Original subtitles

If you don't keep quiet over there, I'm going to call the cops on you.

That's nothing.

Them colored people are all scared of the cops.

Oh, who knows? One o 'clock in the morning, maybe he was in the mood, she

wasn't.

In the mood for what?

Oh, that Archie was really something.

Remember when we used to live next door to it?

I don't want to think about that.

But you've got to admit, thinking about him...

Helped us that night. We were in big trouble.

Yeah, that was a night to remember.

doesn't she, George?

Terrific.

You ain't even looking. If I was looking, I wouldn't be able to say

Stop teasing, Florence.

Don't you know what tonight is?

Halloween?

Florence is going out with him tonight.

Oh, him!

And who, may I ask, is him?

Him is just the hottest dude this side of Amsterdam Avenue.

Oh, he does?

Yeah, I mean, he's so different.

He's tall and you're short.

He's handsome and you're... Okay, I heard that.

Where is this dreamboat taking you?

Oh, honey, we're going out bumping tonight.

I could have bumped all night. I could have bumped all night. I haven't been

dancing in years.

Well, why don't you make him take you dancing?

We were going out, but Mr. Jefferson is tired.

Well, that's what you get when you marry an older man.

Mr.

Jefferson, you think this dress needs something?

Yeah, a foxy lady to wear.

A little jewelry might be nice.

I think I might have something.

So what time are you expecting him to pick you up? No, he ain't picking me up.

I'm going to meet him.

I wouldn't let that man waste an ounce of energy. He's going to need it all

later.

Go ahead, Florence.

Florence, try these.

That's perfect.

Just what it needed.

Oh, Miss Jefferson, they're beautiful.

You sure it's all right for me?

Thanks for everything.

Have a wonderful time.

Look, you, them earrings cost more than your whole outfit.

So be careful you don't lose them.

Don't worry, honey, I ain't gonna lose nothing tonight, including the earrings.

I hope they make us feel as good as I did when I got them.

Yeah, you really like that anniversary gift.

Birthday gift.

So what's the difference?

The difference is you forgot our anniversary.

Look, Weezy, I ain't got to wait for no anniversary to buy you things.

And besides, if you like them earrings so much, how come you let the maid wear

them?

Because she can't hurt them. And because she went out tonight to have some fun

like we were supposed to.

Weezy, I told you I'm beat tonight.

Oh, don't give me that. You really didn't want to go to the ballet with me.

don't you just admit it? Okay, I admit it. I didn't want to go see a bunch of

those dudes.

Running around in their drawers on their tippy -tones.

It's the same old story, George.

When I want to do something and you don't, you manage to get tired awful

Well, why the hell do you have to pick the ballet?

Because we have never been to one.

We ain't never been to a leper colony, either.

That don't mean we gotta go.

understand, do you?

Just once, I would like to do something I want to do and have you go along

without a fight.

Who's fighting?

Well, what do you call this? Dancing cheek to cheek?

Well, I didn't start it. You did. There wouldn't be no fight if you'd get off my

back.

Get off your back.

I'll get off your back, George. I'll get off your back right now.

I bet I cracked the plaster.

Okay, so you had a quarrel. But slamming the door doesn't solve anything.

No, but it felt good.

You should talk it out, like mature adults.

I know that may be difficult for George, but... I don't think that's so funny.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Louise.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I just laugh because talking of your earrings reminded me of a pocketbook I

Helen one Christmas. It started a fight, too.

Oh, but that can't happen anymore, can it, Puss?

Not since we've been going to our marriage fulfillment group.

That's right, my darling.

What was wrong with the pocketbook?

Nothing. It was beautiful.

Oh, the pocketbook was fine, except it was covered with an advertising slogan

for Tom's company.

Pelham Publishers packed passion into paperbacks.

All the other office wives loved theirs.

And not all the other office wives.

Well, don't get huffy, sweetheart.

Remember, it's not the gift. It's the thought that counts.

Oh, you're so right, dear.

And that Christmas, your thoughts don't.

Well, I do think for one moment that I... Helen, Tom, please.

Louise is right. If we're not careful, this could lead to a fight. Oh, yes,

quick.

Can I do anything?

Play the bongos?

At our encounter group, they taught us how to end an argument.

Contact, that's what does it. And communication.

Exactly.

Do you want to make up with George?

Of course.

then go to the phone this minute and call him.

Why doesn't he call me?

