All language subtitles for The Jeffersons s05e06 Georges New Stockbroker.eng

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving
on up.

I went to a luau once, and he got into a
fight.

A fight?

Yeah. A waiter came up to him and said,
Poi.

And George said, Who you calling boy?

And then he hit him.

Gave him a nice Hawaiian punch, eh?

You know, like on the television.

A nice Hawaiian... Did you like the hula
dance?

Oh, yes.

Yeah, the lovely hula. Oh, come on, Mrs.
J. Dance.

Lovely hula hands, graceful as a bird in
motion.

Throwing on across the ocean.

What the hell is this, a gong show?

Hi, George.

Aloha, Mr.

J. Aloha. Say what?

Aloha means hello in Hawaiian.

Strangely enough, it also means goodbye.
Is that right?

Isn't that fascinating?

That wasn't very nice. Why do you always
do that?

Look, Weezy, I want Bentley out of here.
I'm expecting somebody any minute. Who?

Bill Jessup, stockbroker.

Bill Jessup?

Isn't that your friend who lost his job
six months ago? Yep.

How is the poor man?

The poor man is rich.

What? That's right. I bumped into Jessup
today. He's making a fortune in the

stock market. He is?

Your stocks have all been losing money.

That's because my broker is Fred
Hanneman. When he talks, nobody listens.

I'm meeting with Bill Jessup's man
today. His name is, uh, Roy Crandall.

Well, what makes you think this Roy
Crandall will do better? Well, he's a

-man operation. He can play his hunches.
That's how you make a fortune

overnight. He could also be a way to
lose one.

Oh, we?

Flora! She went to the store.

Damn. I want her to make some hors d
'oeuvres for Roy Crandall. Uh, George,

don't you think you're taking a risk?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Florence's food might kill the poor guy.

all I mean about changing stockbrokers.

Look, we've got to gamble in life, you
know that?

I sure do.

I married you, didn't I?

Hey,

Foxy Mama.

Don't get fresh with me, turkey.

That wasn't me, miss. That was J .P.

And who's J .P.? Thought you'd never
ask.

Hey, are you a ventriloquist?

That's right.

J .P., tell the lady you're sorry.

Only thing I'm sorry about is I'm not
sitting on her arm.

You know, I got a cousin that lives in
this building.

You have?

Yeah, he's a coffee table in 4C.

Well, he loves it. He's not used to 31
and falling all over.

No, I mean this elevator. The darn
thing's stuck.

No sweat, Toots. My friend will have to
fix it in no time.

Push that start button, then.

Why me?

Because your arm is longer than mine.

It's not moving. What do we do now?

What any sensible person would do.

Oh, shoot. I was hoping I'd get to spend
some time with you.

Well, this is my floor. See you.

Hey, where you going?

Looks like you're going to the same
place we're going.

Are you George Jefferson's wife?

Now, I got a lot of problems, but that
ain't one of them.

My name is Roy Crandall, and I'm here to
see George Jefferson.

My name is Florence, and that sure ain't
why I'm here.

Blanche, do me a favor.

I got... Hey!

Who's the guy with the dummy?

Watch what you say about my friend. He's
smarter than he looks.

Mr. Jefferson, I'm Roy Crandall.

Ah! You're the stockbroker?

That's a matter of opinion.

Keep talking like that and I'm gonna put
termites in your pockets.

Hey, Weasley, come here.

This is Roy Crandall, the stockbroker
I've been telling you about. Real

to meet you, Mrs. Jefferson.

Yeah, he took the words right out my
mouth.

Pleased to meet you. Or both.

He's going to help us make a lot of
money, right, Crandall? Don't bet on it.

dropped a bundle in the market the other
day.

He did? Yeah, a shouting bag broke.

Oh.

Hey, Crandall, why don't you have a
seat?

Don't bother pulling up the chair for
me. I'll just sit on his knee.

I got to give it to you, Crandall.
You're the first stockbroker I ever met

carries a dump... I mean, a friend
around with him on business calls.

