Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up. We're moving on up.

At least I got the biggest pest.

Oh, there you are.

One.

Two.

Three. Garth,

what are you doing?

Trying to get rid of a little devil that's been bugging me all day.

Oh, is George home already?

Well, how did things go down at the help center?

Not so good.

Our landlord there is raising the rent, and we do not have it in the budget.

Oh, that's a shame.

And the board is putting me in charge of raising more money.

Weasley, give me a drink!

George, don't yell at me like that.

Sorry, Weasley. Florence, give me a drink!

All right, mighty mouth.

Why are you in such a good mood?

Because I'm getting killed.

Killed? By who? The plant that does my dry cleaning.

They raised the price on me again.

George, it can't be a matter of life and death.

No, it's more important than that. It's a matter of money.

Every time their prices go up, my profits go down.

Well, maybe you should think about opening your own cleaning plant.

Look, Weezy, not only did I think about it, I've been out trying to find a

building and it's hopeless.

Oh, thank you.

Mr. Jefferson, don't move!

Come on, what is it?

Nasty thing.

Kept sampling the mincemeat pie I made this morning.

Well, in that case, you ain't got nothing to worry about. It would have

soon anyway.

Do you know how expensive it is to try to lease a building in this city?

As a matter of fact, I do.

They're raising the rent at the help center, and we're a non -profit

organization. Yeah, well, if I don't find a building to lease soon at my

I'm going to be a non -profit organization.

Is there a reason you can't buy a building?

Yeah, there are a million reasons. All of them green.

That was Miss Willis. They just got back from Syracuse and she's coming down to

get the mail.

I wonder how the funeral went.

She didn't say.

Of course, any funeral's okay if you ain't the guest of honor.

And if you had to be the guest of honor, I can't think of a better one than

Tom's father.

George! That's a terrible thing to say.

Tom was very considerate when Mother Jefferson passed away.

That's different, Weezy. Mom and me were close.

Willis and his father didn't even speak to each other.

Well, that doesn't mean they didn't love each other.

She's right, because I've been madly in love with a guy for two years, and I

ain't talked to him once. Why not?

Because I don't know Billy Dee Williams' phone number.

Why don't we invite Tom and Helen down for dinner tonight?

Because they might show up.

George, Helen's been out of town for a week. She probably doesn't have any food

in the house. Forget it, Weezy. Tom and Helen are not coming to dinner, and

that's that.

Oh, that must be Helen. Now, don't you forget to offer her your sympathy.

She's had my sympathy ever since I met her husband.

Oh, welcome home, Helen.

Oh, come on. Thanks, Louise.

It is good to be back. How did everything go?

Well, it was pretty cold up there.

Oh, that's a shame. The weather was nice here.

I'm talking about Tom's relatives.

Most of them are just like his father.

They're dead, too?

From the neck up.

Ever since Tom and I got married, they've treated us like creatures from

space. Yeah, from the planet Zebra.

I'll get your mail, Helen.

Um, Tom said to thank you for the flowers.

He'll probably stop by when he gets back from looking at the warehouse.

What warehouse?

His father's estate included an empty warehouse over on 10th Avenue in the

You mean to tell me that Tom owns a warehouse over on 10th Avenue? He will

What's he going to do with it?

Well, I don't think he's decided yet.

Oh, that's a perfect location.

For what?

For, uh, for Tom to own an empty warehouse.

Here you are, Helen.

Oh, thanks.

Well, I guess... Hey, wait a minute.

What's the matter, George? Wheezy, I just came up with a great idea.

Why don't we invite the Willises over here for dinner tonight?

But, George... Look, Wheezy, they've been out of town for a week, and Helen

probably doesn't have any food in the house, right?

Well... But, George, I... Look, I insist, Wheezy. Tom and Helen are coming

for dinner tonight. And that's that.

George, sometimes you amaze me.

Thank you, Weed.

We'd love to have you, Helen. About six. Great. I'll bring some wine.

Don't forget to bring Tom.

And bring Alan, too. We'd love to see him.

Yeah, right. Bring Alan, too.

Okay. See you later.

Who the hell is Alan?

Tom and Helen's son, remember?