Well, somebody's got to make the first move.

Go ahead. Show him you're bigger than he is.

I can do that just by standing next to him.

Well, maybe it's worth a try.

But you know George when he's mad.

I bet he's down there right now throwing spitballs at our wedding picture.

Everybody knows I'm home. If I don't answer, somebody will get suspicious and

come over.

Okay, answer it. But you know what happens if I hear one wrong word?

I guess that leaves out help.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Louise.

No, I'm not mad, Louise.

All right, Wheezy.

Uh, no, I think you better stay up there.

I think I'm going to be tied up here a little while.

Look, Weasley, we'll work it out later, okay?

No, I'm not mad.

Okay, then I am mad.

Right, that's right, I'm unreasonable.

That's right, I don't want you to come home. Bye.

Don't come home?

Who does he think he is?

I'm going down there and... Now, girl, don't do anything drastic.

Helen, what would you do if Tom told you not to come home?

I'd kill him.

Right. So if that little shrimp is dead tomorrow, you'll know who did it.

You ain't getting away with this, you know.

Are you gonna stop me, little man?

Okay, look, why don't you just take what you got and get out of here, creep?

Anybody ever tell you you got a big mouth?

Get out of here, Wheezy!

Don't you tell me what to do.

We are going to have this out right now.

You want to fight, little man? Okay, you got it.

I've never seen... I told you not to come home.

Sorry, lady.

You should have taken your husband's advice and stayed out of here.

Oh, uh, I'll take this.

And this lovely ring, if you don't mind.

Now, you'll be good little people, right?

You know, you're giving me a big problem.

We're giving you a problem? Yeah.

You got so much good stuff out there, I don't know what to take next.

Damn it.

What are you doing?

I'm boogieing.

What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying to knock the phone off the hook.

Then what?

You can't even dial a prayer like that.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy Boy. If I could just get my hands loose, I'd show

chump. Oh, don't get him mad. He looks pretty rough to me.

So what? I took care of some big dudes in my time.

Remember what happened to Monk Davis that time? He tried to blackmail me.

Yeah.

The TV -stereo combination?

Nope. The dining room set?

More personal than that.

Hey, wait a minute. I don't see nothing around here that looks that valuable.

That's because you're sitting on it. Where?

All right, now, just a minute, Buster.

We got a deal, and you're going to stick to it.

What? Okay, Buster.

And

JoJo

and Whittendale, you sure knew how to get rid of them, too.

But none of them had a gun like this one had.

Yeah.

I thought this was supposed to be a security building.

It is secure.

Once a crook gets in, he's secure.

Ain't nobody gonna bother him then.

Well, what are we gonna do?

Well, at least we can afford to buy one of everything he steals.

That's the good thing about being robbed when you're rich.

Rich. Rich!

I wish you would forget about money once in a while.

See, that's your trouble, Weezy. You got so used to being poor, we finally got

some money. You didn't like it.

It's not the money I mine. It's the dumb things you do with it that drive me

crazy. What dumb thing?

You always have to have the biggest of everything.

Like that dumb grand piano you bought.

you can forget your tip.

Don't worry, sir. If it does fall, I'll throw my body between it and the floor.

That's your trouble, George. You overdo things.

Yeah, I just hope that burglar ain't overdoing things out there.

Oh, I hope he doesn't take Uncle Ward's gift.

Oh, don't worry about it, Weasley. Ain't no place you can fence no hand -painted

plastic candy dish.

There you go, putting down my Uncle Ward again.

Look, I was just kidding, Weasley. I like your uncle.

Not at first you didn't. You sure gave him a hard time the way you kept calling

him Uncle Tom.

Tell me something, George.

You like to use the words Uncle Tom a lot. Only when it fits.

Do you know who Uncle Tom really was?

Sure. He was that dumb nigga who used to thank Simon Legree for whipping him.

Wrong. That's another one of those lies about our people that has been accepted

as truth.

Who was he then? Superfly in disguise?

No, George.

In real life, Uncle Tom was a slave named Josiah Henson who escaped and

all the way from Kentucky to Canada with his wife and children.

And there he started the first manual training school for our people.

How do you know that?

I read.

Sometimes I listen. You could do the same thing.

You heard of the Underground Railroad?

Sure. Well, Josiah Henson helped a hundred slaves escape up north even

there was an Underground Railroad.

He was a brave man, a great leader.