That's the whole point, Mr. Jefferson. J
.P. here is a great asset to me.

Yeah, I do all the thinking for him.

Actually, he's a big promotional help.
He sure is. People ain't about to forget

something like you two.

You mean you take your friend with you
everywhere you go?

I have to. He's got a driver's license.

Yeah, but you have other talents, J .P.
Why don't you sing something for our

friends? How's it go?

How does what go? Something for our
friends.

Look, I'll do the rhythm.

You do the lyrics.

Ready? Ready.

Hand on, hand on, have you heard?

Papa gonna buy you a mockingbird.

Now, if that mockingbird don't sing,
Papa gonna buy you a diamond ring.

Gonna take a little walk, gonna take a
little walk, gonna take a little walk to

the railroad track.

Oh, that's wonderful.

He's just like a real person.

Yeah, he fools a lot of people.

Hey, man, how come you ain't a
chauvinist?

I was, but playing one -night stands
just didn't put food on the table.

Right on.

I lost so much weight, I look like a
number two pencil with glasses.

But you're really good.

He should be. I taught him anything he
knows.

We stuck at it for a while, but now JP
and I, we just do it for fun.

It's amazing how you can talk without
opening your mouth, Mr. Crandall. Big

deal. I can talk with my mouth closed.

See? Mouth ain't moving a bit.

with my mouth shut. I wish you could do
anything with your mouth shut.

Florence, ain't you got something to do?

Like what? Like putting those groceries
away. Me and Mr. Crane have got to talk

business. Come on, Florence. I'll help
you. Thank you, Miss Jefferson.

I'll get the door for you.

Now let's talk turkey.

Who you calling turkey?

That's a figure of speech, J .P. Don't
you know anything?

Ain't I thought you two cheat to die
near drain?

Man, Quail, it's going to be great doing
business with you.

Look, Mr. Jefferson, before we decide to
talk business, I want you to know my

investment philosophy.

Oh. Want me to tell him?

Do you know?

Do you know?

Yeah, I know. Then I know, Donnie.

See, what he's going to tell you is to
start knocking his inner stable.

That's unstable, J .P., not inner
stable.

Oh, that's good. It's a marketless
interstate, so we might get our shoes

See, Mr. Jefferson, listed securities
are very shaky right now.

Over -the -counter stocks are your best
bet. High risk with a potential high

return. Now you're talking about
language.

He always talks, not language.

I just want you to know what to expect.

Oh, I know what to expect. Money, just
like Bill Jessup's, right? Yep, I

all of his investments, and today he's
worth $1 million.

Of course, when he lures Cain to you,
he'll lure $10 million.

Cradle, I like your style.

I'll take out his clothes.

As long as you're willing to trust me,
Mr. Jefferson, I think everything will

work out nicely.

Trust you? I trust you so much, I'm
going to put my money where my mouth is.

Nobody's got a robe that big.

Here you go.

$5 ,000, huh?

Well, you know, that's just a little
starter. Invest it in anything you want.

As long as it brings those quick
returns.

Quick returns?

How about yo -yos?

Yo -yos, that's funny.

I got a million of them, pretty lady. If
you want to hear more, how about dinner

tonight?

Well... Oh, come on, my friend would ask
you, but he's too shy.

Well, in that case, I'd love to, but
only if you're good.

Oh, he'll be good.

Or else.

Or else what?

Or else he'll make firewood out of me.

Pick you up around 6, Florence?

Good, I'll be ready.

You better get going. Yeah, I'll go with
you. See you later, Mrs. Jefferson.

Goodbye, Mr.

Crandall. Bye, J .P. Bye, Mrs.
Jefferson.

Maybe we'll invest that five grand in
spaceships.

Spaceships? Yeah, they're bound to go
up.

Isn't that Mr.

Crandall's... Something.

Yeah, he's a sharp dude, all right. Just
what I've been looking for. He makes

you feel like J .P. is a real person.

You know something?

Carrying that dummy around with him is a
good gimmick.

Who you calling?

Fred Hammerman, my old stockbroker. I
just want him to... Hammerman!