Oh, yeah, the one with the bad luck.

Bad luck?

Yeah, he turned out white.

Well, he sure got a lot of black in him. Because the last time you saw Alan, he

beat you at playing the dozen.

Beat me?

Look, there ain't no halfway honky gonna beat me playing no dozen.

I remember the exact words.

You better get off my back and leave me alone, because the teeth you save will

be your own.

Oh, shoot, that's the old one. I know, that's the one you said.

Then Alan said, you got hips like a snake and a face like a shoe. You a jive

turkey fake who was born in the zoo.

And he said, if it wasn't for the fact that you're five foot two, like

white -armed rice, I'd be all over you.

Louise, I said to can it.

Now, what is that two -toned turkey doing here anyway?

He came back for the funeral, and now he's visiting with his parents.

How do you know that? Helen told me before they left.

Oh, well, Weezy, look, can't you call Helen and tell her that you're sorry we

only got enough food for her in town?

George, it won't hurt you to be nice to Alan for one night.

He'll be going home in a couple of days.

Where's home?

I think he's living somewhere in New Mexico.

New Mexico?

If he was smart, he'd move to Alaska.

Alaska? Sure, with the Willises as his parents, he'd make a perfect Eskimo pie.

No, George, it's just Helen and me.

What a joke, huh, Louise?

Come on in.

Here's the wine, Louise.

Oh, thanks, Helen.

Where's Alan? Oh, he has other plans.

He's upstairs now taking a shower.

I hope he remembers how to use one.

Tom. Well, it's true. They don't even have plumbing in that commune he lives

Tom, Alan bathes every day in a river. What's the difference?

The difference is he's our son, not a trout.

Calm down, Tom.

You've been on Alan's back ever since he got home.

I can't help it, Helen.

I didn't spend all these years raising my kid so he could run off and live in

the desert with a bunch of weirdos. Tom, I don't understand. Oh, come on, Helen.

Let's go help Florence with dinner.

Good idea. She can use all the help she can get.

Right, Tom, old buddy?

That doesn't sound like Tom.

He's usually so open -minded.

When it comes to his only son, Tom's open mind closes.

Hey, look what we got here, Willis.

Some of those little cheese things you like so much.

Oh, thanks, George.

Go ahead, take a whole handful. I got them especially for you.

Eating does help me when I'm upset.

Oh.

Oh, I hear your father left you a... I don't believe it. How can a kid Alan's

age have no goals at all?

Will you forget about that old crazy kid of yours?

Now, what do you want to drink?

Huh? Drink!

Oh, uh, scotch.

No, Alan spent two years... Speaking of scotch, Alan tells me that you inherited

a warehouse.

What does scotch have to do with a warehouse?

Well, after they make the scotch, they store it where they store it, in the

warehouse, right?

Right, I guess.

Oops, about ice.

I'll get some.

Yeah, after you do that, we'll sit down and have a nice, long talk, okay?

About what?

Well, I'll think of something.

Hi, Mr. Jefferson.

Alan Willis.

Remember me?

Oh, yeah, the white sheep of the family.

You haven't changed a bit.

You have, you're whiter.

Like I said, you haven't changed a bit.

Peace, brother?

Takes more than a handshake to make a brother.

Yeah.

It takes heart and soul to make a brother. And you ain't got one, nor the

Now, don't start that again.

Why? Are you afraid I'm going to beat you again?

What do you want?

Well, I want to talk to my father. Well, he don't want to talk to you. You've

upset him already.

But there's something I got to tell him. Okay, tell me. I'll see that he gets

the message. You get the message?

Mr. Jefferson, look, let me lay this out for you in black and white.

No, I better not do that because you'd only understand half of it.

Look, I don't want you busting in here, spoiling my evening. Now, you say what

you got to say and get out.

Okay. Just tell my dad a lawyer just called from Syracuse. My grandfather's

left everything to me. Uh -huh. Okay, now you said it. Now I got something to

say to you.

You're a sugar -coated zebra, dirtying up my pad. Now you better stay out of my

face before I make you wish you had.

Will left everything.

He's got the warehouse!

Come on, Blood. I was only joking.

I called all my best friends Ziva.

You do, huh?