And I'll tell you something else, George.

I'd never call you an Uncle Tom.

I couldn't have been nicer to him if he was my own uncle.

Well, that's only fair.

After all, I put myself out for your relatives.

What relatives?

Your mother.

Mama? Mama ain't no trouble at all.

Mother Jefferson, what a nice surprise.

Hello, Louise.

I was passing by and thought I'd drop in.

Well, I'm so glad you did.

I figured this would be quicker than waiting for an invitation.

Well, uh, how do you like our new apartment?

Oh, it's lovely.

Oh, just beautiful. George has such good taste in

most things.

A maid? You're getting a maid to look after this itty -bitty...

Yes. Well, well.

All the years I was married, bringing up a family in that great big house, we

never had a maid.

What great big house? We had a three -room walk -out.

He doesn't remember.

No, you mean you don't remember.

Don't talk to your mother like that.

Don't you pick on Joe.

mind trying to think of ways to earn enough money to pay for your nape, which

you don't need.

Oh, you see there, George, even your mother agrees with me.

Well, on the other hand, I

can understand you wanting somebody to keep the place neat and clean.

For a change.

Here's your Bloody Mary.

Oh, thank you, Louise. It helps me think.

Oh, are you having trouble with the crossword puzzle? No, I always finish

Those puzzles are tough.

You've got to know a lot.

Oh, but I do. I have a brain like a sponge.

You must have a liver like one, too.

Have a nice ride.

But I think Louise needs a smaller seat.

No, this is regulation size.

I'm not talking about the one on the bicycle.

Yeah, boy, I got some mama. She's funny, ain't she, Louise?

Yeah, she sure is.

Especially when it comes to weddings and engagement parties.

I listened to you. You didn't listen to me when I told you not to marry Louise.

I'm on your side.

I'm sorry, dear.

Now see what you made me do. You made me say something mean about Louise.

But Mama, see what I'm talking about.

Well, baby, you are missing, and you're still a mess.

George, that's your third drink. I know that.

Well, put it down. Mama, will you leave me alone, please? I said put it down.

You've had enough. Look, Mama, I'm a big boy, and I don't need you to blow my

nose for me. Now, will you leave me alone?

George. Hey, there, Jefferson.

That ain't very nice, talking that way to your little mammy here.

Now, if you've got anything to say to me, you call me Mrs.

Jefferson. Oh, jeez, Mrs.

Jefferson. Don't talk to me.

And don't you try to make up for it either.

Mother Jefferson, what's wrong? George,

what's going on? He called Mama Mammy.

I didn't think I was doing nothing wrong. I thought all colored people

their mothers Mammy. Well, I did, Jefferson. That's what I always heard.

Geez, Al Jolson called his mother Mammy for years.

Look,

you don't have to keep pointing that gun at us.

Just take what you want and leave. All right.

But no more noise.

It makes me nervous.

That's just our lousy luck. We don't even get a cool cat, we get a nervous

George, isn't there something we can do?

Look, just be calm, Wheezy. He'll be gone soon. It'll be all over.

But you read about people being robbed and killed all the time.

Don't worry about it, Wheezy. I'm not going to let you get killed.

You are scared too, aren't you?

Well, I just hope it ain't true that you turn white with fear.

You never think that something like this will happen to you.

Well, anyway, we can't just sit here.

We can't?

Look, just start sliding your chair around so we can get them back to back.

what?

Then we'll untie the ropes and make a run for it.

I'm afraid we gotta make a walk for it.

I'm in no condition to run.

You know?

This may be a dumb thing to say, but it's nice to hold hands again.

Maybe we should do this more often.

Well, George, I love it when you're like this.

Instead of being grouchy and unreasonable.

Unreasonable? When have I been unreasonable?

When? So many times.

I can't even begin to count how many. Tell me one. Just one.

How about the time...

Poor Edith Bunker thought Archie was gone for good. You just keep making

jokes about him.

I never joke about Archie Bunker.

Yes, you did.

Why do you keep sticking up for that honky?

You hear the way he's always fat -mouthing us? The only thing worse than

insults is his compliments.

people got such natural rhythm from being grown up with all them tom -toms.

Then there's the bull about just cause we black, we can't get enough sex.

We both know that's bull, don't we, George?

You better lighten up, Louise.

But you do have rhythm. One out of two ain't bad.

Now you

Don't you slam my table. What?