Yeah, George Jefferson.

Okay. Oh, listen, uh, you and me ain't
gonna be doing business together

Well, I just made up my mind.

You just take all my stocks and have
them transferred over to Roy Crandall.

Yeah, that's right, Crandall.

Oh, you know him?

He's laughing.

Huh?

You're jiving.

No, I don't think it's funny.

What's wrong, George?

Hammerman tells me that Crandall ain't
playing with a full dick.

He spent a year in a nut house.

You mean he was in a mental hospital?

That's right.

Damn. I should have known anybody that
carries a dummy around when it's got to

be nuts.

Well, where are you going?

I'm going to the bank to stop payment
on... on that check before Crandall

it to the Easter Bunny. But George, you
just got through saying you were with

Mr. Crandall all the way.

Yeah, I was. All the way until I found
out he was a cuckoo flying over the

Wait. Did Crandall call?

No. Why?

I left a message on his answering
service that I had stopped payment on a

So if he calls... If he calls, you talk
to him. I have to leave for a meeting at

the help center. Oh, Wheezy, there ain't
no telling what a guy like that's gonna

do. I just hope he don't get mad and fly
off the handle.

George, you're the one who's flying off
the handle. Say what? You're

overreacting.

Overreacted, Wheezy? The guy was
definitely in a funny farm.

I spent two hours finding out for sure.

You mean you went around spying on him?
Yeah.

And it wasn't easy. People don't want to
get up off of that kind of information.

Of course not. It's none of your
business.

It is my business. That nut could have
cost me a fortune.

George, do you really think it's right
not to do business with a person just

because he's had an emotional problem?

Emotional problem, Weezy? We are talking
about a dude who was in a mental home.

But if he's out now, he's probably
perfectly sane.

Perfectly sane. Now, how many perfectly
sane people do you know that spend all

their time with a dummy?

Besides me.

Come on, Weezy, be serious.

Look, George, you were in reform school
once. Does that mean you're still a

criminal? Look, we said it's different.
Being in reform school ain't got nothing

to do with having no brains.

You are so right.

You know what I mean. I mean, being in
reform school ain't like being in a

bin. Yeah, I know what you mean, George.
Once a nut, always a nut, right?

Right.

Speaking of nuts, where's Florence?

She's at the beauty parlor.

Oh, the beauty parlor. Well, I guess we
won't see her for about two months.

She's getting her hair done for her date
with Mr. Crandall.

A date with Crandall? You mean to tell
me she's still going to go out with him?

Of course she is. Well, Wheezy, didn't
you tell that to guys out of the...

George, Florence met Mr. Crandall and
she likes him.

Why should I slander the man by telling
Florence about his past?

Because that psycho's past could mess up
Florence's future.

George, you're being ridiculous.

Wheezy, what... Oh, Florence, your hair
looks terrific.

Oh, thank you, Miss Jefferson. Yeah.

You don't look like your normal self at
all.

I sure hope Roy likes it. Look,
Florence, it's about this Roy. Weasley,

going to... George, mind your own
business.

You know, I never met anybody like him
before.

He sure is crazy.

He sure is.

Well, Florence, enjoy yourself with Mr.

Crandall. I have to go to my meeting.

Look, Weasley, if you ain't going to
tell her, I will.

Tell me what?

George decided not to do business with
Mr. Crandall. Why?

Because George Jefferson don't do no
business with no village idiot.

George found out that Mr. Crandall spent
some time in a mental hospital.

Mental hospital?

You mean I spent all afternoon getting
my hair set for a crazy man?

Florence, that's not fair. Mr.
Crandall's not crazy.

Then what was he doing on the funny
farm?

Somebody's at the door.

Sounds like a woodpecker.

Uh -oh, it's the cuckoo bird.

Mr. Crandall, come in.

Hi, folks.

Hi. I was just leaving.

Hope to see you later.

Me too.

Bye, Mrs. Jefferson.

Wow. Check that foxy hairdo.

Marsh, you look great.

Thanks. Oh, Mr. Jefferson, I got your
message.

