Original subtitles

Well, we're moving on up, moving on up, to the east side, moving on up, to a

T...

I'm trying to hang a painting.

In the closet?

No, not in the closet. Only a dummy would do that.

That's why I asked.

I'm putting it over the writing desk.

Why are you hanging a picture of a horse?

That is not just a horse, Weasley. That's a racehorse.

It reminds me of the horse you bet on last week.

It does?

Yeah. That one wasn't moving either.

We need to be down by tomorrow.

I just want to leave it there so Mr. Hendricks will see it tonight.

Who's Mr. Hendricks?

Mr. Hendricks is a big real estate man.

He's got some property I'm going to lease.

What's that got to do with the picture?

Hendricks owns racehorses, and I want him present.

Why don't you show him your jockey shorts?

Look,

George, I'm going to be working on the newsletter tonight.

Can't you call this Mr. Hendricks and make your meeting for another night?

Another night? Are you kidding? I'm lucky I got him to stop by tonight.

Oh, but George, I've been trying for six months to get this guy to come over

here. Now look, he is so busy, his answering service has got an answering

service.

Then how did you get him to come over? Well, I just called his secretary and

told her to remind him that he has an appointment with me tonight.

But he doesn't have an appointment with you. I know, but a guy that busy doesn't

remember whether he does or doesn't.

So when his secretary reminds him, then he'll make sure that he does.

What have you got there?

Racing magazines.

To impress Mr.

Hendricks? Right.

Look at all the dust on this table.

Florence! Yeah?

I want to see you right now.

Okay. Look in the kitchen.

What?

Stay away from the kitchen door, Weezy.

Why? I don't want you to get hit when Florence comes flying out of there.

Okay, the dust rag's in the broom closet.

I want you to do the dusting. I just dusted yesterday.

Mr. Hendricks ain't coming yesterday. He's coming today. Now get to moving.

Okay, as soon as I finish this.

What are you doing?

I'm giving my hands a test.

For what? To see which one does the less work?

No, it's the velvet hand test. I got liquid velvet in this pan, and my

dishwasher soap in this pan. So?

Well, on TV, they say that liquid velvet makes your hands real soft.

is working.

I guess not.

How can I get your hands soft and leave the dishes hard?

Now, look, just get on with the dusting. Mr. Hendricks will be here soon, and I

want everything in this apartment to look good.

In that case, you better leave.

Wait, you see, what is all this junk?

George, I told you I've got to work on this newsletter tonight.

I've got to have it ready for the print about tomorrow morning.

But I've got to talk to Mr. Hendricks.

I don't mind. Just keep it down so it won't disturb me.

Mr. Hendricks, come on in.

Thank you, Jefferson.

Hey, your coat.

Yeah, glad you could make it here.

Now, come on, let me show you around the apartment.

Well?

What do you think, Mr. Hendricks?

Call me Charlie.

Charlie? I thought your name was Kurt. It is.

I'm talking about the horse.

His name is Call Me Charlie.

Oh, yeah, right.

You follow the horses?

Oh, sure, but I try not to follow them too close because I don't like to get my

shoes dirty.

I hate that horse.

I lost a lot of money betting against him at Aqueduct last year.

Oh, yeah? I hate him, too.

Hey, Weezy, how many times have I told you to get rid of this picture?

George, you just brought something nice up there, like an ocean or something.

Mr. Hendricks, this is my wife, Louise.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Louise is the editor of the Help Center newsletter.

Isn't that nice?

Very nice.

Now remind me, Jefferson, what was it I wanted to talk to you about? I don't

have much time.

Oh, yeah, well, see, this problem... Mr. Jefferson.

Yes, Mark? Which one do you think is softer?

This one.

It may be soft, but at least it ain't hollow.

You have to excuse my maid. Every time she opens her mouth, her brain takes a

coffee break.

Of course, you don't have that problem, because you ain't got no brain.

Now, what did you say needed, Dustin? Never mind it, Dustin.

We could use a couple of drinks.

Scotch? Fine.

That's very good, Mr. Jefferson. You keep changing your mind like that, and

someday, maybe you'll end up with one that works.

And someday, maybe, I'll end up with a maid that works.

I doubt it, because it ain't easy working in all this heat. What heat?

All that hot air coming out your mouth.

Now,

Mr. Henson, about that property that I want you to... You know, Jefferson, that

maid of yours is a real wit. A nitwit.

You're lucky she didn't hear you say that. She's a carpenter.

She's really funny.

Now, look, I'm willing to offer you... You know I haven't laughed like that in

long time.

I could listen to her all night.

Mr. Hendricks, the property.