I'll slam your table. I'll slam your chair.

I'll slam your wall.

Anything else you want me to slam?

Yes, the door from the other side.

You got it.

Okay, so sometimes I get mad and yell a little. I don't do it all the time.

That's right.

When you can't think of anything to yell about, you... run to your favorite

hiding place.

Where are you going?

Someplace where I can think.

George is talking like a damn fool.

Mother knows best, George.

are you going to do about it? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? I'll

tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to the John.

Oh, Jefferson.

Oh, I love your legs.

Why don't you sit down and let's talk this over rationally. Good idea.

He went into the John.

I told him to sit down.

Where do you think you're going? Where I don't have to listen to you.

Oh, no, you don't. You're not running away from me this time. Open this door.

This is ridiculous.

Can you believe two grown men acting like that?

What grown men?

They get upset and they run to the party.

At least I ain't as bad as you, getting mad and yelling and making a big fuss

over nothing.

I make a big fuss over nothing.

Valentine's Day, when I didn't bring you nothing.

Then you let them old crazy Willises use their encounter techniques on us.

It worked, didn't it?

Okay, now what?

Well, just relax.

Why don't you start, Louise?

Just mention whatever comes to mind.

What am I supposed to do? You answer her with the first thing that comes to your

mind, without thinking.

Just like you always do, George.

Okay.

Go.

Okay. Uh, hot, cold, sweet, sour, good. Me.

Me? How did you come by me?

Because it's good of me to sit through this joke.

George. That's all right.

If that's the first thing that came to his mind, that's what he should say. Go

on.

Uh, high.

Taxes. Low.

Interest. Money.

Trucks. Hold it.

I know I'm not supposed to interrupt, but what does a truck have to do with

money? Plenty. Truck goes by a curb, splashes mud on suit, suit goes to

cleaners, I make money.

Wait a minute, you two. The whole... purpose of this thing is to dig into

relationship. Yes, you must be much more personal.

Now, just forget that we're here. I wish I could.

Now, listen, you little... It was the first thing that popped in my mind.

Start again, and this time, make it personal.

Marriage. Ring.

Sex. Seven.

I said sex.

Oh, I thought you said six.

was the butacas.

Like that?

No, like this.

whole point. You see?

You've gotten rid of that anger. Now you can speak freely and easily and clear

up any problem, no matter how big, without fighting.

Good. Is this what they do at those meetings?

Well, sometimes.

Well, me and Weasley ain't got to go then.

When we get uptight, we just beat each other's brains out.

That's not fair, because Louise will always finish first.

I guess we can go now.

May we have our patacas back?

No, wait a minute.

I got one little teeny piece of anger to get rid of yet.

a blessing. And how would you like it if you never got mad at me?

Now that would be a miracle. Okay.

Stay right there a minute.

I

wish

I had a club right now to hit that crook with. What's he doing out there anyway,

messing up the place?

Don't worry about that. Florence will help me straighten it up.

Hey, remember when we first hired Florence? Huh?

But there's just one thing.

Do you folks mind if I ask you something?

No, go right ahead.

You live in this apartment, right?

Uh -huh. And you got an apartment in this building, too?

Yes, that's right.

Yeah, and now nobody can tell another.

you want dinner or you want doors.

Because if you want both, you'll want another mate.

Hello, Florence.

Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.

They're in the bedroom.

Would you tell them I'm here, please?

She's here!

How about a Bloody Mary?

No, thanks. I don't drink while I'm working.

television.

Glad I loaned Florence my earrings tonight. At least they won't get stolen.

Yeah. I wish she was wearing a TV set.

Somebody's at the door.

Oh, thank God. Maybe we're saved.

With our luck, it's probably the Avon lady calling.

That's just like George. He knows it's us, so he won't open the door.

Maybe they made up and went out.

No, he's still in there. I can hear him breathing. Listen.

Oh, now, that's really rude.

I just heard him bolt the door.

I heard you do that, George!

I'm surprised Louise let him do it.

I bet she didn't even see him. She's probably busy in the kitchen.

Well, come on, let's go.

Have you ever noticed how their arguments always end up as our

George, why do we have to fight so much?

If we have a problem, why can't we just talk it through like Tom and Helen? They

don't fight. They don't fight because they're scared to fight.

What's that supposed to mean? You know damn well what it means. If you two ever

really started going at one another, inside of five minutes, he'd be calling

you... Don't say it. Nigga. He said it.