See, I just figured I ain't gonna be
buying no stocks for a while.

What made you change your mind?

Was it my dress?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, I just changed my mind a lot. That's
all. Right, Florence?

Right. He sure does.

Oh, that's too bad.

I was gonna buy you 500 shares of United
Worm Ranches.

Worm Ranches?

John, I'm sorry I missed out on that.

You mean there are herds of worms?

Well, they have plots of land where they
raise worms. It's a booming business.

Oh, sounds like a great idea.

I ain't never heard of raising a worm.

You can raise anything.

My father -in -law can even raise mashed
potatoes.

Mashed potatoes?

Yeah.

How can I raise mashed potatoes?

With a spoon.

Listen now, don't you three like mashed
potatoes?

I think I'm beginning to lose my
appetite.

Maybe you'll get it back when you sign
out while they're going to dinner.

Yeah, I made reservations at the old
chowder club.

I wanted to tell her.

Best clam chowder in the country.

It's in Boston.

Boston?

Massachusetts.

I thought we'd fly up there in my plane.

Your plane?

JP, here's my co -pilot.

Oh, no, I ain't going up in no plane
with JP.

Well, if you don't like to fly, we can
go to dinner around here somewhere.

Oh.

Florence is trying to tell you is that
she'd rather not go to dinner with you

all. Yeah, I'm sorry. I got a terrible
headache.

J .P., I think something's wrong here,
and it's not your breath.

You mean it's your breath?

Uh, look, I was just thinking, why don't
we all just say goodbye, and you and

your friend go out and, uh, take in a
Daffy Duck cartoon?

You know, what's that?

Electrical short will let the smoke
clear out in no time.

Uh, I just want to thank you for saving
my wife's life.

Oh, don't thank me. Thank him. He's the
one who kept his head.

Crandall, I thought you split.

I heard Mrs. Jefferson's voice coming
from downstairs, so I ran down to the

floor. Why not think of that?

Mr. Crandall yelled through the doors
and told me to push these little round

buttons. Pickup rollers. They released
mechanical interlock.

And then I got the doors open, I jumped
down three feet, and he caught me.

Who do you think you are, man? Spider
-Man?

Oh, I say, what an incredible dummy.

Yeah, I sure am. Me too.

Well, now that you're safe, Mrs. J.,
I've got to hurry off to my luau.

Aloha and toodle -pip.

Well, how about us just going back
inside?

Hey,

that was some quick thinking you did
there, Crandall.

How'd you know what to do?

You'd be surprised what a crazy man like
me knows.

Yeah, well... Well, I'll tell you the
truth. I thought that... I know what you

thought. You thought since I spent some
time in a mental hospital, I might still

be crazy.

Well, why'd they throw you in the nut...
I mean, in the hospital anyway?

Nobody threw me in. I admit it myself.

I felt I was burning myself out.

Huh? Yeah, he was having problems.

Even when I talked to him, he yelled at
me.

And we left show business.

I tried to act the way normal people do.

It was driving me crazy.

What I learned in that hospital is to be
myself.

Me too.

Well, how come you didn't tell me when I
first met you that you had spent time

in a mental hospital?

How come you didn't tell Mr.

Crandall that you had spent some time in
reform school?

Will you stop talking about me being in
reform school?

It's in the past. It don't matter no
more.

You're right, George.

It is in the past, and it doesn't matter
anymore.

Uh, well, uh, Crandall, I want to write
you another check if you still want to

do business with me.

Sure, but you can mail the check to me
tomorrow.

Well, bye, y 'all.

Well, hey, wait a minute. What about our
dinner date?

You mean you still want to go?

Yeah, I didn't go to hairdresser for
nothing. I'm going to get my money's

Well, in that case, I'd love to take you
to dinner.

No, you wouldn't.

I'm taking us all to dinner. Maybe by
the time we get back, the elevator will

fixed. Knock on wood.

Don't touch me, Jack.

Hey, J .P., why don't you give me a
little more of that ham bone?

was videotaped in front of a studio
audience.

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