Well, just the black and white ones.

Hey,

y 'all.

Look who I found.

Hi, sweetheart.

I thought you were going out. Well, I... was, but... But he decided to come down

here and have dinner with us first, right?

Why, hello, Alan. How have you been? Fine, Mrs. Jefferson.

Oh, man, you're looking clean as ever.

Why, thank you. I hope you're staying for dinner. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. You

sure can't dress like that.

Cool it, Willis. The kids dress fine.

Hey, I'm sorry, Dad. My tuxedo's in the cleaners.

Don't get smart with me.

Hey, take it easy, Willis. He's only joking.

You got a great sense of humor there, kid.

Hey, listen, we're friends. Call me Zebra.

Hey, try some of these. They're great.

Little cheese things. I made them especially for you.

Thanks, Mr. Jefferson.

I'll get drinks.

What would everybody like? Bourbon for me, Louise.

Tom. Scott.

Alan. I pass.

You sure do.

I'm just joking.

Mom, Dad, there's something I want to tell you. While I was upstairs... You

didn't break the shower, did you?

Tom!

A lawyer called about the will. Grandpa left everything to me.

To you?

Yeah, yeah, listen, I'm sorry. I figure he did it just to make you mad.

He wasn't the most liberal guy in the world.

Yeah, dumb honky. Nothing I hate worse than a bigot.

Dad, about the will. Oh, I don't care about that. As long as you put the money

to good use.

Well, you know, if I ever do inherit any kind of bread like that, I am supposed

to share it with the other members of our commune.

Now, wait a minute. If you think... Hey, take it easy, Willis. Alan has the

right to live his own life.

If the will says the warehouse is his, he can do whatever he wants with it.

Look, George. Now, what you should do... What you should do with it is sell the

warehouse and use the money. No, you don't sell it.

Why not?

It costs too much.

Huh? I mean, uh...

What you should do is lease it. In fact, you should lease it at a loss. At a

loss? Yeah, that way you make money and you get back a bundle in taxes. Don't

you know nothing about business?

Look, I already know what I'm going to do with the warehouse.

You do?

I'm going to give it to you, Dad. It's really yours anyway.

It's up to you now to lease it. I'll tell you what. What if I lease the

warehouse and use the money to send you back to school?

Let's talk about this later, Dad. I gotta get going.

Hey, leave some of those for your father.

Alan, honey, maybe you should listen to what your father had to say. Later, Mom.

Dad, real nice seeing you again, Mrs. Jefferson, and, uh, Mr. Jefferson.

Well, Willis, looks like you're stuck with that warehouse again.

But don't worry, I'm sure you'll find somebody to take it off your hands.

Why don't we all sit down and have a nice, enjoyable dinner?

Oh, if only Alan would... With no more talk about Alan or your father's will,

understand?

I can wait till tomorrow.

What? I said, what are we going to do? Wait until tomorrow? Let's eat!

Right hand blue.

I'll be right back.

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, hello, George. Hi, Ella. Is Tom home?

No, he had to go to a business meeting.

About the warehouse?

No, something at the publishing house.

Oh, when's he going to be back?

He should be home soon. You want him to call you?

Yeah, good idea.

Oh, you got my phone number, don't you?

Yes, George.

Just checking.

Can you hurry?

Right. Right foot green.

Right foot green.

The winner and still champion.

So much for the great white hope.

You two want to play again?

No, thanks, Mom. I've suffered enough defeat for today.

Well, we could call it a tie.

Yeah, you know what they say about a tie?

It's like kissing your sister.

Hey. But whoever said that didn't have you for a sister.

Well, I know I'm glad I got you for a brother.

Well, you remember when I was in the fourth grade and Ralph Whitaker, he kept

pulling my hair and calling me Jenny, Jenny, pick a nanny.

Well, after I told you about it, he never bothered me again.

What did you do, Alan?

Oh, I just asked Ralphie to stop it.

When that didn't work, I just went upside his head with my pencil box.

Did he get home yet?

No, I said...

I thought maybe try to call while I was in the elevator.

George! I'll just wait for him. But... You better get that. It might be for

Hi, Mr. Jefferson.