Now, you listen

to me. We've had lots... Lots of fights, and it's never happened. Oh, and don't

tell me it never crossed your mind. No more than it ever crossed my mind to say

the word honky to Tom. Ha! Well, how come you said it just then?

Come on, let's go.

That's the best idea you've had all day.

Yeah, they're gone.

It's lucky for you you know when to keep your mouth shut, Buster.

Hey, you are a real good boy.

Don't do that, Turk.

George. You better listen to her, Buster. She's smart.

When are you going to get out of here? Just as soon as my bags are packed.

I wonder who it was at the door.

Probably that weird old Bentley.

Well, I'm glad he went away. I wouldn't like to see him get hurt.

He ain't going to get hurt. He just put that cook to sleep in one of his dumb

stories.

I'll never forget my first bicycle.

A sleek racer with distinctive red stripes and a little bell that went

-ding, ching -a -ding.

got a big kick out of riding it.

Oh, no, I never rode it at all.

It was stolen the very first day I had it.

Yes, I often wondered what became of it.

And then one day, five years later, I was strolling along the beach at

when suddenly I saw a bicycle which had been washed ashore.

It was all rusted over, but there were still flecks of red paint on it.

Don't tell me it was your bike.

Oh, no, it was a lady's bike. But had it been mine, wouldn't that have made a

remarkable story?

Okay, we looks like we got to do it all by ourselves. Let's work on these ropes.

It's no use.

They won't budge.

Four years in the Navy, learning how to tie knots.

How come they didn't teach me how to untie them?

I don't like to think about your Navy days.

That was the longest we have ever been apart.

Well, doesn't think of the good part when I came home on leave.

Yeah.

Jeff, you and me, we sure did a lot of walking in the park.

And a lot of resting in the bushes.

Sometimes I think a hot dog at Coney Island was more fun than the fancy

restaurants we go to now.

Don't be silly, Weezy. Being rich is much more fun.

You don't like remembering when you were poor, do you, George?

That's why you have those nightmares anytime something goes wrong.

Well, now that that's all cleared up, don't you feel better now?

No, because that was a good part of the dream.

I kept slipping down that ladder, and all of a sudden, I was in the subway.

Did you have a token, or did you sneak in under the turnstile?

I fell in through the roof, right into the middle of the A train.

And it was full of zebras.

with zebras everywhere, snorting and stomping and chewing and messing up the

place. Wheezy ain't nothing uglier than an A -train full of zebras.

I'm not going to explain that one to you, George.

Then at the first stop, I got off, and I ran onto the up escalator.

Only it was going down. Somebody switched sides on me, because right next

was a down escalator with a bottle of champagne with a white label on it, and

the bottle was going up, up, up, and I was going down, down, down.

And at the bottom, you ain't gonna believe this, Weasley.

At the bottom was all of these cockroaches, yelling and waving, welcome

George.

Weasley!

The worst.

I was walking down the street and everybody was the same color.

It was terrible.

Why?

Because I couldn't tell the white blacks from the black blacks.

Oh, George.

Wait, that's just the beginning.

And suddenly everybody started chasing me. And I ran and ran until I got to

Monticello in the midst of this great big party. And Thomas Jefferson was

playing the violin.

Well, what's so bad about that?

He was using me as the boat.

Scraping me back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Did you sound good?

Terrible. Only thing we could play was Dixie.

Go to sleep, George.

Okay. What are you doing?

This time you're going with me.

You don't like to think bad because you're afraid it's going to hurt. But it

don't hurt at all. I mean, now, we got a lot to think back on, don't we?

Yeah, even the bad times seem good at a time like this.

Even old Archie Bunker would look good to me now.

Remember when we moved in next door to him?

You know, it's just crossing my mind.

Remember old man McNabb? Yeah. Used to live down the street there. Remember the

time that he was going to sell his place to them Jews? Oh.

And you come around with that petition to all the rest of us to sign.

Remember? Keep them out.

We all signed, huh?

Yeah.

You really saved the block that time, Jim.

Well, you know me.

So, I mean, you wouldn't then turn around and do what McNabb was trying to

would you? You mean sell to Jews? Yeah. Oh, no.

No.

These people are Baptists.

Oh, that's nice, Jim.

and I just talked with the telephone company, and they are putting my phone

today. Now, I really believe the house is mine.

Oh, hi, neighbor.