Oh, that. Well, now, Jefferson, you know there are a lot of people interested in

that property. Yeah, I know. That's why I want to hurry up and get it.

What's that?

It's my beeper.

Listen, do you mind if I use your phone to call my entrance service?

No, no, go ahead. Help yourself.

Thank you.

Don't get mad at me because you started it. I know it. I want you to keep

putting me down.

Huh? Look, I can't get nowhere with this Mr. Hendricks, but I want to keep him

here. All he seems to like is the way you keep mouthing at me.

Huh? Look, stop honking and listen.

Now, when he gets off the phone, serve us our drinks and then keep insulting

okay? Wait a minute. Am I hearing this right?

You want me to insult you? Yeah.

I'll give you 20 bucks if you do a good job.

20 bucks?

Right. Look, Mr. Jefferson, keep your 20 bucks. This one's on me.

Florence, now you know I like my scotch on the rocks. Then why don't you pour it

over your head?

Ain't she got a big sense of humor?

Anything's big to you.

He's so short, he has to stand on his toes to put his hat on.

Florence, I don't even wear a hat.

That's because you can't find one big enough to fit your fat head.

Mr. Jefferson is so ugly that when he used to work in a bakery, they used to

his face in the batter to make the animal cookies.

That's a good one.

I can listen to her all night, yeah.

But I got to be going.

Going? Yeah, I just got an urgent call from a business associate.

Says he wants to see me right away. Must be important.

Gonna meet him down at the railroad station.

Railroad station? Was he scared of flying?

Oh, no. The railroad station's a private disco club.

But what about our... You belong to the railroad station?

I sure do.

Woo, that's one of the fanciest discos in town. Oh, it's not that much.

Well, maybe it ain't to you, but it's a lot better than where I go dancing.

Anything's better than the U .S .O.

Well, how about it, Florence? Well, uh, would you like to go with me?

Me?

Well, I'd love to, but... But you can't.

Why not?

Because Mr. Hendricks doesn't have insurance for you stepping all over his

That ain't funny, Jefferson.

How about it, Florence? Would you care to join me?

Well, I hardly know you. I have to think about it.

Okay, I thought about it.

I'll go change. Oh, good. Look, we'll hit the railroad station and get our

engines moving. Oh,

just one thing.

Be sure you keep your hands off my caboose.

Now, Mr. Hendricks, what about our business talk? Well, we can talk about

the railroad station, George. I'm sure you and your wife would love it.

Oh, yeah, I bet you we would.

Hey, Weezy, come on, hurry up and get changed.

Oh, thanks for the invitation, Mr. Hendricks, but I can't go.

I have to finish this newsletter tonight.

Weezy! That's all right, Jefferson. Now, if your wife has something to do, she

should do it.

Yeah, I guess you're right. Well, I guess just the three of us have to go

No, I don't think we can do that.

Why not?

Well, the club's restricted.

Restricted? How are you going to get in?

Not restricted like that.

You see, it's a couples -only club. No single guests allowed.

Oh.

Jefferson, do you mind if I use your bathroom to freshen up?

Wait a minute. We're going to talk about the property I want to lease. Well, we

can talk about it when Florence and I get back. See, I got to catch a plane to

Las Vegas in the morning, so we won't be out too late.

Okay. Oh, Jefferson.

You know, after a night's dancing with Florence, I got a feeling I won't be

to say no to any offer you make me, huh?

You know,

George, you're lucky Mr. Hendricks only likes horses.

Why do you say that?

Because if he liked jackasses, he'd be taking you to the disco.

I don't care what you say, Weasley.

I got Mr. Hendricks eating out of the palm of my hand.

That's enough to give him indigestion for life.

Okay, Florence, you can stop making up the insults now.

Who's making them up?

Stop that!

That's right, Mr. Jefferson. Remember, I'm the golden goose.

Well, Florence, are you ready to go?

Yes. Goodbye, y 'all. See y 'all later.

Try to have a nice time without me.

Without you is the only way.

Let's see, it's I before E except after... That just doesn't look right.

George, how do you spell receipt?

Uh, receipt.

R -E, uh... P -A -I -D.

I'll look it up.

Why, yeah, to see if you can find out how to spell Tahiti, because that's

we're going to go celebrate when I open my new store on Hendrickson's property.

You went skating? No, the skate's a new dance he taught me. You put one foot

like this and the other foot like this. She do.

She do. Lord, stop the bull.

That ain't the bull.

The bull goes like this.

First year.

Well,

like I said, we was having a real nice time when all of a sudden...

just with him tomorrow.

And what did you say?

I didn't say nothing. I used body language.

Body language? Yeah, I hit him. You what?

What did Mr. Hendricks say when you hit him? Ouch.

