

Florence, he'll be here any minute.

Yeah, I know. But I got to thinking about what y 'all said.

He's just an ordinary guy.

Ain't no need to get all gussied up for him.

After all, you two didn't do nothing special.

Florence, I'm gonna give you three seconds to get lost.

One, two...

Boris isn't hurting anything.

Yes, George, I'm sure Mr. Williams won't mind.

Won't mind? The hell he won't. I want everything to be right. He don't want to

be hanging around with an old sloppy looking old maid.

Excuse me, is this the Jeffersons' apartment?

Billy Dee, come on in.

Hey, I'm George Jefferson. Billy Dee Williams.

Oh, you ain't got to tell me that. Hey, Billy Dee, I want you to meet my wife,

Louise.

Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, call me Louise, Dilly Dee.

Willie Dill.

Can I call you... You can call me anything you want, Louise.

Billy Dee, Billy, it doesn't matter.

Oh, excuse me, Willie Bill.

I'm Billy Dee. Billy Dee. Ah, Billy Dee.

And this is our neighbor, Helen Willis.

It's nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

I mean, it's... I think I need a drink of water.

This is our maid, Florence.

She's getting ready to go to bed. She's not feeling too good, as you can see.

I'm feeling fine.

I'm very pleased to meet you, Florence.

That goes double for me.

And I do mean double.

Won't you sit down, Billy?

Thank you.

Won't you join me, please?

Oh, I'd love to.

Is Alex here yet?

Alex? Yes, Alex Haley.

Alex Haley? Is he coming here, too? Oh, yes. He's a good friend of your

husband's. He is?

Well, George, I didn't... Alex will be here any minute.

Come here, Weasley. I want to see you in the kitchen in a minute. Hey, Florence,

look. Make sure you give our special guest anything he wants. Be right back.

So, you're...

Dee Williams, huh?

Well, that's what my mama told me.

Okay. What'd you have for breakfast this morning?

Um, a cheese omelet.

Cheese omelet? On Thursday?

For your information, Billy Dee Williams always has poached eggs and orange

juice on Thursday.

He does?

I mean, I do.

What's the matter with you? Don't you read the fan magazine?

No, not really, no.

Well, you better start, honey.

That is, if you want to do your job right.

Gee, up until now, I thought I was doing okay.

And ladies sings the blues.

Did Diana Ross wear her flower in her hair on the right side or the left side?

Uh, right.

The left?

Listen, mister, whoever's paying you sure ain't getting their money's worth.

You want to tell the studio, will you?

Studio? Hmm, I got your studio.

So that's why I had to say I was Alex Haley.

But George, you lied to the man.

So what? I lied a little bit. It worked, didn't it? Billy Dee Williams is here.

He sure is.

Well, I'm going to tell him the truth.

Okay, Weasley, but it's going to be all your fault.

What will be my fault?

When Billy Dee finds out that Alex Haley ain't coming, he's going to probably

split. And all them poor kids who were dependent on this benefit to help their

boys club are going to be out of luck.

Them poor kids would be standing around on the street with nothing to do,

saying, man, I wish that old mean lady didn't tell Billy Dee Williams about the

clowning club.

We'd have some place to play.

George, that's not fair.

Okay, Weezy, see, I knew you'd let me handle it. Now, come on, let's go in

because it was Billy Dee.

Hey, Billy Dee!

How are you and Florence getting along? Oh, fantastic.

She's been teaching me a lot. So far, I've learned that I've been eating the

wrong food, I don't ride my bike enough, and I have the wrong favorite number.

Well, look, we better get going. We don't want them to start without us.

think we ought to wait for Alex.

Alex? Oh, yeah. Well, he probably got tied up. You know how famous authors

Well, maybe we should call him. Oh, no, I'll call him.

Uh, Billy.

I wonder if I could ask you to autograph my copy of Lady Things the Blue.

I'd be glad to.

Have you got a pen?

A pen?

Yes.

Oh, yes, a pen.

Oh, how silly of me.

I'll get one.

Well, Billy, how's Hollywood?

Uh, smoggy.

What's Diana Ross really like?

Well, she's... Do you know Burt Reynolds? What about Marvin Brando?

pen. Thank you. Excuse me.

Now me.

Uh -huh.

Right. Yeah, I understand.

Yeah, I'll tell him, Alex.

Is that Alex?

Oh, yeah.

Well, let me say hello to him.

You gotta go? Okay, bye.

Are you sure that was Alex Haley?

Sure, why?

Well, all I heard was a humming sound.

Humming? Oh, that must have been his typewriter.

He's working on his new book, Roots 3.

He said it's humming right along.

Oh, by the way, he said he won't be able to make the dinner.

He's got a bad cold.

Really? When I talked to him this morning, he sounded fine.

This morning? You mean last night? No, when I talked to him last night.

He sounded a lot like you.

Like me?

Yeah, when I talked to Alex Haley this morning, he was in Los Angeles.

He's been there all week.

Oh, so you mean that you knew all along that... That it was you that was calling

me last night? I'm afraid so, yes.

Well, if you knew all that, how come you still agreed to speak at the dinner?

Well, you see, I grew up in Harlem. You got that one right.

I love kids, and I know the Harlem Boys Club is a good cause.

And you ain't mad at me for lying and saying I was Alex Haley? No, no, I know

where you're coming from.

However, I do wish you would have told me who you really were.

Well, if that ain't the pot calling the kettle black.

Morris, would you stop talking crazy?

Oh, it's about time you knew the truth, Miss Jefferson. This turkey ain't Billy

Dee Williams.

What the hell are you talking about?

so innocent, shorty.

I know all about that famous doubles agency.

Florence, what are you talking about?

I mean, this dude is a good likeness, and he's handsome and all that, but he

can't fool Billy Dee Williams' number one fan.

Are you really my number one fan?

No, I'm Billy Dee Williams' number one fan, and I know a phony when I see one.

Let's go, Billy.

All right, listen, it's been very nice meeting you, and, uh...

And I hope to see you again soon.

Take care.

Mr. Jefferson, is Mr. Williams still here?

No, he ain't, and he never was.

Then who's that?

I don't know who that is. I just know who it ain't.

Whoever it is, I mean whoever it ain't.

He dropped his wallet in the back seat of the limousine. The driver gave it to

me, and I brought it right up immediately.

Thanks, brother.

This yours?

Yes, thank you very much. Oh, no, you don't.

Now we'll just find out who you are, Mr... Mr...

Do

you

want my arm to fall off?

What'd you say?

I got another one right.

It's Billy Dee Williams!

It's Billy Dee Williams!

It's Billy Dee Williams!

It's Billy Dee Williams!

It's Billy Dee Williams, Mr. Jefferson!

The real Billy Dee Williams! I'm afraid so, yes.

Well, now that we've got that all settled, let's get going before we get

Wait, you can't take me now!

Wait a minute, Billy. I'm going to put on my blue dress. I'll be right back.

Florence, I really have to go.

But, uh... Thank you for being my number one fan.

The Jeffersons was videotaped in front of a studio audience.