Thank

you.

Ma, you got here early.

Well, I wanted to get right to work.

Oh, by the way, Would it be too much trouble to borrow pale from you? I

to bring one. Oh, sure. Oh, you got your work cut out for you. I don't think

that house has been clean since his wife died three years ago.

And way before that. Bowman and his wife was always slobs to both of them.

Oh, gee. I'll get the pale.

Thank you.

Did you like the Julius show last night?

Fine. How did you like Dara's stay?

Now you're in. No, I ain't. I'm out.

If you rob my stoop, that's the same as being in my house. Stoops don't count.

Stoops always count. Stoops never count. Don't turn your back on me. Oh, there

you are. Now you're in. You're in for sure.

So, finally, the great Jefferson, who always... he's required to cross my

threshold is into the house.

All duded up with a flower in his lapel there.

Or is that one of them things that's squinting around?

No, it's real.

I wear a fresh one every day.

Ah, you don't blow money on a fresh flower every day.

No, I steal one every day from a blind flower girl.

Oh, he's joking.

George, they don't know you here. He's joking.

Louise.

I was joking.

Oh, gee, are you in bed yet?

No, I'm not yet, Edith. I'm looking out the window.

You know, the Jeffersons left their shades out.

Did you know they was putting new wallpaper on the wall of their bedroom?

Holy cow, them colors are wild about stripes.

Mel's working.

Yeah, but I still miss Edith. She was so upset when we moved out of the

neighborhood.

See? I bought you some fruit for your trip.

We're only going to Manhattan.

Well, subways break down sometimes.

Well, Edith, I guess this is really goodbye.

I know.

Well, I'll just say so long.

So long, Edith.

Louise, did I ever tell you I love

you?

Every minute we've spent together.

You'd better go now.

Before the both of us get awful wet.

Bye, Louise.

I mean, so long.

What seems to be the way you're looking here?

You still haven't finished packing yet?

Just one more thing. Your coffee mug.

I won't be drinking out of mugs no more.

From now on, it's cups and saucers all the way. Come on, Louise, the limousine

is waiting.

Limousines?

Have you gone crazy?

What do we need a limousine for? Because we're going to leave Bunkersville in

style.

Come on, Wheezy.

Things are looking good for us. Look, you deserve the best.

And that's exactly what you're going to get. The best.

Okay? Here.

I wish that chump out there would move to a new neighborhood.

Oh, I just thought of something awful.

Worse than him?

Yeah.

What will happen if he wants to go to the bathroom?

I wish you hadn't said that.

That's nice.

When are you going to get out of here?

What are you kidding? I haven't even started on the bedrooms yet.

Oh.

Hey, lady.

You're a good cook.

Thank you.

That reminds me. I'm starving.

Just like old times, huh?

Yeah. Remember those chocolate cakes you used to make?

Mm. I remember what you tried to do with one of them.

Look, I know what you're thinking, Bunker, but I'm talking about all the

Blacks, browns, yellows, and whites.

How come you put the whites last?

Look, I just want to help the community.

Edith, the phone.

Well, if you want to help the community, you can bring the prices down in your

store there. I mean, $12 to fix that hole, that's a disgrace.

Yeah.

She's over here trying to buy votes with us.

Yeah, I'll tell him, Louise. Goodbye.

Louise wants to see you back home right away.

Imagine that. Only one day in politics and already he's stealing in private.

And now he expects me to sign this here petition of his.

Look, I hear you loud and clear, Bunker, and I don't need you anyway.

You had the only half of you on the beach.

Can you beat that? A guy comes waltzing in here with a petition, wants me to

sign the thing without even reading it. Now, I mean, he'd taste the cake.

Yeah. Archie could drive you mad, but at least he was the devil we knew.

When we moved here, I was so worried about the new people we were going to

And then the first neighbor we met was Mr. Bentley.

He was so nice and friendly.

And weird.

That's it. Oh, yeah.

That's it. Well, that's it.

Any particular reason why we're doing this?

The only thing that seems to help my back.

Oh, now.

It's working. It's working.

It worked.

Thank you, Mr. Jefferson. You have kind feet.

Well, anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ring my bell.

Bye -bye.

George, I believe you were right about this place after all.

Imagine an English neighbor.

Good God, you're black.

Something wrong with that?

Oh, no, no, I just didn't notice before.

Well, Jambo, did you say Thambo?