I mean, who does he think I am, the happy hooker?

Look, if I don't get in touch with Mr. Hendricks, you're going to be the

homeless housekeeper.

What are you doing?

I'm going to call a railroad station and talk to Hendricks and tell him that

Florence is sorry for the way she acted and that she'll go to Las Vegas with

him. Oh!

No, you are not.

But the reason my whole deal depends on it. Then forget it, because I wouldn't

go across the street with that turkey.

Turkey? I thought you said you were having a good time with him. I was while

were dancing. But what he had on his mind, you don't do on your feet.

Oh, come on, woman. Ain't you never spent the night with somebody before?

George. Number one, that ain't none of your business.

And number two, no, he's a perfect stranger.

Stranger? Hendricks ain't no stranger.

I know him. Then you spend the night with him.

Don't give him any ideas, Florence. You know how much George wants that

property.

Weasley, I ain't that kind of man.

Now look, Florence, I'll make a deal with you. You go to Las Vegas with Mr.

Hendricks, and I'll give you two weeks extra salary.

Mr. Jefferson, I ain't that kind of woman.

What kind of woman?

You know what she means.

There's a name for a woman who takes money for spending time with a man.

Yeah, a rich woman.

Besides, people don't care what you do out in Las Vegas.

Anything goes out there.

Your maid don't.

You tell him, Florence.

Look, I'm not trying to get Florence to do anything wrong.

I'm just trying to get her to keep up with the times.

Oh, that's really considerate of you. Of course it is, because I'm a considerate

person.

Now look, Florence, all I'm trying to do is keep you from becoming an old maid.

Don't worry, I won't. Someday the right man will come along. Uh -huh. And he's

going to keep right on going along if he don't stop being so old -fashioned.

Old -fashioned?

Yeah. I mean, ain't nothing wrong with two single people having a little fling.

Oh, did you have any little flings before we were married?

No, but I wasn't old like her.

And besides, look, if Hendrix tries anything, you just tell him you got a

headache. It works every time.

He's right, Florence.

George had three headaches last week.

Two.

So what do you say, Flora? Do you want to call Mr. Hensley and tell him you're

going to go to Las Vegas?

The answer is no.

I'll make it a month's salary.

Forget it, Mr. Jefferson.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going in the kitchen and make myself a sandwich and a

glass of milk.

And I've got to get to work on the newsletter.

Mr. Flora, wait!

The case is closed, Mr. Jefferson.

No, it ain't. And I wish your mouth was, too.

I've got work to do. Hey, will you talk to him for me?

George, Florence doesn't want to go. You heard what she said.

Look, she's going to go to Las Vegas with Mr. Hendricks. I don't care what

says.

Oh, good. You're still up. How are you, Mr. J?

Off. Oh, dear. What seems to be the problem?

I'm trying to get Florence to go to Las Vegas.

I see.

How does Mrs. Jefferson feel about that?

No, I don't blame her.

But if you need company, perhaps I could go with you.

Me? I ain't going to no Las Vegas.

Does that mean I have to go by myself?

Oh, hello, Mr. Bentley.

Oh, hello, Mrs. J. I was wondering if I could borrow four eggs.

Sure, Bentley.

Hey, Florence!

Yeah? Bentley wants four eggs.

late to be cooking, Mr. Bentley?

Oh, no. I'm getting ready to have breakfast with Rebecca.

Breakfast? It's almost midnight.

Not for Sidney.

Sidney who?

Sidney Australia.

You are eating breakfast in Australia?

Uh, no, but Rebecca is.

But you said that... You see, Rebecca is an airline stewardess, and we had

planned to have breakfast together tomorrow morning in my apartment, but

afraid she got fogged in.

Oh, that makes two of you, Bentley.

How perceptive of you, Mr. J. I do have a slight head cold.

Anyway, after she called, we agreed to have breakfast together over the phone.

Oh, what a nice idea.

Yeah. Of course, it's not as nice as having her here for the weekend.

You mean Rebecca was going to spend the weekend with you?

Indeed she was.

Here's your eggs, Mr. Bentley.

Well, thank you.

Say that to Florence.

I beg your pardon? Go on, tell that to Florence.

All right.

Here's your eggs, Mr. Bentley.

Not that. I mean about you and Rebecca spending the weekend together, yeah? Oh,

all right.

Rebecca and I were going to spend the weekend together.

She's an airline stewardess, but she got fogged in.

In Australia. You don't really want to hear this, do you?

The point is that neither one of you are married, right, Bentley?

Oh, no. I don't think either of us is ready yet for marriage.

Great. And you don't have anything against Rebecca and you spending the

together? Of course not. I'm sure my parents would be very happy to hear it.