Boy, do you believe that Mom and Dad saved all this? Hey, Jen, look.

This is the record we used to play to practice our dance lessons.

Oh, yeah.

Remember, we hated dancing together.

That don't surprise me.

You probably wanted to do the funky chicken and he wanted to do the poker.

Mr. Jefferson, would you mind?

I guess not.

No, I meant, would you mind leaving us alone?

Hmm.

Okay, I'll come back later.

Sorry, Mr. Jefferson, but Jenny and I haven't had a chance to talk in three

years. That ain't my fault. You don't want to keep running off to that dumb

commune.

Man, that little dude's mouth should be declared a disaster area.

Don't let him bother you.

Right. May I have this dance, young lady?

Oh, I thought you'd never ask.

Gee, you're sure looking good, Jenny.

Marriage agrees with you.

Yeah, it does.

Doesn't the commune agree with you?

Sure, why?

Well... You went to the commune to find out about yourself, right?

Yeah. Well, what did you find out?

Are you white or black?

I found out I'm me.

Oh, well, look at me. Now that you've got that together, why do you have to go

back? Have you got any better suggestions?

Well, you finished two years of college. Now, you could go back to school and

get your degree, but you could get a job. I could what?

Oh, you could tell me to shut up. I sound just like Daddy. I'm sorry.

You don't sound like Dad. He wouldn't say sorry.

Sorry for what?

Oh, hi, Daddy.

Hi, Jenny.

Alan. Hi, Dad.

Mom, I just talked to your father's lawyer.

There's a clause in the will that prohibits Alan from giving the property

anybody on our side of the family.

My father's causing more trouble for us now than when he was alive.

Well, look, I've got to be going. I've got to get down to the Jeffersons and

pick up something for Lionel. Bye, Danny.

Oh, I'll go with you, Jenny. I want to talk to Louise about the health center.

Be back later, honey.

Bye, Alan.

Bye, sis.

It's good to have you home again.

Well, son, now that you have the warehouse... Dad, please don't tell me

do.

What makes you think I was going to tell you what to do? You called me son.

And whenever you call me that, it means you're going to start preaching.

It does not. Yes, it does.

Even when I was little.

Son, don't you think you should do your homework?

Well, you never wanted to do your homework.

Dad, I made it through school.

Well, that's not the point.

Dad, who cares?

That's your problem, Alan. You don't care about anything.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

You mean I just don't care about the same things you do.

What's that supposed to mean? That means I don't dig where you're coming from

and I ain't too ecstatic about where you're going.

What did he say?

He says you're a fool.

Yes, I suppose I am a fool for letting a bum stay in my house.

Yeah, you're right.

You don't want no bums around here.

Where do you think you're going?

I am going back to New Mexico where nobody hassles me.

Oh, so you're going to leave just like that, huh?

No.

First, I'm going to stop downstairs and say goodbye to Mom and Jenny.

Well, that's very nice of you.

Yeah. I must get my niceness from Mom's side of the family.

Oh, forget about him, will you?

If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here.

Thanks, George.

Sit down, relax.

Let it all pour out.

Maybe I can help you with your problem. Oh, it's that kid. I just don't

understand him. Now that he's got the warehouse... No, no, no, no. You got the

warehouse. No, the will says he can't give it to me.

What? So, you see, my problem is... Who cares about your problem?

Couldn't you stick around for a couple of days and try to work things out with

your father?

Mom, if I thought it would do any good, I would. But if I stay in that

apartment, Dad and I will just get farther apart.

Why don't you stay with me and Lionel?

You don't have enough room.

Besides, you and Lionel don't need me interfering with your lives.

Oh, I wish I could help. But you know George.

It's obvious you can't stay here, Alan.

Wheezy, I'm surprised at you.

No opinion of me.

What? This kid's in trouble.

I know, but I... Ain't you got no heart?

There's plenty of room here.

And you can stay here until you and me, I mean, until you and your father work

things out.

You mean you want me to stay here with you? I insist.

I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

George! Don't fight me on this, Weezy.

Fight you?

I... Come on, Blood, sit down. From now on, my house is your house.

And it won't be long before the roof falls in.

The Jeffersons was videotaped in front of a studio audience.