Jambo, it's Swahili.

Actually, it means hello.

You think Mr. Bentley is weird?

Have you ever taken a good look at us?

What are you talking about? Ain't nothing strange about us.

Oh, no?

You want to try it again?

Knock, knock. Who's there?

George Jefferson!

You should pick door number three.

Oh, George, you all right?

Of course I'm all right. What are you two doing here?

Just visiting, Snoopy.

Are you sure we're putting this on right?

I think so.

Wait a minute, Miss Jefferson. This thing is heavy.

Well, I'm going to have to carry it. Let it go, Florence.

All right.

I would keep them closed.

Like that time I told her all I wanted was a good maid.

And you certainly got one.

Hello, Joyce.

Where's Flora?

She's in her room. Good.

Look, Blanche, you don't have to do that.

Oh, I don't mind.

Just lift your little foot. Look, you ain't supposed to be shying nobody's

shoes. Why, don't you think I can do a good job? Well, sure you could, but...

Well, then just let me help you take them off. Blanche, you get out of my...

Yeah?

Lionel and Jenny got married here.

I thought you were remembering the good times.

Well, it was touch and go with Lionel before we got that far.

Oh, look at this guy with his suitcase. What are you moving into?

Hell no, this is Lionel's suitcase.

I want to get him out of here as soon as possible.

If he wants to stay in the motel, here's the money to pay for it. I don't want

him asking for nothing from this house. If my son wants to run away, I can

afford it.

Don't put any attention on Archie. He's crazy.

He's not going to any motel. He's staying here. He ain't gonna shame me by

staying here.

Louise, I think your husband's right.

George, I want you to apologize to our son.

We don't have a son, Louise.

But don't worry. We can start all over again. You can give me another boy.

You better call parcel post.

Everything went just perfect.

Yeah, he got perfectly drunk.

Drunk? I didn't know that.

I know you didn't.

Well,

isn't it nice? No.

Well, isn't it nice?

Don't you two have anything else to say?

Oh, sure.

Why are you breathing so hard?

I can't help myself.

I get carried away when I'm this close to you.

And he and Jenny had their problems along the way, too.

Jenny, I don't understand this. Oh, come on, Mama. Come on now, get down.

Look, Jenny, your mother told me you were crying as though your heart was

breaking.

how Mama likes to exaggerate.

Come on, Papa, get down.

Exaggerate? I did not exaggerate. Something was going on between you and

Lionel's a fine young man, in spite of his father.

Well, do you have any objections to your son marrying Jenny?

It ain't that. It's just the kind of wedding he's throwing that I object to.

Well, that's such a silly thing to argue about.

The basic wedding ceremony is very simple, and it's quite beautiful.

You see, all the minister has to do is say, Lionel, do you take Jenny to be

lawful wedded wife?

And then Lionel would say, I do.

And then he would say, uh, Jenny, do you take Lionel to be your lawful wedded

husband? And then Jenny would say... I do.

You see? It's all very simple.

And as long as it's witnessed by two people, like those over there, then all

minister has to do is say, by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I

now pronounce you man and wife.

What's wrong with you?

I always cry at weddings.

If you cry now, what are you going to do at the real wedding?

George, this is the real wedding.

What?

She's right, George.

Our children are married.

They're what?

You mean that was it?

Lana, how could you do this to me?

Because I love you, Pop.

And... You know, I just didn't want to get married without you being there.

Married? Without a band?

But I love my daddy.

Did you really marry them? Nope, they married each other. I just performed the

ceremony.

Oh, George.

Oh, don't cry, Weezy. Think of the good side.

What good side?

We're together, you and me.

Wheezy, if we ever get out of this jam, there's something I want you to do.

What's that?

Get the tickets for the ballet.

You want to see grown men on tippy toes?

No, I just want to say I'm sorry for some of the fights we've had.

Some of them?

Well, sometimes you do jump to the wrong conclusion.

I had to get up early.

It's no good, George.

I know where you've been and what you've been doing.

You do?

Of course I do. You think I'm blind?

Now take it easy, Weasley. I can explain everything.

Try. Before I go any further.

I want you to know that I've been doing it for both of us.

You what?

And it ain't been easy.

I'll bet.

You don't understand.

I understand everything.

All those late hours, mysterious phone calls, tired all the time. Now, look,

honey. You save that honey for your other woman.

What other woman? Don't try to act innocent.