Hear that, Florence?

My sister and I haven't seen each other in quite some time.

Your sister?

Yes, and my sister Rebecca. We're very close.

If I had a brother, I wouldn't mind spending the weekend with him either.

You're a big help, isn't it?

Oh, so are you, Mr. J.

Thank you for the eggs. Yeah.

Good night, Mrs. J.

Good night.

Oh, uh, Mr. J, if you change your mind about going to Las Vegas, be sure to let

me know.

I am hot stuff at the table.

Last time I was there, I won three dollars.

Hope I can still get in touch with Hendrick.

Of course you're welcome.

It's just one of my little jokes. I know how much you like a good joke.

Hey, Weas, look who's here. Mr. Hendricks.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

It's Florence here. I'd really like to talk to her. You and me both. Look, I'd

like to apologize for the way she acted. No, I'm the one who should apologize.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Well, I just came by to say that I was sorry.

Okay, you said it. Goodbye.

Look, Florence, please.

Look, I know I came on a little strong when I asked you to go to Las Vegas, but

I didn't mean for you to think that I was trying to hit on you.

You didn't?

No. No, I thought you'd enjoy it. The fact is, I'm going to be tied up in

business all weekend, and I won't have time for much else.

You won't?

I won't.

But the offer's still open.

You promise? No hanky -panky?

I promise.

Across my heart.

Unless, of course, you find me too irresistible, and that would disappoint

Because I'm sure you have better taste than that.

What do you think, Miss Jefferson?

Well, I think he means what he says, Florence.

And I think you should go if you want to.

Okay, if that's what you think.

That's what I think. Ah, good. I'm glad you're gonna go.

What time do we leave?

I'll pick you up at eight in the morning.

Eight o 'clock? I better start packing.

Oh, don't forget that money you owe me. I'll need it for gambling.

What money?

The month's pay you promised me, remember?

Oh, yeah.

Well, good night, everybody. See you in the morning, Mr. Hendricks. Good night.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

Excuse me for asking this, Mr. Hendricks, but if you're going to be

so busy, why do you want Florence to go with you?

Well, if you really want to know the truth, Mr. Jefferson, I've always been

kind of man who played my hunches. And I've got a very big hunch that Florence

is lucky for me. You know, I think she's lucky for me, too.

Now, about that property you got that I want to leave. Yeah, well, I think we're

going to have to forget about that, Jefferson.

But you said we'd talk about it when you got back with Florence. That was when I

still owned the property.

Say what?

Well, that's what I meant about Florence being lucky for me.

You see, the guy I met at the disco, well, he offered me such a...

Great amount of money to purchase that property. Well, I couldn't turn him

But I wanted to lease it.

Yes, well, I don't think there's any chance of that. He's going to build a

supermarket there.

A supermarket? And I don't think he'll change his mind.

But if you want to call him, his name is Larry Kelly.

Larry Kelly.

Yeah. Well, I'll see you later, Jefferson. I'm sorry about our business

Good night, Mr. Jefferson.

Good night.

Where are you going, George?

I'm on a tough launch. She ain't going to Las Vegas. What?

You don't think I'm going to let her run off with some total stranger?

Forget it, George. There's no way to stop her.

Besides, you don't want her turning out to be an old maid, remember?

What's the matter with Florence? Ain't she got no morals?

She's just going to spend the weekend with a total stranger.

George, it was wrong to use Florence to try to influence Mr. Hendricks.

Yeah, you're right, Weasley. As usual.

Well, no harm done.

Who are you calling?

Information.

What did Hendrick say the guy's name was again?

Oh, Larry Kelly. I got to talk to him. Why?

I want to tell him what a funny maid I got.

Oh, no, you don't. I'm not going to let you use flyers like that again.

Yeah, you're right, Weezy.

Hey, what about you? You know any good jokes?

What?

I can tell Kelly what a funny wife I got, and when he comes up here, you can

install me.

George. Oh, you can do it, Weezy. Remember the other day when you were mad

what you said?

Yeah. You may not be very big, but at least you got a brain to match.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it. Oh, forget it.

Oh, come on. Wait till you come to it. Just give me one more.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Florence,

it sounds like you had a nice time.

Yeah, it sure was nice to get away from here for a while.

Yeah, it was nice having you away from here for a while, too.

What about my $2 I asked you to play at roulette?

Oh, yeah, I put it on number 25, just like you said.

25? I said 35.

You did?

Yeah, you can't do nothing right. Just give me back my $2. But I... But

Give me back my $2, please.

Okay.

One, two.

Florence, where did you get all that money?

At the roulette table. I put his $2 on number 25.

was videotaped in front of a studio audience.