You've got another woman.

don't deny it you're having a middle -aged fling it happens to lots of men i

can understand that oh you can certainly and i'm mature enough to

take it oh yeah well in that case you're right it is another woman

And sometimes you don't figure out what's happened until it's nearly too

Well, remember your old Navy buddy?

Now,

let's get

something straight, Wendell.

You'd better keep away from me.

Oh, hey, Louise.

Don't you hey Louise me! You're supposed to be George's best friend.

Where do you get off making passes at me and right under his nose, too? Easy,

Mama. The only reason I haven't said anything earlier is because I didn't

to hurt George's feelings. But if you put your hand on me one more time,

going to draw back.

loose with the loudest scream you ever heard. Hey, that sounds groovy because

both understand that a no means a yes.

None in this house is a no.

Yes.

Wendell was hitting on you and Mama was hitting on him.

Yeah, that was quite a night.

You know something, Weezy?

Maybe you never noticed this, but sometimes I don't appreciate you enough.

Really?

How many years have you known Mom?

I don't know. 25, 26.

What does it matter now?

It's all dirty water under the bridge.

And how many times has she lied to you?

Weezy never lied to me. You see?

She just never told me things she wanted me to know.

She loves you.

What's that got to do with it? Louise loves everybody.

Uh -huh. Look, don't you uh -huh me. There been enough uh -huhs for one day.

Pop, remember when any of our neighbors in Harlem used to get sick? Who was it

who always looked after them? Your mother. That's another one of Weezy's

thoughts. Always helping people. And stray cats.

And stray cats. Always petting them and hugging them and picking them up and

feeding them better than she feeds me.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Mom is, um...

Too sentimental.

Mm -hmm. She'd hug a rhinoceros if it was lost.

There's something I want to say. Yes, I want to say something to you, too. Will

you let me say my say first?

Sorry, George.

Well, when I went out of here before, I went over to Mama's. You went crying to

your mother? I didn't go crying. I went mad.

Oh, I thought it was the wife who was always supposed to run away to Mama.

Will you cut it out before I get mad again?

Anyway, she told me something about you. Oh, I bet she did.

No, I mean something nice.

Oh.

She knew you were jiving this morning about us going out with the Hendricks.

She did?

Mm -hmm. She read it in your face.

So I got to thinking.

No matter how much you wanted us to be alone together, you had trouble making

that story.

That's right.

That's like what I wanted to tell you, George. You see... Will you hush up?

I can see it plain now.

If you can't lie for yourself, then I had no business asking you to lie for

Thank you, George.

Now, what you got to say?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

I think you nearly said it.

Good.

See, your trouble, Weasley, is you were born honest.

You know?

I guess that's one of the reasons I feel about you the way I do.

Oh, what way is that, George?

Well, you know, I told you before.

What did you tell me before?

You know, something nice.

You mean that I'm beautiful?

No.

You mean I'm not beautiful?

No, I didn't say that. Well, you better say something.

Happy anniversary, Weezy. You're a good woman.

A very good woman.

You know, you really deserve me.

I

think

I heard him coming back.

Can you hear him? No.

Look, I don't care what that turkey steals out there, Weezy, as long as he

hurt you.

Oh, George.

I don't think I can live without you, Weas.

He's coming for it. Don't panic, Weas. I ain't cleaning up after no wild party.

That place looks like it's been looted.

Florence, quick, untie us.

I never thought the day would come when I'd be glad to see you.

Is he still out there?

Who? The burglar. What burglar?

The front door's wide open and ain't nothing... Nothing out there but a big

mess. Thank God he's gone.

What happened? Who did it? How'd he get in? What did he look like? How come your

hands don't work as fast as your mouth?

We don't know who it was, but thank God you came back.

Why did you come back so soon? What happened to your date?

That ugly no -count turkey didn't show up.

You said he was smart.

I think I'll untie you first.

How long you been like this?

Oh, I don't know. Seems like hours.

Just you and him?

You poor woman.

What did you do all that time?

Oh, we talked.

Talked? About what?

Oh, Florence, it was beautiful.

I was scared to death tonight.

But I'd always... It ain't none of your damn business what we talked about.

I'm trying to get us loose so I can catch that crook. What we talked about

matter. Mr. Jefferson's right.

We were pretty busy.

That's why I guess I can't remember anything we talked about.

Well, don't just stand there. Untie me.

What?

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